Singapore Hash House Harriets

Hare: Virgin Slim

End of Tagore Drive

The Circle:

So, what did we think of that for a run? “Good run!” – Where was the run? Never mind where is the onon!

Tell us about your on on. At the coffee shop.

Next week’s run: – Near the British Club. Hares – Shoe Shopper and Wet Patch. Onon – at the Sports Bar at the British Club.

New Members: well really returning members – Leg Over and Bit on the Side.

Virgins: Janet and David “Did they enjoy the run?” – “What run?”

Visitors: Jig a Jig, Turbo, Penile Extension, Crit, Stiffler, Stiff.

Returness: – Mother Mary and Dirty Hacker (who was beaten by a woman, but Dirty Hacker did admit “It happens every day!” – ahh! Bless!).

Dick & Tits: No tits and no dick – Jack Off is holding on to it!

Lipstick: No lipstick as there were no naughty boys as nobody knew where the front was. But Boo was called in basically because he is always a naughty boy!

Awards – none.

AOB

Ugly Bum is upset with an associate member “Handbag” because he brought two virgins with him, but he didn’t tell them anything about the hash. They would have done a bit better as they run Bush Camps, going 25 km a day, but Handbag made them do the hash in their shower sandals!!!! Bad boy Handbag!

Hooray charged Sybil and Big Head in for dancing when they finished the run – “Here’s to the Hooter Girls”.

Slocum saw someone running with spikes and they still had the price tag on – “On in Crit!”

Jack Off called Big Head and Dances with Curbs in for wearing the t-shirt with Boo doing 100s of runs off trail, because tonight Boo was actually on trail! Well, as much as anyone could!

Not Tonight saw Janet on the trail having a bit of a hard time hashing in her sandals, but Father Anus was there as her knight in shining armour, offering his bended knee as a step to help her climb onto a huge fallen tree. Good old Father Anus, what would we do without him!

FCB reminded everyone of the rain in Oz and called Shoe Shopper in as her car was about to be washed away. She has three options, 1) Watch it go, 2) Try and get in it and 3) Go to the pub. Which would she choose? The guy in question let the tyres down!! “Here’s to physical teachers ….”

Ad Nausium let everyone know that Virginia Slim is going to make up for tonight’s cock up by setting the Kampong Hash on Saturday.

Sybil called someone in for already breaking their New Year’s resolution. Apparently, Virgin Slim had said he was going to get a new car and a new girlfriend.

Slocum had to call Shoe Shopper in for saying to him “I’ll show you yours if you show me mine!” And apparently Shoe Shopper is a natural blonde!

Shoe Shopper gave Jig a Jig a charge for slagging off Australians (What’s wrong with that?).

Boo gave a charge but Shaggy missed it as he was starting to fall asleep!

Stiffy charged Ad Nausium who had bought a couple of $1 parking coupons off him, but when Stiffy saw Ad Nausium’s car he had only used 3 50cent coupons! So where are the $1 coupons??? Why is he storing up $1 coupons? Does he know something we don’t?

On on on.

Scribed by Wet Brazilian.

Hares: Sex Change, C#ntfused, Jackoff and Slocum

End of Springleaf Road

The Circle:

So, what did we think of that for a run? ”Wettest run of the year, over and done with in the first week!”, “Wet, hot and sticky”, “Good run”, “Noisy run!”, “Scary run”.

Tell us about your on on. at Lenny’s house, $10, Thai green curry, vegetables and apple cake and ice cream – tasty!

Next week’s run: Hare = Virginia Slim, at the end of Tagore Road, 50% probability of a drinks stop.

Visitors: 11 of them! Still need to get list from Wet Pet.

Virgins: One young lad, who Big Head took under her wing! Not sure if he will run with us again though, but how could he resist when Big Head tempted him with her star – “The star, it is where the magic is. I can do it faster and on demand too!”.

Returness: – Mother Mary and Dirty Hacker (who was beaten by a woman, but Dirty Hacker did admit “It happens every day!” – ahh! Bless!).

Dick: Boo, whose name isn’t Richard by the way, brought Jack Off in for her role as a hare. During the run she was sweeping and directing the pack, but the only problem was she didn’t know which way the trail went!

Boo also asked Jack Off “Who set the longest T check ever?!!” Jack Off denied it was her for about a minute, then she owned up to it, but in a surprised turn of events she charged her co- hares for making her run all that way! Good call!

After a quick vote Slocum became the new owner of the dick.

(Oh and he was beaten by a woman too!).

Tits: The Tits were then called for and surprise, surprise they were in Father Anus’ car, but he refused to get them out saying “they’re not mine, they’re not mine!” Definitely a chargeable offense.

Lipstick: Handbag, Jig a jig and 3 your visitors “Remember, ladies always come first!”.

Awards – none.

AOB

Not tonight brought Jack Off in. As we know she sometimes get confused by natural phenomenon, what with airplanes that look like shooting stars. However tonight Jack Off saw flashing in the sky and said “Lightening!” but standing right next to her was Kannot Kan with his camera – “It was his camera flash, Jack Off!”

(Kannot Kan then joined the sorry group of guys beaten by a woman).

Handbag brought in a Tiger Lily lookalike, because as we know there was a storm during the run, a big storm and there was lots of thunder and lightening. Handbag was running behind Tiger Lily (of course, don’t we all) and there was a loud clap of thunder and Tiger Lily reaction was to curl into the foetal position, but unfortunately from Handbag viewpoint it looked like she had just squatted down to relieve herself, shall we say!

Fat Crashing Bastard reminded everyone that it did rain a little on the run, a fact that some people enjoyed. Especially Christine and Kowpat Kowboy, who were running with Goodie Bag and had their tongues dragging on the floor when she stated “Do you know, I could almost be naked I am so wet!”

