Singapore Hash House Harriets

Hares: Posh Nash & Wet Brazilian (& consultant Stiffy?)

Chinese Gardens

The Circle:

So, what did we think of that for a run? Posh Nash and Stiffy come into the circle. Good run is the verdict. Stiffy came in with a posh looking wine glass. He had a large one also. (Wine glass).

Next week’s run: Tiger Lily is next weeks Hare. The run is at Toh Tuck Terrace. (Ed or Eng Kong Terrace, same thing).

Visitors: There was a virgin in the midst. He was asked if he enjoyed his first time and apparently he did. Jurassic Dick, I am Zinking and Faulty Towers were also visitors. Fawlty Towers was showering and didn’t come to Wet and Wilds calls of Basilllllllllll.

It was noticed that Loose Change stood herself very close to the virgin when he went back to the circle.

Croc Hunter and Basket Case were called into the circle. Last week these guys worked on a public holiday for us. They were given red packets.

Tits: No tits to be seen tonight.

Awards – Wet & Wild called Indecent Exposure into the circle for 400 runs. Armless and Indecent Exposure are going to Germany to retire. Indecent Exposure was given a pewter name card holder for her cards that will read – Indecent Exposure retiree. Wet & Wild was embarrassed to ask the engraver to write the name. Apparently he had quite a chuckle and is still laughing. You should have asked him to the hash Wet & Wild. He would have a stitch in his side if he thought that was funny!

Lipstick: Who ran in front tonight? We found lipstick!

So many naughty boys tonight! Shaggy Dick, Jurassic Dick, Mr Potato Head, Maggot, I am Zinking and Father Anus. Naughty, Naughty boys!

Dick: Kan Not Kan has the dick and he resembles a cow tonight wearing a white top with large black spots and an udder on the top. Someone should have borrowed his camera to take a picture as it was a classic look. A well matched outfit to wear with a dick on your head.

Wet and Ready is a candidate for forgetting the dick. Posh Nash was a candidate for breaking all checks at the start of the run.

Tiger Lily was a candidate. Her transport was found on the beer truck’s roof tonight! Who thinks cow man with an udder on his head should keep the dick? There were cries of moo moooooo.

Somehow poor uncle Basket Case got the dick.

AOB

· Fat Crashing Bastard asks Too Easy to come into the circle. Too Easy was late back tonight. Fat Crashing Bastard was concerned about what had happened to her. Apparently she went on a T check up the top of a pagoda in The Chinese Gardens. I am Zinking told Fat Crashing Bastard that he went up after her. Just because her name is Too Easy doesn’t mean you have to take advantage of her! I am Zinking replied, “Don’t worry I didn’t go all the way up”. Here’s to half cock!

· Fawlty Towers on in for visitors drink. This time fully dressed and came to the call of Basillllllllllllllll.

· Loose chance charged Fawlty Towers because he got his licence to drink in Dubai recently. Loose Change told us that this was exciting as he doesn’t get much over there. I wonder how Loose Change knows such things!

· Black Member comes into the circle and asks Shaggy Dick if he is a balls or an arse man. Loose change leans over my shoulder and said to me, “I thought it was tits or legs”. Apparently Shaggy Dick is an arse man now because he put his shorts on back to front tonight and the pockets were at his ass enabling him to give it a good scratch. I think there is a hasher somewhere called Itchy Bum.

· The Americans were asked to come into the circle for Thanksgiving. They were shown a picture of a turkey and were asked what it does for them. One American replied that it makes him hard! Another one said, “It looks like a turkey.” Apparently if you show guest a turkey before it goes into the oven it will make them feel very calm. Thanks for that tip! I think it came from Fat Crashing Bastard.

· Birthday Girl. Tomorrow it is Posh Nash’s birthday. Happy birthday Posh Nash!

· Fat Crashing Bastard received a special red book with a white cross in his letter box. The book is about serious medical conditions and knowing where to go so a medical man was needed in the circle. The Velcro Twin man was asked to come into the circle. Question – If you have aches and pains – Where do you go to your GP or straight to hospital? Hmmmmmmmmm GP. If you have a loss of consciousness? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm difficult for him to make a decision on this one he finally says, “hospital”. What about a mozzie bite? GP. NO HOSPITAL! Everyone needs one of these books so they know exactly what to do.

