Singapore Hash House Harriets

The ‘Breast Cancer Awareness’ Run.

Hares: Wet Brazilian, Lost Marbles and the Committee.

Where: Fort Canning Park, car park C.

On On: On site Boxer’s chicken, salmon, salad and a pair of sweets.

The Run:

The way males and females were dressed, obviously there were a lot of people with something to get off their chests. It was a concern that some of the males actually enjoyed wearing a bra; Virginia Slim was even out posing the girls in photos. Stiffy was resplendent in a T Shirt that displayed a bikini top complete with tan lines on the front, and a G String on the back. I did not look close enough to see if there were tan lines on the rear as well. Lots of frilly and lacey bras on display, did some of the girls actually get these straight out of their top drawer??

Out of the Park we ran, along Hill Street and past City Hall and the Padang to reach The Durian for the long/short split. The walkers headed back along the River to Clarke Quay, flaunting their boobies and collecting money on the way.

The runners headed off on a very long right hand loop circuit around Marina Bay, past Marina Bay Sands and back to Boat Quay. The front runners were shouting out to the customers in the bars and restaurants along the way ‘Breast Cancer Awareness Week, give generously.’ This allowed those runners coming behind with the money pouches to collect generously. However, as fatigue set in, the call from the front runners was reduced to ‘Breast Awareness Week, lend a hand.’ This appeared to get an even better response.

Long runners met up with the walkers at Clarke Quay for the final stretch back to the park and a well deserved drink.

And what a great drink stop at the end – ice cold vodka and cranberry. Have a nip or 2 of that. Beware the shooting stars.

Well done everyone, and thanks for the mammaries.

The Circle: The GM is back, puffs out her chest and gives the orders.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Breast run of the week, no doubt. Plenty of support.

Tell us about your On On: Just over there for Boxer’s chicken breast and titillating salmon.

Next week’s run: This was a Hareless run, until Hooray stepped in at the last moment. [It was to be] Balmoral Rd. Thanks Hooray for saving the day. [However, the recce wrote off Sloan Court, they don’t want the hash any more. One of thousands of establishments that have banned the hash. Last run there was by Kampong, that’s all I’m saying. Now likely to be Vigilante Drive, keep an eye on web site and email].

At this stage, the GM made a booby and forgot what comes next. She pulls out her list, puts the spectacles on and exclaims ‘Oh my God, there are a lot of visitors.’

Visitors / Returnees: Can’t find the list, but there were a heap. From memory, Phony Dick, 8 Miles Wide, the American lads from Sembawang, Trash, Red Schnapper, Half Cut, Malfunktion, Knobby Boy Scout, 8.24, Sylvie the ex virgin and others.

New Member: Heaps of new and returning members tonight – welcome Goes Down Easy & Fu$%kin’ Easy, Half Cut, and welcome back Sticky Ring!

Virgins: Sylvie

Tits: Kan Not Kan calls in Hooray for having the audacity to be a Hare next week after his last effort where we ran 12 kms out to a T Check and 12kms back again.

Red Schnapper – described as a sawn off little battleship – is also given a KNK serve for comparing a hit in the tits to a kick in the balls.

Dick: Missing Dick (still). Please have a look for it.

Lippy: 8.24, Knobby Boy Scout and the American lads all received their punishment for getting abreast of the girls.

Awards – A new award – ‘The Pink Runner.’- for exceptional hands on contribution and breast awareness went to Stiffy.

*900 runs – Hooray. (Sorry, I missed it last week)

550 runs – Dances With Kerbs.

350 runs – Virginia Slim, ‘Off off off.’ And he dropped his pants.

300 runs – Too Easy

200 runs – Wet ‘n Wild

100 runs – Wet Brazilian

Anyone else from the Committee who did not get an award, step forward now.

AOB:

· Wet Pet explained about the sign in the car park that says ‘Pay and Display.’ This refers to car parking coupons to be placed visible on the dash. However, Singaporn, caught up in the theme of the night, became confused and was seen displaying her boobs while changing between 2 cars.

· Twin Towers thought Knobby Boy Scout did a great job collecting money, but one line he used was not particularly successful. On approaching a young female, he asked ‘Maam, would you like to buy this pink ribbon for your breast?’ ‘F*#k off was the reply.

· Hooray charged your humble scribe for forgetting to mention his 900 runs last week. (My Mac notebook does not work up to such large numbers- scribe)

· Wet Brazilian and co hare Lost Marbles set off to do a recee, armed with their iPhone, only to get to City Hall and find that it was the F1 weekend and half their route was blocked. They then called in all the runners who went to the F1 and blamed them for their own stupidity.

· Loose Change was on the way to the F1 and saw the 2 Hares sitting on the steps of Parliament House all dolled up in pink with their iPhone out. Here’s to the 2 tart Hares.

· Stiffy apparently got a pair of inedible boob cakes from Loose Change, and proves it by bouncing one on the ground. He then gives the pair of bouncy boobs to Singaporn, who put them inside her bra, while Stiffy told how good Singaporn was at using her assets to extract money from men in bars along the way.

· Mother’s Tongue get in all the hash petrol heads who went to the F1 for flying the Hash flag.

· Virginia Slim notice – Seletar Ball coming up (see separate email sent out or see Slim for discounted Harriets Table seat).

· Wet Brazilian asked if this was a tough run, as a male was seen taking a performance enhancing substance in secret before the run. Knobby Boy Scout, have him tested.

· Half Cut also is guilty of the same crime – she was seen having a glass of wine before the run.

· A couple of real life sad stories about breast cancer from KNK and Mother’s Tongue. The message is to look after ourselves.

· Virginia Slim passes on condolences to Kan The Kobra for losing her partner to alcoholism.

Scribed by Cock Radio

The ‘Environmental Sensible’ Run.

Hare: Father Anus

Where: Lower Pierce Reservoir Car Park

On On: Coffee Shop, 135 Casuarina Road, next to Shibly Muslim Food

The Run:

Hmmm, Lower Pierce Car Park. If you read immediately above this sentence you will see the bright red warning that has been in the newsletter for the last few months. And the last hares that planned to run from here (Too Easy and FCB) were warned off in no uncertain terms and went to the cemetery in East Malaysia instead. So the speculation in Maggot’s car as we headed for the run was:

1. Would we make the run at all? Leaving the city at 5:30 might make it a close call, and

2. Oh well, never mind, we can just pick up paper and sweep and hope the Park Rangers are not too pissed off.

All this interrupted by the on sec calling to find out which country the run was in.

We arrived late to a pleasant surprise, the run heading off down Old Upper Thomson Road to an unbroken circle check on the corner of AMK Avenue 1. Fortunately, we could see Boo ambling across the road in the distance so up AMK Avenue 1 we went. Up the hill to the houses behing Jln Lanjut. Then a bit of a jog through the streets to Yio Chu Kang Road and across into Teacher’s estate.

We then did that nice long bit of grass behind Munshi Abdullah Walk before heading down to the bandstand behind Tagore Drive, then back through the canal to Tagore Drive, over Upper Thomson, and back up to Casuarina Corner. We finally hit the entrance to the National Park with a marking “On Home on boardwalk, no more markings”. A clever way to have a nice run home without pissing anyone in authority off.

Nice run hare, well done!

The Circle: The stand in GM Wet ‘n Wild calls a raucous circle to order.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Very good run, very safe, no need for any National Park officers to get upset.

