Singapore Hash House Harriets

The Lethal Porn Run

Hares: Lethal Weapon and Singaporn

Lorong Sesuai

On On: on site, Canadian Pizza once the correct delivery boy turned up.

The Run

Your scribe is not a big fan of this run-site. To start with, it’s a minimum $30 taxi fare from the sunny East Coast. Then, there is the stunningly well designed entrance that requires 3 U-turns and four loops of Bukit Batok to configure your taxi to get into the road. And finally, and perhaps most telling, you have to run up that bast%$#d of a hill at the end of the run.

Nevertheless, this was a very well set run to confound both professional short-cutters and cunning amateurs. We started off up the hill, down past the condo and onto Upper Bukit Timah Road to the first circle check. No-one checked down the hill so it took a while to solve this check as every other conceivable direction was checked. On on down Upper Bukit Timah Road, where a T-check on the pedestrian bridge f&*^ked everyone trying to out-guess the hares. On back up Old Jurong Road, into the park, and then a nice bit of shaggy up the canal, down the canal, and onto Hillview Avenue. The traditional left turn into Jalan Remaja followed, at which the professionals and cunning amateurs decided that the run would progress down into the open field in front of Hillview Camp somehow and over into Dairy Farm. So we “short cut” down Hillview Ave; never to see the pack again.

I am reliably informed that a cheeky left turn was done up the top of Jalan Reemaja and the trail proceed back into the park at the corner and back up the track to the top. I wouldn’t know, being a not so cunning amateur. Never follow Boo (the professional). We made our way back with a few other misguided souls up Upper Bukit Timah Road or Hume Avenue and heights.

The Circle: With Shoe Shopper off replenishing her thong collection (that’s flip flops for you uncultured non-Aussies); stand in GM Big Head revives a cherished (for the Associate, non-voting, members anyway) tradition of conducting the circle in serious F&^k Me Shoes. Having gained 6 inches in height, Big Head commands attention.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? No arguments to a very good, even excellent run. Even some high praise from Boo: “not bad for two old ladies”. Well done hares.

Tell us about your On On: On site, Canadian Pizza, if the boy can find the site!

Next week’s run: Wet Pet and Wet and Ready, Dempsey Road Car Park (bottom one) also known as the Peirce Road car park. Big Head assures us this will be a great run, because:

1. She has fond memories of the first Harriets run she ever set, which was with Wet Pet.

2. It is near her house. Hmmm, ok.

Virgins: Welcome Sarah, who seems particularly well prepared with both a hash shirt to run in and another for the circle. Not only that, it is a 69 shirt. Clearly Harriets material, apparently she enjoyed the run but sadly is only visiting.

Visitors / Returnees: not too many tonight, but welcome Ah Beng, Krit, and Jackie.

Tits and Dick: Handbag has both, a fetching combination (I think not). Handbag has been dedicated (or not) enough to leave work and turn up in time for the circle to attempt to give these away. He tells us (unfortunately) that while trying out the Dick and Tits in bed, he decided that they really do go together and perhaps should go to a couple. His first thought was to Shoe Shopper and Wet Patch but they are away. So it must be Ugly Bum and Ad Nauseum; to which loud cries are “keep the pair” are heard. Sorry Handbag, try again next week.

Lipstick: Stiffy is called out as a naughty boy, to which Big Head replies “I don’t believe that”. Stiffy is offended enough to claim lipstick, along with Ah Beng. Stand in Hash Brew is a little slow on the up-take, but being accused of being Australian wakes her up (or distracts her from her little chat).

Awards – none, tonight.

AOB

· Sybil has a “serious charge”, the weight of which is somewhat dimished as she shows off her belly. Anyway, apparently Father Anus was a bit upset today, as per the Harriets constitution it is his responsibility to look after all young female virgins on the run. Unfortunately today’s virgin was too fast for him and he got lost. Give him a consolation drink. And a consolation cuddle. With the virgin.

· Mother’s Tongue enters the circle wearing a Bali Hash 1000 run shirt from 2001. Unfortunately, the Bali Hash 1,000^th run was this last weekend, in 2011. So she wants to take a Balinese to task for the error but there are none here. Never mind, she can charge Handbag for having nipple problems on the Bali run, and Deep Throat for having plaster to help out. Handbag demonstrates that the plaster is very resilient and still applied.

· Wet Pet wants the new Friday GM’s, Handbag and Deep Throat in the circle. The only issue is that Friday haven’t had their AGM yet. Does Wet Pet know something we don’t? Is she stuffing ballot boxes? Does she have a dodgy bet on the outcome with an cricket bookie? Anyway apparently they are too busy focusing on their (potential) new job rather than their current ones, which should be paying attention in the circle.

· Mother’s Tongue accuses Stiffy of not letting the young virgin out of his sight.

· Jackoff accuses Ah Beng of being a good uncle – he invited our virgin to Singapore, brought her to the hash, and bought a very expensive camera to document her every moment.

· Mother’s Tongue has a follow-up. While Ah Beng was “documenting”, MT was crossing a drain. She put on her best smile, but what did Ah Beng video? Her feet.

· Sybil points out that there are still gentlemen on the Hash (a likely story) and offers a drink to Blood Shit for pushing her in the drain.

· Handbag is very disappointed by the quality of the singing tonight and thinks it is because Slocum has been distracted by the phone in his pocket…normally we need a good strong baritone to keep us in tune. So he needs a good song for his drink. Boo: “5, 4, 3, 2, 1, drink it down down down”.

· While Mother’s Tongue has no Balinese to charge for the T-shirt error aforementioned, she does have Boo, who is apparently a look-a-like.

· Stiffy announces that the Friday Hash this week is a Japanese Girls run, and will be collecting for Japanese Earthquake/Disaster relief.

· Deep Throat has noticed that Ah Beng is wearing pink shoes and is wondering if he is jealous or just a Deep Throat copycat?

· Stiffy feels victimized. He is always accused of talking in the circle but look at Ad Nauseum and Jackie: they haven’t shut up since the start of the circle. Give them a note.

· Boo has a question about hair cuts. “What did your last hair cut cost?” “$100” is the answer (a likely story, WB, does your husband read this newsletter?). A few more Harriets are asked the same question; women’s hair cuts cost a lot, we all know that. So what about Father Anus….he had a hair cut this week, how much did it cost? $5. Another likely story, it must have been at least $8. Anyway, give the cheap-skate a note.

· Mother’s Tongue gives kudos to Big Head for her F&^k Me Shoes.

· Deep Throat wants to know who noticed what Handbag was wearing as he arrived after the run? Ugly Bum knows down to the colour and pattern of his tie. Handbag had been planning to run, because the work conference he was attending was going to be “boring”, but nevertheless he turned up late. His excuse? “They put the beer on at 5:30”! Not that he needs it, but give him another drink.

· The hares are looking out anxiously for the pizza delivery guy. This doesn’t go un-noticed by Stiffy, who wants Singaporn in for a drink for chasing down every boy on a motor-bike that comes up the hill.

When, finally, he arrives and it’s on on on to the delivery boy.

Scribed by Sneaky Comer.

The ‘Can or Cannot Lah,’ Run

Hares: Kan Not Kan & Kan The Kobra

Sengkang Riverside Park

On On: Coffee shop down the road.

‘Can’ comes from Old English, cunnan, meaning ‘to know, or ‘to be able.’

‘Kan,’ comes from Hokkien, meaning ‘f*#k.’

Which brings us to tonight’s run.

Can the Hare set a good run?

Is he a cunnan of a Hare?

Or will it be a matter of Kan The Hare?

Oh well, he always can Kan The Kobra.

The Run

Can the Hare make it back for the start of the run? Cannot. Off we go and the first obstacle is the TPE. Can we go under it? Can. Shoe Shopper reaches the other side and turns parallel to the TPE. Can we hold back, expecting she is on a T Check, wonders Maggot? Can, and yes it was a T. Along the edge of the Sungei Punggol we ran, led by a Hare. Can Kan The Kobra sweep from the front? Can.

