Singapore Hash House Harriets

The ‘Just a Short Trot in the Virgin’ Run

Hare: Tiger Lily

Where: Bukit Gombak Stadium.

On On: Blooie’s Railway Mall

The Circle: The GM called the circle to order at 2005 hrs & invited the sole Hare in.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? The run was announced beforehand by TL as an 8km runner’s run (what else were we expecting from the female Billy Whizz?). It turned out to be more like 9.5km. Still after a bit of well deserved abuse & sarcastic cries of ‘too short’ it was deemed a good run.

Tell us about your On On: On on at Bluey’s at Rail Mall.

Next week’s run: Next in Comes Quietly to announce Shoe Shopper & Wet Patch next run at Blackmore Drive. Let’s hope it’s only 8km!

Visitors / Returnees: Returnees & Guests got a bit mixed up by the GM, but that’s only to be expected from a woman who cannot make up her mind what colour her hair is (more later). So this mixed bunch was, Nutcracker, Welsh Git, Woodbridge, Strap On and Mouthful. Here’s to….

Virgins: Nope

The circle was next interrupted by a bus which wanted to drive right through us but Stiffy remonstrated that the driver was disobeying a no entry sign & he duly turned right almost wiping out 4 hash cars. Good one Stiffy!

Tits: Loose Change is in with tits borrowed from Cock Radio (now that’s a troubling mental picture). Turns out CR said she must give them to Stiffy. He is not happy about it & instead starts to abuse the GM and calling her badger head (note for next week GM he also said to me on the run that he had seen better looking badgers).

The GM quickly gets Jack Off for further GM hair abuse by saying that the GM looked like Saliva. Jack Off…You’re the meanest. And remember Stiffy, the GM is always right.

Dick: on holidays in the UK with Stiff?

Awards – nope.

Lippy: The GM forgot the lipstick AGAIN & had to race off to her car.

AOB Part 1 (while the GM is off getting her lippy on):

· Not tonight & Slowcum were walking together when Slocum was heard to say ‘I guess we’re going up the backside’. So that’s why you are walking like that!

· Visitor Strap On brought all the trail wetters in for marking their territory.

· TL calls in Hooray for complaining, being boring & short cutting. Tell it like it is eh Tiger?

Lippy: The GM is back with lipstick & Hooray (of course), Gypsy & Stephanne look alike Comes Quietly all get the treatment, though I could not quite see what CQ was doing but the GM told him to stop being so rude.

AOB Part 2:

· Gypsy was called in by the GM for A) Nominating Handbag for scribe duties but also B) Getting my name wrong & calling me Handjob. What a Bars#$$d.

· It must be time to put the boot into Handbag (now you English teachers will have a name for an expression like that) as Tiger Lily is complaining about my tone deaf singing putting her off her note.

· The singing was poor. I was just trying to make some noise. So time for revenge on TL so I call her in to talk about the run. It was commented that TL did not come directly back to the runsite (choosing to go home & shower first) because she thought it best to let the exhausted hashers calm down & relax with a few beers before they vented their spleen on her. I did comment to a couple of people I passed going up the staircase to the top of Lorong Sesuai that the woman was a complete sadist. She’s the meanest.

· The GM has Hooray in and says he only gave her shower water because TL had gone home to shower. Yes, he’s the meanest.

· There was more talk of Badgers & Snow Whites, but somebody commented ‘at least they have hair’, to which Gypsy piped up, ‘that’s not funny’.

· CQ has TL in for telling the pack when they had missed a well marked right turn ‘come on guys, can’t you see the trail?’. Japanese sarcasm at its best!

· Strap On calls in the GM for some charge to which Stiffy comments, ‘stop badgering the GM’.

· The GM gets Welsh Git in to sing us a Christmas Carol, Stiffy joins him & suggests ‘Watership Down’. Question? Since when did a song about rabbits dying from myxametosis become a Christmas Carol Stiffy? Luckily we got ‘O come all ye faithful’ instead.

· Handbag had visiting German pervert Strap On in for Frankfurt airport duty free having a sex shop

· then Zipp confessed to giving CQ the GM’s champagne by mistake as a down down, and when CQ complained she told him not to tell her!’ Another ‘O come all ye faithful’.

· Jack Off was hauled in by the GM for trying to end the circle by calling onon, and with a stirring rendition of ‘We wish you a merry Christmas’ the GM called onon.

Circle closed at 2040 hours.

On on on.

Scribed by Handbag.

The ‘Don’t incur the wrath of a colleague’ Run

Hare: Shaggy Dick Too

Where: Blackmore Drive Old Turf City.

On On: Curry Garden

The Circle:

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Not recorded, so it must have been run of the year???

Tell us about your On On: Curry Garden.

Next week’s run: Bukit Gombak stadium car park, in virgin territory according to Tiger Lily.

Visitors / Returnees: Bagless 2, Welsh Geek (Wet Pet as stand in as Welsh Geek headed off to play rugby??), Stiff, Suck Swallow.

Virgins: Nope

Tits: MIA, still with Cock Radio (until the new year we suspect).

Dick: 3 candidates : Wet Pet, Father Anus and Stiff. Deep Throat passed on the dick to Stiff for saying that his wife is almost 60 but he still can’t control her.

Lippy: Shaggy Dick Too, Ad Nauseum and Comes Quietly.

Awards – nope.

AOB:

· Wet Pet to Shaggy and Not Tonight for whatever it was about…they just deserve a drink apparently!

· Hooray to Shaggy Dick for giving the wrong run site details to the Beer Man…poor Ah Wah went to Blackmoore Drive!

· Suck Swallow to Shaggy Dick for trying to hijack the Sunday Hash’s upcoming runsite!

· Wet Brazilian to Gypsy for sitting in the circle.

· Wet Brazilian to the hares for setting the run where there is a hornet nest.

· Tiger Lily to Gypsy & Zip for that “Hairy Hand that caste a spell on her as she pass them ..” Her bike to break down!

· Shaggy Dick to all the Monday Hashers for putting hashing at risk.

· Not tonight to : To those who have been to California… Gypsy and Hooray …apparently the law there will put those who drink and drive in jail and they have to pay for their time in it..

On on on.

Scribed by Deep Throat.

The Run:

According to Cock Radio:

The Car Park was in good condition – firm, no shiggy and well marked. Good run.

According to Sneaky Comer:

Kan Not Kan arrived back at the run site just before 6pm. A somewhat positive sign given that last Friday’s run was apparently 1:40 for the FRB’s. Head out along Jurong Road, he reported, trail starts near the bus stop. Somehow Posh Nash interpreted this as check the bus stop down by the car park, but she was soon put right and off we headed. Into track 10 12 14 16 18 20 22 not sure we headed, all was going well and we were on trail, until (perhaps) the stream crossing. At this point it all went to custard when we picked up trail, although possibly not tonight’s trail. Explaining what had happened later to KNK, we were told no, that’s not where the trail went. Oh well. Anyway, happily following trail we found our way to up near the soldier’s camp and trail disappeared. We spent 10 minutes wandering around aimlessly, at which point the pack broke up into 7 groups. Mr Potato Head checked for 3 miles in every direction and finally declared he was doing his own run. Boo and much of the pack headed over towards Bukit Batok Road. Posh Nash, Stiff, myself, a visitor or two headed back towards Jurong Road and found trail about 500m later. Well marked trail. Using the famous invisible red and white plastic tape favoured by KNK. So off we went. All looked good. We followed and followed little loops, muddy patches under umbrella leaf, through stream, over path. And this lead us nicely back past the original out trail. Which sadly we didn’t notice until we had run well past it. So we retraced our steps, headed in the out trail, and on home just on the hour. Nice run. Even if it was a combination of Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday trail.

The Circle: ‘Hare in the Circle,’ was the request, but it was suggested that the word ‘Hare’ was a misnomer as there was no trail.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? ‘What did we think of the run?’ The reply was ‘What run?’ The Hare was told he could set that run again and no one would know. I think it was decided that it could have been a good run.

Tell us about your On On: Paradise Seafood Restaurant aka The Greasy Spoon. $12.

Next week’s run: Blackmore Drive, Shaggy Dick Too.

Visitors / Returnees: Totally Unacceptable, Vibrator, Stiff, Two Arse, WTF is Christine, Burning Sensation from New Jersey, Fawlty Towers, Last Minute Dot Com. Welcome all.

Virgins: Nope

Tits: Cock Radio has lost misplaced them. Not often I can’t get my hands on a pair of tits.

Dick: The Asia Blonde, Tiger Lily, still has it.

Lippy: No lippy, so a spanking is called for instead. Vibrator, who complains how can he get caught in front if there was no trail? A good point, but he gets a spanking anyway. Shaggy Dick Too tries to sneak in for a spanking too.

Awards – Open To The Floor – 50 runs. Now F#*k off.

AOB:

· Stiffy reminds us that the European Common Market is in trouble, but is the Spanish Government going too far in budget cuts. Schools will only be given 25 metres of toilet paper per student for the year. They have also taken curry off their canteen menu. Will the Spanish Hash follow suit? Open To The Floor takes the charge in place of the absent Spanish GM.