· Stiffy was asked to come into the circle. Rumour has it that he is not looking for another job. He was standing where you put your card in tonight because the barrier wasn’t going up unless you put the card in manually. Father Anus, Boo and Suzie Wong all said, “Why the fuck isn’t the barrier going up?”

· Kamela. Where is Stiffy? Stiffy drew arrows to turn this way and that. What a tricky man he is. Kamela was suspicious of these arrows. She followed the arrows with Not Tonight but didn’t get home! Not sure how she got to do the charge but she was there!

On on on.

Scribed by Lethal Weapon.

The The ‘Stiff Brazilian Tonight’ Run.

Hares: Stiffy, Not Tonight, Wet Brazilian

Pepys Road

The Circle:

So, what did we think of that for a run? “Very long!” “Good checks!”

Next week’s run: Posh Nash & Wet Brazilian, Chinese Gardens.

Visitors: lots!

Lipstick: I am Zinking, Maggot, Hooray, Colin?, Wet Patch

Tits: Were at home with Cock Radio (having fun I hope)

Dick: Not one person at the hash had a dick (need I say more!)

Awards – nope

AOB

· Mr Potato Head charges theme was “sound and vision”

o Pubic Zip was in SCP on Monday cycling and was so deaf and blind she didn’t see Mr Potato Head waving and shouting her name

o Shoe Shopper and Tiger Lily were blind front runners, both heard saying “I can’t see anything”

o Shoe Shopper was also deaf as had left music on in her car and didn’t even realize it.

· SloCum – called in a couple of beautiful young ladies, Not Tonight and Wet Brazilian, for the last long, long T check (Not Tonight’s fault really!!) Stiffy called in too as he got it wrong (believe it or not). He said nobody would be stupid enough to go down the steps to that T check, but they did!

· Not Tonight – charged Wet Brazilian for having a sore bottom (a bit harsh I think!)

· FCB – charged Wet Brazilian (again!) for taking him on a loop

· Belcher – charged FCB for having a strange mind as he was heard saying “I’ve never seen so many stairs since I was lying naked in Harrod’s Food Hall” yep, definitely strange.

· Stiffy – charged Tiger Lily for being a front runner and going around the cable cars and then on hearing someone behind her shout “on, on!” she looped back a second time – “Loopy Lou!”

· Wet Patch – charged SloCum who has lived in SG for 12 years and so has been driving in SG for 12 years and still took a zillion times to reverse into parking space – in, out, in, out and then he left the front sticking out in the hopes that Boo would crash into it and he could claim insurance!

· FCB – had some news – he had discovered his Willy! (About time I say). He had also learnt how women think (as if!) Using Shaggy Dick as his not so glamorous assistant he got Shaggy to try to catch some seeds he dropped – Shaggy was unsuccessful I hasten to add. This demonstrate how Too Easy had given him two Viagra pills yesterday instead of one, but had forgot to tell him there were two, so of course he dropped one! Well the Law of Probability states that Men have no chance against women! Too Easy was brought in.

· Stiffy – charged the Aussies (Black Member, Maggot, Wet Thong) because the beer sponsors of the Aussie cricket team have promised to give all Australians free beer if Australia wins the Ashes – As if that is going to happen!

· Hooray – charged Stiff, Mr Airplane Man, for all the problems with Quantas lately – Kangaroo Airlines!

· Black Member – charged Tiger Lily, as the Japanese apparently call Quantas – C#nt Ass (close I suppose)

· Wet Patch – called Suzie Wong in because even though she spends her days travelling around Singapore shows people homes she still can’t tell the difference between Kent rRdge Park and Mount Faber!

· Shoe shopper – charged Shaggy Dick for being pervy by smelling her towel after she had used it to dry herself (Good charge!)

· Virginia announced that a few tickets for the Thursday hashers’ D and D on Saturday, 20th were available.

On on – First time there has been two choices – the Banana Leaf Indian or Thai food at E Sarn (very tasty!)

Scribed by Wet Brazilian.

The Big Birthday Bash.

Hares: Gyspy, Twin Towers, Comes Quietly

Lorong Sesuai

The Run

By Cock Radio. Simple version. (Sober)

It went down one side of the hill, along a bit, (ok, about 8kms or so to be exact), then back up the other side of the hill.