Tell us about your On On: Chinese Restaurant on Casuarina Road, near the Muslim Food stall. Free beer.

Next week’s run: Lost Marbles and Wet N Wild forgot that they are setting the run next week, give them a bimbo drink. Fort Canning, Car Park C, Breast Cancer Awareness Run. Bring money for donations!

Visitors / Returnees: Shane, Deep Throat (the male version), Phoney Dick,

Mark, Vatic#*t, Jig, Bagless 2, Wayne, Kara, Knobby Boy Scout, Boxer and a returnee, Wet Patch.

Returnees are called, so Wet Patch gets another drink. He’s only been in OZ 2 months but is already like a boomerang – keeps coming back. Come and Gone in for a drink too, guess that is a Went and Back charge.

New Member: Nay

Virgins: Sylvie.

Tits: Stiffy pushes in Loose Change (or was it Give Way?) who was not listening at all and had no idea why she was in the Circle. Stiffy copped a thick ear when she realized she had conned her to go in as substitute for the missing Tits (with Kannot Kan).

Dick: The Dick is still missing – the word is that Lethal Weapon has it in the back of Father Anus’ car. Seriously, if you know where it is please let us know. We lost track of it at run # 2042, Kan the Kobra’s birthday run at Punggol. The run report also went missing, probably got accidentally deleted since it was thumbed on f^&kin’ iPhone.

Father Anus layed the run on his own. Usually he has a lovely female to lay with him and keep him satisfied. So tonight he was so desperate for female attention he gave Loose Change a cuddle and a bit of a fondle.

At this stage, a passing local out on his evening run decided to stop and join in the Circle, so he was promptly given a down down and sent on his way. Cheeky bugger.

Awards:

· 700 runs – Stiffy. Slipping into his award shirt resulted in a round of ‘Who ate all the lettuce.?’

· 300 runs (plus a few more by now). Cock Radio. Yay, that’s me!

· 250 runs – Sneaky Comer. “Who Ate all the Pies?”

Lippy: None. Surely Hooray was in front at some point?

AOB:

· Loose Change calls in the hungry Virgin and gets a rendition of ‘It’s a blonde world,’ for saying ‘hungry’ instead of Hungarian. Apparently Phony Dick got her phone number. (Perhaps to give her a call when he is feeling a bit hungry??)

· Maggot gave Wet N Wild a serve for not finding the run site, despite the fact that it is her husband who goes to a lot of trouble to pin it on Google Maps [ed, excuse me, that would be BING maps] every week. It seems she decided to hang out at the car park for the on on in preference to the run site car park.

· Sneaky Comer had a concerned Associate Member contacting him during the week, worried that the Hare was taking us into National Parks without a permit. On in Cock Radio for doubting Father Anus. Sneaky then confesses that he had resigned himself to sweeping the run and picking up all the paper before the Rangers saw it. Give the 2 doubters a drink.

· Wet Patch tells us about Shoe Shopper’s pussy. A member was paid to look after Shopper’s pussy, but could not entice the pussy to go to the pool. It seems that her pussy does not like to get a wet patch. In fact, the pussy would not leave the house. This pussy was not going to be a wet pet. On in Wet Pet for trying to make Shopper’s pussy get out more.

· Stiffy is wondering why an Associate Member is still scribing. We have a female who takes down notes while you are having a conversation with her. Goes Down Easy come in, surely you need another job to do despite raising 4 kids. Multitasker gets a drink.

· Not Tonight has Wet Patch in about Shoe Shopper’ s pussy having too much of an appetite to leave the house, but Wet Pet always takes her pussy to the pool.

· Boo reveals 2 talkers behind the Circle – Kamala chatting up a a young visiting lad.

· Too Easy reckons Wet Pet is after Goes Down Easy’s name – Wet Pet went down very easy immediately after leaving the car park.

· Sneaky Comer reminds us that in the old days, he was a front runner but now we are all a bit older and it’s lucky we have Boo to show late comers the way home.

· Knobby Boy Scout was showering and was having trouble opening the soap packet. Loose Change came to the rescue, but admitted it was a long time since she opened a condom packet. Knobby Boy Scout’s mind boggled when she opened the packet with her teeth.

· Father Anus had no intention of taking us into the National Park, apart from the last km on the boardwalk with no markings. It was 7 years ago (when he was hare) that he was on the boardwalk when he was told by a law enforcer to “erase the markings or I will arrest you.”

· Kamala enters the Circle to groans of ‘Sybil, we’re hungry,’ led by Wet Patch. Sneaky Comer, famished, collapses to the ground. Why did Father Anus have no co hare she asked? (actually he has no hair at all.) After much explaining and raving from Kamala, which was beyond the ability of this scribe to record, the answer was Father Anus is the big boss.

· Announcements:

· Breast Cancer Awareness Run next week.

· Posh Duck sale on this week. See the run announcement email from this week.

· Red Dress Run Oct 13. See Sunday hash web site.

Scribed by Cock Radio

The ‘Eastern Wilderness’ Run.

Hares: Pubic Zipp, Posh Nash, and Wet ‘n Wild

Where: Tampines Avenue 10 Heavy Vehicle Car Park

On On: Block 742A Foodcourt, Tampines Ave 9

The Run:

One hare set the run, one hare led the front runners, and the last hare swept. All would be well, we were sure, if any of them had a sense of direction? Anyway, off we headed to the end of the car park. There the pack got quite confused by the rubbish dump of used plates, old paper etc in the field – I don’t know what had them confused, there was a straight line of toilet paper heading over to Tampines Avenue 9.

With help from the remaining hare, the pack headed off down Tampines Avenue 9 following the fading pink chalk. A bit of confusion along the canal, into Tampines Park, and at the start of the eco-park kept everyone together, until the pack spread in 7 directions none of them following paper. No matter, the eco-park is a circle and the confusion got everyone back together as we crossed Tampines Avenue 12 to the bike park.

A nice bit of running through the bike park with lots of circle checks to slow everyone down – good marking by the front runners too. And then finally on home along Tampines Link, Tampines Industrial Street 62, and downtown Calcutta which WAS the forested area a few years ago.

The Circle: The GM calls in the only hare that is left, Wet ‘n Wild. Not Tonight is called in as a look-a-like for Posh Nash.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Good run, very nice running in eco-park and the bike park.

Tell us about your On On: In the spirit of the run, vague directions are given to Block 742A Foodcourt, Tampines Ave 9. It was a good dinner, one table, nice food.

Next week’s run: Lower Pierce Reservoir Carpark, by Father Anus.

Visitors / Returnees: Half Cut, Darin, Wayne (isn’t that F^&kin’ Easy), Kara (isn’t that Goes Down Easy), Milce, Nora, Stacey, Boxer, and Golden Shower.

New Member: Nay

Virgins: Kata, Leena.

Tits: absent with Not Kan forgot them.

Dick: Should be in Father Anus’ car, maybe we will see it next week.

Lippy: The GM waits for Hooray to emerge from behind the beer truck before calling the naughty boys in: Hooray, Boo (for his pretend shortcut), F$%kin Easy, and Mike (who was at the back the whole time, so should feel a bit short-changed).

Awards – Nope.

AOB:

· Wet ‘n Wild calls in the Velcro Twins, who’s standards are clearly slipping! Yes, they still wear matching shirts, but take a look at Mike and Nora, who also have coordinated bottoms. C’mon Velcros, lift your game. They all get a drink.