· Shaggy Dick Too, in breaking news, tells us that an Australian has been sentenced to a whipping in Saudi Arabia for blasphemy. And how many lashes of the cane would be appropriate? 10? No. 20? No. 50? No. Surely not 100? No. 500 lashes will do the job. Cock Radio is charged as the Aussie blasphemer. But all I said was ‘this meal is fit for Jehovah.’ See, he said it again says SD2! Jehovah, Jehovah!

· Cock Radio then informs us that the above mentioned person destined for 500 lashes was not your usual everyday Aussie yobo, but was actually a shite sh’ite Muslim on a pilgrimage to Mecca. So Kan The Kobra was charged for being a dumb Muslim blonde for not knowing better.

· Wet N Wild reaffirms that there is a major world crisis taking place right now – The Hash has no wine tonight. And the biggest whiner of all, Stiffy, is charged for forgetting to bring the wine.

· Seletar Hash are holding a New Year D&D. They certainly won’t be without beer or wine. See Virginia Slim for details.

· Wet N Wild calls in the Marathon Runners. Shaggy Dick Too, Maggot (look alike Stiffy) Tiger Lily (look alike visitor, despite Not Tonight insisting she would be Tiger) Comes Quietly (look alike Mr. Potato Head) and Wet Brazilian (look alike Not Tonight). Well done all.

· At this stage, with such a small Circle, the charges dried up and Wet N Wild was about to bring it to a close. But it was way too early, and the emergency fund of charges was brought out to the rescue.

· Cock Radio was sound asleep on Monday night, only to be woken by a missed call on my phone at 12.45am. Looking at the display, I saw it was from Shaggy Dick Too. Fearing that he had fallen out of bed and dislocated his shoulder, or stumbled into a drain on the way home from the Sunset Way Coffee Shop, again, I immediately rang him back to check on his safety.

When he answered, he replied that he had received a missed call from me, and had rung me to check on my health and safety! It did not matter to him that the missed call from me was actually made at noon on Sunday. Here’s to the caring friends!

· Not Tonight gave Open To The Floor a farewell charge. A half –hearted attempt at ‘She’s Leaving on a Jet Plane,’ disintegrated, and was quickly transformed into an enthusiastic version of ‘F#*k off you C@#t.’

· Sneaky Comer remembers one night when he was flying out of Singapore, Open To The Floor made him drink. As Open To The Floor is flying out later tonight, he gets revenge and brings her in for another drink.

· Kan Not Kan reckons it is a pretty stupid thing to do – coming to one of his runs when you are flying out later on. Open To The Floor back in for another drink.

· And why didn’t Vibrator help KNK set the run as he had promised? He was too bust helping Open To The Floor pack her knickers. Word is he even tried to pack the pair she was wearing.

· Of course, former committee members need to be recognized when they leave Singapore. Back in Open To The Floor, ex committee member. Thank you.

· Sneaky Comer is sick of his computer showing up a squiggly line under a certain Hasher’s name every time he receives the run report from the scribe for mailing out. Ok, I get confused. Is it Kan Not Can, Can Not Kan, Can Not Can, Kan Not Kan, Kan Kan, Cannot Kan??? How about if I just call him ‘The tall Scottish git,’ to make it easier.

· Stiffy says there has been a mistake – we were trying to get rid of Vibrator, not Open To The Floor. Open To The Floor gets another drink as an apology!

· Cock Radio and others enjoyed a belated surprise 50^th Birthday for Sneaky Comer last Sunday. But Sneaky did not look to surprised when the guests turned up – did he know we were coming to his surprise party?? Seems that several weeks ago he heard his wife on the computer in the next room yelling out ‘F#*k,’ ‘F#*k,’ ‘F#*k,’ ‘F#*k,’ ‘F#*k,’ before calling him for assistance. She had been trying to mail out invitations to the party, but had trouble copying addresses from the Harriet’s mailing list. Before she called in her IT expert husband, she thoughtfully minimized the invitation so as he would not know what she was up to. However, the minimized document at the bottom of the screen was titled ‘Tony’s surprise birthday.’ If that was not enough of a clue, she also sent the invitations on the Harriet’s On Sec address, which Sneaky also accesses and to which we all replied we would be coming. So not only did Sneaky Comer set up the mail out for his own surprise party, but he received the replies as well. ‘SURPRISE!’ Don’t worry Wet N Wild, it’s the thought that counts!

· Wet N Wild surprised her work colleagues by holding the ‘Surprise’ Party at the same restaurant that her work were having their end of year bash. Selected colleagues were allowed into our private room, while the majority were told to f#*k off out the back with the riff raff.

· Shaggy Dick Too tries to get Stiffener on a ‘no hash gear’ charge, but fails. However, he has more success with a female visitor, Burning Sensation, and Open To The Floor, who is in her ‘Flying out’ clothes and cops another drink.

· Cock Radio has Open To The Floor back in. After losing her way in the car park at last week’s run, how was she going to cope with such a large country as Ghana? Will she get out of the airport? At this rate, will she make it to the airport?

· Shaggy Dick Too has just had a breaking news newsflash 12 hours from now – ‘lady thrown off plane drunk.’ Open To The Floor back in for another drink. Cock Radio offers her a seat.

· Kan Not Kan then asks Open to The Floor why she is going to Ghana – who gambles there? At this stage, a taxi pulls up – is it Open to The Floor’s? No, it was a big truck with green lights over cabin looking for a park.

· The big truck was closely followed by Boxer, turning up with a farewell cake for Open To The Floor. While the cake was cut, the charges continued fast and furious, I could not keep up with scribing as I think I was involved in a few of them.

Anyway, things all got a bit emotional for Open To The Floor and we finally adjourned to the Greasy Spoon.

And on that note, it’s on on on. See you mid January, off to OZ for 3 weeks. Merry Christmas everyone and safe running.

Scribed by Cock Radio, with additional run report by Sneaky Comer.

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great… I would recommend it very highly.’
The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’
The first man thought and thought and finally said, ‘What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know… The one that’s red and has thorns.’
‘Do you mean a rose?’
‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man.
He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’

The ‘Real Dairy Farm Road’ Run.

Hares: Not Good Enough & Give Way. Stiffy & Not Tonight

Where: Dairy Farm Rd.Pepys Rd, top car park Car Park A C,D,E,F,G, M,P,R B

On On: Thai food – Isan Karus Indian food

The Run:

According to Cock Radio:

Was this run going to be good enough or Not Good Enough? This was going to be Stiffy’s Birthday and St Andrew’s Day Run – why did he Give Way to the Hares? These were the questions on everyone’s lips. Well, mine anyway.

The Runners headed out of the car park at the toilet block end and came back from the Upper Bukit Timah Rd end of the car park. Some got back late, some very late, and others ridiculously late. Some also smelt not so nice. Some also got straight in their car and drove home. Watching Vibrator and Open To The Floor arrive late and not able to find their way out of the car park was also a bonus. As I managed to fit in 2 and a half beers for the whole run, it got my approval. Well done Hares, thank you.

According to Croc Hunter: This is his favourite run site, he told me – nice scenery, no monkeys, nice toilets, free car park and no one to complain about us. Could be some crocs in there too.

According to Maggot:

With Sneaky absent, and the growth under Cock Radio’s foot AWOL, I was asked to pen a few words for the trail at Dairy Farm Road Car Park A, Pepys’s Rd, Dairy Farm Road Car Park A, Dairy Farm Road Car Park D, E, F, G M, R, B.

After arriving 10 15 minutes late after going to all the above Car Parks, the only people around were Cock Radio and Fat Crashing Bastard, neither who looked like they were in a hurry to sprint off and catch the pack and Vibrator and Open To The Floor, who were running in circles around the toilet block looking for trail after a 10 minute start.

The Pack headed up the road for the obligatory T-check left and then another which was washed out. The 1^st I saw of them were the walkers coming back, with the runners behind trying to get past at the old house.

We found trail back up on the hill and then continued up the steps. JackOff The First, 1^st there, decided if she had to go up, so did everyone else, so the FRB’s hid around the corner. Tiger Lily finally turned up, so we all sent her past the T-check down another trail (she wouldn’t have seen the T-check anyway!!).

Past the Visitor Centre, one of the hares (with a torch shining!) advised the run went along the railway line then back into the jungle (and it may get a “bit” dark – was his torch already glowing a hint?). Some good checks and trail had the FRB’s that could see in the dark back in 75 minutes for a 7+ km run.

Good run Hares but a bit “ambitious” for this time of year.

The Circle: A tired but lively group, having first watched a car full of Harriets decide it was too wet again and drive off home again for a hot shower, assembled under cleared skies (sort of same as last week).

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Too far from Pepys Dairy Farm Rd, too much National Park, too much Giving Way. A domestic dispute between the Hares at the start of the run was entertaining, and novel use of plastic HHH signs to guide us (could you install a light on them?) And a nice touch for the Hares to give Shaggy Dick Too half a roll of soggy toilet paper for his dodgy tummy. A Not Good Enough Run, well done. It is good to have people with ambition.

Tell us about your On On: Karus, curry tucker. A less than 1 second count of hands somehow came up with 15 takers.

Next week’s run: The Greasy Spoon, Bukit Batok Heavy Vehicle Car Park. Kan Not Kan. Check the website, as usual (don’t rely on it – Web Master had a big weekend).