Handbag had been doing some research about stars and had read in the paper that there are something like 300000000000000000000000 (3 with 23 zeros after it whatever that number is) stars in the sky. So that is obviously why Jack Off sees so many shooting stars!

Hooray made an announcement that one of brew truck men was going back to China, so we all said thank you for all your services. Then he brought in a visiting Finnish woman and explained how he had asked what she did. She was a teacher – A teacher of Finnish? – No, Swedish! and she runs the Inter Mekong Hash in Laos!

Too Easy brought hares into the circle for setting the running on festive coloured paper – yellow! However the festive yellow was exactly the same colour as the old leaves in the jungle! Are you trying to make our lives difficult?

(The boys were beaten by a woman again!)

Not Tonight reminded us how dangerous hashing can be and how various people have been injured in the past. Today’s injured person was Wet and Dry, but did she really deserve our sympathy? Probably not seeing as her “injury” was cramp in her drinking hand from staying too long at the drinks stop!

Slocum called co-hares Sex Change and Confused into the circle so we could say farewell to them after 20 years in Singapore. “We have really enjoyed your company”.

Big Head then charged Wet and Dry and Dirty Dick,, (whoops, I think you mean Dirty Hacker, or maybe she know something we don’t). Apparently things are a bit incestuous between them in Texas!

Stiffy – “Isn’t it nice to know who your friends are?” His night started well when ? came up and gave him a kiss, but unfortunately she followed it with “By the way I’ve sent you something in the post, but you will probably get charged for it because I forgot to put a stamp on”. Thanks!

Big Head then brought the birthday girl Deep Throat in for us all to celebrate with.

Jack Off ended the night by telling us how a few months ago lion city organised a scorpion run, but unfortunately one of contributors didn’t get his t-shirt, but there were none left in his size – Aaahhh, poor Slocum. Tonight we discovered why there were no xxl t-shirts left, Goodie Bag had made it into a dress!

On on on.

Scribed by Wet Brazilian.

The ‘Haves and Haves Not’ Run

Shoe Shopper & Wet Patch

The gates outside the British Club

The Run

‘Need a fast woman to lead off down the hill’ was the call to start the run. And rocketing off was Loose Change and Not Tonight. Onto Jalan Kampong Chantek via wood plank and concrete steps – whatever happened to the days of risking life and limb jumping the drain and sliding down the slippery embankment on your bum to end up in the middle of the road at the bottom?

Under the pipeline was a T, leaving those unfortunates to plod back up Chantek under the PIE.

A little detour through some bush that served as a rubbish dump for the bordering houses – even an old chair had been thrown over the wall.

We then took offence to the next part of the run, as we followed the wire fence line right around the reservoir at the top of Jalan Kampong Chantek. In fact someone suggested we went 2 times around, as one bit of fence began to look like all the other bits. You know those green wire fences, they all look the same to us.

Gypsy called ‘Someone’s peeing on the trail.’ A visitor pissed off by being so fenced was taking a leak.

Eventually an escape was found out onto Rifle Range Rd, where a tricky check saw me stupidly follow Stiffy’s instructions to keep checking further up the pipeline trail hill until I reached the summit and disappeared over the other side out of sight. Of course trail went in the opposite direction back up Rifle Range road.

500 metres behind the pack, I then heard voices calling ‘Are you?’ and saw Tiger Lily and Father Anus, late comers, emerging from nowhere. Despite being called by Wet Patch to ‘Stay on trail Cock Radio,’ I did the gentlemanly thing and waited to show them the way. Unfortunately, once Tiger Lily caught up to me, she did not wait to show me the way. Japanese gratitude huh.

Off R R Rd and into the Durian Loop, which then had a bit of a bush bashing loop to the stream. May have pushed NP guidelines slightly!

Back onto the Durian Loop, but not long before another lovely little bush trail further tested the NP tolerance levels! But what a great view towards the city from the top of the hill. For reasons known only to me, and probably Wet Patch, I was in the lead at this stage, following Not Tonight, and what a pleasant, enjoyable part of the run it was.

Until Tiger Lily and Shaggy Dick 2 came crashing down the trail behind us, completely destroying the serenity!

Onto Rifle Range Road, again, and then we went a bit batty. The smell of the bat colony under the PIE at Mayfair Park was ordinary, though the bats probably thought the smell of 40 sweaty hashers passing under them was ordinary too.

Through Mayfair Park, up the hill, across the drain, up another hill, into the housing estate to finally take the climb back up the road to the finish, outside the gates to the British Club.

Well, I enjoyed that thanks guys, great use of a tight area. (So the nun said to the bishop apparently.)

Next week’s run: Aussie Day Run, Bukit Browne Cemetery. Please show respect. Refrain from any reference to cricket.

Lipstick: Ad Nauseum, Krit & a visitor

Visitors: Lost Our Souls, Hairy Hard On, Krit, and possibly others. Why were they born so beautiful………

Virgins: Nope.

Dick n Tits No Tits. Unusual, as it is a ladies run.

The Dick - Jack Off is holding the Dick for Slowcum, as all good wives do. 3 candidates.

1. Boo, but is excused on a technicality.

2. Ad Nauseum for watching fellow Hashers follow clearly marked trail, while he deviated off on his own and called out to the others ‘Are you?’ Trying to have his cake and eat it too.

3. Handbag, at a check, called repeatedly ‘Need a woman,’ while Wet Brazilian, who he had been running with, stood next to him.

Handbag wins.

Awards – none

AOB

· Impossible charged for being neglectful in his role of Friday Hash Cash and not paying his guest fees by the time the circle had started.