· Wet Brazilian has a bone to pick with Sybil. At the start of the run she was all complaining about her sore knee, but when a cute associate shows up, she bounds out of her chair with alacrity. Sybil has a drink with Mike, claiming she is his #1 (“your wife can be #2).

· Sneaky Comer has a long memory. Back in the last century, the Velcros set a run using different hares for start, finish, and sweeping. That run was a near disaster, with front runners lost in Clementi wood at 7:30pm and not getting back until 8. Wet ‘n Wild was emotionally scarred by the whole affair, nearly washed away in a drain, which must be why she forgot the perils of the paper layer and the sweeper not having a common understanding of where the run goes. Anyway, give the Velcros and note for the emotional damage.

· Stiffy wants a Malaysian in the circle, actually two, a male and a female. Why? Apparently Malaysia has been giving tutorials on how to spot a budding gay son or daughter:

o Son:

§ Wears a light coloured shirt – on in Hooray

§ Wears a tight fitting v-neck – on in Mike

§ Has a liking for large balls – on in Slocum

o Daughter:

§ Has hairy arms and has to shave twice a day – on in Jackoff

§ Spends all her time with girlfriends

§ Spends the rest of her time on the phone with girlfriends

The boys get off, they are not gay enough. Jackoff might get off (she is beyond the “critical age”) but they would leave no-one to charge, soJackoff gets a drink.

· Slocum charges Stiffy with being “ageist” for saying Jackoff is over the critical age.

· Stiffy calls in his lawyer, which leads to the usual 5 minute negotiation over fees. Stiffy to Boo: “what happens if my modesty is outraged”? GM: “you should be so lucky at your age”. Boo: “what modesty have you got”? Ok, so Stiffy discharges his legal advisor and proceeds to tell the story of riding down the old railway line with his son, and why did he see? Well, a couple engaged in an act that is very likely not legal in Singapore. He mustn’t have been too outraged, he gave the couple a thumbs up on his return journey. Boo and Quickie get a drink as a look-a-alike couple outraging modesty everywhere.

· Wet Brazilian asks Boo if he is any good at maths? Why? Because he took us on a short cut that any 2^nd grader knows is not a short cut:

a² + b² = c² (c will always be shorter).

· Announcement: Jackoff and Suzee Wong announce that Lion City Hash has its 30^th anniversary this year, and the D&D (Pearl of the Orient) is on Saturday 17^th November at the American Club. Tickets $120 members, $140 guests.

· Announcement: Breast Cancer Awareness Run Wednesday 3^rd October, will be in the city somewhere. Bras will be available for sale next week.

Scribed by Sneaky Comer

The ‘Slime Entry’ Run.

Hares: Virginia Slim & Forced Entry

Where: Lorong Halus

On On: On Site Mr. Ho local delicacies

The Run:

Stand in GM Wet n Wild totally confused the virgin runners, and us, with something about looking out for chicks running around the bush in circles.

From Slime – ‘Quite dry until the last bit if you want to take the short route home. Hooray can head off over the bridge, the rest of you go left to the gate.’

With those instructions in mind, off we went into the wilderness, leaving the local bike riders and joggers to explore the made tracks and civilized routes on the other side of the waterway.

It was a nice combination of tracks and bush bashing that took us in a pretty well in clockwise loop. Good chicks kept everyone together. Speaking of good chicks, Twin Towers threw her weight around pushing runners out of her way, while Boo became superman and demolished every tree that got in his way.

War veterans took cover when a low flying jet came over a ridge and scared the shit out of us. Sneaky Comer told me I was guaranteed to run into grief if I tried to short cut through at a T Check, and a 100% guarantee it turned out to be, my cut and bleeding shins a testimony to his words of wisdom.

Finally we got to the short/long option. Actually, following trail was the short way. Paper led down an embankment, through the reeds and into some dubious looking water. Even more dubious would be the fish that some locals were trying to catch in it. Paper could be seen 20 metres away on the other side of the embankment to the trail leading home. The alternative was to run a few hundred metres further along, cross the bridge, and come back to trail on the other side.

Not wanting to be called a long cutting bastard, I stayed on trail, as normal, and took the plunge into the water (I think the word ‘water’ is used loosely here). With water up to my neck almost, I made it across and stood back to watch Boo. In he went and immediately received a reed wedgie. I then followed his trail of bubbles as he negotiated his way underwater to the other side.

I think numbers were divided on those that took the water route and those that long cutted to the bridge. All back in an hour, I really enjoyed that.

The Circle:

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? It was all good. Well done and thanks.

Tell us about your On On: Mr Ho’s Hokkien Mee, roast pork and apple pie. Free Beer.

Next week’s run: Tampines Ave 10

Visitors / Returnees: Frisking Machine, Vatic*nt, (The GM stand in took a shortcut when reading out this name), Phoney Dick, Golden Shower, Christine, Kara, and good old Half Cut and King Leer.

New Member: Nay

Virgins: Nora, Darin, Pea Rasmussen (sounds like a Hash name).

Tits: Kan Not Kan forgot them. (Kan the Kobra not there to pack his bag more like it)

Dick: Should be in Father Anus’ car, as that is where Lethal Weapon left it.

Lippy: No naughty boys tonight (meaning the gals forgot to bring lippy).

Awards – Nope.

AOB:

· Sneaky Comer thanked the visitor who’s weight cracked a branch that was used as a bridge across some shiggy. Saved the fat bastards still to come from suffering the ridicule.

· Sneaky also got me for not listening to his local knowledge advice not to take the short cut.

· Is Virginia Slim getting more mellow and polite with age? Sneaky Comer was bemused that Slim actually offered an alternative route around the shiggy at the end.

· I decided to read the information signboard provided by PUB. It boasted of beautiful clean waterways. Yeah, sure, sure. Anyone who went into the shiggy would be puzzled by this statement.

· Sneaky Comer, on a roll tonight, recalls how Wet ‘n Wild once disappeared in black slush here years ago on a recee.

· Mother’s Tongue tells how well Wet ‘n Wild remembers the above event – tonight she asked Mother Tongue to wait for her in case she drowns.

· What constitutes a run? asks Mother’s Tongue. Loose Change’s effort tonight was to walk across the bridge 4 times.

· Big Head tries to tell us something, but a screaming fighter jet blasts overhead. For all those that went into the sludge, or just pounded the territory on the run, virgin boy informed her that this has been a waste disposal site for 30 years (if virgin boy is so clever, how come he is still a virgin?)

· Hooray calls in all the drips. Hang on, they are all English coming in. Mmm, well they are certainly qualified to be called drips, but there are plenty of other drips out there. Ah, wait, my ears are still ringing from the fighter jets overhead – Hooray called in all the Brits, not the drips. Royalty is in town, and Loose Change managed to get a photo of Prince Willy and Kate at the Botanical Gardens. (I think I would prefer the special pics of Kate published in France more interesting. No interest in Willy’s Crown Jewels though)

· Forced Entry, despite being the partner of Virginia Slim, still shows she has a nice and caring side to her, bringing in birthday gals Too Easy and Fat Crashing Bastard. (Wait a minute, think I scribed a little wrong here.Oh well.)

· Too Easy charged Too Slippery for going down too easy. (Now I am confused. Certainly no forced entry with this charge then.)

· Kan Not Kan declares that he is an intellectually challenged person. No one challenges that. At one point on the run, Slim had written ‘Slime loves Amy.’ KNK then went on about ‘Amy port in a storm will do,’ before he had a Forced Exit from the circle.