The Run

As written by Shaggy Dick 2. Not so simple version. (Written after being trapped in Holland Village Coffee Shop drinking Carlsberg for 4 ½ hours during severe thunderstorm Sunday afternoon)

Well, Yep, it did go down one side of the fill, hollowed by a tour of Fukit Bukit Batok. Toh Fuck Tuck Rd and the German Bratwurst School were passed, along with some of last nights curry and urine in the nearby bush. Back past the bottom of Posh Nash Bookit Backok Park. Next on the sight perving agenda was the Old Bukit Timah Wire Station, viewed from the top of the pedestrian overhead bridge on Upper Bukit Timah Rd, where some nice glimpses of cleavage could be seen on the girls getting off the bus underneath.

Cross the Malay Railway, soon to be an extinct icon, and into another banquished piece of Singapore, known as jungle. I fooking tell you, soon the only wild bush you will find in Sinapore will be in orchard f ing Towers. Speaking of riding, along the bike rack in Tukit Bimah Pature Nark we sank, passing the Wankers Rangers Head Orifice. Don’t worry, we have permit lah.

At dis stage, I was dinking it was going to be an a to z run with a plane flight back, cause we headed turder away from home. Rifle Texas Ranger rd. Turn right to head home? Nope, fcking left. Out to the pipline, passing water at the reservoir at jalan beautiful village.

Jurian trail and into the stream. Pass more water here. Through twin towers twin tunnels under the who ate all the PIE, out to may fare park and onto the malay railweigh track again. Oh fark, train coming. Cloze eyes and pray. No, pray first then close eyes. Fark, too late. Funk heaven it derailed before it got to us.

Drinky winky stop at northhaven 3 condo, bit of sex in the pool and then a stroll back up long sex wah to the beer wagon.

The Circle:

Well done Hares, a good run. Back in a bit over the hour, partly due to a drink stop. Not as good as the run 13 weeks ago, but nice try!

So, what did we think of that for a run? Finally the Hares arrived back and received their plaudits. Good Run

Tell us about your On On: BBQ poolside at South Haven 2, all f&b free. BBQ – snags, chops, steak. And a bit of salad too. Set up by Lenny. Very good run. There will be sex on the beach too.

Next week’s run: Not Tonight & Stiffy, Pepys Rd (the other side of Kent Ridge, just below Coo Chi Coo’s, off Pasar Panjang Rd). On on at Coo Chi Coo. (will he be home?) Nah, lets have Thai instead.

Visitors: 24, give or take a couple.

Virgins: Could not see any amongst that motley lot of guests.

Returnees: Could have been a couple amongst the freeloaders

Lipstick: Hooray is told by the GM to start turning up with his own lipstick, and to put it on before the run even starts. Neat.

Wet Patch is also called in but has his lip stick applied by the GM in a much more friendly way than Hooray copped it. There was passion shown by the GM in carrying out this task. Was there tongue as well?

Tits: Shaggy Dick 2 is wearing a fine pair, and then calls in another pair with even finer pairs, Loose Change and Poser. Is the Circle big enough? Step back please. Shaggy then enquires about their health – health in general, not just the health of their fine pairs. He probes even further – not literally, although there was a glean in his eyes, and asks about the state of their ribs. Yes, both gals have perfectly well and healthy ribs.

Your loyal scribe, who managed to crawl out of his death bed to get to this momentous occasion, is then brought in and asked about the state of his ribs. Mmm, not so good huh. Fractured huh?

SD2 then asks the Circle what the sore and sorry Cock Radio is missing that the healthy and strong ribbed gals have?

Yes, correct, CR doesn’t have a fine pair to protect him when he falls out of bathtubs in Cambodia. CR takes the Tits. He would rather have had a spare pair – of ribs.

Dick: Missing in action.

Awards – nope

AOB

· Shoe Shopper starts things of by a having a whinge. She doesn’t mind giving people a ride to the On On, she doesn’t even mind if the ridee has a beer to consume on the way. (this is known as a traveler in Oz.) But if you can’t finish the beer, please don’t get out of the car and leave a half full bottle sitting on the back floor of Shopper’s car. On leaving for work the next morning, Shoe Shopper couldn’t work out why her car smelt like a stale brewery, until she saw the overturned bottle next to the wet stained floor in the back. Right where Tiger Lily had been sitting. Japanese gratitude for you.