Eventually we were surrounded by water to the left and serious water to the right. Can we cross to the right? Cannot. Thankfully we took the water to the left for a crossing. ‘Is there a bridge somewhere?’ asked some opportunist.

‘Can someone fall in, more like it?’ I thought. Handbag managed to stumble and fall face first in the water. Can was the answer.

Along a fence line, lost trail. Can it be back and into the forest? Can. Shoe Shopper leads us over branches, under branches, thorns, and shiggy. Bent over double, sometimes on hands and knees, I thought, ‘Can I take much more of this?’ Cannot. I retreated to the safety of the fence line, along with several other notable runners, including Jack Off and Boo.

A nice piece of downhill tarmac. Can this be the end of the nasty stuff? Back into the jungle. Answer is cannot. Barking dogs indicate a Thai illegal’s hut. Can the Hare have a drink stop in the jungle for us? Cannot.

Can trail go back through the tunnel under the TPE? Can. A nice winding bush trail brought us out eventually onto a track, where we were greeted by the walkers.

And is that a Hare up there laying the home trail? Kan Not Kan, can. And the other Hare 50 meters in front of him, still sweeping from the front? Kan the Kobra, also can! Can a Hare sweeper be in front of their co Hare who is still marking the Home Trail? In this case, can lah!

A 6.01km run, right on 1 hour for the FRB’s, led by Shoe Shopper, Stiff, Maggot, Comes Quietly and yours truly. And 1 hour 30 minutes for the stragglers, led in on the Gypsy Wagon, containing Blood Shit, Bit On The Side, Leg Over (who was too tired to even get a leg over the orange bunting fence at the car park), Lethal Weapon, Singaporn, Wet N Ready, and Big Head. What a troupe!

And what a canny run.

The Circle: Calling for a Circle, Shoe Shopper amends this to form an oval, given the confined space between 2 cars we have. Boo & Stiffy do a bit of car park traffic control, commandeer 4 orange witches hats and place them across the road to block us off from thru traffic. The oval then springs out into a real Circle, and everyone is happy. Apart from the couple whose car we trapped inside our compound!

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Intermission takes place while Boo & Stiffy remove the orange witches hats to let the trapped car out of our compound. Popcorn anyone? Good run was the eventual verdict, despite the Hare being very self critical of his effort.

Tell us about your On On: Coffee Shop, just down the road. And having been to previous KNK’s on on’s there, they serve up great food too!

Next week’s run: Lethal Weapon & Singaporn, Lorong Sesaui.

Visitors / Returnees: 3 possibilities here.

1. There were none.

2. Shoe Shopper forgot to announce them.

3. I forgot to write them down.

I believe possibility 2 wins this one.

Virgins: Not on your sweet bippy.

Lipstick: Shoe Shopper quickly decided there were no naughty boys tonight. Her decision had nothing to do with the fact she forgot to bring the lipstick, again.

Tits: Father Anus, who was standing disguised with his Tits between Loose Change and Twin Towers, tried to determine who made off with the lewd porno book he accidently brought along last week. He brings in Stiffy and blames him. Stiffy proclaims his innocence, and gets everyone to look at the scribe, and claimed I was sitting there with guilt all over my face. In I am dragged for something I did not do. Finally, the real culprit owns up. In comes Hand Bag, the taker of the porn book. I want compensation.

Dick: Having the Dick passed to me from FCB, I was back in again. There was a crashing bulldozer on the run tonight. This Hasher bashed his way through fallen tree trunks, snapping them in half like they were twigs. After crashing through his third log, he turned back to glance proudly at his handiwork, and to see who had witnessed his show of muscle. And promptly tripped over a stick, literally bringing him back to earth. Well-done Hand Bag. Tits and Dick, ac dc.

Awards – 150 runs – Lethal Weapon. Off off off. But no off. Awwwe!

150 runs – Wet n Wild, and off it comes.

AOB

· Slowcum gets in our resident used car salesman, Stiffy, to sell a Mitsubishi, as someone has not claimed the keys yet. In comes a forgetful Jane to claim them.

· However, Jane is not finished with yet, and I call her back in. After tonight’s run, she was complaining of being ‘sticky.’ She also was heard calling the Circle a ‘ring.’ And so a Hash naming is performed, and Jane will now forever be named as Sticky Ring.

· Kan Not Kan tries his best to come in for a charge, but somehow was not seen by Shoe Shopper.

· Instead, Slowcum is invited in, and charges Posh Nash and Singaporn for having a private party. Committee members setting an example.

· Kan Not Kan again tries his best to come in for a charge, but again somehow was not seen by Shoe Shopper.

· This time Sneaky Comer comes in and asks for someone from the construction industry – Maggot. And an angry female ang moh – Loose Change. As half the car park was blocked off by the construction workers, Loose Change decided to remove their barricade so she could park her car. When challenged by the Construction Foreman, she turned and told him ‘Piss off!’ Lack of respect to the construction industry.

· Kan Not Kan, becoming very vocal and jumping up and down, again tries his best to come in for a charge, but for the 3^rd time is again somehow was not seen by Shoe Shopper.

· This time Maggot tells us how this is the 3^rd time in 10 days he has done a run from this run site. He then charges Kan Not Kan with child abuse. Tonight’s run was a copy of the Horror’s Run here 10 days ago. And KNC set a run here last Sunday. 10 minutes before Sunday’s Run, Maggot got a phone call from Kan Not Kan who was still out setting the run. ‘I’m lost, here are the instructions to start the run,’ was the distress call. And 10 minutes before tonight’s run, Maggot got a phone call. Yes, from KNK, ‘ I’m lost, here are the instructions to start the run.’ Give SOS a note.

· Kan Not Kan, now very very vocal, jumping up and down and waving his arms in the air, is again somehow not seen by Shoe Shopper.

· Hand Bag tells us that Sticky Ring has an interesting car, it travels in nautical miles.

· Kan Not Kan, now threatening to jump up and down and wave his arms in the air while naked, is finally invited in by Shoe Shopper.

· Kan Not Kan tells us that there are dedicated Hashers and not so dedicated Hashers. Hand Bag ran for 1 hour before tonight’s run. (Is that dedicated or just plain stupid?) He then tries to provide further evidence of a Hasher who runs before a run, but Maggot completely denies it. Anyhow, onto the not so dedicated – Stiff, Stiffener and Boo for taking off 30% of the run. (Is that not just plain smart?)

· Stiffy comes in for his weekly whinge, this time on Shoe Shopper for not picking up paper on a T Check, resulting in him for once actually having to do a T Check.

· Hooray gets in the Birthday Boys, Kan Not Kan and Hand Bag. Are they twins?

· I gave a plug for the Japanese benefit concert at Blue Jazz, in the Arab St area, with a couple of Friday Japanese Hashers performing, G String and Goro. (It was last Thursday and got a massive turn out)

· Finally, Hooray gave KNK an insensitive charge, I won’t go into the details – too sensitive to mention (in other words, I missed the rest of the charge.)

On on to the Coffee Shop down the road.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

It’s a long wait for the next St Patricks Day, so here’s one more:

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, ‘Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!’ That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, ‘I won the prize for the Best toast of the night’

She said, ‘Aye, did ye now? And what was your toast?’ 

John said, ‘Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.’

‘Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!’ Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, ‘John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.’
She said, ‘Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.’

The Bit On The Side Run

Hares: Zipp, Gypsy, Bit On The Side, Leg Over

Bukit Browne Cemetery

On On; Mr. Hoe

Gypsies are a much misunderstood and unfairly treated group of people. They are widely seen as a mysterious group, and even sometimes perceived as having a romantic lifestyle, travelling around in their horse drawn wagons, sitting around camp fires playing the violin and looking into crystal balls. But they are often treated suspiciously and blamed unfairly for the evils of the world.

Which brings us to another greatly misunderstood but romantically mystic group, who wander from place to place every Wednesday night – the Singapore Harriets. And like the real Gypsies, we are viewed with suspicion by the public, we have our own rituals, and are we are persecuted by National Parks, Police, Fire Departments, jealous members of the public etc. And tonight we have our own Gypsy.