· Boo was given a serving for destroying the Earth’s forests by indulging in illegal logging during the run.

· Phoney Dick, who obviously has way too much money for the Hash as he has stayed in a 5 star hotel, told us that you use to be able to leave your shoes outside your hotel door and they would be cleaned for you. That was in the good old days – try it now and they get knocked off. But if you leave them outside Big Head’s car after the run, they will be taken care off. (any other services offered at Big Head’s car??)

· Too Easy follows up by pointing out a visitor’s pair of shoes placed hopefully 10 metres from the Circle. Take them to Big Head’s car.

· Hooray was approached by a late arriving Father Anus, who asked him which way he should go. Hooray pointed north, so Father Anus ran south. Smart lad.

· Mother Tongue gave Hooray a blast for giving late comers short cut secrets. (the charge was cut short.)

· Forced Entry got in Twin Towers and Twin Jugs for claiming exemption from wearing Hash attire after the run because they Twin Towers and Jugs. (thanks for the mammaries gals)

· Cock Radio (that’s me) got in Twin Towers for checking left at a Circle, when we were obviously at a clockwise turning point that had to go right.

· Twin Towers immediately fire back with a counter charge – she checked left because I told her too. Mmm, so obliging.

· Sneaky Comer caught Maggot taking the lead without a woman in front. He wasn’t perturbed because ‘it’s no problem, Wet n Wild won’t have remembered to bring the lipstick.’

· KNK tells us that lucky Jack Off is not here tonight with all those flaming fighter jets zooming overhead. Shooting Stars! (Quickie was brought in as look alike)

· Wet n Wild disputes she forgot the lipstick and to prove it, she brings in 2 naughty boys – CR (that’s me) and Sneaky Comer (the husband). I scored a kiss and the husband copped a slap.

· The night nearly went ugly when someone queried Slim if he was wearing anything under his sarong. Well, give the lad an inch and he will flash 6 4.2 inches.

On that note, let’s go eat. (Mr. Ho has parked outside the carpark cause last time here he got fined)

Scribed by Cock Radio (great to be back)

The “Loose Change Rescue” Run

Hares: Loose Change & Posh Duck

Where: Blackmore Drive

On On: the famous Red Lantern

The Run:

Quite a big crowd in the end with a notable returnee – welcome back Cock Radio and did you bring a pencil? Posh Duck was limping around and Loose Change was looking tired, so we were quickly informed there would be no sweeping – this would come back to bit a bit later.

We headed off down the new road beside the old cemetery, Tiger Lily back in charge. The slower and more wily of us hung around at the corner expecting a T-check to send us back onto the old railway easement – and so it was, Stiffy, Maggot, Cock Radio and I hung around at the on trail trying to look innocent, only to be threatened with lipstick by the GM – “but we were just checking”.

On into the forested area with a bit of an unusual loop around that brought us back down onto the old railway. Along the old railway we went, before a T check AFTER the deep mud in the tunnel has the front runners coming back cursing about the shape of their shoes.

At this point it all went pear shaped. Front runners thought they found paper along Clementi Road, but it may just have been rubbish. There was a lot of backwards and forwards until many of us gave up and ran back home via Clementi Road. Others found a path back along the canal. Maggot, persistence personified, went back to the bridge, found trail, and ran in about 7:15pm. Well done, and well done hares. No thanks to Monday hash for leaving screeds of paper all over the place.

The Circle: The GM gives a hash hush to Loose Change and calls the circle to order.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? “The Out trail was good” and “liked it so much I ran it twice” were a few of the comments, but overall a good run, always nice to be back in Blackmore, thanks hares.

Tell us about your On On: the famous Red Lantern.

Next week’s run: Forced Entry’s run, she enters the circle and tells us to read our newsletters! Apparently she hasn’t consulted with her consultant yet. Subsequent to the run, we find that the run will be at the new Lorong Halus Wetland visitor centre (yes, East side). Since most of you will be heading east on the TPE, take the exit for Lorong Halus and follow the signs. On on will most likely be on site, so bring a chair if you have one.

Visitors: The GM has to clean her glasses to read the visitor’s list. “I’m not a visitor, am I?” she asks, on reading the list. No GM, but thanks for paying your subs! Welcome In & Out, Boxer, Phoney Dick, Bagless Too (nice Bagless), Vatic*nt (either he or the On Sec censored his name to Vatican for the circle), Easy Rider, Half Cut (welcome back), Goes Down Easy, F&ckin’ Easy, Lars, Dora, and Two Ass.

Virgins: nope.

Lipstick: Maggot dobs himself in as the only person, let alone male, that completed the actual trail. Stiffy, Hooray, Comes Quietly, one of the visitors, and Knobby Boy Scout are lipsticked thoroughly.

Tits: Loose Change is looking perky in the tits. She has a few candidates. Posh Duck had been “buttering her up” in the circle because he knew she would charge him for ditching her in the jungle. Maggot was also a candidate, not for doing the whole run but for constantly talking about it. But the tits go to Kannot Kan (welcome back), because he remarked that he had missed the tits while he was away.

Dick: speaking of missing, does anyone know where the Dick is? The last record is run # 2039 when Herr Zipp got it. It was not given away in 2040 or 2041, and we don’t have a run report for Run # 2042 which was Kan the Kobra’s birthday run. If anyone knows what happened, please dob the current holder in. Thanks.

Returnees: welcome back Half Cut and Cock Radio.

AOB

· One of our visitors is unimpressed by Harriets calling. Why? Because the front runners held the check and he was forced to get his shoes muddy fruitlessly running to the check through the tunnel. On in Boxer as a look-a-like for Tiger Lily and Singaporn for Posh Nash.

· Sneaky Comer had also heard someone complaining about muddy shoes, and asking if Posh Nash was setting up a shoe washing service. The irony is that Forced Entry’s partner, Virginia Slim, is not normally happy unless we are up to our tits in mud. Forced Entry gets a drink for irony.

· Vatic&nt points out that his shoes are dirty, as are the GM’s, so they obviously went through the tunnel. So on in Goes Down Easy and F&ckin’ Easy, both of whom have very clean shoes…did they do the run? They claim, laimly, that they did do the tunnel, but on tippy toes.

· Suzee Wong has Maggot and Vatic&nt in for not checking, or not being allowed to check.

· Pubic Zipp is offended that Vatic&nt is not wearing a Harriets shirt. She tries to sell him one for $10.

· Wet Brazilian has Twin Towers and Cock Radio in the circle. She was running near them in the “jungly bit” and thought there was just a bit too much pillow talk – “soft prick, hard prick, soft prick”. Too much discussion about pricks, thank you.

· Too Easy followed up by pointing out that Twin Towers had jumped over a log and landed on Cock Radio’s open mouth.

· Not Tonight points out that Pubic Zipp is here alone tonight, Herr Zipp is at home with his feet up. So Pubic Zipp took advantage, after an early fall she returned to the beer wagon and put her feet up! Icing her leg, she says.

· Twin Towers sheds more light on the situation. Apparently Herr Zipp was laid up in hospital. Pubic Zipp was very dedicated going to see him every day, or so it seemed, until she confessed to Twin Towers that the sandwiches at the hospital were very nice.

· Jackoff invites Wet Brazilian in for a compliment. She has been doing this job of GM for 18 months now but every week she makes the job seem like new. “I forgot to invite the returnees in”.