· Not Tonight has been doing some reading on testicle research. Amazingly, she discovered, the bush cricket has testicles that are 14% of it’s body weight. (we assume these are the male bush crickets) Wet Patch is brought in as a human male comparison – imagine if his testicles were 14% of his body weight. (imagine bringing in Malfunktion) Anyway, you get the general drift of the charge, I was too busy trying to calculate 14% of my weight to write down the rest of the charge, but it did involve male mating promiscuity and the equivalent of 3 ½ bags of sugar. How sweet.

· Fat Crashing Bastard has Boo in as representative of the vigilant Singapore population – you’ve heard the advertsisements, ‘If you notice anything suspicious, don’t hesitate, report it. Dial 999. The threat of terrorism is real.’ Well, the Singapore authorities did a little test just to check how vigilant Singaporeans are.

At various locations around the City, they set up vacant parked cars in popular places to emit smoke coming from them, emulating what could only be described as a‘rather suspicious’ situation. They then observed the response of our on the ball citizens. The greater majority of people walked past and looked the other way, pretending not to see anything. Quite a number took a curious glance, then continued on their merry way. A small number actually registered that this was not normal, and rang 999. But not before checking if it was free call or they could reverse the charges. Some of these who got out their HP forgot what they were meant to do and commenced playing games on their HP. While none of these results are all that surprising, the icing on the cake comes from another category of terrorist alert civic minded citizens who not only observed the smoke coming from the cars, but actually stopped next to them – to pose for a photograph.

You can imagine at the wake and funeral in the following days after the car bomb explosion. On the casket, a photo of Ah Beng Fooking Ng. His friends commenting, ‘Here is poor Ah Beng, posing next to that car just before it exploded and blew him clean over the Merlion to end up in 35 pieces on top of the indoor stadium.’ ‘Yeah, nice car huh.’ ‘Shame, how much for it’s COE you think?’ ‘ Ah ah ah ah, how much money topped up on cashcard for ERP, all blown sky high?’ ‘Such waste lah.’ ‘Ah ah ah.’ ‘And Ah Beng not pay me back $5.50 he borrow from me last week, now I never get it back. So thoughtless lah.’ ‘Ah, but at least we still have his camera he gave me to take his picture next to car with.’ ‘Yes, yes, good good. How much we get for it at pawn shop you think?’

RIP terrorist alert citizen, Ah Beng Fooking Ng. Nice pic by the way.

· Black Member asks all the over 40 males in and tells them to bend over. Holding up his finger, he informs us this is how males use to be tested for prostrate prostate (not falling for that one again Hooray) cancer. But not anymore. A simple blood test is used, so guys, no need to put off that test anymore. See Black Member for details of sponsorship as he grows a bit of facial hair for Movember, all proceeds to prostate research, which no longer need be a pain in the ass.

· Malfunktion complains about a smell in the Circle. Something fishy I think. Or was the cat let out of the bag?

· Hooray blamed Shaggy Dick 2 for derailing the Malayan Train near his favourite run site – Bukit Timah Railway Station. Did he leave too much flour on the tracks. Or was it all the empty cans of Carlsberg he has left there over the years? On On, or in this case, Off Off.

· The Hares then received a nice little birthday cake.

· Cock Radio calls in our resident Casino representative, Open to the Floor, and charges her for not providing a Korean visitor with appropriate documentation for his winnings – all 7 million dollars of it. This resulted in him being arrested at Changi Airport. And what’s more, he was caught at the Budget Terminal. 7 million smackeroos in his suitcase and he’s flying Tiger. Must be Korean of Scottish descent.

· Boo, of all people, called in Loose ‘Grandmother’ Change for short cutting at the bottom road, thus creating a conflict situation with another runner. Comes Quietly is then charged for being a poor mediator when he stepped in to quell the argument.

· Twin Towers invites all the Scorpios in for a birthday drink. By the way, what happened to the annual Scorpio Run??????

· Zipp wished all the Indians a happy Deepavali.

· Wet Brazilian charges Big Head with something to do with Singaporeans at the back of the pack not being able to keep up because their testicles were too big. More research material for Not Tonight.