The Run

Fearing that the run may be a little short, Gypsy decided to stretch it out with a rather lengthy pre run speech. (What time does a 6 o’clock run start?) So, after telling us about new drains, to make sure we only cross roads at overhead bridges, the price of fish, the mating habits of the cane toad, Antarctica’s Red Light District, the connection between condoms and coca cola, how chickens are being fitted with contact lenses and details of William the Conqueror’s funeral, along with other bits of time wasting information, we finally set off.

This could be described as a snakes and ladders run. FRB’s, thinking they were on a ladder and getting ahead, soon realized that their ladders were actually more like snakes and they were soon brought back to Earth. Loops that ended back within 20 metres of where they started, T Checks at the end of other ladders, Circle Checks full of snakes. This was a run for the slow and steady. And the dead. Who would be grateful.

Mr. Potato Head soon departed after rolling his ankle in a hole, it was a rather grave situation. Just shows you don’t have to be dead to be stiff. Wet Patch asked where the last paper was at one stage when he became lost – ‘2 metres from your right ear,’ was the reply. On On! Meanwhile Gypsy continued to sweep from the front.

For those disinterested in the scenery, there was always the option of a blowjob on the run. The Harriets are looking up at last. Welcome Blowjob, all the way from Fremantle. Blowjob, meet Deep Throat.

Between graves, around graves, over graves, on graves, through graves, and in the case of Mr. Potato Head, into graves, we went. Apart from one very short stint along the Lornie Rd footpath, the entire run snaked it’s way within the confines of Bukit Browne Cemetery. After the 354^th grave, we finally reached home.

A 6.7km run, just on 1 hour. And 354 graves. Well done Hares, fantastic use of the area. And not a new drain or overhead bridge in sight! You tricky dicky Gypsy.

The Circle: Calling for a Circle, Shoe Shopper adjusts her zipp, puts a leg over, asks for a bit on the side and ends up with a Gypsy.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? A deathly silence came over the Circle as we pondered gravely over the question. Too many dead ends. Not enough graves. Well, Boo was caught out on a few of the Checks, so no doubt this was a good run.

Tell us about your On On: Mr. Hoe on site German sausage. In remembrance of Armless no doubt. $12, free for vegetarians.

Next week’s run: Kan Not Can and Kan The Cobra – Sengkang Riverside Park. That will be in Sengkang.

Visitors / Returnees: Blowjob. Blowjob is the father of Shag, who use to run with us, until she got pregnant. I remember when we use to have a shag in the Circle.

Virgins: Not on your sweet bippy.

Lipstick: Wet Patch, Boo, Hand Bag and myself. The GM has forgotten the Lippy, so proceeds to spank the naughty boys, except for Wet Patch who got a boot up the Khyber Pass.

Tits: Shaggy Dick 2 has been obviously using some firming cream, as the Tits are perched very high on his chest. In fact, almost strangling him. What a way to go. Wet Brazilian asked how SD2 was able to remember a certain date, when he replied it was near his birthday she asked how old he would be. SD2 replied 54, and Wet Brazilian believed him.

Dick: Apparently Lethal Weapon went home with the Dick in her box last week, and kept it in all week. Her Haberdash box that is of course. She calls in Virginia Slim for declaring that he does not wash his underpants, Wet Patch for doing a trip that resulted in a forward roll with half twist and double pike, scoring an 8.5 from the judges, Fat Crashing Bastard for telling Too Easy she was going to be eating sausage tonight, and myself for bringing my running shoes to the run but not the laces. And it’s the sausage man, FCB, who gets the Dick.

Awards – 350 non decipherable runs to Mother Tongue. Who forgot to warn Mother Tongue she was receiving an award and that she should wear a bra? No off off tonight.

AOB

· Deep Throat asked how to define a vegetarian. Sybil. Claiming to be vegetarian, will not even eat fish, but at the 1500^th run she was a victim of not getting in early enough for the food and ended up scrounging a piece of chicken out of desperation. Will she be eating sausage tonight??

· ‘Stay ere,’commanded Blowjob to Sybil in a fair dinkum Aussie slang. Crikey, stone the crows I thought. Blowjob was sick of Sybil whinging all night, assumed she must be a Pommy and told her to go back to Bradford. (for the non British members, according to my sources, Bradford is a town in the UK made up of a 99.99% population of Pakistanis)

· Hooray accused Shoe Shopper of deliberately sending the men the wrong way at the last check. (Hooray actually was at the last check?)

· Mother Tongue, being a good health care worker, warns Deep Throat that giving Blowjobs can cause throat cancer. Deep Throat replied so far so good, and it’s worth the risk.

· Jack Off tells us that early in a relationship, everything is lovey dovey, but the ‘honeymoon period’ can soon fall away. It seems that for Wet Patch and Shoe Shopper it already has. After announcing their engagement a week ago, the first signs of the wheels falling off are already showing. After Wet Patch’s spectacular fall, as mentioned earlier by Lethal Weapon, he was lying prone on the ground amongst the graves, looking for some sympathy and support from Shoe Shopper. ‘Get up, you f*#king old woman,’ was the advice from Shopper.

· Stiffy tells us of another Hash romance that is flourishing at the moment – TBA and Hand Bag. Lately they have been seen frequently in the company of each other. They met on the Hash, they drink together, they set a run together, they wear matching pink singlets. And on Monday they were spotted dining together, drinking white wine, in a trendy little pizzeria. And were proud to be noticed. TBA insisted that the Wednesday Hash be informed. ( I think Friday will be too – CR)

· Hooray questioned why Jane was in Tanglin so much over the last 3 months. (What is Hooray doing in Tanglin so much to notice? CR)

· Not Tonight has noticed 3 Singapore Sarong Party Boys tonight. In comes Kan Not Can, Father Anus and Virginia Slim. Forced Entry is asked to do a quality control inspection of their sarong material. However, by the time she got to Virginia Slim, it was not just the quality of the sarong she was checking. (Slim’s jocks were noticed around his left ankle – CR)

· Hand Bag is a bit upset by Blowjobs insinuation about Bradford, and informs us that he is actually from Bradford and Blowjob should be careful of what he says about his home town. ( ah, Hand Bag makes up the other 0.01 % of the Bradford population – CR)

· Twin Towers informs us of a male member (associate member, sorry Ugly Bum- CR) who was playing with his nuts, when one of them popped down her top and he had the balls to try and retrieve it. Stiffy, stop playing with your nuts in the circle until you can control them.

· Zipp has Twin Towers in and reminds us that today is Esh Wednesday. I wonder if anyone Lent her that charge.

On on to The German Sausage.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

And for St Patricks Day next Thursday:

Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish
"I think it’s got epilepsy" he tells the vet.
Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".
Paddy says, "I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet".
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —
Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the
bloody thing up.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —
Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —
Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to
avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road.
Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
Cop says "For goodness sake Paddy, that’s your air freshener swinging
about!"
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
An old Irish farmer’s dog goes missing and he’s inconsolable.
His wife says "Why don’t you put an advert in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy" he replies.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
Paddy’s in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his
feet.
"What the hell you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself" Paddy replies.
"It should be around your neck" says the Guard.
"I know" says Paddy "but I couldn’t  breathe".
   ———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
An American tourist asks an Irishman:     "Why do Scuba divers always
fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the Irishman replies:  "If they fell forwards, they’d still be
in the bloody boat.

The St David Day’s Run

Hares: Mr. Potato Head, Loose Change.

Bukit Timah Railway Station

On On; The Friggin’ Frog

St.David

Well, Saint David, or Dewi Sant, as he is known in the Welsh language, is the Patron Saint of Wales. He was a Celtic monk, abbot and bishop, (obviously a person in need of a career counselor to help him make up his mind -CR), who lived in the sixth century. During his life, he was the Archbishop of Wales, (add Archbishop to the CV as well – CR) and he was one of many early saints who helped to spread Christianity among the pagan Celtic tribes of Western Britain. (Looking at Great Britain today, he has a lot to answer for. And I would not put that on the CV if I was him – CR)

And speaking of Pagan tribes, that brings us to the motley group of Hashers that gathered in the wilderness area of Bukit Timah last Wednesday.