· Sybil was chatting to Twin Towers and Wet ‘n Wild, and asking them for their health secrets. They told Sybil she needed to work on her tummy, ass, and boobs, apparently.

· Sneaky Comer points out that Twin Towers and Wet ‘n Wild have been using performance enhancing underwear. Missing a few key items on Friday, Wet ‘n Wild was fortunate that Twin Towers keeps a lingerie store in the back of the car. Nice boob enhancing bras and knickers that are so sexy they are almost invisible. Give the wardrobe girls a note.

· Wet Brazilian reminds Kannot Kan that he is not allowed to take photos. Taking a few at the beginning of the run and being reprimanded, he said “I forgot”. This reminds the GM that the hash now has a hash camera and you might be asked to be hash flash one week, for the “official” record.

· Stiffy had had his bottle on his head for half an hour, being deliberately ignored by Wet Brazilian. He is in a huff but decides to do the charge anyway, which is on Wet Brazilian. Stiffy wants some credit for helping make the GM a “new woman”. Stiffy gets the drink.

· Suzee Wong announces the Lion City D&D, 17^th November (associated with 30^th anniversary), $140. Theme is Pearl of the Orient.

· Kannot Kan announces the Sunday Hash Red Dress Run, Saturday 13^th October.

· Wet Brazilian announces the annual Breast Cancer Awareness Run, which will be on the 3^rd of October, with a city run. Donations are welcome and decorated bras will be available following a sewing circle last weekend.

And with that, and it’s on on to the Red Lantern.

Scribed by Sneaky Comer

The “Short” Run

Hare: Tiger Lily

Where: Bukit Gombak Stadium Carpark

On On: nearby coffee shop

The Run:

This week’s parking problem was the PIE – it resembled one from about 5pm. This led a number of members to wish the run was on the East Coast (perhaps not). Anyway, it was a smaller crowd than normal that gathered near the stadium for the now expected late start.

Hooray, as usual, led us out of the car park, around the back of the indoor stadium, to a T-check. Or was it? With Tiger Lily sweeping, I am not sure how a trail mark was mistaken for a T, but never mind. Out onto Bukit Batok West Avenue 5 for a circle check, which took forever to solve before a bit of help from the hare had us on our way. Another circle on the corner of Bukit Batok West Avenue 7 again took a while before we headed off down that road to the forest across Bukit Batok Road. Here some clever little checks had people heading in all directions before we finally cut in from Brickland Road and ran across to the canal. The canal brought us back to Bukit Batok Road, where we crossed and headed back on Bukit Batok West Avenue 2. Back to the lake by streets 51, 52, 77, 465, and a few others.

A nice combination of road and forest, front runners back in just over an hour.

The Circle: The GM has a little trouble assembling noisy late comers and committee members. Usual suspect Wet ‘n Wild calls out “well people haven’t paid their subs, we are just talking about who”. “Oh, says the GM, guess I better pay mine then”.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Good run, well done Tiger Lily setting it by yourself!

Tell us about your On On: There is limited enthusiasm for on site pizza, so Tiger Lily suggests al a carte at the local coffee shop.

Next week’s run: Posh Duck limps in to report that next week will be at Blackmore Drive with on on at the Red Lantern. Loose Change will help out.

Visitors: Welcome Knobby Boy Scout, Bagless Too, and Goes Down Easy.

Virgins: Welcome Jia and Daryn. One of them was a real virigin, Jia was a “Harriets virgin”, whatever that means.

Tits: Maggot is back. The tits have had a long tour of north and south Asia. Maggot reports that it is nice to be back with the Harriets, when he calls for a woman, 4 rushed to his aid: Wet Brazilian, Forced Entry, Goes Down Easy, and Twin Towers. Which one should get the tits? Well none of them. Because at the next check, when he called for a woman, there was Loose Change, refusing to look him in the eye. Loose Change gets the tits.

Dick: missing, thought to be with Lethal Weapon.

Lipstick: Hooray, as usual, with Knobby Boy Scout, Daryn, and Bagless Too.

AOB

· Sneaky Comer has Wet ‘n Wild in for talking and not running, which caused Bagless Too to run past her to find he was in the lead.

· Wet Brazilian is used to blind FRB’s, particularly Tiger Lily. But tonight, Tiger Lily was sweeping, so all should be clear at the front. But it wasn’t, Goes Down Easy is nominated as Tiger Lily 2 for being blind to checks as well.

· Tiger Lily was rather worried at the start of the run….there weren’t many people. So why are there so many at the circle? On in the slackers who just came to get a drink at the end of the run: Boo, Quickie, Stiffy, Not Tonight, and Posh Duck.

· Knobby Boy Scout informs us that the Singapore Civil Service had a running race this week. Who went in it? Not Tonight and Tiger Lily. Who came first? Tiger Lily.

· Sneaky Comer was a little nervous about coming on a Tiger Lily run. Last year’s was 38km. This year, running near what he thought was home, he encountered Too Easy coming the other way at 6:55pm. “Oh, you’ve still got a long way to go” reported Too Easy. He’s to the mean one for rubbing it in.

· Stiffy wants to know how to say something in Japanese. I am sure it can’t have been “f&ck off” or shut up, but I didn’t hear correctly. Why do you want to know how to say that, asks Tiger Lily. Because I am teaching your daughter on Friday. Tiger Lily gets a drink.

· Not Tonight has all the Americans in for a tribute drink to Neil Armstrong, who passed away this week – Knobby Boy Scout, Herr Zipp, Goes Down Easy and Virginia Slim.

· There was more Armstrong news this week, with Lance Armstrong calling it quits on his defence of doping charges. Herr Zipp gives all the bike hashers a drink for performance enhancing: Too Easy, Stiffy, and Knobby Boy Scout.

· Stiffy went to KL last weekend and had intended to pay a visit to Twin Towers to cheer her up. But where was Twin Towers? On her way back to Singapore. So TT gets a drink for spoiling Stiffy’s weekend.

· Loose Change points out that it is nice to “see a brown girl in the ring”. Twin Towers gets a drink to “she’s alright…”.

· Wet Brazilian was a bit annoyed with Knobby Boy Scout. Everyone can see he has much longer legs than her, so it was a bit tough for him to say “I am holding back just to stay behind you” on the run.

· Twin Towers was also annoyed with Knobby Boy Scout….her hadn’t seen her for ages, but did he say hello tonight? No, just when he was showering, he said “you haven’t seen a white ass for ages, so here is one”. Give the rude boy a note.

· Announcement from Herr Zipp – this month is blue moon month, so please come along to Lion City Hash on Friday and Dog Hash on Saturday.

And with that, and it’s on on to the un-named coffee shop across the road.

Scribed by Sneaky Comer

The Birthday Run

Hares: Loose Change, Suzee Wong, and Virginia Slim

Where: End of Tagore Road

On On: Happy Kampong Eating House(?), Corner of Tagore Road and one of the the 7 Tagore Lanes in the vicinity

The Run:

Another run, another small parking problem. This time, the end of Tagore Road was being marked out for a game of Sepak takraw (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sepaktakraw for the uninformed, which included me until a few minutes ago). The guys setting up were very nice in telling Mother’s Tongue to F&*k off with her car, before finally decided they wouldn’t trash it if she left it where it was.