· Dances With Kerbs receives some nice flowers for her birthday.

· Mother Tongue did a quick one with Astronut regarding a 65er. 4 off by the sounds of it.

· Zipp always turns HP off at important functions, such as weddings. During an interlude during the wedding, Gypsy snuck out to catch up with the football scores and on turning it on found the inbox clogged with urgent messages – from Twin Towers wanting to change Hare dates with them.

· Hopeless placed himself in a less than hopeless position when he was caught texting during the Circle.

· Twin Towers charges Gypsy for publicizing that Zipp gets senior citizen discount. Or was that the other way around?

· Malfunction informs us that after the On On tonight, there are some good games of football on TV, so there will be no sex tonight. Mmm, not sure if he really speaking on behalf of everyone with that one?

On on to sex on the beach at South Haven 2.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

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Chicks with Dicks Run

Shaggy Dick Too and Maggot

Fort Canning Park

The Circle:

So, what did we think of that for a run? "Too loopy!" "Not enough escalators!" "Absolutely fantastic!" (said by hare, is that allowed?)

Tell us about your On On: Lenny with scary food on site.

Next week’s run: Birthday run for Twin Towers and Zipp, Lorong Sesuai. On on by the pool at Southaven II.

Visitors: lots, way too many to list. (Stiffleena, the hash brew was very slow at serving them drinks one visitor complained – a bit harsh, I thought!)

Virgins: came from California – surprisingly (five or so, apparently).

Returnees: came back after 27 years away and came back just for this run – yeh right!

Sexiest Harriet on the run – Me? No, Too Easy

Scariest Harrier on the run – All of them, but Mummy Man just got it

Scariest Harriet in circle – can’t remember

Lipstick: Kan the Kobra, Green tshirt Liz, Cybil, Tiger Lily, Jack Off, Dripping Wet

Tits: Wet and Wild says Shaggy shouldn’t wear such tight knickers, his brain was out of focus and he mistook Kan the Kobra for Kannot Kan.

Dick: Shoe Shopper was looking after Shaggy’s dick for him. Then he decided to give it to Kan the Kobra because she wanted a dick and had never had one – apparently! So Shaggy gave it to her!

AOB

· Boo charged Dripping Wet for asking her hare husband, Maggot, for a shortcut and being the loving husband he is he directed her down the side road straight to a T check!

· FCB charged Stiff for commenting on Stiffner’s sexy slimy outfit (a skeleton suit) by saying "Have you lost weight, darling?" The asaid outfit then turned out to have a hole in the rear end which apparently Stiff enjoys!

· Hooray charged the Brits for calling the Aussie PM a "Ginger rodent!"

· Wet Patch brought Suzie Wong and Loose Change in and congratulated them on raising $2,800 for Breast Cancer – Fantastic!

· Jack Off was sick of being laughed at for her funny running shoes so was happy to see lots of the visitors wearing them tonight – however the visitors obviously enjoy running in their five fingers so much they didn’t stop for the circle!

· FCB wondered why Nut Scrater was wearing a 1970′s Esso tiger’s tail when his dad works for Shell?

· Suzie Wong, Feather Lite, Deep Throat and Phoney Sex were all charged for having their own private party

· Maggot charged Jack Off as she was the only one silly enough to run to Espanade – must be something to do with the shoes

· Kan the Kobra created atmosphere with her spooky singing latern

· Lastly Stiffleena was charged for being too slow at serving AGAIN! but Shaggy did comment on how quiet Stiffleena had been all night – hooray! Looks like we have a new hash brew.

On on to Lenny’s delicious food: Pumpkin soup and garlic bread, Cottage pie, Fish pie, Melon.

Scribed by Wet Brazilian

The ‘Breast Awareness Cancer Awareness ‘Run

Suzee Wong & Loose Change & Pubic Zipp

St George’s Church car park, end of Minden Rd.

The Run

Quite a good turn out gathered for this run, giving the cause good support. No doubt it was going to be quite a firm run as well. The Hares, quite a fine pair they were too, gave us a few pointers, told us not to dawdle or we would need to turn our headlights on, and with a shout of ‘On on tits way this way,’ we were off. Gypsy ran well early on, keeping abreast of most of the Pack. Shaggy Dick 2 was amongst it too, hoping for some hands on experience.