The Run

Our own living Saint David, Mr. Potato Head, who is really not a Saint but just a naughty, naughty little boy, set us off on the run with the following words, ‘Brothers be ye constant. The yoke which with single mind ye have taken, bear ye to the end; and whatsoever ye have seen with me and heard, keep and fulfil’.

And with those words twirling through our minds, down the railway track we ran, to the thunderous applause of a lone track worker sitting on a chair high up on the embankment. Well, he gave us a wave at least. Past the train spotters with camera set up on tripod, then across and into the big open field.

Lost the trail, but Shaggy and I thought we would head to the bottom corner where the big canal is, only to be called all the way back up the hill by the GM heading towards Blackmore Dve. But then she decided she wasn’t on trail after all. So back to the bottom corner we went, and there sure enough was the trail, going across the big canal, just as SD2 and I had predicted 5 minutes ago.

Two Jugs led the way down the steps, across the canal and up again, while a few dare devils, led by Boo and Father Anus, took their chances balancing on the pipeline.

Along the big open canal towards Sixth Ave, it was a case of Stiffy taking the High Road and we take the Low Road. We bade Stiffy farewell, as he was stranded on the far side of the canal, and we all disappeared into the jungle on the other. As the next line of the song predicts, ‘And I’ll be in Scotland a fore ya.’ Well, it wasn’t quite Scotland, but stuff me, there was Stiffy ahead of us heading into Greenleaf Park. He must have sprinted.

Up Greenleaf View to the Malaysian Railway Line at Old Holland Rd, presenting walkers and short-cutters the perfect opportunity to take the train track to home.

It was out onto Ulu Pandan Rd, with Ugly Bum leading the way for a frisky pack of males. However, like a bitch female dog on heat, she kept stopping and turning around to face the males chasing after her. Was she trying to protect herself from the males or was just looking for another female to take the lead from her. At one stage, myself and Ad Nauseum had to pick her up and carry her forward.

Another big canal to get around, and into another jungle stretch before emerging onto Clementi Rd. The gradual but steady incline saw a few runners stop to adjust their pacemakers, Wet Patch, Bagless 2 and Ad Nauseum being some that come to mind.

A T Check brought the Pack back to the old old railway track, at the tunnel under Clementi Rd. It was then a case of follow the disused track all the way back out. The Hares could have used a chain saw to get rid of some of the fallen trees. I was on hands and knees crawling to get under one, when the person in front of me called ‘Trip.’ Well, I thought to myself, I’m not going to do myself too much damage if I trip from this level. Thanks for the warning all the same, Shoe Shopper. Very thoughtful.

Eventually we emerged back out onto the Malaysian Railway Line for the home stretch, but not before Shoe Shopper had attempted to remove her appendix on a protruding broken, jagged branch. Try a kidney next time, there’s a good resale market for them.

A 7km run, just over 1 hour.

The Circle:

Shoe Shopper, back from living it up at the Hotel California, and with a broken tree branch protruding from her back, calls us to ‘Gather round.’

Gather round?? We are going to do the run again? On reflection, she decides that ‘Form a Circle,’ is a better call to make.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Too many Saints, drains, canals and Welsh Rabbits. Good run, well done Hares.

Tell us about your On On: The Frigid Frog, just along from the Red Lantern. Order your own leek soup and rabbit.

Next week’s run: Kan Not Can and Kan The Cobra – somewhere in Singapore. Perhaps. Now Bukit Brown Cemetery by Zipp, Gypsy, Bit on the Side and Leg Over.

Visitors / Returnees: Steptoe & Posh Duck get the ‘One tall one, one short one…’ as returnees. Totally Unacceptable, Sandra, Bagless 2, Krit, Eskimo, Phony Dick. Which one is Sandra?

Virgins: Not on your sweet bippy.

Lipstick: Steptoe. He may have been innocent, but he scores lipstick anyway for making a smart ass remark.

Tits: I have been washing them all week, by hand of course, to get Virginia Slim’s whipped cream out of them. Well, Shaggy Dick suffered a dicky knee after last weeks Urban Run, but there is no sign of the Dick tonight. So instead, his medical condition is reassessed to be a ‘Titty Knee.’ Shoe Shopper declared it a lame charge.

Dick: A Dickless Harriets still, although rumour has it that Lethal Weapon has snuck off home with the Dick. Mmm.

Awards – Zipp – 600 runs!

Wet N Ready – 50 runs (after 4 years!) Off, off off!

Maggot – 50 runs. On on on!

Wet Brazilian – 50 runs. Off, off off!

At this stage my scribe hand became rather shaky!

AOB

· Ugly Bum has another problem with the associate members. She was commenting on all the lovely bodies getting their tops off for their 50 run awards. ‘Cheap entertainment,’ was the comment from Boo.

· Deep Throat charged Hand Bag for describing the Welsh Cake as a scone that did not rise.

· Loose Change discovered a flashing car, belonging to Mother Tongue who was nowhere to be seen. Stiffener came to the rescue, found her keys first go and switched off the lights. After locking up the car, he did not even make it back to the beer wagon and the lights were flashing again.

· Fat Crashing Bastard suggested that Shaggy Dick 2 make use of his Tits, that still have a bit of cream in them, put them to good use and start producing some breast milk ice cream! A titillating thought.

· I gave Shoe Shopper a charge, but I can’t remember what it was. Must have been about boobs, because she said it was undeserved.

· Shaggy Dick 2 told how the male Urban Run he did with Hand Bag was a great experience. His Dicky Knee was numbed by the free beer that was served up at 10am. By 12.30, he and Hand Bag were the only 2 left, and they found a whole table full of beer!

· Hand Bag then went home after they demolished the last table of free Tiger, with visions of running the Sunday Hash later in the day. SD2 convinced him to leave his car behind and take a cab home for a rest. When he got home he slept – vomited- slept – vomited – slept – vomited. So much for Sunday Hash!

· Kan Not Can noticed that Sandra, the female guest had a nice new pair of shoes on, but he could not figure why no one else had noticed. I directed his head upwards from her feet to chest level and pointed out to him that every other male had not got their eyes below her well endowed chest level.

· Hoo Ray asked our visiting Monday Hasher if he was here to look at all the lovely Harriets. He said no, he is setting a run here shortly and is using our run as a recee. Very cunning.

· Stiffy was talking with Mr. Potato Head, who was eating a peanut biscuit and telling him how good they are. Finally Stiffy was convinced that he should try one, but Mr. PH told him not to bother as he had the last one.

· Wet Pet has her cupboards full of ingredients that she has purchased in order to make Welsh goodies, under the guidance of her instructor, Loose Change. But she is just hoping that Loose Change comes over finally before the expiry dates come up.

· Loose Change thanks Mr. Potato Head for going around 2 times tonight.

· Not Tonight follows up on Stiffy taking the High Road while we all took the Low Road into the jungle and agrees with me that yes, he did end up in front of us. And of course, that means he gets lippy for not having a woman in front of him. Good charge.

· Wet Brazilian points out that we did not have Tiger Lily to lead us astray tonight, but there was an apprentice. Two Jugs did a good job on going the wrong several times.

· Steptoe, from the sleaze capital of Pattaya, has a slinky little top for Shoe Shopper, who somehow manages to push her ample assets into it.

· Phony Dick asked Mr. Potato Head why he was wearing a dragon flag around his shoulders. He replied it reminded him of his mother in law.

On on to The Frigid’ Toad.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

The Birthday Run

Hares: Boo, Stiffener, Too Easy, Quickie.

Cactus Rd.

Seletar Seafood

Stop press – Hare needed for 16^th March. Contact Posh Nash asap.

Lion City 1500 Run Saturday March 5^th

Harriet’s Rock

When will Concert Promoters get it right? If they want to get a capacity crowd, then don’t hold rock concerts on a Wednesday night. Especially when it’s Boo’s birthday. Apparently the Promoters were disappointed with the numbers attending the Eagles Concert, and have contacted the Harriet’s to see if we would cancel our Wednesday run next time they have a band playing. It seems that Singapore ain’t big enough for a Harriet’s Run and a rock concert on the same night. As if, buddy, we’re not the new kid in town.