Visitors / Returnees: Forgot to get the list ! Maybe Bagless Too, Trevor, Stiff, Totally Unacceptable, Vibrator and a few others possibly. Welcome all.

Virgins: Changing of run sites too confusing for virgins. Just Not Good Enough.

Tits: Not Good Enough has a fine pair, and charges all the people that went to car park A instead of Car Park B, when the web site clearly said Car Park B, or A, C, D or E. Do we have to spell it out to you – Totally Unacceptable, Stiffy, KNC, Kamala, visitors and others.

But Not Good Enough had entrusted Cock Radio to perform an important task. As I was not running, he gave me Give Way’s phone number so I would call her and say who the last runners to leave the car park are so she could start sweeping and picking up the trail. I carefully inputted the number into the phone book of my $49.99 Nokia, and when Vibrator and Open To The Floor finally found their way out of the Car Park, I dutifully went to ring Give Way, only to find her name and number had vanished from my phone and disappeared into cyberspace. If anyone finds it, please return it to me. In the meantime, I will take the Tits. (Shoe Shopper, did I leave them in your car – are they ok?).

Oh yeah, Shaggy Dick Too got an honorable mention too for spending 20 minutes telling Not Good Enough about his dicky knee.

Dick: Give Way has a Dick in a Bag, despite the presence of Bagless Too. Tiger Lily is asked a question. ‘What do you when you are running but there is no paper?’ Tiger Lily’s response: ‘Keep running?’. No Tiger, you turn around and go back. The Asian blonde gets the Dick Head award.

Lippy: Vibrator. Good choice.

Awards – nope

AOB:

· Not Good Enough thanked Stiffy for graciously Giving Way tonight and setting his carefully planned for 6 months run last week instead of tonight! That was so Not Good Enough of you.

· Not Good Enough then charged Vibrator and Open To The Floor for being such a fit young couple, capable of any physical challenge that the Hash can throw at them. Yet on a recent holiday on a little stroll through the hills of Nepal, they found themselves unable to make the return trek and had to be air lifted out. Now fair dinkum, we have had Hashers give up and take a taxi back, (90% of runners on Hoorays infamous Little India run 2 years ago), Boo has done many a rescue mission for Kamala, Dances With Kerbs et al at places like the helicopter landing clearing off Chestnut. Even your scribe lost his way back to the run site on a KNK disaster on Bukit Timah Rd, but that only cost me a $20 taxi fare. But we have never, ever, had an air lift out of a tricky situation. They ought to be publicly air evacuated, they…..

· Fat Crashing Bastard did a little internet research on the secret life of teachers and came up with interesting facts of guess who? Not a biology or French teacher, but someone who studies snakes in his garden. (Rules out all ISS teachers who are paid such a shit salary that some even have to live in HDB in remote outposts such as Sembawang – Mighty Maps pg 875, Y 9). You actually have a garden? You lucky, lucky bastard. Then put up with the snakes, because they eat the rats and cockroaches that we paupers in high rise have to cope with. What we would do to have a snake in our garden. Revenge of the snakes, look out you garden lovers.

· Stiffy has a guess who? Recently married, stupidly paid a daughters’ air fare over to do a wedding speech and disclose family secrets, did not plan a honeymoon and instead booked himself into a private room for himself, without his new wife, for 3 days in a brand new hospital surrounded by lovely young female nurses and claims it all on his work’s insurance. His new wife said she had a lovely 3 day break without him.

· Maggot rubs it in a bit more, so to speak, and on visiting me in my honeymoon suite, not to see how I was but because he just happened to be in the Yishun area, (after I had msg him about the cute nurses only 15 minutes before) commented that the complimentary soaps and shampoos were so classy that I saved them and I’m giving them to my new wife as a Christmas present. How dare you think that! (Does anyone have a small bit of spare Christmas wrapping paper – small bottle size?) And as an ISS fee paying parent, he is happy to see the teachers getting their Christmas presents this way.

· Fat Crashing Bastard has a Star wars charge on Stiffy, labelling him R2D2 and Awby Wank Kanobie for his light stick not working. Place ‘er’ onto the end of the middle part of the Awby Kanobie name and you got it!

· Not Good Enough has a technical charge on Stiffy and it involved my lack of technical expertise. Point taken, but I have lost the point of the point I am taking.

· Kan Not Kan, with a totally pickled brain more than usual due to St. Andrew Day celebrations, gets the Hares in, as well as Vibrator and Croc Hunter, mixes them all together and blames them for him ending at Car Park S, the Heavy Vehicle Car Park across the road. After him spending 30 minutes trying Car Parks A – R.

· Cock Radio gave Vibrator and Open To The Floor for arriving late and not finding their way out of the Car Park after 5 minutes of trying.

· Shaggy Dick Too charged Stiffy for his Scottish ‘Jimmy’ look. He looks the part! ( He was so confident he wore his Jimmy hat to Friday Scottish Run, joined the Hares in the Circle for 5 minutes before being discovered as an English impostor and forcibly removed. Could this be the start of Hadrian’s Wall at the Hash?)

· A scandalous charge next, from SD2, who wanted to charge Vibrator for not only did he not have a Hash shirt for the Circle, he had no shirt at all, and despite being totally bare chested, he still wanted to question Shaggy about the authenticity of his shirt. Don’t dig a deeper hole for yourself Vibrator!

· Jimmy Stiffy charges/congratulates the Scots for their National Patron Day, and in come the Scots, led by KNK, and somehow Father Anus ended up as a Highlander.

· Vibrator lamented that Touch Rugby was cancelled, and Welsh Git was mentioned as a loud culprit.

· Suck Swallow had a hair cut or wax charge for Stiffy. A Jimmy charge no doubt.

· Scribe note here – you may by this stage think that the charges are getting less detailed. Correct. I am struggling on Monday night to read my nights notes after celebrating the Sex Web Master’s 50^th yesterday. I would not rust trust the web map this week either. However, I assure you that the truth has not got in the way of anything in this report. As usual. Hiccup. Burp. Belch.

· Tiger Lily charged the GM and SD2 involving a kid poster’s charge on the wall of her work for the Standard Chartered, so SD2 told her he was running the full marathon and asked her if she was running the marathon and the GM replied no, she was having a sleep in. You’re kidding us!

· KNK advertised the Lion City St Andrew’s Day Run, malt whisky etc. (PS – after the event, it was voted a Scottish Hash Shit, 1 hour 50 minutes, shiggy prickly dark jungle. But the single malt was good though. Oh and a great shirt. Ai ya, the Scottish eggs were fantastic and the home made chocolate sweets. Actually a bloody good rum run when I think about it. Up ye kilts bonny Scots).

· Not Tonight then rounds off the night with a stirring throatal rendition of Scotland The Brave. Brought tears to my eyes, especially the high notes.

And on that note, it’s on on on.

Scribed by Cock Radio, with additional run reports by Croc Hunter and Maggot.

An elderly gentleman…
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years.. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, ‘Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.’
The gentleman replied, ‘Oh, I haven’t told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!’

The ‘Why Did I Ever Say Yes To This,’ Run.

Hares: Not Good Enough & Give Way. Stiffy & Not Tonight

Where: Dairy Farm Rd.Pepys Rd, top car park

On On: Thai food – Isan

The Run:

According to Cock Radio:

The Runners headed out of the car park and up the hill towards Kent Ridge Park. Two beers later, runners came back up the hill and into the car park from the opposite direction, smelling less desirable than when they set off. The highlight to me was the uphill start as well as uphill finish. As I managed to stay dry under the Carlsberg umbrella for the whole run, it got my approval. Well done Hares, thank you.

According to Sneaky Comer:

Having not seen paper on the drive up Pepys Road, I concluded that on must be up the hill to the top, as it was. A couple of rather obvious circle checks had us running up to the Vigilante Road carpark, chasing after Tiger Lily rapidly disappearing into the distance. A less obvious circle check had us scratching our heads for a good five minutes before on was finally called down the steps towards Normanton Park. On through the gardens to the left and then out to Science Park Drive, a bit of tarmac bashing until we came back into Kent Ridge Park and along the fence of Normanton Park. Then the famous long hill between Winchester and Canterbury Roads before we headed back via Alexandra Road, Horpark, and that little canal that feeds onto Pepys Road. Phew, a good mix of the best of the area along with a bit of tarmac. Since it was rainy and cool, it was nice to get a bit of a stride out. Thanks hares.

The Circle: A rather small and soggy group, having first watched a car full of Harriets decide it was too wet and drive off home for a hot shower, assembled under clearing skies.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Too far from Dairy Farm Rd, too many Circle Checks (That is Stiffy’s way to get out of setting T Checks). But seriously, good run and thanks for filling in at short notice.

Tell us about your On On: Isan, Thai tucker. A very small group caught Wet Already and Trevor having dinner there, having snuck off from the circle early.

Next week’s run: Not Good Enough, Give Way. Dairy Farm Rd. Check the website, as usual.

Visitors / Returnees: Bagless Too, Trevor, Stiff. Welcome all.

Virgins: Too wet for virgins.