· Wet Pet followed Posh Duck’s advice and went down. Wet Pet’s face went slightly red after much heckling from the Circle on saying this. Anyway, she couldn’t find trail, despite going down, because Wet Patch had picked up the paper, as we should in NP. Moral of story – don’t leave it too long before you go down or you may not find what you were expecting.

· Wet Brazilian explains how Ad Nauseum came to get Lipstick tonight. At a Check, he called ‘Need a woman,’ and continued running, despite the fact that Wet Brazilian was on the way. His excuse to her was ‘If you can’t run fast enough to keep up, then I’m not waiting….’ In the words of Twin Towers, ‘Bastard!’

· Ugly Bum comes in for a grudge charge on Ad Nauseum, who is obviously being a serious bastard tonight. He had complained that he was too tired for any sort of nocturnal bedroom activity all week, but didn’t hesitate to race off to run the Hash without her. ‘Bloody bastard!’

· Tiger Lily overheard out on the run that Right Royal Tit’s wife told Shaggy Dick 2 that she was pregnant. Umm, why was SHE telling him that news and not Royal Tit. Let’s wait and see if the baby is a red head or a shaggy head.

· Handbag called in a Scotsman, Ad Nauseum, (he must have wanted a bastard Scotsman) and wonders what the state of the Scottish National Soccer team is when they have a player by the name of David Goodwilly. Could be fun in the showers after a game – don’t drop the soap. Bastard of a name I reckon.

· Zipp calls in the Old Farts having a birthday, Wet Pet and Gypsy.

· Stiffy was confused about the run (as he is always talking and not listening, this is no surprise). Is it the Australia Day Run? He sought clarification from someone who should know, an Aussie, but was further confused by his total lack of knowledge. And Shopper, a Hare, was wearing an Aussie Shirt. Just getting warmed up for next week.

· Ugly Bum points out how Shoe Shopper had trouble remembering a certain person’s name tonight. She stumbled out with ‘Err, ummm, um, you know, what’s his name.’ Yes Shoe Shopper, we do know his name. It’s your partner and Co Hare tonight, and we all call him Wet Patch. We suggest you remember his name too ok.

· Wet Patch comes in for a further grudge on Shoe Shopper. It was he that was carrying the bag with all the flour, paper etc as they set the run. On a tricky little section, he slipped and knocked his knee, but gallantly told her he could continue on, it was only a little swelling. Shoe Shopper’s reply – ‘Well that’s normal, a little swelling is all you ever get.’

· Kan Not Can charged Shoe Shopper for deliberately trying to mislead him with Circle Checks. (You did a shit job SS, he made it back-CR)

· Shaggy Dick 2 came in to give this run an official naming – ‘The Haves and the Have Nots Run.’ All the haves, ie British Club members, went inside for a nice hot shower with little bottles of shampoo, fluffy towels, robe, piped music, masseuse etc all supplied, while the Have Nots scrounged a bottle of water from the beer van and washed in the gutter out on the street.

· Not Tonight noticed Stiffy propositioning young women tonight, and despite their rather direct hint that they did not want him anywhere near their bottom, he still insisted on asking them if they wanted to come into the British Club for a shower with him. ( I like your style Stiffy, never say never! CR)

· Ugly Bum is concerned with the erring gents tonight. But she charges Boo, who has blamed it on the women for causing the erring gents. (Boo, all the males like your style!- CR)

· Handbag noticed that Wet Brazilian has a happening blonde hair moment. This is the reason why Stiffy asked her to shower with him in the British Club – he just wanted to check if the drapes matched the floor covering.

· A rather flustered Stiffy thanks Handbag for his ‘help’ in getting out of a tight shower spot.

· Deep Throat gives the Lion City 1500^th Run a plug, March 3^rd, Lorong Lada Hitam. Be there or be square.

· Gypsy has found a true blonde. Mother Tongue, after showering, went to Gypsy and asked him for a comb or brush she could borrow for her hair. Yeah, right, Gypsy carries a bagful of these. Duh!

· Don’t forget the Burns Night Run , Jan 29^th. Bit of running, lots of whisky, haggis and bawdy poems. Could even be some tossing of the caber. Kan Not Can for details.

Scribed by Cock Radio. On on to the British Club.

Thanks to all who scribed in my absence.

Hares: Hares – Too Easy and Fat Crashing Bastard

HomeTeamNS Adventure Centre, Bukit Batok

The Circle:

So, what did we think of that for a run? “Good run”, “ Not enough T checks”, “Not enough funny noises”. Fat Crashing Bastard to Big Head “Turn me into a prince please. Use your wand please” (Don’t know where that came from!!).

Tell us about your on on. Chicken, prawns, yam basket and lots of other delicious things – you turn left, you turn right, you put your right hand in, your right hand out and you do the Hokey, Cokey and that’s what it’s all about – very tuneful!

Next week’s run: Farewell run by Sex Change and his wife at the end of Springleaf Road.

Week after next (12th Jan)– we need a hare. Kannot Kan can’t do it (Aaahhh!) Hooray offered to do one around Farrell Road, but everybody shouted “No, No!!!” [Editor’s note: did any of the people shouting “No, No” volunteer to set a run then?]

Visitors: just the returnees.

Virgins: None.

Returness: – “Old farts” – King Lear, Nutcracker, Woodbridge and “He’s just a fart” Knobby Boy Scout

Tits: No tits to be seen tonight.

Dick: Again no tits or dick!! Who has them? We need them back!

Lipstick: Naughty Knobby – again! Boo and Father Anus – Deep Throat will never use her lipstick again after it having been on such lovely hunks!