The Run

A nasty down pour had the Hares worried – would there still be trail and would anyone turn up? Would there be a heartache tonight? Undaunted as always, Boo told us that trail starts across the road and into the jungle just behind ‘that’ motor bike. Take it easy crossing the road, because with the peak hour traffic there was a lot of life in the fast lane on Yio Chu Kang Rd.

Well, by the time we crossed the road, the motorbike had rode off, resulting in Tiger Lily and others heading off down the road in the wrong direction chasing after a motorbike.

This run had more loops, twists, ups and downs and corkscrews than the new Battle star Galactic ride at Resorts Sentosa. Cunning use of trail, tight checks and even a loop that crossed back over it’s own trail. Thankfully the Hares spared us any water crossings, as some of the streams and canals resembled the Colorado River. The Hares really were taking us to the limit tonight.

Many gravel trails, which had us thinking maybe no more walk in the woods, 2 times under the SLE, a great jungle grass trail, a magnificent red sunset for those game to take their eyes off their foot holdings, and a champers stop with chocolate. No tequila sunrise though.

One of the most challenging sections of the run was between the drink stop and home – especially for those having more than 1 cup of champagne. The slippery bum section saw many a champers cup spilt and Kan The Cobra’s running tights split. So to an end came the long run. And one of these nights, the rain may hold off.

The Circle:

With Shoe Shopper living it up at the Hotel California, it was left to Big Head to show herself to be in control and run the Circle. And quite a witchy woman she proved to be.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Too dry, too many eagles, not enough champagne. Bloody good run Hares, well done. And thanks for the singlets.

Tell us about your On On: Seletar Seafood, $12. Next to the Sad Café.

Next week’s run: St David’s Day Run, Bukit Timah Railway Station with Loose Change & Mr. Potato Head (Is he calling himself a saint now?)

Visitors / Returnees:, Virginia Slim, Yummy Pie, Wanker 1 and Wanker Hong Kong, Ayam Zinking, Sharon Batu, Trash, C#nt Dracula, Impossible and a few others possibly.

Virgins: Not on your sweet bippy.

Lipstick: Hong Kong Wanker, C#nt Dracula, and under great protesting of his innocence, Ad Naseum.

Tits: Virginia Slim enters the Circle, wearing the Tits and with a glint in his eye. Looking around the Circle at the motley collection of males, he raises the question of are there any males capable of satisfying a women later in the night. He calls for a randy random sample of 3 males, with the Circle nominating Mr. Potato Head, Ad Naseum, and Cock Radio. Slim then produced a can of whipped cream, sprayed it all over the Tits and told the 3 males to demonstrate what they would do to a real female. Emerging with cream all over me from A – T after diving in for a face full of creamy Tits, yours truly got the Tits. And the job of hand washing them. Can I have a practice on some real ones first please ladies?

Dick: A Dickless Harriets. So sad huh.

Awards – nah

AOB

· Saint David, also known as Mr. Potato Head, has a 3some for us.

1. Big Head for being stand in GM but without any F#*k Me Shoes to stand in.

2. While driving to run, Mr. P. H left enough room for a Mercedes to be able to complete a U turn, only to have another car drop in and fill the gap he had created, thus putting an end to the Merc’s U turn opportunity. Mr. Potato Head gave the errant Singapore driver a serving of vulgarities and finger signs, very unbecoming of a Saint, before realizing the inconsiderate driver was none other than the infamous Father Anus.

3. Ayam Zinking had to be shown paper and flour 3 times in as many minutes, all 3 times the mentioned items being not more than 5 meters from him. Ayam Zinking, you have spectacles, next time wear them!

· Kan Not Kan arrived late, but not as late as Ayam Zinking, who got out of a taxi spitting feathers and cursing. Why? Because the taxi driver had delivered him to Serangoon, which was where he had started his trip 20 minutes earlier and he was charged $30 for the joy ride. ‘Do I have the kind of face that says ‘Taxi Victim?’ asks Ayam Zinking. Yes was the reply from everyone.

· Deep Throat also arrived late and was convinced by Virginia Slim to join him and Sharon Batu to trace the home trail in reverse to the drink stop. He failed to tell them about the holes, slippery embankments, rocks etc that had to be negotiated and nearly had them in the Colorado River doing some white water free styling.

· Mother’s Tongue was shown a discrete place to shower by Father Anus. Right in front of a restaurant that had a spotlight pointing at her.

· Kan Not Kan would like Sharon Batu in the Circle, and who wouldn’t like her in a few other places too, come to think of it. Anyway, Kan Not Kan tried to bully his way through a charge on Ms Batu, something about going for a slip and slide trying to reach the drink stop in reverse but ended up being howled down by the females for being a sexist thug and cops a ‘Bullshit’ while Sharon Batu leaves the Circle with her honour intact. Kan Not Kan, you can’t hide your lyin’ eyes.

· Ugly Bum is angry. Very angry. Ad Naseum slinks off into the dark with his hands over his head. Ugly Bum rallies the females and proclaims that they don’t need to put up with such boyish, loutish sexist behaviour from the men, in fact she claims ‘they are only associate members and we don’t need them at all.’ This was quickly followed by your scribe throwing down his note pad, downing his pen and getting off his chair to go and join the rest of the unwanted boys at the beer van for a drink. Ugly Bum quickly reflected on the implications of what she said and decided that most of the associate boys are ok and needed, especially the scribe, and narrows her anger onto Kan Not Kan and Hooray.

· Hong Kong Wanker congratulated Tiger Lily on her sexy showering, for which he had a ringside seat.

· Tiger Lily tells how Sharon Batu has a bit of a sex differentiation problem when she thought that Gordon must be Stiffener’s name on the Hares Birthday singlet. Is Gordon a girl’s name in Chinese??

· Virginia Slim is sick of hearing so many people say that they know Black Widow. So he asks all those that have really ‘known’ Black Widow to come into the Circle. Nudge nudge, wink wink, know what I mean, know what I mean? Every male, including Croc Hunter, enters the Circle, as well as 3 females!

· China Hash Nash in October September 2-4 – do a Google [ed: or use Bing if you want to get the dates right] if interested. http://www.hash.cn/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=19:the-beijing-hash-house-harriers&catid=25:hhh&Itemid=27

· And all the February Birthday folk are in for a drink – my, a combined age of 3,527 years.

· And just on a Kiwi note to finish off:

Our thoughts go to our Kiwi friends on their recent tragedy.

On on to Seletar Seafood.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

The Waitangi (NZ) Run

Hares: Lost Marbles, Wet N Wild and a flock of sheep.

Harding Rd, car park behind the church

The Great Debate

A Kiwi run always ignites that intriguing question – who invented the pavlova? Discussion was on and the experts called in. Australia and New Zealand square off again. Both countries claim the Pavlova as a national dish, but there can only be one winner. This popular dish is named after the famous ballerina, Anna Pavlova, who toured Australia and New Zealand in 1920s. So, who first cooked up this sweet treat in her honour?

According to the Australians, the chef of the Hotel Esplanade in Perth, Western Australia, Herbert Sachse, created the pavlova to celebrate the visit of the great Russian ballerina, Anna Pavlova.

According to the New Zealanders, a recipe was recorded in 1919, long before the ballerina came to dance. New Zealand has had a recipe, often called a meringue cake, but sometimes called a pavlova, before anything like that was known in Australia.

Well, it seems the Kiwis have it. But at least they can’t pinch our true-blue, fair dinkum Aussie icons like Split Enz and Phar Lap and good old Russell Crowe. Bon appétit!

But really, what’s all the fuss? It’s only a pile of beaten eggwhite with fruit and cream all over it.

The Run

And speaking of fruity things and whipped cream, that brings us to the Hash. The Hares got their Saints a bit confused at one stage in the naming of the Church car park, but managed to set everyone off on time. A great T check along the top of the field saw everyone out onto Napier Rd and over the pedestrian bridge for another great check. After a detour along Holland Rd, it was back into the guts of Dempsey. Pre dinner patrons, sipping on their drinks outside on the balconies were startled to see 30 or so sweaty runners emerging from the bushes into the shopping area. Around the back and down the steps onto the Rugby Fields.