Tits: Hand Bag has the Tits on behalf of Posh Nash. Why? Besides the fact that Posh Nash has already left, last week Singaporn would not let her put them in her car because they are too dirty. Which meaning of dirty does she mean? Anyway, Hand Bag goes back to think about it.

Dick: Missing again, but Hand Bag is ready and has a stand-by Dick. And he puts a tall black cylinder hat on his head, complimenting his tits.

Lippy: Hooray, who demands to sue and call in the Health Dept. if it touches his lips.

At this stage, The Hares for next week arrive and are given an armed escort to protect them from Stiffy. This immediately sparks Hand Bag’s thinking alight.

Tits,and Dick, Part 2: Hand Bag calls in Not Good Enough as a f#*king candidate for the Tits and Give Way for the Dick, for making the Beer Wagon and several car loads of Hashers drive out to Dairy Farm Rd, and for causing his ex best friend Stiffy to have to set tonight’s run twice in weather suitable only for ducks (Posh ones at that). Stiffy, who was being restrained from throwing his bottle of Carlsberg at the Hares, was shouting something about the Hares having to call in Noah for next week’s run. Ah, what are friends for!

In the meantime, Hand Bag was struggling to get his Tits over his Dick without making it go limp.

Awards – nope (could be a wettest run candidate?)

AOB:

· Hooray chastised the Hares for making Uncle and the Beer Wagon go all the way out to Dairy Farm Rd. At least he knows where to go next week.

· Sneaky Comer reminds us that in the old days, communication was by post and landline, and could slow down communication a bit. But modern technology allows for instant communication and there is no excuse for not staying updated! But 2 members still drove all the way out to Dairy Farm Rd. Why why why??? Well, Kamala does not have a computer, while her good friend Dances With Kerbs has a computer but her mailbox is so full it is rejecting incoming messages. Here’s to modern technology.

· Stiffy asks Mrs. Parker, aka Shoe Shopper, as a model parent, how many children she has. ‘3 that I know of,’ was the reply.

‘How many daughters?’ ‘1 that I know of.’

‘And where is she now?’ ‘At home.’

‘And where is her gym kit?’ ‘At home, being washed by the maid.’

‘No it’s not,’ declares Stiffy, ‘it’s in my office at school still stinking from yesterday!’

‘What were you doing with my daughter in your office??’ was the counter charge from Shoe Shopper.

Things then deteriorated further with another colleague of Stiffy’s, Not Good Enough, declaring that she also wears Calvin Klein knickers!

All were duly charged!

· Shoe Shopper was at the Sunday Run, last Sunday, and asked the Hare, Kan Not Kan, if she could borrow some toilet run for a pre run nervous pee. KNC, being of Scottish origin, was rather hesitant to give away a roll of his finest white 2 ply and complained that people normally forget to return it. Shoe Shopper then got out a rather depleted roll of paper and handed it to Kan Not Kan, telling him the rest of it had been used up because there was so much shit on his run!

· Cock Radio heard a Hasher saying how he sometimes has trouble getting it up to work properly, but if he puts his hand in first and has a bit of a fiddle it normally does the job. Was Stiffy really talking about the retractable headlights on his sports car?

· Don’t go away Stiffy – it’s been raining since 10am, we have not seen the sun in 3 days and it is now 7.30pm. Aren’t you a little over cautious by having the sun screen over your car?

· Kan Not Kan thanked the Hares for such a good run at short notice, and given the amount of rain and Stiffy going around twice, declared it a ‘re – markable’run. And so we see a remarkable trait from our Scottish bard.

· Shaggy Dick Too charged Cock Radio. At the doctor’s, Cock Radio was asked how he got the growth on his foot, and the growth replied back to the doctor, ‘Well doc, it started as a pimple on my bum.’ Boom boom!

· Maggot tells how at a Circle Check, someone yelled ‘It’s not that way because Tiger Lily is up there.’ But Tiger Lily actually, for once, was on trail. On in Shaggy Dick Too and Too Easy for doubting Tiger Lily’s ability to find trail. (it is has been confirmed that while Tiger Lily was on trail, but there is no evidence to prove that she actually knew it – scribe)

· The GM confirms the scribe’s doubts in the above charge – she watched Tiger lily detour sharp right when the trail was clearly marked straight ahead.

· Shoe Shopper calls in Wet N Wild, who was just on her way to the bushes to pee. Seems NZ have some funny ideas about naming children. ‘Toola Does The Hoola In Hawaii’ is no longer acceptable, by law, as a name for your child. (Bet that has upset a lot of people). ‘Fush And Chups’ (Fish And Chips) has also been banned, but ‘Violence’ and ‘Number 16 Bus Stop’ are still allowed. (I’m not sure if ‘Car Park B’ and ‘Public Toilet’ have been approved. ‘Sheep Shaggerson’ is still popular however. Scribe)

· Wet N Wild headed off for her pee but didn’t get far – Hand Bag tells how the NZ Department of Sport and Recreation has a new initiative – they are having sheep tied to a lamppost and calling it a Recreation Centre.

· Wet N Wild really needs to pee by this stage, but is halted by Kan Not Kan who mentioned something about baby urine. And after this down down, Wet N Wild ran the fastest we have ever seen her, straight to the bushes.

· Dances With Kerbs calls in Hash Brew, Forced Entry, and questions the quality and sex appeal of her 2 assistants tonight – Virginia Slim and Kamala!

And on that note, it’s on on on.

Scribed by Cock Radio, with additional run report by Sneaky Comer

POOF, THE LIGHT GOES OFF!
A 72-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back normal so the doctor says, “Harry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”
Harry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have  poor eyesight, so he’s fixed it when I get  up in the middle of the night to go to the  bathroom, poof! the light goes on! When I’m done, poof! the light goes off!”
“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Harry’s wife. “Mrs. White,” he says, “Harry is doing fine but I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof! the light goes off?”
“OH GOOD GRIEF!” Mrs. White exclaims,”He’s pissing in the fridge again!”

The Very Close to a Church Run.

Hares: Posh Nash, Lethal Weapon, Singaporn

Where: Dempsey, car park behind St George’s Church.

On On: Botak Jones, formerly known as Dempsey Hut

The Run

Asked to talk about the run, Posh Nash looked a bit bemused. “Well, what is it laid on?” asked the GM. “Flour, chalk, and toilet paper” replied Posh Nash, with a look on her face suggesting “aren’t they all” was the thought passing through her mind. So, we are ready to go, at 6.01, are we? No, wait a moment – Maggot steps forth and reminds the circle we have had a few injuries recently. Please step forward anyone who has been a little careless? Well Cock Radio busted a knee a few years ago but lately has some problems with his feet. Shoe Shopper has been teaching so hard she blew her eye out. And then, of course, there is Shaggy Dick Too who slipped over a grave two weeks ago and disclocated his shoulder. So Maggot, being a denizen of safety, decides the hash needs a safety briefing. Shaggy Dick Too is required to don all the required safety equipment – a safety harness, a hard hat, eye protection, and shoulder padding. Once this is done, Maggot passes around a brochure showing what can happen if your safety harness is too loose and you fall. See http://www.gearplus.com.au/tips/oh-and-s/harness-balls.htm if you missed it (p.s. the web page has a warning not to look if you have a weak stomach, which is a little late if you have already opened the page, so I add it here…you have been warned).

So, with everyone safety briefed, off we go up the Harding Road embankment to a circle check. On on to a T-check on Loewen Road has us a bit flummoxed until on on is called up towards Dempsey Hill. A loop of the hill and then back down the stairs to the footy pitches which are nicely waterlogged from recent rain. Trail heads up the nature strip to Peirce Road, but it doesn’t seem likely to me, which is reinforced by a guilty look from Posh Nash when I remark it can’t possibly go up there. Flour is quickly found behind the cricket ground and we head up the path between the black and whites to the pipeline and onto Kay Siang Road. I am thinking this run is likely to be a bit short, until we find we have to turn right, along to Margaret Drive, and then up the path to Ridout Road for a long slog up the hill, down again, around the front of Dempsey and home.

The Circle: The GM is resplendent in F&^k Me shoes tonight.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? “The run was as short as the hares”, remarks Boo. Good Run, thanks hares.

Tell us about your On On: Botak Jones (used to be called Dempsey Hut), al a carte.

Next week’s run: Not Good Enough turns up in time to tell us that he had a good run sorted out, at which point his wife interjected and “suggested” they run from Dairy Farm Road, old car park near the corner. Quite a bit of discussion ensues, at which Not Good Enough reminds the circle that “if you want my opinion, my wife will give it to you”. Since then it transpires they can’t do the run next week, so have swapped with Stiffy and the run will be at Pepys Road, second car park from top. This will let us know who reads these newsletters or checks the web site, won’t it.

Visitors / Returnees: Welsh Git, Trevor, Tracey, Hash Bunny (Frankfurt), Trash, Totally Unacceptable, Bagless Too. Hash Bunny says the run is better than Frankfurt. Trevor remarks that there wasn’t enough chalk (thanks Trevor, 3 weeks in we appreciate your expertise). Welcome all.

Virgins: Clair came but then ran away. What is the use of a virgin that runs away?

Lipstick: Hooray, Wet Patch, & Maggot get the lipstick. Then it is pointed out that Cock Radio was in at the run site before the first woman, so he gets lipstick as well. That he never left the run site is irrelevant.