Awards – none.

AOB

Big Head was wearing Monday Hash shirt, King Lear had to check the breast height logo very carefully indeed. “Off, off, off” the crowd shouted, but Big Head didn’t oblige.

Not Tonight was concerned about the different reactions Harriets had to intimacy with her husband Stiffy. Firstly, Wet Brazilian, who had suffered from cramp in her bum during the run, turned down Stiffy’s very kind offer to massage it better with a determined “no way, I wouldn’t let him touch my bum with a barge pole!” Whereas Deep Throat then openly offered to give Stiffy the clap! (Not sure if he took up the offer!)

Wet Pet then charged Wet Brazilian for being intimate with Slocum. During the run she came across Wet Brazilian and Slocum hiding behind the bushes! Jack Off informed everyone that Slocum had no reason to be hiding behind the bushes with anybody!

Deep Throat reminded everyone that Wet Brazilian of course didn’t have a bush to hide behind – thanks Deep Throat!

Kannot Kan charged himself by telling a Brazilian and Bush joke very badly. When President Bush was informed that three Brazilians had been killed in the Iraq war, he asked “How much is a Brazilian?”

To capture the moment Jack Off tried to take a picture, but modern technology is obviously so complex nowadays Jack Off got it the camera the wrong way round.

Fat Crashing Bastard then charged Not Tonight for constantly asking for short cuts during the run because she was drunk from drinking champagne all afternoon – well it is Christmas who can blame her.

Mr Potato Head then charged Big Head for making improper suggestions on the trail. Big Head told him – “Don’t just hold it, blow it” But surely shouldn’t Mr Potato Head be saying that to you?

Fat Crashing Bastard then revealed that Wet Pet had asked for some refreshment earlier and being such a kind person he offered her some of his, but she refused saying “No, I think that will be too salty”

Wow, lots of sex talk tonight! – Big Head was getting a bit flushed with it all.

Knobby Boy Scout brought Big Head in for the best quote of the night without a punch line. During the run at the mirky pond Big Head said “Oh, that could give a girl an infection” Knobby’s response was “Infection came about 20 years too late” – Oooohhh, Knobby, put those claws away!

Hooray likes to be very helpful of course, so when the Croc Hunter asked “where is Friday’s hash?”, Hooray replied “ I think it is at Pepys Road” Jack Off who was standing nearby joined in ‘Thanks for that, it’s my run I was wondering where it was”!!!

Not Tonight then got serious and called Knobby Boy Scout in for his standard of dress. Too Easy obviously had made an effort with her lovely dress, Deep Throat was wearing lots of bling for Christmas, but the male Harriet really don’t appreciate the need to dress properly! Do they? Knobby being the worse culprit – those shoes!! And last week when we were all dancing at the onon Knobby’s shoes were dropping mud all over the floor – yuck! and the Harriets were having to dance around the dirt! Stepping in that “could give a girl an infection” – Naughty Knobby again!

Wet Brazilian also had to charge Knobby Boy Scout because whilst running Knobby asked if she had any Brazilian girlfriends she could bring along to the hash as he is a bit desperate at the moment– Sorry Knobby, but dressed like that do you honestly think you would be in with a chance??!! But Knobby then promised to make more of an effort with his dress next week – so hold on to your hats girls!

Hooray then brought to everybody’s attention the hasher with the most Christmas spirit – Virginia Slim, who has had his car sprayed Christmas red – very nice!

And to finish a lovely parting song was sang form Woodbridge and Nutcracker as this is their last hash in Singapore till next year – “f#$k off , you c%^ts, f#$k off you c%^ts!”

On that note “Happy New Year Everybody” and thanks Hooray for lending me your headlight.

On on on.

Scribed by Wet Brazilian.

Run Report #1957 22/12/2010
Hares: The sick one and the old one, no sorry I mean Big Head and Virginia Slim
Teacher’s Union, Teacher’s Estate

The Circle:

So, what did we think of that for a run?  “Great run”, “Too long”, “Too many wild boars, especially the old bore in the circle” (a bit harsh!)

Tell us about your on on.  Salt and Pepper Café, $12 for one bean sprout each! For some reason this so excited Kamala that she pulled up Big Head’s T-shirt shouting “Sexy Thing”,  Boys you have been warned, don’t mention bean sprouts to Kamala.

Next week’s run: Bukit Batok, West Ave 7, it is on website.  Hares are Too Easy and Fat Crashing Bastard

Visitors:    Cumpus, Theo, King Lear, Nippy Knickers (from Stockholm), Shakes Pricks (from Stockholm), Jig a Jig.

Virgins:  Paola

Returness:  Vibrator, Knobby Boy Scout, Woodbridge and Nutcracker

Tits:  No tits to be seen tonight.

Dick: Again no tits or dick!! Who has them?  We need them back!

Lipstick:  Dutch Guy (Vibrator was chosen as his lookalike and Knobby Boy Scout

Awards –  none.

AOB
Tiger Lily heard something interesting on the run as she ran behind (yes, behind!) Handbag and Knobby Boy Scout – “Hey Knobby, you left your bike shorts in my car”.  Well what can we say, they did go on holiday together and shared a room.  Obviously not the only thing they shared!

Stiffy also overheard something when the lipstick was being given out.  Jig a jig didn’t get lipstick because “ I haven’t come first since 1965”  Aaahhh, bless!  Keep taking that Viagra, or maybe stop taking it.

Slocum, who arrived early, (please have a chat with Jig a jig) brought Stiffy into the circle for getting Not Tonight to do his dirty work.  Apparently, people were leaning on his car!! Heaven forbid, not his car!  Too Easy even went so far as to lean on it to write the visitors names – what was she thinking?   But instead of telling them to move away himself he got Not Tonight to!