Turn right into Tanglin smelt like a T check, and received only sagging support from the wiser runners. Sure enough, it was on back down into Orchard Rd. Trail was a little hard to find in the Cuppage area, and out of natural instinct, Shaggy decided to cross the road and try an area tried and tested for it’s supply of breasts, Orchard Towers. Sure enough, as usual, he did pick up something there. Fortunately Gypsy told him to leave it alone, it was the home trail he had picked up. So back over and head towards Borders.

Traffic Lights at Orchard Boulevard allowed the pack to reunite, and there was an exchange of money raising bags. Not sure if Goody Bag was exchanged too. Basically the next few kms involved the FRB’s sprinting down Orchard Rd, dodging, bullying, harassing and scaring the pants off shoppers, making them easy targets for those behind with the money bags to collect donations from.

Takashimiya whizzed past, until finally it was time to cross over to the other side of Orchard Rd. Back past Lucky Plaza, take the underground to cross Scotts Rd., past the Thai Embassy and onto Orchard Towers. SD2 and myself automatically went to run up the entrance steps, but Posh Nash was having none of that and kept on going straight. At this stage, I sort of lost a bit of momentum, and while the others headed up Nassim Rd to a drink stop, I kept going straight to Rd, trying not to look back at Orchard Towers. A bit of a ramble through the Botanical Gardens, back up Minden Rd to the beer wagon.

Well done Hares, a good run. Back in about an hour. Not as good as the run 11 weeks ago, but nice try!

The Circle:

So, what did we think of that for a run? ‘Breast run of the week’ received firm support. Very uplifting. And titillating.

Tell us about your On On: Lenny and her breasts. Chicken of course.

Next week’s run: Halloween. Dress up or else. It’s the men running the show, so ladies, look out. Dress up prizes.

Visitors: 19 altogether, way too many for me to list.

Virgins: Liz, who carried a money bag and proceeded to get lost on Orchard Rd.

Returnees: Pubic Zipp.

Lipstick: later

Tits: Maggot loves it when people give you charges before the run even starts. Sneaky Comer had no running shirt. However, this act of foolishness was surpassed at the end of the run by a female who had forgotten her underwear and bra, and was caught yelling out to her husband to borrow his underwear. Well done Kan the Cobra, take the Tits, even if you haven’t got a bra for them.

Dick: Shaggy Dick 2 observed Posh Nash attempting a suicidal Scotts Road crossing against the lights. Dancing with traffic, take the Dick.

Awards – Suzee Wong, 200 runs. Wow, she’s been framed.

AOB

· Suzee Wong received a nice frame, but In and Out turned to me and said ‘My dick won’t fit in that.’

· Freeloader then attempted a Circle hijack.

Charge 1to the Hares for taking us down Orchard Rd but not allowing any shopping opportunities.

Charge 2 to Singaporn for spilling her wine.

Charge 3 to the Hares again for not having a beer stop in Orchard Towers.

Charge 4 to Wet and Wild and Lost Marbles for taking on cars instead of footpaths.

· In and Out comes in. Slack Arse, who had a money bag and who I saw soliciting in front of Orchard Towers, said he wasn’t use to begging for money. Unless it was for sex.

· Ugly Bum then came in and gave Freeloader a tongue lashing about points of order in the Circle. You’ve been told. Don’t do it again.

· Ugly Bum also was confused about the status of Pubic Zipp and Herr Zipp. Maybe they were unsure too, as they came in as both a returnee and a visitor.

· Loose Change charged Ad Naseum and Big Head for not running, instead opting to go to Muddy Murphys. Ah, but they did get all the drunk men to put lots of money in the bag. Well done guys.

· Bloodshit saw Kan the Cobra, Indecent Exposure and Deep Throat in Orchard Towers looking to get a bit of money. But how girls?? And how did Bloodshit see them? Obviously he was in there too.

· Hooray, who obviously reads the run report, noticed a spelling mistake last week. It was mentioned that SD2 had a prostrate problem, when it should have been prostate. Ok, I got it arse around, so to speak. I will write it out 10 times for homework.

· Not Tonight wanted to head towards Cuppage to look for the drink stop, but Deep Throat said that was too far.

· Mother Tongue saw Ad Naseum pick up a beautiful girl, justifying it on the grounds that he was collecting money. Sure sure.