As has become customary since the teaching members of the committee returned from their 3 months of vacation, key members of the committee commenced a gossip session committee discussion shortly before 6pm. This continued to well past 6pm, with the rest of the pack politely and quietly formed in a circle waiting to start (well, maybe there was the odd rude comment like “what time does the 7pm run start”). Gossip session committee discussion completed, the GM called the circle to order, took a few compliments on her hat, and finally sent us off to a hole in the wall at the end of the street “just a little after 6pm”. Getting there required us to run through the Sepak Takraw court, but never mind.

Getting through the fence took a while since it was a tiny hole bordered by friendly nails. Fortunately, then, Tiger Lily found an imaginary T-check and led the pack BACK to the hole in the wall while Big Head called plaintively “but there is trail over here” past the imaginary T-check. Sharon Batu found herself in the uncustomary position of lead lady when we did finally find a real T-check, which led us back for a mountain climb over one of those levy banks covered in buffalo grass. Up the bank we went, then down the other side, then into the stream, then up the steep bank on the other side – arrgghh, now this run was starting to show the characteristics of Virginia Slim inspiration. Sadly, it had rained early in the day so the stream we crossed had dropped to calf deep height rather than the waste deep he normally prefers.

Having climbed the other side of the stream, we reached the corner where Tiger Lily found another T-check, heading us into fruitless checking in the Lentor Loop area. We weren’t helped by a call of on on driven by a splash of paint on the road. After a fair bit of faffing around, we went back behind Fionssa Park where Too Easy found trail on a construction track. At this point I got completely disoriented – clever circles, T-checks, and lots of bush had us turned in circles. Eventually we emerged behind Munshi Abdullah walk, ran down the end, and eventually found our way to the park/bandstand behind the old Teacher’s Club, where we were rewarded with champaigne!

Finally, at about 7:10pm, Loose Change ushered us all home through the drain for a the short jog back to the run site. An awesome run, with great checks that were difficult to solve and required everyone to go out a check, first time in a long time. Well done hares!

The Circle:

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Great run, excellent drink stop, very innovative. Well done hares!

Tell us about your On On: At the corner coffee shop, which one sign calls “Happy Kampong Eating House”. Virginia Slim confesses that one of the dishes is not a favourite of In & Out. Oh well, on on for $12.

Next week’s run: Tiger Lily promises next week’s run, which will start at the Bukit Gombak stadium carpark, will only be 32km this year, and there will be a short cut. Probably with pizza on site.

Visitors: Welcome Wayne, Kara, 8-24, Sharon Batu, Easy Rider, Shirley, In & Out, Slack Arse, and Pia.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run (reprise)? Suzee Wong has returned from wherever she was for the first down down, so the hares get another drink.

Virgins: Nope.

Tits: missing, probably with Maggot.

Dick: missing, thought to be with Lethal Weapon.

Lipstick: The GM has Hooray in as an extra naughty boy, for telling tales. Since he was first to the drink stop, he was able to snitch on Comes Quietly. Boo was also called in for leading the GM astray.

AOB

· Loose Change has done her back in moving furniture around. So she was feeling a bit sore and sorry when she arrived to set the run. Virginia Slim had no sympathy, he asked her to carry around a heavy rope in case a Harriet needed to be pulled up the bank.

· Big Head has a gift for Virginia Slim, a Texan beer. “All my exes live in Texas”.

· This prompts In & Out to sing an alternative Texan song. See http://sniff.numachi.com/pages/tiCHARLTT;ttVILDINAH.html for the full words.

· Fat Crashing Bastard points out that as hashers get older, they forget things. Like their hash names. Slack Arse apparently wanted to do something to the GM’s arse, which was white and black. Umm, I think I missed something there. Anyway, give Slack Arse a drink.

· Which reminds Sneaky Comer that Fat Crashing Bastard had a novel way to help Harriets climb the stream bank, he pushed Posh Nash up the bank by her arse.

· Which reminds FCB that Posh Nash had gotten upset with FCB for “caressing her arse”. FCB protested that it wasn’t a caress if he had a “flat hand”. “Well”, responded Posh Nash, “I have a tight arse”. Somehow that turned into a fantasy about a woman licking ice cream off a man. Ants in Pants got a drink about a look-a-like for Posh Nash.

· The GM is upset that her fellow committee members have been rude to her. Wet ‘n Wild got a drink for “when did you lose it” and “I can stretch a hole for you” – the mind boggles.

· Loose Change reminds us that we had a fantastic drink stop. Towards the end, however, a security guard swung past to check out what was going on. The thing is, he was tiny. So why did Easy Rider rush off to throw his drink in the garbage?

· The GM calls the birthday boys and girls in for a drink and a fantastic cake by Boxer: Virginia Slim, Suzee Wong, Big Head, Two Jugs (not here but never mind), Boxer, Loose Change, and Slack Arse.

· Fat Crashing Bastard is on fine enough form tonight to risk a naming attempt. Kara fell over constantly on the run, and complained about it, leading to her being named as Goes Down Easy.

· Mother’s Tongue did not fall down tonight, but was impressed by the GM who did a very acrobatic tuck and roll.

· Wet ‘n Wild wants to know if the GM went commando.

· On that theme, Too Easy notes that Wayne was behaving like a commando, or perhaps Tarzan, tonight – swinging on vines, sliding down embankments, tip-toeing across a plank, and taking time out for a swing in the park. Might we have a name? Well he is married to Goes Down Easy, so some wag suggested “Lucky Bastard”. King of the Swingers and Swing King were tried before we settled on Fu&king Easy.

And with that, the Easy family have a group hug, offer to set a run, and it’s on on to the Happy Kampong Eating House.

Scribed by Sneaky Comer

The “Triumph of a Run”

Hares: Give Way and Not Good Enough

Where: Telok Blangah Green

On On: On Site, Delhi Curry

The Run:

We arrived at the runsite to find Alkaff mansion all decked out, goody bags piled high at the arrival tent, and valet parking chaps all over the place. Oh, and the car park full. Not a good sign. As everyone struggled to find a park, more and more people started turning up for a “Triumph under-garments fashion parade”.

The hares were caught up in the traffic jam and arrived just in time to point us off in the wrong direction (towards a nasty little T-check down the hill). A fair bit of fruitless searching was confronted by a laughing hare who sent us back up the hill to Alkaff mansion, then back down the hill again to Depot Road. Here another circle check confounded us for 10 minutes until the hares showed up in a car to point us over to Depot Lane and the on on arrow tucked behind block 4001. This spread the pack out along the AYE, before we crossed over to the old railway line.

At this point the run was starting to look long (we had been warned). We kept running along the railway line to a circle check at Masjid Hang Jebat, which surprising was solved by Give Way pointing us west along Jelan Hang Jebat (run looking even longer). We ran around the soccer field, across the AYE again to Normanton Park, where Not Good Enough was there to inform us we were at the long short split (should be long and even longer split). Those foolish enough to run the “long” were sent into Science Park and then over the top of Kent Ridge Park. Wiser ones were sent down the AYE and into Canterbury Road, before finally heading over Henderson Road and up the forest walk to home. Front runners in at 7:15pm.

The Circle: The GM struggled to get the circle to settle down, particularly with the loud pumping music flooding over from Alkaff Mansion. We were clustered down into the end of the car park which was chock-a-block with cars double parked. Meanwhile Telok Blangah Green was a parking lot of cars trying to get into Alkaff Mansion. Memo to Alkaff Mansion – if you are going to run large events, you need a f&^king parking lot.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run?  Calls of “too many bras” and “too flat” were perhaps predictable. Too short was also heard. Stiffy brought in one of the signboards for the bra event, just to spice up the occasion. After a lot of faffing around, a good run was declared, thanks hares!