Hooray then charged Tiger Lily for coming in last, last week!  Yes you heard right – last! She came in at 7:45 shouting “Hash Shit” 

Keeping to the Tiger Lily theme, Slocum proclaimed that we now have a Caucasian Tiger Lily – Open to the Floor.  Tiger Lily is famous for her ability to miss the trail and go the wrong way and Open to the Floor managed to do the same 4 times on this hash while Slocum was following her.  Jack Off was wondering “ Why were you following her?”  No domestics in the circle please.

Nippy Knickers say some perversion on the trail (only some?)  Mr Poatato Head was running when he came to a fallen tree trunk where he stopped and directed the following Harriet to get on all fours and crawl under it, while he watched!  It wasn’t until she had come out the other side that he mentioned that they were off trail and had to go back!  Mr Potato Head – naughty, naughty!

Stiffy then charged another naughty male – Slocum.  When driving to the hash (well being driven really) Stiffy got a phone call from Slocum asking “Where are you?” at 25 to 6! Slocum was concerned that he was in the wrong place.  Stiffy asked “Is anyone else there?” “No, nobody at all” was the reply, “Nobody?” “Well, only Too Easy”  So,Too Easy is a nobody????

Not Tonight charged the virgin Paola (lookalike Goody Bag) for falling on her face not once, not twice, not three times but four times!  Then when picking herself up the last time she admitted, “I’m more used to being a street walker.” Well that explains why she was on her back so much!

Big Head was very proud of her shining star wand last week, but she was a bit upset this week to see that Croc Hunter had shown her up, with not just one shining star, but 6 shining stars on his Christmas hat. 

Big Head then offered her star to be kissed by Vibrator as a birthday treat.  In true Knobby Boy Scout form he offered to kiss Vibrator who politely declined as he was busy going round the circle kissing all the harriettes.  Better luck next time Knobby!

Stiffy for once was paying attention to what was being said in the circle, but King Lear wasn’t.  King Lear heard Vibrator was “getting uglier”  not “getting older”

Ugly Bum came into the circle, shocked and outraged as she had been insulted by Stiffy.  What have you done this time Stiffy?  The pommy bastard, that is you Stiffy, had said “ I learnt the traits of telling lies from you, Ugly Bum.”  When will you learn Stiffy?  Women never tell lie they just tell their version of the truth.

The circle was then distracted as Open to the Floor and Vibrator tried to make a quiet getaway – unsuccessfully.  Obviously time for Vibrator’s birthday treat!

Ugly Bum came back into the circle to show us all how she was trying to change her image.  “Getting rid of Jim” was one hashers suggestion, but no she is trying to be more subtle, growing her hair long and wearing more seductive clothing.  She asked Ad Nauseum “Shall I grow my hair longer?  Do you remember when my hair was nipple length? Shall I grow it that long again?”   He replied with these loving words of encouragement – “Give it up love – your hair could never grow as quickly as your nipples are drooping”  Ooooohhh! How mean!

Handbag added, if your wife asks, “are my tits dropping? Is my bum sagging?”  Never reply “Well, at least there is nothing wrong with your eyesight!”

Ad Nauseum reminded everyone that on the 1st Jan it will be 1/1/11 so there will be a New Year’s day Kampong run to celebrate.  Check website for details.

Merry Christmas everybody!
On on on.
Scribed by Wet Brazilian.

Run Report #1957 22/12/2010
Hares: The sick one and the old one, no sorry I mean Big Head and Virginia Slim
Teacher’s Union, Teacher’s Estate

The Circle:

So, what did we think of that for a run?  “Great run”, “Too long”, “Too many wild boars, especially the old bore in the circle” (a bit harsh!)

Tell us about your on on.  Salt and Pepper Café, $12 for one bean sprout each! For some reason this so excited Kamala that she pulled up Big Head’s T-shirt shouting “Sexy Thing”,  Boys you have been warned, don’t mention bean sprouts to Kamala.

Next week’s run: Bukit Batok, West Ave 7, it is on website.  Hares are Too Easy and Fat Crashing Bastard

Visitors:    Cumpus, Theo, King Lear, Nippy Knickers (from Stockholm), Shakes Pricks (from Stockholm), Jig a Jig.

Virgins:  Paola

Returness:  Vibrator, Knobby Boy Scout, Woodbridge and Nutcracker

Tits:  No tits to be seen tonight.

Dick: Again no tits or dick!! Who has them?  We need them back!

Lipstick:  Dutch Guy (Vibrator was chosen as his lookalike and Knobby Boy Scout

Awards –  none.

AOB
Tiger Lily heard something interesting on the run as she ran behind (yes, behind!) Handbag and Knobby Boy Scout – “Hey Knobby, you left your bike shorts in my car”.  Well what can we say, they did go on holiday together and shared a room.  Obviously not the only thing they shared!

Stiffy also overheard something when the lipstick was being given out.  Jig a jig didn’t get lipstick because “ I haven’t come first since 1965”  Aaahhh, bless!  Keep taking that Viagra, or maybe stop taking it.

Slocum, who arrived early, (please have a chat with Jig a jig) brought Stiffy into the circle for getting Not Tonight to do his dirty work.  Apparently, people were leaning on his car!! Heaven forbid, not his car!  Too Easy even went so far as to lean on it to write the visitors names – what was she thinking?   But instead of telling them to move away himself he got Not Tonight to!