Tits: No tits are in evidence but Kannot Kan dashes off to fetch them. [Ed: members, you are supposed to wear your badges of honour (Dick or Tits or both) from the beginning of the circle, not hide them in your bag. In the good old days, you also had to wear them during the on on and on the bus ride home]. Kannot Kan calls in Posh Nash but she doesn’t notice, too busy talking. Another attempt and she realizes she is being called. Posh Nash is responsible for the hareline. She is very diligent in reminding members they need to set two runs (minimum) per year. Perhaps a little too diligent for Kannot Kan: Posh Nash approached Kan the Kobra and told her she hadn’t set a run for a while and it was time she did. Kan the Kobra pointed out that “a while” is an interesting definition for two weeks ago [Ed: 5 weeks, but who’s counting]. Posh Nash tried again with Kannot Kan who also remarked he had set the run 2 weeks ago and was setting 2 more. So the Joint Mattress (hareline) gets a drink and the tits for not reading her own hareline.

Dick: Absent, still with Deep Throat we believe.

Awards – nope

Hash Wedding

The circle was informed that one of our long term members was having a secret celebration this weekend – his wedding. Cock Radio is called into the circle and dressed in Australian attire (as if he wasn’t already) and joined by his lovely bride Tracey, attended by her lovely bridesmaid Handbag. Shaggy Dick Too, presiding as vicar, first gave a lame excuse for not being appropriately dressed; he informed the circle he was told of the wedding too late and his vicar’s outfit wasn’t back from the cleaner’s. Shoe Shopper was called in for a drink for her cross dressing fantasy that Shaggy Dick Too had a vicar’s outfit in his closet ready to go at a moment’s notice.

Shaggy Dick Too then commenced the ceremony in an pseudo Irish accent that quickly degenerated into some weird combination of Yorkshire, Somerset, and Singlish. His most important question to the bride was “WHY? Why the f^&k are you doing it love?” Cock Radio is, after all, a lovely man but he is falling to pieces!

Sybil bursts into the circle and objects that he has seen Cock Radio with many women, none of them Tracey. But it isn’t time for that bit yet so she is ushered out to hold her peace.

The vicar introduces the lovely bridesmaid and reminds Handbag that the vicar always has first dibs on bridesmaids.

Now is the time to ask if there are any objections and Kamela again wonders why Cock Radio should be allowed to marry. There is no reasonable answer so Cock Radio and Tracey are joined together by handcuffs and pronounced hashman and wife. Cock Radio is then required to remove Tracey’s garter using his teeth, which completes the ceremony. And so ends a lovely hash wedding which is only partially marred by someone losing the keys to the handcuffs.

AOB:

· Not Good Enough informs the circle that Loose Change is in pain because she had her wisdom tooth removed. Not Good Enough thinks it is a miracle of modern science that not only was a piece of wisdom found in Loose Change, but that they were able to remove it.

· Hooray wants Shaggy Dick Too and Too Easy in the circle. Weren’t they seriously injured only a few weeks ago? So how come they are running tonight. Give them a note for sympathy invoking faux injuries.

· Handbag asks us to cast our minds back to the 2000^th run. Remember those fantastic shirts, and the lovely surprise that they were individually customized with our hash names (those who returned their forms on time did, anyway). Well Handbag recently opened his and found one small flaw, which he demonstrates by putting it on over himself AND Not Tonight. A sight to see and he wants Loose Change in for the shirt design. [Ed: mate, if you order 7XL and then lose a ton of weight what do you expect?]

· Wet Pet has a bone to pick with the hares. Not only does she feel the markings were quite spread out (“but we used 75 pieces of Jumbo chalk” one of the hares protests); she was also running with one of the hares at one point when the hare remarked “you know, I am not sure I am on trail”. Give the directionless ones a note.

· The GM has Wet Already and Trevor to task for shagging snogging in the circle.

· Shaggy Dick Too wants the “snogging leggy blonde” back in the circle (that would be Wet Already). SD2 points out that Shoe Shopper has been teaching so hard that her eye has exploded. So Wet Patch has been off with another blonde, Wet Already, who went all the way over to Wet Patch’s work to meet him. Wet Patch and Wet Already get a drink for misbehaviour.

· Sneaky Comer wants Wet Already and Trevor back in the circle. He observed Trevor, a new hasher who looks very fit, staying behind and walking with the old, fat, and infirm rather than running with the FRB’s as he should. Why? Well he was being very solicitous to Wet Already, helping her over drains and pointing out soggy bits she should avoid while on the run. Sneaky Comer has seen this sort of “fresh couple behavior” before and points out to Trevor that it is unlikely to last. If you want to see your future, observe first Shoe Shopper and Wet Patch who are still pretty lovey dovey in the circle. Observe next a couple with a bit more time together, Give Way and Not Good Enough. Sneaky Comer reminds Trevor of Not Good Enough’s comment earlier in the circle “when you want my opinion, my wife will give it to you”! All the loving couples get a drink.

· Wet Patch piles on to get Wet Already nicely tipply – when they arrived at the run site, he asked Shaggy Dick Too to fill up his water bottle while he finished changing. Wet Already rushed in and said she’d do it. “Here’s to the bitch…” calls Shoe Shopper.

And on that note, it’s on on on.

Scribed by Sneaky Comer

The Twin Towers Birthday Run.

Hares: Twin Towers & Comes Quietly

Where: Jalan Gaharu, top of Mayfair Park.

On On: The Red Lantern

The Run

‘What time does a 6 o’clock run start?’ was the call. Ah, the ladies are back in charge. The Hare gave us a bit of a clue on the general area the run may take when she said it was all laid on paper.

Down the grass hill, across the drain and up the other side. I stopped at the drain, and by the time I had untied my shoelace and tied it back up, Wet Patch was calling Circle Check. Into the tunnel under the PIE I went to check. Half way through I stumbled and nearly fell, so I turned to call ‘Trip’ to those behind me only to find no one had bothered to follow me into the depths of darkness. However, I could make out the silloute of Stiff standing at the tunnel entrance laughing his head off. Bastard!

Finally I emerged from the other end of the tunnel to find a bulldozed mud pile next to the stream and fallen trees. And on the fallen trees was paper. You bloody bewdy, I don’t have to go all the way back through the tunnel. Suffer in your jocks Stiff!!

Trash was first lady through the tunnel. Despite her shoes already saturated from the tunnel, she decided to avoid the stream and, taking what use to be a grassy embankment, sunk up to her thighs in thick mud and stuck there. Despite my frantic efforts to free her, which some depraved, or jealous, people viewed as poorly disguised groping on a helpless female, it took my finest pulling efforts to eventually release Trash and allow her to run free like the wind again.

Still ahead of most of the pack, along the stream we went. Trash was not running free like the wind for long. As we bent under one of numerous tree branches, she clutched her back and called ‘Too old.’

Finally Tiger takes the lead, and finds the next T Check out on the Durian Loop, just in time for me and Trash to go the other way and find trail. Tiger then eventually passes again, just in time for her to find T Check out on Jalan Chantek in time for me and Trash to take the other fork in the Durian Trail and find paper. Bewdiful! This is smart running.

With Trash leading the way again, and me hot on her bum, so to speak, it was almost a complete loop of the Durian Loop to finally emerge at Rifle Range Rd. By this stage, Tiger Lily had taken the lead again, and of course found the next T Check.

Into jungle the other side of the road, we plodded our way up Mt. Rifle, half way down Mt. Rifle, back up Mt Rifle, along the ridge of Mt. Rifle, across the Mt.Rifle escarpment, down into Mt Rifle Gully, up to the summit of bloody Mt. Rifle, and finally left Mt Rifle at the pipeline that heads to Dairy Farm Rd.

Skirting the Nature Reserve, it was a long stretch back to home, but not before a T Check stuffed most people up!

The Circle:

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? A memorable run. Well done, thanks.

Tell us about your On On: Red Lantern.

Next week’s run: Dempsey, car park behind St George’s Church. Singaporn, Posh Nash, Lethal Weapon.

Visitors / Returnees: Stiff, Rob The Knob from Colombo, Princess of the Sloth, Trash, Dripping Wet, Tim, iPood, Bagless 2, Trevor, Herr Zipp, Pubic Zipp.

Welcome all.

Virgins: Nope

Tits:Not sure who got them, but it was for taking a short cut home because she had sand in her shoes!

Dick: Deep Throat forgot she had the Dick. Strange!

Awards – nope

AOB:

· The GM was asked for a kiss by Stiffy, but when she asked him for a sip of his 100+, he told her no, it will spread germs!

· Stiffy has pressed his nice button, and thanks all the organisers for a great 2000th Run, declaring it a fantastic celebration, and one of the best he has ever been to. Thanks everyone concerned.

· GM realises we forgot to thank Posh Duck for booking the British Club for us.

· Hooray gives the Scorpios a Happy Birthday note.

· Not Tonight has noticed a spate of Hash accidents recently. Shaggy Dick Too for dislocating his shoulder after a fall on a Bukit Browne grave, Posh Duck did not see that a glass door had been closed, smacked into and bounced off – right onto his BBQ, creating an instant roast duck, Fat Crashing Bastard for getting injured tonight at the first obstacle, and Too Easy for dislocating her elbow after falling down her stairs. (Scribe – I have a very sore foot from sand in my shoe)

· Hand Bag got Not Tonight back in, seeing that she is a physio, is she being kept too busy?