Tell us about your On On: On site Delhi Curry – we haven’t had them for ages!

GM’s charge: Stiffy is given a drink for wishful thinking with the bra girl.

Next week’s run: Loose Change, Suzee Wong, and Virginia Slim have birthdays next week. So they will set a birthday run at the end of Tagore ROAD. Please note this is not the run site from two weeks ago. On on will be at the coffee shop we were at two weeks ago (corner of Tagore Road and Tagore Lane) and this will also be the run site.

Hares needed: hares are urgently needed for September (12, 19, and 26) and October (10, 17, 24, and 31). Please see Posh Nash or email hareline@singaporeharriets.com and onsec@singaporeharriets.com. Sneaky Comer was, for some reason, given a drink as a look-alike for Posh Nash.

Visitors: Welcome Wayne, Kara, Carla, Gladys, Ross, Sandra, King Lear and Goodie Bag. Goodie Bag was a particularly appropriate visitor given the pile of goody bags by Triumph across the road.

Virgins: Csilla, who seemed to like it. At this point it was disclosed that one of our other visitors was also a virgin.

Lipstick: Comes Quietly, Slocum, and the male virgin.

Tits: missing, probably with Maggot.

Dick: missing. Anyone know?

AOB

· Pubic Zipp has been reading the Singapore newspaper (ed: a 5 minute exercise). Anyway, she read a story about a man running a bicyclist down, for which he received a $6000 fine and had his license suspended, later returned because driving was his livelihood. The next story was about a University student who stole and traded property – the penalty $60,000 fine and 6 months in jail. So Stiffy is charged with taking a big risk in Singapore “borrowing” the bust girl.

· Suzee Wong has a question – how many of you men (Associate Members) know what brand of bra your wife wears? She was talking to Posh Duck during the run and apparently he knows exactly where to buy bras – in Thailand. Posh Duck gets a drink for being over-informed.

· Slocum keeps Posh Duck in the circle, pointing out that Thailand is the world capital of sex changes.

· Sneaky Comer is scribing but didn’t really understand the previous charge. During the run, Stiffy had complained that SC had stuffed up his fabulous joke in the previous week’s newsletter. Sneaky Comer has Stiffy in to explain the previous joke, and take a drink.

· Not Good Enough wants two of our visitors in the circle. Not only did they arrive late, they complained about the chalk (too hard to see), and then the singing in the circle. Welcome, but give them a note.

· This reminds the GM that when our visitors did arrive late, they asked for directions. Who from? Boo. Boo told them “don’t follow me”. Give him a drink.

· This reminds Sneaky Comer that Pubic Zipp had confessed to him on the run that she was following Stiffy on a short cut (again), and every time she did that she got lost. Here’s to the slow learner.

· Not Good Enough has Sneaky Comer into the circle for lying – there was no shortcut on this run.

· The GM wants someone in the circle who knows the geography of the UK. “How would you compare Yorkshire and Australia?” Yorkshire is a lot smaller than Australia apparently, but they got more medals than Australia at the Olympics. The Kiwis jump in from the cheap seats to add on to this charge, but I couldn’t be bothered writing it down. All the Australian losers get a drink.

· Slocum thinks Ugly Bum is confused. He thought she was from Yorkshire, so why is she having a drink with the Aussies?

· This reminds Tiger Lily that last week, in Japan, she took Ugly Bum around for a tour and they had a nice time. Leaving Ugly Bum at the train station, Ugly Bum proceeded to get lost. [Ed: not sure why this wasn’t a charge on Tiger Lily, but never mind].

· Slocum has Tiger Lily in who is up to her old tricks. Running directly across a circle check, Tiger Lily asks “what’s that doing there”.

· GM announcement: Big Head’s birthday on Friday, so she gets a well sung happy birthday.

· Announcement: Kampong Hash Run on Saturday for Virginia Slim’s birthday at Tagore Drive, a MUCH better run than set by Boo recently is promised.

· Announcement: Slocum announces the anniversary of his meeting Jackoff.

And with that, it’s on-on to the slab of concrete next door for a fabulous Delhi Curry.

Scribed by Sneaky Comer

Singapore National Day Run

Hares: Boo, Quickie, and Father Anus

Where: Tagore Drive

On On: Coffee Shop at Corner of Tagore Road and Tagore Lane

The Run:

Welcome back to the school teacher contingent of the committee, who prompty restored the Harriets to the usual state of disorganization – the GM arrived late in flip flops with a look of “what, are you waiting for me?”. The On Sec seemed determined to catch up on 7 weeks of conversations within 15 minutes before heading off for a pee, coming back to calls of “what time does the 6 o’clock run start” from impatient associate members, also with a look of “what, are you waiting for me?”. Anyway, about 6:10pm stand in GM Wet ‘n Wild sent the pack off down Tagore Drive for a close encounter with a bunch of gruesome looking guard dogs, who had the front runners a bit unsure what to do until Gypsy authoritatively told them to stand down (the dogs, not the front runners).

Up along the fence behind the industrial state (“no, we really aren’t going behind those red signs” before we took a left turn off Tagore Road. A convenient circle check gave your writer a chance to have his pee before calling for a woman, then we headed up the track towards the SLE.

Another circle check with a cleverly hidden trail over the bank and behind a tree had us heading over to Lentor, where we lost trail and presumably missed a circle check. On was over the SLE slip road before another circle check under Lentor Avenue was clearly designed to get some of us to swim across the canal. Bugger that, we found the on on the other side of the MRT line and off we headed towards Yishun.

A left turn to Springleaf looked like a T check to me, and eventually was. We circled Springleaf to the south before the final circle check had everyone stumped for about 10 minutes. I gave up and shortcut across the SLE/Upper Thomson intersection (to my cost), while the rest of the pack kept searching and found the trail back near the circle check.

A final log run along the construction track had Too Easy on an Olympic style sprint, well out of sight of the rest of us. A good run, front runner in about 7:10pm.

The Circle: The GM, late again, attempted to form a circle at 8:15pm, but all her committee members were talking.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? A good run, “even Gypsy was impressed”. Thanks hares for a good run and “beautiful colour” National Day shirts! Happy National Day hares.

Tell us about your On On: Coffee shop at the end of Tagore Lane, just go straight until the t-junction.

Next week’s run: Give Way comes into the circle to very forcefully proclaim that next week, Not Good Enough WILL set the run. Not Good Enough limps in to report that the run will be at Telok Blangah Green, near Alkaff Mansion.

Visitors: Welcome Tim and Liz (from Japan), Phony Dick, Katie, Trevor, Penile Extension and Boxer.

Lipstick: Hooray (who started the run at 6pm regardless and it took us a bit longer than normal to catch him), Trevor (who didn’t run and so got to the beer wagon before everyone else) and Sneaky Comer (who’s previous short cut came back to haunt him). The GM asked where the naughty boys wanted their lipstick applied – caution is warranted, one day we might give an honest answer J.

Tits: absent with Maggot, apparently.

Dick: absent without leave. Last record I have is that it is with Herr Zipp. Anyone know?

AOB

· Stiffy noted that Lethal Weapon had arrived just before the circle in a taxi. A longer than usual payment transaction was underway when Father Anus intervened. What are we to think, Stiffy asked, when an attractive woman arrives, starts negotiating and then exchanges money? On in Father Anus for soliciting.