Past a game of soccer, the Hares, not taking chances with the weather, had placed a Circle Check under a spectator’s shelter on the side. I decided to let Give Way check first along the smelly drain, remembering Sneaky Comers encounter with a cobra there the other year.

Feeling rather nauseous from the puky drain, fresh air was needed so I checked back across the field all the way into Loewen Rd. As the Hares had not stipulated how far to go on checks, I extended my checking to 800 meters and stumbled on the Home Trail, just as On On was called back on the far side of the Field. Well, that was heading back to close for comfort to that puky drain, and I thought the aroma of hops, malt and barley might rid me of my nauseous state of being. So Home Trail to the Beer Wagon for me.

Well, the Pack headed through the bush and eventually bashed it’s way up onto Loewen Rd for the Home Trail home. While cleansing my nostrils of that foul drain, I observed Shaggy Dick 2 at the top of the steps leading down into the car park, 50 metres from the Beer Wagon, with his back to us and calling ‘Are you?’ He disappeared along with the rest of the blind as a bat front runners. Amazing.

The Circle:

So, what did we think of that for a run? Too much sheep shagging. Too many Chicks. Good Run. Baa Baa.

Tell us about your On On: Mr. Hoe and his roast lamb, potatoes, creamy of course, salad and Wet N Wilds Pav. (How do you tell if a Kiwi has been into the fridge? Love bites on the leg of lamb.)

Next week’s run: Cactus Rd, Seletar Seafood Restaurant.

Visitors / Returnees: Knobby Boy Scout, Virginia Slim, TBA, Indecent Exposure, Armless, Higgins and a few others possibly.

Virgins: 2 virgins, with one claiming they had done it 3 times. Interesting.

Lipstick: TBA, Armless, who did not even make it out of the car park, and Hooray.

Tits: Hooray informs us that Virginia Slim has rejoined the work force, thus requiring Kan The Cobra to find herself a new co hare. Virginia Slim wins the Tits.

Dick: No Dick.

Awards – nope

AOB

· Kan Not Can announces the passing of William Leong, a Monday Hasher and a well respected and dedicated one. A minutes silence followed.

· Shoe Shopper thanked Stiffener for the great party on Saturday, and a few people called for another one in 2 weeks time.

· Armless and Indecent Exposure are fare welled as it is their last Harriet’s Run. Armless is presented with a hook to compensate for his lack of arm. Indecent Exposure was then covered up by a massive pair of oversized knickers. As they are now both retired, she is also given a pair of f*#k me shoes so she can walk the streets to earn some extra money on the side. Finally, Big Head presented them with a memento of that famous run they set on the East Coast where we were told to run and run and run, but not to worry because it was a bus run. Sure enough, we arrived at a car park and there was Armless with the bus – a toy miniature double decker! Farewell guys, we will miss you both.

· Kamala comes in all emotional now that Armless is leaving and she will have no one to love her. Armless then gives her a love talk in his German Indian language.

· Hand Bag gets Tiger Lily and points out to her the difference between a white plastic bag and toilet paper. She misled the Pack at a check by insisting that the white thing they could see was plastic. So after fruitless searching in the opposite direction, Tiger Lily’s ‘plastic was reexamined and of course, it turned out to be paper marking the trail. What does she use in her toilet at home???

· Fat Crashing Bastard can’t believe the pain threshold of Tiger Lily- on finishing the run, she grabbed all the ice out of the cooler and shoved it down her sock. But can she put it down her shorts?

· Our Belgian visitor shows Hand Bag how they use plastic bags to drink out of in Europe. He fills a plastic bag and hangs it around Hand Bags head. Belgian chocolate is then thrown into the crowd, and Mr. Belgian finishes by proposing to Jack Off.

· Knobby Boy Scout informs us that Tiger Lily is into bi stuff. Yes, she won the Singapore Biathlon.

· Shaggy Dick 2 is worried about KBS asking him to be his partner in the Urban Health Run for men.

· Knobby Boy Scout is also partnering Hand Bag – they are sharing a bedroom in Bali. Also, there is some sort of code happening, involving what to do if a condom is hanging from the front door. It’s a worry.

· Sneaky Comer charges your scribe for doing a 750 metre check and discovering the Home Trail.

· Not Tonight warns Shoe Shopper not to invite Deep Throat as a Facebook friend, or you will end up getting Hand Bag ads.

· TBA was in NZ 3 weeks ago and they were celebrating Waitangi Day then. He charges the Hares for being late.

· Mr. Belgian charges Two Jugs for wearing a St. Georges shirt when we are celebrating Waitangi Day.

· FCB charged the 2 Kiwi blondes for getting a bit friendly with the 2 stuffed sheep. Well, Wet N Wild is Kiwi, but Wet N Ready? Does she have a bit of kiwi in her???

· Hand Bag also saw Shaggy Dick 2 at the end of the run calling ‘Are you?’ when he was 20 metres from the car park.

· Knobby Boy Scout was silly enough to follow Tiger Lily, who got lost at the end just 20 metres from the car park. While Shaggy Dick2 realised where he was eventually, Tiger Lily kept going past the car park in the direction of Orchard Rd, with KBS trailing on behind her.

· Hooray has found out why TBA came to the run – his wife is away and there was nothing to eat at home.

· I could not let Sneaky Comer and Wet N Wild rest in peace. Coming back from their romantic trip away to Europe, there is WNW unable to run in a leg brace with a damaged cruciate ligament, while Sneaky Comer returned with a severely strained groin. Just stick to the more conventional positions from now on you 2, ok!

· TBA reckons Tiger Lily is so blind that she could get lost in a pair of Shoe Shoppers size 18 knickers.

And just on a Kiwi note to finish off:

A Kiwi walks into the local unemployment office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi! I hate being on welfare, I’d really rather have a job."

The clerk behind the Centrelink desk says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You’ll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he’ll supply all of your clothes.

Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You’ll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage.

The starting salary is $200,000 a year".

The Kiwi says, "You’re bull****ting me!"

The Centrelink officer says, "Yeah, well, you started it".

On on to Mr. Ho’s NZ tucker – lamb, creamy potato, salad and Wet & Wild’s incredible Pavlova!

Scribed by Cock Radio.

The ‘Lonely Bum’ Run

Hares: Father Anus

Yishun Industrial Park A

(outside the Yishun Fire Station)

The Run

The Hare did a great job of confusing runners before we even started -Yishun Industrial ParkA was the run site given, and there were 9 streets with that name! However, those it made it early were entertained by an exhibition game of street soccer put on by the fire brigade boys.

Along the canal we went, for quite some distance actually, putting it in the category of a far canal, I guess. Eventually a T check was hit, which basically said ‘Enough far canal.’

Trash led the way through the pricks prickles, out onto a dirt track and down into a bit of a stream for a T check. Kan Not Can was seen heading off trail at one stage, possibly to retrieve a camera he had secretly stashed in the bushes to get some quick undetected snaps.

Back out onto the dirt track and the feeling was, despite some checks to throw us off, that we were going to hit water at the Straits of Johor. Loose Change even led the way at one stage, still only delaying momentarily where we were headed. And sure enough, there were the Straits and a fine view of Malaysia. A cunning little loop took us parallel to the Straits and then came back to within 20 metres of where it started.

More dirt / gravel tracks going clockwise, more checks to try and throw us off our gut feelings (and crikey, after the Christmas / CNY break, there were plenty of guts out there to be felt). Wet Patch checking north to the Straits at a Circle Check was just going too far in pretending he didn’t know where the trail was really going.

Down the home stretch, and the foreign construction workers were out on their hostel balconies cheering us on. Or perhaps they were just giving us curry.

The Circle:

So, what did we think of that for a run? Too much anti clockwise running. Too many firemen and not enough seamen. Far canal! Good Run.

Tell us about your On On: Som’s Restaurant, opposite Sembawang Shopping Centre. Hong Kong Cantonese style (and it was top food too I must say. Well done Father Anus.)

Next week’s run: Lost Marbles, Wet N Wild, 2 ewes, 3 lambs & a ram.