Hooray then charged Tiger Lily for coming in last, last week!  Yes you heard right – last! She came in at 7:45 shouting “Hash Shit” 

Keeping to the Tiger Lily theme, Slocum proclaimed that we now have a Caucasian Tiger Lily – Open to the Floor.  Tiger Lily is famous for her ability to miss the trail and go the wrong way and Open to the Floor managed to do the same 4 times on this hash while Slocum was following her.  Jack Off was wondering “ Why were you following her?”  No domestics in the circle please.

Nippy Knickers say some perversion on the trail (only some?)  Mr Poatato Head was running when he came to a fallen tree trunk where he stopped and directed the following Harriet to get on all fours and crawl under it, while he watched!  It wasn’t until she had come out the other side that he mentioned that they were off trail and had to go back!  Mr Potato Head – naughty, naughty!

Stiffy then charged another naughty male – Slocum.  When driving to the hash (well being driven really) Stiffy got a phone call from Slocum asking “Where are you?” at 25 to 6! Slocum was concerned that he was in the wrong place.  Stiffy asked “Is anyone else there?” “No, nobody at all” was the reply, “Nobody?” “Well, only Too Easy”  So,Too Easy is a nobody????

Not Tonight charged the virgin Paola (lookalike Goody Bag) for falling on her face not once, not twice, not three times but four times!  Then when picking herself up the last time she admitted, “I’m more used to being a street walker.” Well that explains why she was on her back so much!

Big Head was very proud of her shining star wand last week, but she was a bit upset this week to see that Croc Hunter had shown her up, with not just one shining star, but 6 shining stars on his Christmas hat. 

Big Head then offered her star to be kissed by Vibrator as a birthday treat.  In true Knobby Boy Scout form he offered to kiss Vibrator who politely declined as he was busy going round the circle kissing all the harriettes.  Better luck next time Knobby!

Stiffy for once was paying attention to what was being said in the circle, but King Lear wasn’t.  King Lear heard Vibrator was “getting uglier”  not “getting older”

Ugly Bum came into the circle, shocked and outraged as she had been insulted by Stiffy.  What have you done this time Stiffy?  The pommy bastard, that is you Stiffy, had said “ I learnt the traits of telling lies from you, Ugly Bum.”  When will you learn Stiffy?  Women never tell lie they just tell their version of the truth.

The circle was then distracted as Open to the Floor and Vibrator tried to make a quiet getaway – unsuccessfully.  Obviously time for Vibrator’s birthday treat!

Ugly Bum came back into the circle to show us all how she was trying to change her image.  “Getting rid of Jim” was one hashers suggestion, but no she is trying to be more subtle, growing her hair long and wearing more seductive clothing.  She asked Ad Nauseum “Shall I grow my hair longer?  Do you remember when my hair was nipple length? Shall I grow it that long again?”   He replied with these loving words of encouragement – “Give it up love – your hair could never grow as quickly as your nipples are drooping”  Ooooohhh! How mean!

Handbag added, if your wife asks, “are my tits dropping? Is my bum sagging?”  Never reply “Well, at least there is nothing wrong with your eyesight!”

Ad Nauseum reminded everyone that on the 1st Jan it will be 1/1/11 so there will be a New Year’s day Kampong run to celebrate.  Check website for details.

Merry Christmas everybody!
On on on.
Scribed by Wet Brazilian.

Hare: Mr Potato Head, Birthday Run
Fort Canning Park

The Circle:
It being nearly Christmas we all had to follow the star to the circle run by Big Head.

So, what did we think of that for a run?  The hare, Mr Potato Head ,  always does it on his own apparently (poor thing!) so no co-hares this week.  You would think on his birthday someone would help.

“How was the run?” – “Too well marked”, “Too long”, “Not enough reindeer”, “ No paper”, “Good run”

Tell us about your on on.  Onon – On site, coq au vin, veggies, garlic bread and apple strudel for pudding.
Next week’s run: Virgin Slim and Big Head, Christmas run, so please wear your Santa suit Slim?

Visitors:    Jig a jig, Stiff, Harvey Wallbanger, Peta’s friend, Jason

Returness:  Woodbridge and Nutcracker.

Tits:  No tits to be seen tonight.

Dick: No Dick either, but lots of balls and horns in the circle!

Lipstick:  Handbag, Stiff, Jason and Harvey Wallbanger, who arrived just in time, thank goodness!

Awards –  none.

AOB
Big Head called all the ballwearers into the circle, wherever their balls were, on their heads! or in different places – interesting!

Big Head brought  in reindeer antler wearer (who will remain anonymous) as they obviously have a bit of a problem as one antler was up, nice and perky and the other was down, sad and droopy – aaaahhh! Well, we hope he now realises that taking half a Viagra just doesn’t work.

Mr Potato Head charged Harvey Wallbanger for his lacking of understanding a T check.  Harvey Wallbanger ran across the bridge to a T check and instead of checking back he checked left and right and was surprised he couldn’t find the trail!

Kamala then brought Mr Potato Head in for not looking after his friend, who was not back for the circle (He turned up later though – apparently he had gone home for a shower – what a carpark isn’t good enough for him!)

Not Tonight charged Nutcracker and Harvey Wallbanger for bragging about the sizes of their balls. Nutcracker’s are 8 inches long and Harvey Wallbanger’s 10 inches!!! Yeh, right! When did you two last get your eyes checked?

Stiff charged Too Easy and Wet Brazilian for wishful thinking.  When Stiff and Fat Crashing Bastard were struggling along, puffing and wheezing, a fit young man with lovely abs sailed past and Too Easy and Wet Brazilian picked up the pace and chased after him.  Wouldn’t you?

Fat Crashing Bastard charged Tiger Lily for her pre-run comment.  When a dog ran across the carpark, Tiger Lily commented “ My pussy is bigger than that!” As Tiger Lily had left Too Easy was used as a lookalike as apparently she has a big pussy too!