· The GM is worried. Not being at last week’s Halloween Run, a Committee member rang her and told her what a great job the men had done in running the Circle and how much fun it was. Cock Radio charged for chasing after the GM’s position.

· Herr Zipp was drained at the beginning of the run, and got left behind at the tunnel. For the rest of the run he only found 1 piece of paper and charges the Hares for being too efficient in cleaning up the trail after them.

· Kan Not Kan charged the Hares and Posh Duck for directing Kan the Kobra right instead of left somewhere over on Rifle Range Rd, leading to some extra distance being covered by the Kobra. This charge was interrupted by 2 kids on bikes riding through the Circle who Kan Not Kan thought of scolding for interrupting his charge, until he saw the very big guy on a bike riding behind them. Ok, step aside!

· Stiffy charged yours truly as 6 months ago I suggested we have a memorial run at Kranji for Remembrance Day, falling on Friday 11/11/11. Not only did I not do a recee, he claims I also upset NEA by applying for permission, which was refused, and now I have pulled up with a lame foot and can’t even set the run. Yeah, but it’s the thought that counts.

· Dances With Kerbs saw Sybil chatting up a young man on the trail, but must have flittered her eyebrows too much and promptly fell flat on her face. How to impress a man!

· The GM complains of poor singing tonight, and so Rob the Knob offers to give us some lessons. ‘Carlsberg is the beer for me,’ was sung, followed by the Hash Prayer. Beautiful.

· Wet N Wild did a charge on Wet N Ready and her friend – something about shearing a drink. Kiwis can play rugby, but they sure speak funny huh. So if they shear their drinks, does that mean that they share their sheep?

· The GM was offered warm water to shower with. How nice of Croc Hunter. Now we are all looking forward to a warm shower next week. The only thing is, what did he do to the water to make it warm?

· Sybil is still after a young man and gets Trevor to tell us about Movember, where men grow a mo to raise money for men’s health.

· Hooray gives the Monday men’s Hash a plug for their 50^th year anniversary.

And on that note, it’s on on on.

Scribed by Cock Radio

The Boys Gone Wild and Halloween and Birthday Run.

Hares: Sneaky Comer and Maggot

Where: Bukit Brown Chinese Cemetery.

On On: The Red Lantern

The Run

Having a Halloween Run in a cemetery was always going to be a bit spooky.

As the men were in charge for the night, the ‘What time does a 6 o’clock run start?’ actually started at 6 o’clock for a change. After the initial obligatory T Check near the gates, it was back into the cemetery where half the Pack followed tonight’s trail and the other half followed the kid’s trail from Sunday. This resulted in a head on collision between the 2 packs at the barking dog house.

Back along the stream and past the market garden, emerging at the bottom of Gymkana Avenue. Trail went up the hill to the mosque, prompting many runners to hesitate because of past experiences telling them it would be a T Check at the top. However, I recalled one of the Hares last time he set a run here declaring that next time he was going to trick everyone by actually setting trail to keep on going through, and so he did.

Back into the cemetery where a Circle Check had everyone searching left and right, only to eventually discover it was on back and out of the cemetery. Would it be to the stream? No, it was out onto the roads past Media Corp, onto Lornie Rd, then back into the cemetery past the petrol station. Cemetery trails again.

A T Check took Shaggy Dick Too the wrong way, and in his hurry to regain the lead at the front of the pack, he took a little tumble on a slippery grave, resulting in his right arm popping out of his shoulder socket. Shaggy had been making some spooky noises throughout the run, but the screams he made when he realized that his arm was not where it was meant to be was enough to wake the dead.

Finally we managed to get him to his feet, and with his arm dangling down and a big depression in his shoulder where it was meant to be attached, I slowly started walking him back very carefully. Momentarily, however, I showed more concern for my camera than for Shaggy. As I turned to see if someone had picked it up, I must have twisted Shaggy slightly also.

‘Ah, it’s back in!’ was the shout from Shaggy, and sure enough, the arm had popped itself back in. And there he was, showing me how he could move it ok and would be able to raise a cold Carlsberg with it later! So after what was a grave situation, all was good in the end.

While we walked along the tracks to home, the rest of the pack wound in and out of graves, and finally onto the track home. Anyway, it was a fine run, thanks guys.

The Circle: This being the closest run to Halloween, the men took over. Cock Radio looking fetching in his witches hat vowed to show how the circle should be run and promptly called for Any Other Business. Not really, but given that he usually writes this stuff down every week you would have thought he would know the order by now.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Run of the year is already decided, the rest of you will have to settle for second place. All agreed except Shaggy Dick Too who is on the phone to his Doctor.

Tell us about your On On: Red Lantern.

Next week’s run: Twin Towers’ birthday run at Jalan Gaharu, on on at Red Lantern. Check the website as usual.

Visitors / Returnees: Cunnilicker, Suck & Swallow, Totally Unnacceptable, Amber, Tim? And Boxer. Welcome all.

Virgins: Welcome Trevor. Who made you come? Wet & Ready made him come, but only a little bit. When asked did he like the run, he said he liked the bit he did. Does that leave him a partial virgin if he didn’t fully penetrate (into the cemetery). Yes, apparently, he will have to be redone next week.

Brut: This being the annual men’s run, women are not allowed to run in front. And the punishment is a slather of Brut anti-persperant – and the front running ladies were Shoe Shopper, Zipp, Sybil, & Tiger Lily. Shoe Shopper, at least, likes the perfume.

Tits: Suck Swallow has the tits, apparently delegated to her by her better half, WTF is Christine. She has an easy target, for boobing over a grave, Shaggy Dick Too gets the tits. There is a small struggle to get them over his dislocated arm, but he fits the tits a useful rest for his sore arm.

Dick: Cock Radio calls for the Dick, and is quickly told there is already one in the circle. Shoe Shopper gets a drink for dis-respect.

Awards – nope

AOB:

· Cock Radio was sympathizing with Shaggy Dick Too over his mishap tonight. But of all the inconveniences he could reflect on having dislocated his arm, was the most important he could come up with “how am I going to have a one handed shit”? Give Shaggy Dick Too a note.

· Hooray complains that he was promised a Scorpio run and wants to charge the hares, or someone. On being reminded that was either Friday or next Wednesday, he takes a drink.

· Stiffy asks Ugly Bum if her husband is Australian or Scottish? Apparently there has been some legislation introduced in Scotland limiting drink prices to $6, or something.

· Shoe Shopper takes Comes Quietly to task. A month ago, Wet Patch was in hospital with leprosy and the hash was very nice, lots of people came to visit. So she was very pleased to see Comes Quietly in to pay his respects, until he admitted he was actually there to see a Doctor and it was cheaper after 9pm so he was just passing the time waiting for the cheaper rate. Give the cheap bastard a drink.

· Hooray charges all the Aussies with having a crap national airline. Nothing new there.

· Comes Quietly is leaving but Shaggy Dick Too stops him for a quick charge. Comes Quietly asked him if he could borrow the tits for the Lion City D&D and SD2 is very disappointed to only have the tits for 5 minutes.

· Cock Radio asks for an assessment of the scariest Halloween dress in the circle – and Sybil wins, lifting her shirt. Maggot tempts fate by giving her a special song – “roll back, roll back, roll back your titties for me, for me”….

· Cock Radio complains that having Bukit Brown as a lovely tranquil place for a run will soon be history – the Government wants to build a fuc^&ng 6 lane freeway through the middle of it. Why? To save a few minutes traveling time for the poor delayed commuters of Singapore. And who has been whinging most about the travel times down Upper Thomson Road? One of the hares – on in Maggot.

· Shoe Shopper was trying to be friendly and welcome a new face to the hash, our virgin Trevor. Discussing where they were from, he said Queensland. Where is Shoe Shopper from? Tasmania. “Oh well, never mind”, he replies. Give the rude bugger a note.

· Trevor has an immediate clarification – he was misquoted by Shoe Shopper – he actually said “Sorry about that”. Give SS a note.

· Wet ‘n Wild has her lovely husband in for a birthday drink, and is relieved he is now in the same dickaid (translation: decade) as her. Thanks lovely.

· Cock Radio is distracted by the dickaid.

· Ad Nauseum reminds everyone that the biggest horse race in the world was held this week in Melbourne. He was getting lots of phone calls about the race, but one had him perplexed. About 7pm he received a call “tell Elaine her horse is still running”. On investigating further, he found his wife had been betting on the race. How much? $400. And how much did she win? Not a cracker.

· Cunnilicker has the webmaster in for “thanking everyone for attending the 2000^th run on 22^nd December – a case of premature something.

· Shaggy Dick Too had a horsey encounter down near Riding for the Disabled. Running past a horse towards Jalan Mashhor, he yelled “on on” and was promptly rounded on by the horsey type for scaring her horse. After politely replying what she could do with her horse, he carried on only to find a t-check, then had to run back past the put off horse and rider. On in the hares for scaring the horses.