Visitors: Vibrator, Stiff, Vibrator, Bagless 2 and a few others possibly.

Virgins: Not with all those firemen around

Returnees: Nah.

Lipstick: Kan Not Can for sneaking off at one stage. Did anyone take his photo?

Tits: Stiff has some sensitive Tits candidates, such as someone (possibly Vibrator) pissing on trail, again, and a lack of exposure from KNC. But for giving short cut tips that got runners back 15 minutes after everyone else, Hooray gets the Tits.

Dick: No Dick.

Awards – nope

AOB

· Hooray attempts to name the new girl Jackie. Two Jugs was voted on and all the males were happy to have a hand in that. And with the power infected in her, Shoe Shopper duly named her that.

· Shaggy Dick 2 noticed a spelling error on Kan Not Cans shirt – it said ‘Consulting Engineer,’ instead of ‘Insulting Engineer.’

· Mother’s Tongue called in myself and Trash for ducking off into bushes and not inviting her for a 3some.

· Wet Pet charged the Hare, Father Anus, for his confusing run site that contained 9 streets with the same name, resulting in one Harriet driving round and round in a Taxi before finally going home – with a $45 taxi fare.

· Hooray charged those that were silly enough to follow his short cut.

· Wet Brazilian, who arrived late, having explored Yishun Ave 7 in detail, was given a map by the Hare so she catch up to the pack. A kind thought from Father Anus, only that the map was 8 years old and there has been considerable development in that time, making the map useless.

· Cock Radio and Shaggy Dick 2 gave Shoe Shopper 2 bottles of wine as a CNY present for her driving them to the run each week. Except last week, when she went home early from work to play scrabble, leaving us to get a taxi. And being CNY, there was not a taxi to be found. So while waiting 50 minutes trying unsuccessfully to get a cab, and getting a bit bored, we drank the 2 bottles, hence the presentation of 2 lovely but empty bottles of white to Shoe Shopper. But being the kind, generous types we are, 2 full bottles were then given to Shopper to replace the empty ones. ( That should keep us in the good books for another 12 months).

· Stiff reminded us how our members are pillars of society – almost good lawyers, insulting engineers, teechers, etc etc and can understand why they may not want their Hash photos on the web. (Although there is a certain Microsoft IT guru who does not mind his Face Book profile pic feature him wearing the Hash Dick). Kan Not Can is exposed! Will he snap back? What will he focus on next? Will he tell the Committee to Nickoff instead of Nikon? Let’s hope a Cannon is not fired. Will he tell the GM to shutter her face? Stay tuned for further developments! Another Classic Kodak moment.

· Kan Not Can calls in a buxom blonde – NO, not you Shoe Shopper. Loose Change fits the bill.

At this stage, an urgent call is made by yours truly – ‘Everyone, get off the road. NOW!’ Has CR gone crazy?

No, the fire brigade boys are in action! Out comes fire truck number 1 from the station, siren blaring and lights flashing the boys busy adjusting their helmets in the back. But look out, here comes the scout on the motor bike, putting the KFC motor bike delivery guys to shame. But wait, there’s more! Out comes the big pump engine, with the boys hanging out the side giving us a wave. So, do we resume the circle? No way, out comes an ambulance, red flashing light resplendent against its shiny white paint work. My, this is excitement plus. Well done Father Anus!

Well, after all this excitement, I lost the gist of the charge. Involves the buxom blonde Loose Change, Kan the Cobra, and something about suffering headache, pain in arse, pain in jaw etc. I leave it to you to interpret.

· Open to the Floor tries to get a naming for Stifflers GF. Lots of possibilities, many involving the Stiff Family. After lots of discussion, the only result was Bagless 2 being charged for suggesting ‘F#*ing Stiffler.’ And we refer to him as nice Bagless??

· Wet Pet reminded Stiff that size does matter.

· Shaggy Dick 2 finished things off by thanking Father Anus for the on site entertainment. We had a game of street soccer, fireman holding their hoses, and even their long snorkels, sliding up and down their slippery poles, polishing their helmets and so on. Good stuff.

And just to get you in the mood for next week’s run:

AN ENGLISHMAN, A NEW ZEALANDER AND A MAORI

THERE WAS AN ENGLISHMAN, A NEW ZEALANDER AND A MAORI ON A PLANE FLYING OVER THE SOUTH ISLAND WHEN THE PILOT ANNOUNCED THAT HE WAS LOSING ALTITUDE BECAUSE THE PLANE WAS TOO HEAVY.

SO THE ENGLISHMAN THREW OFF A BOX OF PEARS, THE NEW ZEALANDER THREW OUT A BOX OF APPLES AND THE MAORI THREW OUT A BOMB.

NOW WHEN THE ENGLISHMAN GOT HOME, HIS MUM WAS CRYING.

"WHY ARE YOU CRYING?" HE SAID.

"CAUSE DAD GOT HIT OVER THE HEAD BY A BOX OF FLYING PEARS AND DIED.”

NOW WHEN THE NEW ZEALANDER GOT HOME, HIS MUM WAS CRYING TOO.

"WHY ARE YOU CRYING?” HE SAID.

"CAUSE DAD GOT HIT OVER THE HEAD BY A FLYING BOX OF APPLES AND DIED.”

BUT WHEN THE MAORI GOT HOME, HIS MUM WAS LAUGHING HER HEAD OFF.

SO HE SAID, ‘MUM, WHY YA LAUGHING BRO.”

"BECAUSE DAD FARTED AND BLEW UP THE HOUSE…..

On on to Soms Restaurant for some very, very tasty Cantonese food.

Scribed by CR.

The ‘All in the Family’ Run

Mother’s Tongue, Slippery Bum, Yana and Friend.

The Run

A surprisingly large group graced the Pepys Road carpark to welcome new beer boys and the new year. Those of us who made an effort to find a taxi found the roads surprisingly free of traffic. Mother’s Tongue directed serious runners out the carpark entrance and shortcutters down the stairs to head on down Pepys Road. Around the canal and into Hortpark, our front runners headed off down Alexandra Road only to be called back and up the other way. Into the British enclave (what else should I call it, with Royal, Canterbury, York, and Winchester Roads) and over to Normanton Park before a circle check had everyone confused for about 5 minutes. Home was “that” way but the trail went in completely the opposite direction over towards Science Park Drive.

Finally out onto South Buona Vista, into forest trail (bike trail) going parallel with the road, before heading up to the top of Kent Ridge Park. Phew. Fortunately there was a drink stop of Vodka Cranberry as reward for climbing the hill, before a short trot down to Pepys Road. Well done hares.

The Circle

What did we think about the run? “All 7 hares” were called in by the GM. Mother’s Tongue had promised a “nice & beautiful run”. Was it? Yes, proclaimed the circle, give them a drink.

What about your on on? Mother’s Tongue announced that while the original plan was for on site, two weeks of continuous rain had convinced them to go inside, on in Yana’s friend to give directions. He proceeded to describe a

to the on on. Chilli con carne, cooked by the hares, $10.

Next week’s run: Yishun Industrial Park A, by Father Anus. Since Yishun Industrial Park A is a road with many twists and turns, you are advised to find the Fire Station and park in the car park next to it.

Lipstick: Wet Patch and Vibrator.

New Member: Welcome to Harriets, Jackie. Only a virgin last week. We love keen virgins.

Virgins: Emma. “Who made you come, Emma”? Handbag was the answer. Never mind, you might have come with him but you don’t have to go home with him. “Will you come again”? I might, was the answer, but I am leaving soon.

Visitors: A plethora of visitors tonight, welcome Bagless Too, Slack Arse, Marina, King Lear, Coo Chi Coo, No Good, Ayam Zinking, Stiff, Stiffler, Gulnara, Completely Unacceptable, Isakoo, Phoney Dick.

The Tits: Ad Nauseum has clearly thought through and rehearsed his charge for tonight. He starts off “One of the most annoying things on the hash is….” Quick as a flash, his wife pipe up “YOU!”. All previous charges are forgotten as Ugly Bum is called in. A quick domestic discussion ensues and then Ad Nauseum returns to his previous charge. Apparently it is annoying to have know-it-all’s who are sure they know where the run is going and know all the short cuts. Stiff “knew” a short-cut, persuaded Ad Nauseum to follow him, only to have them both positioned at the very back of the pack. Stiff gets the tits.