Stiffy talked about the meaning of Christmas and how we think about our loved ones and what would make them happy.  Wet Brazilian was charged for wanting a 6 pack (not of beers, girls) from her husband.  I can’t see what is wrong with that, can you girls?

Talking of making people happy it was then announced that Stiffy and Not Tonight had hit the milestone of 33 years of marriage – aaaahhhh!  Give that girl a medal!

Hooray was getting into the festive season by admiring the Santarina outfit Twin Towers was wearing, but he kind of spoilt it when he asked if she got it from the Sex Shop in Lucky Plaza – apparently not! And how come you know where the sex shops are Hooray??

Not Tonight brought in all the Brits paying for their kids’ university education.  (Stiff, Stiffner, ?)

Royal Tit was not there so Kamala was brought in as his wife and Harvey Wallbanger was a lookalike with a posh accent.  Boo was the policeman and the scene where the royal couple drove through the angry student mob and got pelted with stones was re-enacted.

Stiffy charged all the people who got lost on the hash today (Harvey Wallbanger, Wet Brazilian, Comes Quietly and Mr Potato Head?) as there are now no excuses for getting lost as the hash has someone who can tell the future – Deep Throat.  Apparently we should all be healthy and wealthy next year – hooray!

Deep Throat then counter charged Stiffy, saying he was not a friend and his future will change – tough luck Stiffy!

Not Tonight revealed that Deep Throat had just launched her 5th book (about telling the future) but she didn’t want anyone from the hash there in case we called out her hash name!  Definite drink for that! What is wrong with Deep Throat? Fat Crashing Bastard did suggest “She might have a problem swallowing it”

Fat Crashing Bastard was a bit sceptical of this fortune telling thing as are the Aussies apparently.  Comes Quietly was brought in (well he is kind of an Aussie). The Australian Sceptical Society apparently has various groups around the country which meet and discuss things they don’t think are true.  However in true Aussie style, the Adelaide group is called “Adelaide Sceptical Society down the Pub” and the Melbourne group meet at the “Café Lulu”.

Kannot Kan brought in Jason and Twin Towers into the circle and asked everybody what the similarity was.  (Not much!)  Well, they obviously go to the same shop for their shoes!  “Fuck me shoes and quack me  shoes!”

It all ended with everybody wishing Mr Potatoe Head a happy 25th birthday and singing “Happy Birthday” to him.
On on on.
Scribed by Wet Brazilian.

Farewell Run

Hares: Black Member, Wet Thong

Toa Payoh

The Run

Well, a severe storm wiped out 99.9% of the trail, thus ensuring the Hares would leave on a wet note. Interestingly, here we are at another Islamic Centre Car Park – do the Hares have religious contacts?

Most runners got to a Circle Check at the top of a hill in a park, and this time it was confusion that reigned. Runners scattered in all directions trying to pick up trail. Most managed to do a scenic (?) tour of Toa Payoh/Braddell and managed to get back safely in an hour without having even seen trail.

A grand total of 5 actually managed to find trail and were led to the drink stop. Miraculously Boo was one of them.

As this is the Hares farewell run, and it’s sort of hard to describe the run, I thought I would throw in a few quotes from the evening.

· ‘Bugger of a run, I had to do the whole bloody run because Not Tonight was the lead woman.’ Stiffy.

· ‘Ha ha, I watched Boo and Maggot heading off into the distance in the direction of East Coast at the Circle Check.’ Sneaky Comer, before he discovered they were 2 of the 5 who managed to run the whole trail.

· ‘Oh shit!’ Black Member when told by FCB that Croc Hunter still had 2 sets of car keys just before the Circle and feared he would have to go back out on a search and rescue.

· ‘Where’s the Anchor Beer?’ Virginia Slim.

· ‘Bloody rain.’ Black Member.

· ‘F#*king rain.’ Wet Thong.

· ‘Praise to Allah Aqbal Kelvinator!’ Shaggy Dick 2 and Right Royal Tit.

· ‘Like what?’ Shoe Shopper, when I asked if she wanted to say something about the run.

· ‘You bastard.’ Tiger Lily to Kan Not Kan when she discovered he sent her the wrong way.

· ‘Where the f#*k was the drink stop?’ Mr. Potato Head.

· ‘Short cutters.’ Hoo Ray.

· ‘How do you get out of the car park?’ Loose Change & Deep Throat after doing 6 loops and giving up.

· ‘Speak English’ Boo.

The Circle:

Well done Hares, a good run. Back in a bit over the hour, partly due to a drink stop. Not as good as the run 13 weeks ago, but nice try!

So, what did we think of that for a run? Good Run (s!) ‘Where is the drink from the drink stop?’

Tell us about your On On: A la carte, other end of the car park. Korean, Indian, American, Italian. Just follow the trail.

Next week’s run: Mr. Potato Head, Fort Canning Park.

Visitors Mark, Impossible,Stiff, Vibrator, give or take a couple. And what a welcoming song we gave them!

Virgins: Could not see any amongst that motley lot of guests.

Returnees: Nah.

Lipstick: Boo, Stiffy, Maggot & Fat Crashing Bastard for being the only males to make it to the drink stop.

Tits: Cock Radio remembers a certain Hasher making up his own Hash Name to tell us when he first joined the Harriets. Having just returned from a run with a bit of brown shiggy on his shoes, he told us his name was Brown Foot. And for that bit of a fib, that’s exactly how he ended up being named Black Member instead!

Dick: Sneaky Comer awards the Dick to Boo for finding the drink stop.