· Father Anus riposts by charging Lethal Weapon with coming first. Sorry I was a bit distracted, that’s what I have written down.

· The GM has two of her recalcitrant committee members in. Wet ‘n Wild and Lost Marbles have been in conversation for the entire circle so far. What is so important? Committee business, apparently (or not likely). Anyway, they get a drink.

· The GM has another disrespect charge. How dare Harriets arrive at the circle better dressed than her? Too Easy is dressed in fetching FM shoes, while Two Jugs is in a little black cocktail dress. “You aren’t allowed to look better than me”, the GM exclaims. Gypsy was lucky to avoid a drink for “better get all the women in the circle then”.

· Wet Pet points out that a well set run keeps the pack together. Yet tonight, Not Good Enough boasted of “beating Wet Pet in”, while the FRB’s failed to take care of the pack by properly breaking checks. On in hares, Jackoff, Gypsy, Two Jugs, and Not Good Enough.

· The GM has been disrespected AGAIN tonight. Standing close to Sybil, Sybil had remarked that “she likes the GM’s black hair”. “But I haven’t got black hair”, replied the GM. “I know, I liked it better when it was black”, says Sybil.

· Mother’s Tongue notes that Sybil has been sitting in the circle, and asks how old she has to be to be allowed to sit? GM gets a drink for allowing sitting in the cirle.

· At this point a Police car arrived to scope out what was happening. Croc Hunter, quick on his feet, runs over and points out that this is a legitimate National Day celebration by a registered society (or something like that, it was done in Hokkien). Anyway, the Police depart and the GM gives Croc Hunter a celebratory drink.

· This reminds the GM to get the Singaporeans in the circle for the required singing of the National Anthem, which starts lamely but finishes with much gusto. Happy National Day! Someone asks why Vish was in the circle?

· Stiffy points out that the London Olympic Games are on at the moment, with all the usual jingoism of who has the most medals. New Zealand took an innovative approach, leaping to the top of the medal count for “number of medals per head of population”, although they were recently pipped for that by some island. Anyway, Kiwis in for a drink, Wet ‘n Wild and Lost Marbles.

· Sneaky Comer is quick to point out that the maths is wrong, the kiwis forgot to include the sheep in their population. The kiwis get another drink.

· Penile Extension weighs in on the Olympics theme. Apparently Australia have not been doing as well as expected in the Olympics, so some of their media are claiming that New Zealand is really part of Australia to claim their medals. On in a look a like for a blonde Australian geography teacher, in this case Wet Pet.

· More on the Olympic theme from Not Tonight, who points out that Kazakhstan and Croatia have done very well. Father Anus for Kazakhstan and Mother’s Tongue for Croatia get a drink.

· New Zealand are not the only ones to put a fine point on their Olympic performance. Too Easy points out that Australian journalists have being showing the top 11 countries on the medal table to ensure Australia is included. All the Aussies get a drink.

· Mother’s Tongue has had enough. For years the committee have been striving to get the Harriets looking lovely in the circle, wearing nice dresses and FM shoes. How can the GM discourage such practices. Give the GM a note.

· Too Easy calls in visitor Tim. Apparently he saw all the car keys in the tray on the drinks table and thought that meant he was going to get lucky tonight.

· Ugly Bum pointed out that a lovely night for the Harriets was nearly spoiled tonight due to a potentially fatal accident due to some dodgy Singapore work practices (loading a container on a truck). Herr Zipp was disappointed, though, that the accident was averted – “he could have worked on the worker’s compensation claim”. And when one lawyer drinks, ALL lawyers drink.

· Herr Zipp thanks Penile Extension for bringing a Sinapore flag tonight, but does point out that it looks suspiciously like the flags in a box in Fairprice that were devoted to HDB apartments. Give the cheap bastard a note!

And with that, it’s on-on to the coffee shop on the corner.

Scribed by Sneaky Comer

The farewell run

Hares: Shoe Shopper & Wet Patch

Where: Temasek Club Car Park

On On: Colbar

The Circle:

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? The run was a quickie, and the circle premature. A good run, nonetheless.

Tell us about your On On: Colbar, get there before the kitchen closes.

Next week’s run: Kan the Kobra’s birthday run.

Lipstick: Boo and Buttwiper.

Tits: Malfunction had said to Sybil when she was running, “Ladies don’t run, it’s not good for you.” (Brief history lesson – Women were once considered too weak to run a full marathon, and were thus barred from the event. In 1966, Bobbi Gibb ran the Boston Marathon unregistered, finished in 03:21:40, and became the first woman to run that race.) Sybil gave Malfunction the tits for being a Male Chauvinist Pig (MCP), and reminded him that “for god’s sake, it’s Wednesday and this is a women’s hash”.

Farewell: The hares were called into the circle, and told that they would be sorely missed. The GM, however, said that she wouldn’t be missing their frequent snogging. She was also glad that they were going to Melbourne when it is now frigid cold – they won’t be doing much there. The circle turned on the GM, sensing some jealousy.

Farewell gifts were presented to the hares – fuck-me pyjamas for Shoeshopper; and a red Adidas hat with “England” boldly printed on the front in white. We’re almost certain it’ll be a hit with the Australians.

Dick: Still with Herr Zipp?

AOB

· Comes Quietly was charged for his faux pas during the run – he had referred to Too Easy as “just an old bag”. Too Easy is a little over 50, hardly an “old bag” considering the average age of the hash.

· Wet Patch admitted to doing only one recce with Shoeshopper, during which he had to get down and dirty cleaning up their dog’s poo because Shoeshopper refused to go near the dog. She’s the meanest, indeed.

· Fat Crashing Bastard charged Shoeshopper for not only being mean, but also getting rid of her “old, tired pussy” before going away (probably in exchange for a new one in Melbourne). He wondered who the hell would want Shoeshopper’s second-hand pussy. Here Welsh Git and Wet Pet surprised us all by indicating their enthusiasm.

· Shoeshopper charged Buttwiper for racing during the hash.

· Boo had observed that although Cherry Picker brought his wife to the hash, he didn’t teach Mrs Picker the relevant hash conventions. Poor Mrs Picker.

· Not Tonight charged Malfunction for telling Sybil to slow down during the run, because she was making him look bad.

· Loose Change was charged for being the ultimate short-cutting bastard. Here’s to Grandma!

· Sherlock had intended to borrow a hash shirt from his parents, but according to Wet Patch, he went to the “not-male” drawer instead of the “male” drawer. Sherlock mounted an excellent defense – “It’s not stretched in places it shouldn’t be!”

· Malfunction was charged for his pre-hash gluttony, overindulging in beer and the worst chips ever. No wonder Sybil was making him look bad, the fat bastard.

· The GM was visibly upset with Boo for giving her the cold shoulder during the run. She had just returned to Singapore and already was received so poorly.

· Maggot charged Wet Patch for underestimating the hash. Wet Patch bet we would finish the run in 52 minutes, maybe slightly faster for Tiger Lily. It turned out to be bullshit – a good number of runners finished in 46 minutes.

· Shoeshopper charged Boo for being an abrasive arse – he had yelled at the GM, “OY, WET BRAZILIAN! I CAN SEE YOUR BUM!” (The scribe has conveniently forgotten the context in which this occurred.)

Fuck-off, you c*nts, and on-on to The Colbar.