Gong Xi Fa Cai: Croc Hunter is in attendance, teaching the new beer boys a thing or two. He is called in to receive an Ang Bao from a grateful GM. Thanks Croc Hunter, you will be missed.

The Dick: Hand Bag has had another week to think of a good charge or two. He has some candidates. We know that Shoe Shopper always advertises when she has to go off for a tinkle, but tonight when she ducked off into the bushes, Vibrator was good enough to call “on on, this way” to follow her. He is nearly a good enough candidate, be even better is Lethal Weapon who left her (cooler) box behind last week. Lethal Weapon gets the Dick.

Awards – none

AOB

· Ugly Bum has a bit of a grudge. Ad Nauseum showed up at home late tonight and proceeded to interrogate her as to whether she had remembered to pack all his hash gear. Yes, she replied as a long suffering one. Had she remembered his shorts? Yes, was the answer. Come the run and the shorts turn out to have a hole in a rather interesting place, why hasn’t she sewed them up? This is beyond the pale for Ugly Bum, who points out to all associate members that the Harriets are not their slaves, or something to that effect.

· Turbo turned up to the drink stop at the same time as Ugly Bum. Ugly Bum must have thought she was at the back of the pack, as she spied a table full of drinks she exclaimed “but I can’t drink all of those”. Ok, have a drink now then….

· Not Tonight was apparently shortcutting around a “circuitous route” (ed: see http://www.circuitousroot.com/ ) when Ad Nauseum found trail and called for a woman. Not Tonight was a bit miffed that she had to run all the way back to lead the pack. At least I think that was the charge, at this point Ugly Bum was asking me what a circuitous root was, was it enjoyable, how could she acquire one, and why didn’t her husband know this technique. A quick image search for circuitous root reveals this tasty image (removed from blog version).

· Stiff wants Ad Nauseum in for a grudge – Ad Nauseum, coming up behind Stiff on the run, remarks that she seems to have gained weight and would he please hurry up?

· Stiffy was parked in the corner of the car park and noticed a steady progressing of Harriets passing by before the run, presumably to have a tinkle. After the run, Twin Towers was looking for a suitable spot and Stiffy was good enough to point out the previously used facilities. Twin Towers thought it was a bit dark, and sought reinforcements. On in Comes Quietly, we hope you washed your hands afterwards.

· Yana calls her partner in for obscure directions, provides a slightly less circuitous route to the on on, and gives him a drink.

· Slack Arse has a charge. Points out that hashers are supposed to be a friendly and helpful bunch. So then, when driving to the hash, when you see a fellow hasher walking to the run site, you are supposed to stop and offer a ride. He calls in Ad Nauseum (as driver) and Turbo (as walker) only to be swiftly corrected. It was a visitor as the walker and Ugly Bum who was the driver. Give them a drink.

· Mother’s Tongue points out that Vibrator came to the run in a very colourful outfit….orange shirt, orange shoes etc. One of our visitors was also wearing orange shoes, but wouldn’t be caught dead in an orange shirt. Give them both a note.

· Ugly Bum wants Mother’s Tongue in for forgetting Vibrator’s name – how is that possible?

· Zipp is annoyed at people who persist in not wearing hash shirts. On in the new beer boys for a drink (ed: note this was their first run).

· Loose Change brings in Stiffener who gets a drink for great work in arranging the new beer boys over the weekend.

· Shoe Shopper wants Cock Radio in but he isn’t here so she takes a look-a-like in Comes Quietly. She is questioning Cock Radio’s commitment to the hash. He couldn’t get a taxi and was contemplating whether to make a last ditch effort. “What’s for dinner”, he asked? “Chilli”, she replied. “F&ck, baked beans”. I guess that means he isn’t coming to the on on.

· Slack Arse wants Shoe Shopper and Wet Patch in. Apparently they are the hares for the dog hash this weekend, but they haven’t announced it in the circle. Shoe Shopper corrects this, Lorong Lada Hitam, dogs optional.

· Mother’s Tongue gives a dog hash warning… Shoe Shopper and Wet Patch are commanded to “stay”. Be careful when sitting down that a dog doesn’t pee all over you.

On on.

Scribed by Sneaky Comer.

The ‘Aussie Day’ Run

Cock Radio, Maggot, Sneaky Comer and the Aussies.

The Run

Being actually Australia Day, the Aussies tried to add true authenticity to the occasion by trying to replicate the Australian flood disaster. Some serious rain during the afternoon led to a lot of water lying around, causing sandbagging around the beer truck to be considered. Stiffy, helpful as ever, messaged the Hares in the afternoon questioning if we had an ark ready to be launched at the top of Bukit Timah Hill.

Some clever last minute remarking of trail by the Hares. Out the front gates for a loop back into Bukit Browne via Lornie Rd. Trail wound through the cemetery tracks before some bush bashing down into the stream, which was looking more like the swollen Murray River back in Oz.

A bit of road running, past the new stables and down towards Mt. Pleasant Rd to re enter the cemetery. Some bush bashing to emerge onto the home trail, only to encounter 2 obstacles to slow things down. The first was a massive tree that had crashed across the trail. The second was far more serious – a Lethal Weapon Drink Stop. Extremely lethal combination of vodka and guava.

Beer Cooler freebies with pink Harriet’s logo and the famous boxing kangaroo.

Next week’s run: Chinese New Year Eve Run. Pepys Rd.

Lipstick: Ad Nauseum, again, Hooray and Stiff. All proclaimed their innocence. Stiff cheddar lads, wear it. Shoe Shopper had a little difficulty getting it up for them – the lipstick stick that is.

Visitors: STFU, (and if he doesn’t soon, someone will do it for him), Stiff, King Lear, and possibly others. Why were they born so beautiful………

Virgins: Jackie (not to be confused with Jack Off, who is certainly no virgin). Shopper asked if it was painful for her, she replied the moisture and wetness was rather pleasant.

2 virgin walkers from Brisbane (definitely not virgin drinkers) who thought they were still in Brisbane judging by all the water.

The Tits: Father Anus has forgotten what Tits are. But it seems a few other people are forgetful.

Jack Off forgot her 5 fingered shoes.

Ad Nauseum borrowed his flip flops 2 years ago and has just returned them. Along with an umbrella and the flip flops again, he gets the Tits.

The Dick -Hand Bag has a few candidates.

Boo for laughing at people

The Hares for being Aussies.

Himself for having a drink in each hand in all his Jakarta photos.

Shoe Shopper for trying to put his beer cooler down his shorts.

Keep the Dick!

Awards – none

AOB

· Stiff tells how Shoe Shopper told the boys they should hurry up and get their clothes off as the Circle was starting soon.

· Mr. Potato Head was told by Wet Brazilian that she was going to be very wet tonight.

· Sneaky Comer heard Lethal Weapon asking Cock Radio to give her a hand with her box.

· Stiffy saw Open To The Floor walking to the Hash in the rain. And who drove right past without offering a lift? Loose Change.

· Shoe Shopper was asked by Open To The Floor what was the best way to drive from New Zealand to Tasmania. Perhaps consulting an atlas first would be a good idea.

· Stiffy charged Kamala, Dances With Kerbs and Zipp for overlooking Indian National Day.

· Zipp pointed out a shooting star to Jack Off.

· Ugly Bum charged Stiff for calling Thaipusam ‘Thai Pussy.’

· Mother’s Tongue showed Stiff a picture and asked him what it reminded him off. ‘Pussy.’ Was the reply. She showed him 6 more pictures and each time he gave the same reply ‘Pussy.’ Obviously did not have to be Thai Pussy.

· ‘Shooting Star.’ was called.

· Kan Not Can gave the Robbie Burns Run a plug.

He then picks out some randy random males for leaving their female partners behind and asks them why.

‘Bullsh#t, bullsh#t ….’ Drowns him out.

On on to Mr. Hoe’s meat pies.

Scribed by Cock Radio.