Awards – nope

AOB

· Shaggy Dick calls on an Aussie rep, Black Member & Wet Thong are nominated. On Monday, all the Aussies were praying for rain to avoid defeat by the Poms in the cricket. Well, after today’s wash out, seems the rain came 2 days late.

· Wet Thong congratulates the 5 people who made it to the drink stop. However, this has left the drink esky rather full of vodka still, so all those that didn’t make it to the drink stop are called in for a drink.

· Shoe Shopper calls in all the real runners who did the marathon. In they all come, and looking remarkably well and fit. Then we have Heath who competed in a race 3 weeks ago and still can’t run. HTFU lad!

· Sneaky Comer calls in a rep. of the Islamic community, thank you Kan the Cobra. Very kind of her to regularly allow Black Member and Wet Thong to set runs in Mosque Car parks, thus allowing alcohol, semi nudity and coarse language.

· Stiffy tells of a runner who is keen on marathon rituals, especially post run. This Hasher was seen propped up at a bar in Holland Village for 3 days after the race ended.

· Boo charged Stiffy for running after Not Tonight all night just so he could hold his wife’s hand. (I wonder what he has to do for any other pleasures?) And for running behind her all night, he still got Lippy.

· Tiger Lily called in visitor Mark for calling Shoe Shopper (Kaye) Kristine all night. As he likes the name so much, he was therefore officially named ‘Kristine.’

· Hooray congratulated the Hashers who ran the Marathon in around 4 and a half hours and then put in a marathon 10 hour session at the Cricket Club afterwards.

· Kan Not Can charged Deep Throat, Kan the Cobra and Vibrator for loitering around Toa Payoh in the hope they would find a Hash.

· Open to the Floor, who is a fine judge of character, charged Vibrator simply for being an assehole.

· Vibrator retaliates to this slur on his character by accusing Open to the Floor of racing on the Hash and coming in turd.

· Mr. Potato Head comes in for a gloat at the expense of the Aussies. Something about cricket. Thankfully the GM cuts him off and calls ‘on on on.’ Bloody Poms.

On on to a la carte just down the other end of the car park. Follow Loose Change and Deep Throat, the car park experts.

Scribed by CR.

Hares: Tiger Lily

Eng Kong Park

The Run:

With Tiger Lily in charge, experienced runners prepared for this run as if participating in an ultra-marathon. Shaggy Dick Too did intensive carbo-loading during the week, road runners were prepared, rub downs sought.

The trail went up the hill, then left down Toh Yi Drive and across Jurong Kechil. A couple of T-checks barely slowed the pack down until a circle at Lorong Pisang playground took a little while and gathered the pack back together. Down to and across Upper Bukit Timah Road, across and into the trails outside the nature reserve. Across to the bottom of Rifle Range Road, back across Upper BT Road and up along the PIE slip road unti we were back in Eng Kong, where a short/long run split allowed the runners a bit more marathon training.

Fat slow bastards were back in an hour, so well done Tiger Lily for a nicely judged run. Apparently she didn’t want to wear aspiring marathon runners out too much before Sunday’s real marathon.

The Circle:

So, what did we think of that for a run? Amazing (by the hare), shortest ever, good run finally called.

Tell us about your on on. Across the road at Eng Kong Eating House, a la carte.

Next week’s run: Black Member and Wet Thong’s farewell run, on Braddell Road next to Islamic Centre, on on will be in Beer Garden behind Botak Jones. See web site for map.

Visitors: Welcome Mark, Stefan, CoxStroker, Krit, Knobby Boy Scout, Cunnilicker, King Lear.

Returness: Posh Duck.

Tits: No tits to be seen tonight.

Lipstick: Shoe Shopper is disappointed to be “wasting” her lipstick on Krit and Mark.

Dick: Since Basket Case had the Dick, the committee were casting around for some sucker to give it away on his behalf. Sneaky Comer was the appropriate sucker, having been promised a reward for later on by the on sec. Sneaky came in to regale the circle with the choices that people had on the run – to be a twinkle toes navigating up the drainway along the PIE, or get out on the road and be a wide load. What did Black Member choose? Well he chose to be a “twinkle toes”; but he also chose to disappear and answer his phone, so the story dropped on the floor and somehow Sneaky Comer got to keep the Dick.

Awards – none.

AOB

· Shoe Shopper points out that Not Tonight lost her wedding ring in the lucky draw at the Lion City D&D on Saturday night. So if someone drew out the wedding ring and got Stiffy, would it still qualify as a lucky draw?

· Wet Brazilian asks Shoe Shopper how long she has had her car? Four years is the answer. So with two sets of keys left in the key bag at the end of the run, why couldn’t SS recognize her keys?

· Not Tonight had been chatting to Black Member during the run and the importance of checking your prostate came up (this is Movember, after all). Normally prostate checking involves use of a finger (or more) which is a reason many men are reluctant to check, but Not Tonight has heard of a new technique – if your index finger is longer than your ring finger, you have a lower chance of having a problem. Tiger Lily is called in for checking.

· Wet Brazilian points out that a traditional prostate exam by a Doctor will also cure the hiccups. Not quite sure who she charged here.

· Stiffy points out that the Singapore Water Polo team recently got in trouble for having a crescent moon in a strategically inconvenient position on the men’s swimming trunks. Boo is called in to represent Singapore.

· Boo has been reading Wikileaks carefully, and noted that Colonel Gaddafi from Libya had been cited as having a blonde and voluptuous Ukranian nurse. Wet ‘n Wild and Lost Mables are called in as representatives of blond and voluptuous.

Shoe Shopper pointed out that we may need an emergency hare for an upcoming run. Please see Shoe Shopper if you can help.

On on on.

Scribed by Sneaky Comer.