· Ugly Bum is “very offended” by Cunnilicker, a Seletar member, who remarked on hearing a charge that a former GM who is blonde “won’t understand it, she is blonde”.

· Shoe Shopper also wants to bring Cunnilicker to task. After arriving at the hash she was having a chat with a few people, being friendly, when Cunnilicker came up and asked if she was alone? She is friendly, but not that friendly.

· Wet ‘n Wild accuses Shaggy Dick Too for being a pussy about how he holds his beer. Talk about kicking a man while he down!

· Cock Radio says that tonight was supposed to be scary – Halloween Run in a cemetery, and there was someone making silly scary noises all along – Shaggy Dick Too – but it came back to haunt him, literally, as he came to a grave end.

And on that note, it’s on on on.

Scribed by Sneaky Comer, with run report by Cock Radio

The ‘2000^th’(or thereabouts!) Run.

Hares: Short – Ugly Bum & Ad Nauseum.

Medium – Shoe Shopper & Wet Patch.

Long – Big Head & Virginia Slim.

Where: Turf City, Bukit Timah.

On On; The British Club

The 2000^th Run

What a great event this was. Great location for the run site, 90 Registrations, 3 fabulous runs and a fantastic On On at The British Club. And the photo slide show that brought back a lot of memories. Well done everyone that was involved in the organizing, setting runs, behind the scenes etc etc. And a special well done to Sneaky Comer who started doing his bit over a year ago. Great effort, a lot of time and effort for great results.

And to everyone who runs, or has run with the Harriets, didn’t it make you reflect on what a great little Club the Harriet’s really is. On On!

The Run(s)

The Long runners bussed out early to the Venus Drive area for a 1 hour 40 minute slog through some great but rather overgrown territory, including the Japanese Temple, the Medium runners bussed out in Shoe Shoppers car (thus saving $70 on a bus!) to Blackmore Drive for a 1hour 15 run over a variety of terrain and the Short runners stood around waiting for 5 o’clock and wondering if they should have a beer or not before they set off.

The Short Run was one of the best runs I have done in ages. (since I last set a Run actually). Great territory and trails, keeping within the confines of the Turf City area, lots of shiggy, and fantastic Checks that kept everyone together for an enjoyable 55 minutes. This was what Hash should all be about. Great stuff Hares. And the Drill Master.

The Medium Run, which was rather short on numbers, took in a bit of the old railway line, the jungle Kampong near Clementi Rd. almost the Ulu Pandan Canal, Old Holland Rd to eventually end up at the Red Lantern for the ‘On Home.’ Twin Towers worked her bum off, and what a lovely bum it is to get worked off. ‘Itchy Bower Son’ (Australian phonetic spelling of his name – with apologies) stopped for a pee at a T Check, lost the pack and the trail and went MIA. Pissed off I guess, or just a little pee-ved! But he made it bac, no worries.

More about the Medium Run below, thanks Wet Patch.

‘The trail was long and crossed an old railway line

That led us to who knows where …. just the Hare

Are we on? She’s gone and lost the trail again

Back on paper, need a woman.

So on we go, we came to an old Kampong

No paper was there, we checked everywhere!

Crossed astream, got wet, and had another fall

Back on paper, need a woman.

If I’m Hashing at all

I’m hashing on Wednesdays

This 2000^th Run was way better than Friday’s

We loved the mud and shiggy.

It’s on Old Holland Road

That we made our return

Some started to swear, we thought we’d never get there!

Thought the trail never would be found at all.

Back on paper, need a woman!’ (and a beer – scribe)

More info about the Long run was not forthcoming – at the time of going to print, none of the finishers had recovered their breath or strength to comment. Say no more! But it was a top run, going by comments from all who did it. Venus Drive, Japanese Temple, swim the canal, home via Eng Neo. Top stuff. Thanks Hares.

The Circle: Wet Brazilian was a little over awed by the occasion and kept asking for advice on what she should do next. ‘It’s your Circle, do what you like,’ was the continuous reply from Sneaky Comer. The Circle commenced as soon as the Long runners got back, not even waiting for the one of the Hares, Big Head, who was still missing in action.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Popeye was still too out of breath to make comment. Big Head then made it back. Short run was deemed a great run, good stuff the shorties. The Medium run was judged just right for medium rare, and the Long run was certainly well done, almost verging towards slightly overdone but certainly not burnt. Three fantastic runs that satisfied everyone, well done to all the Hares.

At this stage, Stiffy arrived from the Long run, coming in the wrong way.

Tell us about your On On: The British Club. Fantastic feast and drinks.

Next week’s run: Two Jugs Farewell Run. Clementi Park.. Check the website as usual.

Visitors / Returnees: There was a tribe of visitors and returnees. A special mention though for the return of Skidmarks and Sherpa.

Virgins: Nil. Well, after 2000 runs, there can’t be many left.

Lipstick: Nope.

Tits: Herr Zipp does not give Delegator the Tits for her pointing out the hazards of pissing standing up. Nor does he give them to Two Jugs or Father Anus for hugging on the run. Herr Zipp tells us that while the other 2 runs had Hares, the Short Run had a drill sergeant armed with a big long white stick. Anyone who stepped one inch out of line was immediately disciplined by Drill Sergeant Ugly Bum.

Dick: Boo reminded us of a certain male who whinges on every run he goes on. And tonight he whinged on his own run, and he was the Hare. Will you stop whinging Ad Nauseum?

Awards – nope

AOB:

· Ex GM’s come in, all 8 of them. ‘Look at all the Grandmothers,’ commented Boo. (collective IQ ?). [Ed welcome back Cookie (1996) and Peckerchecker (2001) both came up from Australia for the run. The others were Ugly Bum (1997), Confucius (2003), Big Head (2005), Mother’s Tongue (2006), Wet ‘n Wild (2008, 2009), and Shoe Shopper (2010)].

· Ratnam, who set the Harriet’s Run number 1, is brought in. He then gave a bit of a history lesson on the Harriets. It started with 8 girls, runs 2&3 did not happen (now I am really confused about what run number we are really up to!) and in those days, Singapore was a bit on the wild side and deemed too dangerous for girls to be out on their own at night, hence the need for male members to protect them.

· Confucius and Kamala started running in 1973 and are given a drink. ‘1973 they started, did they do the long run?’ asks Herr Zipp. They must be tired, no wonder they need a drink.

· Ugly Bum now knows why we have had trouble with determining what run number we are actually up to – it is Ratnam’s fault because Runs 2&3 were not set. Now I am really confused.

· Shoe Shopper asked Wet Patch for some flour to mark a Circle Check when they were setting their run. ‘Sorry, we are out of flour.’ said Wet Patch. However, after persistence from Shoe Shopper, he put his hand inside the bag and proudly announced ‘Hang on, I have a little knob.’ A big knob would have been better thought SS, but she made do with his little knob anyway.

· Cock Radio told how the walkers often don’t need to follow trail, they just stroll along at the back of the pack having a chat and following those in front who do all the hard work in finding trail, breaking checks etc. Tonight, one such person, found herself in an unfamiliar position – as the lead woman. Clearly out of her depth, she turned to me and said ‘What is all that paper and red / white tape in front of us?’ Umm, Deep Throat, that is what the Hares mark the trail with and we follow it. ‘Oh, I see.’ A new learning experience for her after how many years of Hashing?

· Wet Brazilian is then reminded of a certain male who did always follow trail (well, it was such an obvious T Check lah!) and nor did he always have a woman in front of him (doesn’t a female horse count) On in Cock Radio.

· Suck Swallow reminds us that Belcher and Veggie Queen are leaving Singapore on a jet plane and they don’t know when they’ll be back again. ‘F*#k of you c#*%s was then sung with considerable emotion and passion.

· Kan Not Kan told how at the 25 minute mark of the medium run, someone asked ‘Are we nearly there yet?’ The sweeping Hare suggested they were only 1/3 of the way. This then prompted Twin Towers into action, and without her effort in breaking 3 of the 5 Checks, just how long the Medium Run would have been? KNK assured us that the Hares really were the meanest, and sung his appropriate song with gusto.

· Shoe Shopper asked Shoeless where he was going after the run. ‘I didn’t bring any long pants and shoes for the British Club,’ was his reply. And where would such a fashion conscious and trendy dresser like Shoeless go to get clothes? Giant Supermarket over at Turf City of course. Long pants $19.50 and a pair of shoes for $15.99. You will see him in next month’s Vogue magazine.

· Wet Brazilian gets the foreign GM’s in. Kampong, Lion City, Seletar (Popeye was still a bit breathless from the long run) and Brussels were all represented.

· Higgins, the Brussels GM, gives a plug for the big weekend they will be having in Brussels in 3 years time. (They have to wait 3 years to have a big weekend? – must be a dull place)

· Subs are due. Please.

Scribed by Cock Radio. (With special thanks to Wee Willy Winky Herr Zipp for holding the lantern so I could see)

This week’s Chinese Proverb

Confucius say: Wat better than All Blacks beating French by 55 points? All Blacks beating French by 1 point in World Cup

World Cup Rugby.

What do you call a French Rugby supporter in NZ for the World Cup?

Lost.

Did you hear French Post has just recalled their latest batch of stamps?

They had photos of their Rugby team on them & people couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.

And the following rules that have applied for the last month while the World Cup is on;

Dear Women,

1. From 9 Sep to 23 October 2011, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, the VCR and DVD are all mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don’t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I won’t have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor….it won’t happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12pm and 3pm, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say ‘get over it, it’s only a game’, or ‘don’t worry, they’ll win next time’. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about rugby than me and your so called ‘words of encouragement’ will only lead to a break up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying ‘one’ game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to ‘spend time together’.

8. The replays of the tries are very important. I don’t care if I have seen them or I haven’t seen them, I want to see them again. Many times, and record them.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:

a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying ‘but you have already seen this…why don’t you change the channel to something we can all watch??’, the reply will be: ‘Refer to Rule #2 and Rule #8 of this list’.

12. Please save your expressions such as ‘Thank goodness the World Cup is only every 4 years’. I am immune to these words, because after this comes the reruns of the Rugby World Cup, etc etc.

13. And finally, if you are female and your “man” likes rugby less than you, he is not a real man and shall be bound by these rules and additionally be referred to as “the bitch” for the duration of the World Cup.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Regards,
Men of the world. Anyone for a frogs leg?

The ‘Breast Cancer Awareness’ Run.

Hares: Dances With Kerbs, Sybil, and Forced Entry

Where: Fort Canning Park, River Valley Rd Car Park.

On On; On site, Boxer & El Ghoppa Extension, Mexican feast.

The Run

Confusion happens frequently in life. For blondes, it happens perhaps a little too frequently. Presenting an Irishman with 2 shovels and telling him to take his pick is confusing. Seeing a Singaporean driver use his hazard lights to turn a corner is confusing. Confusion increases with age, although the elderly may be too confused to realize it. Stiffy being quiet for 1 minute during the Circle is confusing. Coming across Hooray on trail is confusing. Scribing a Kamala charge is confusing. Working out how the next run after run number 1999 is not run number 2000 but run number almost 2000, and you need to wait another 3 days for the actual run number 2000. As for what next Wednesday’ run number will be, I am totally confused.

[Ed: Cock Radio, it is really rather simple. You just need to understand a lady’s logic. Last week was 1999. We want to have run 2000 on Saturday. So this run is 2001. Then we have 2000 on Saturday. Next week will be 2002. We will then return to normal business. By the way, these shoes are on discount so I buy two I actually save double the money. Logic, you see. You men will never understand].

Which brings us to tonight’s run. A very strategically, well placed Circle Check around a tree at Boat Quay had the Pack very confused indeed. Up to this stage, we had enjoyed the ups and downs of a Fort Canning Hill, where we could not persuade the 3 Indian workers to fork out even 10 cents in recognition of the fine breasts on display.

Over into Clarke Quay where the pre dinner crowd became very aware of the breasts on display as they ran past. The money started rolling in as tourists and ex pats realized this was all for a great cause. Strength in numbers prevailed as we made our way along the river, over the bridge and through Boat Quay.

This is where we reached the fore mentioned Circle Check, just past Penny Black Pub. But this turned into a disaster, just like your bra strap just snapping in public on an important date, and things started to fall apart a bit. To some, it was quite a let down as they struggled to cope with the broken bra strap. Runners went in all 380 degrees of the compass searching for trail. In fact some, such as Shaggy Dick Too, actually went in a complete loop 3 times.

Many runners had obviously not suffered this fate before – Posh Nash, obviously use to better quality clothing, struggled to know what to do about this mishap and covered up by crossing the river to where there were no people. And no trail.

Poor Stiff was left to find his own way home, and found himself unable to raise a smile from the public, let alone raise any money. Really, who is going to stop and talk to a sweaty smelly male who wishes to talk about breasts with you and then ask you for money? Strength in numbers is important, broken bra straps a disaster!

Well, the real trail cut back through Chinatown before rejoining the river just before Brewerkz for the final stretch home. Seems strange that Virginia Slim was one of the few to do the whole trail, and Forced Entry was a Hare. Will there be an inquiry.

Who cares if some of us (99% actually) missed that bit of Chinatown, we all got back after after a good work out and lots of fun. Smelly, sweaty money bags were hesitantly collected by Big Head at arm’s length, Wet Patch in his pink ribbons got a photo of himself in front of his Shell office, Ayam Zinking ran out in fresh clothes and flip flops from behind a tree 5 metres from the finish pretending as though he had done the run, Deep Throat arrived from work just in time for drinks and Loose Change was selling firm little cup cakes with a choice of strawberry, chocolate or fruity erect nipples. (The chocolate nips sold out first).

Well done everyone, you’ve all done very well.

The Circle: Big Head pushed her chest out and took control.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Lots of comments were called out as people got it off their chest. Yep, good run.

Tell us about your On On: On site Mexican Boxer.

Next week’s run: Two Jugs Farewell Run. She has no idea where at this stage. Check the website as usual.

Visitors / Returnees: Romeo (ex GM 1985), Bully, Skid Marks, Sherpa, Camel – all returnees.

Belcher, Veggie Queen, Suck Swallow, Herr Zipp, Pubic Zipp, Alias, Mark, Totally Unacceptable, Amber, Ayam Zinking.

Virgins: Nil

Lipstick: Too busy dealing with boobs to worry about lippy.

Tits: Ayam Zinking is here. Unfortunately we didn’t have an interpreter, so details of the charge were rather foggy. However, Herr Zipp ended up with the Tits for pleading guilty to a case of bag swapping.

Dick: As per lipstick.

Awards – nope

AOB:

· Not Tonight tells how the Earth moved for Cock Radio. In Bali last week, I was having a massage when a 6.8 Earthquake struck the island. Certainly no happy ending this time.

· Shoe Shopper accuses Shaggy Dick 2 and CR for being ungrateful for all the times that she drives them to the Run, and when they do buy her wine they ask for it back again whenever she can’t make it to the run. And the latest is CR asking for the $4.95 jar of Promite (a cousin spread to Vegemite) that he gave her the other week. They really are the meanest…

· Hooray points out that Camel is on a 4 hour transit and decided that coming to the Harriet’s for a beer was better than sitting in a bar at Changi airport.

· Romeo, the ex GM, returns an ancient Harriet’s drink coaster, still in good condition.

· Loose Change drags the ex GM back in again, as she was reminded that in the 80’s you had to climb up onto a wagon for your down down. Getting up wasn’t too bad, it was getting down via some rickety steps after a quick beer.

· Fat Crashing Bastard overheard Tiger Lily complaining about the weight of her breasts, so he gave her a pair of light weight moulded ones to put in her bra. Everyone then lined up for a feel.

· Hooray noticed that Eskimo didn’t waste time collecting dollar coins on the run. She actually solicited $100 and $50 notes from one group of males. Well, if she ever loses her job, she can just takes to the streets around Clarke Quay and pick up some spare cash.

· The Ex GM shows some pictures of Confucius dating back to the 80’s. Hurly burly, what a girly!

· Herr Zipp complained of being overshadowed by Tiger Lily’s tits.

· Tiger Lily, who casually mentions that she won her division of the 10km race last weekend, felt sorry for Shaggy Dick Too who was in the 21km and really had the runs, forcing him to detour into the bushes along the way, despite having no tissues. We wonder if the leaves he used were 2ply?

· Shaggy Dick Too was pleased that Tiger Lily hung around the finish area and waited for him to finish his runs. And he was even more pleased when she offered to take him for breakfast, paying with the substantial cash award she had received for first place. Ah, breakfast buffet at Marina Bay Sands, that will help my stomach he thought. But nope, no such luck – Tiger shouted him toast and coffee at Starbucks, which gave him another case of the shits.

· Cock Radio brought in our Professor of Mathematics, Prof. Shaggy Dick the Second. As scribe, each week I put on the run number, but this week I was a little confused. As last week’s run was Run 1999, I consulted Professor SD2 as to what comes after this. After some careful calculations were made, the Professor confirmed that 2000 comes next. But wait, Run 2000 was to be held Saturday, so what run number is tonight. So Professor Shaggy Dick the Second applied the rarely used mathematical Law of TITH – SNM (This Is The Harriets – Say No More) and concluded that tonight was Run Number 1999 and a bit.

· Loose Change did a survey on the nipple color preferences of some of our male runners. Judging by the sale of her Titty Cup Cakes, Cock Radio likes chocolate nipples, Skidmarks prefers pink, while Stiffy likes fruity ones.

· Despite coming out from the airport to join us and having to head back in another 3 hours, Ugly Bum decides to charge Camel for being stingy with his money and demanding a T shirt to take back to Hong Kong for Black Widow and Indianus.

· Mother Tongue then called Ugly Bum greedy for demanding that Camel buy her a T shirt when she already has one.

· Deep Throat plugs the Lion City D&D.

· Subs are due. See end of newsletter for how to pay.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

This week’s Chinese Proverb

Confucius say: Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Fwd: Sex And Good Grammar

On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumoured to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for.

The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned,”This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful and then say ’1-2-3.’ ”

When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want.”

The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, “How do I stop the medicine from working?”

“Your partner must say ’1-2-3-4,’” he responded,

“But when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.”

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.

When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, “1-2-3!”  Immediately, he was the manliest of men.

His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes and then she asked “What was the 1-2-3 for?”

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.