· Father Anus lent Ad Naseum some flip flops after one run. Ad Naseum was grateful, promising Father Anus to return them the following week. 10 weeks later, here is Ad Naseum still with the flip flops and wearing them at the Circle.

· Black Member then asked Father Anus where he was last week? In Australia on holiday. Well then Father Anus, you should be aware what we Aussies call flip flops. So you lent Ad Naseum your thongs.

· Stiffy charges your scribe for writing something cheeky about him in the report 2 weeks ago. Probably he deserved.

· However, Sneaky Comer is straight in and tells Stiffy that 2 weeks ago he actually wrote the run report.

· The GM has found the lipstick and plants it on Hooray.

· Kamala thanks the Hares and Suzee Wong for the shirt design.

· Pubic Zipp is thanked for being the person who introduced the breast cancer awareness run to the Harriets a number of years back.

· Stiffener, who has been around a while now, and is on the Committee, still does not have the run report sent to her. Wet and Wild takes responsibility.

On on to Lenny’s breasts.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

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The ‘Stiff Luck’ Run

Stiffener & Open To The Floor

Farmway West 2 Seletar

The Run

Amongst the aquaculture farms we gathered, Hooray was seen doing a warm up sprint, or was he just trying to get away from someone still mad at him from last week.

The Hares assured us no taxi money would be needed tonight, and off into the bush we went. First Circle Check, ‘Check forward along the fence,’ was the command from Boo, so Sneaky Comer and I did. Of course it was on back the opposite way, coincidently where Boo had taken himself. Into the jungle single file, I could not even get past the sweeper. But not too worry, Shoe Shopper, who was leading the way, soon led the pack up the proverbial garden path, allowing me to cut in near the front as they retraced their way.

Well, speaking of garden paths, our trail actually led to a little market garden in the middle of the bush. ‘Mind the crops, don’t step on the plants,’ was the call from Boo, who perhaps had some shares invested in the property. BMC investments at work.

Trail then involved walking the plank. A wooden plank over a stream, possibly with crocodiles lurking below, presented a worrying moment, especially as I was directly behind Black Member. I decided it was best to wait on firm ground until he had safely crossed and the plank had been tested for any signs of structural damage. Luckily Fat Crashing Bastard was not here tonight.

The trail continued through jungle that was dissected by various roads, allowing for good T checks and Circles. One particular Circle in the bush held the Pack up for a good 5 minutes and it took all of my cunning and skill to break it – even then the rest of the Pack couldn’t get to me despite my frantic calling.

Too Easy was given a rather blatant hint by the Hares at another difficult Circle. So she looked forward 20 metres into the bush, failed to see the 5 metre lengths of paper hanging at eye level from the branches and came back. Far Too Difficult for Too Easy.

It was then up to Zipp to lead the way through the bush. Uncertain either of the rules of the Harriets, or uncertain of her sex, she proceeded to call out ‘Need a woman.’ for the next 5 minutes. After 3 minutes of hearing this, I attempted to shut her up by grabbing hold of a tree, which promptly fell, missing her by centimetres. ‘Timber!’ I called. This reminded me of the story about the apprentice lumber jack with a stutter. His lumberjack boss started him on the job by telling him to stand and watch while he cut the tree, and when he saw the tree starting to fall, the apprentice was to call out loudly a warning to anyone else around -‘Falling tree.’ So the master lumberjack swung his axe and chopped and chopped until the tree started to fall. The Apprentice Lumberjack leaped into action, calling out to a nearby hiker ‘ Ffff… fffff…. Fffall … Fffuck, I’ve killed him’

Anyway, more trails, a bit of shiggy, some rugged grasslands full of holes, crossing a canal (any crocs?), into some more jungle and out onto tarmac for the on on home stretch. After safely making his way across the long grass minefield, Shaggy got onto a firm dirt trail and promptly tripped over, executing a nice commando roll before continuing on his merry way. Maggot learnt a valuable lesson tonight – don’t call on on after a check until you have finished having your pee.

Well done Hares, a good run. Back in about an hour. Nice to be back just as the sun is setting instead of rising. Not as good as the run 10 weeks ago, but nice try!

The Circle:

So, what did we think of that for a run? ‘Too short, (after last week, anything less than an ultra marathon was going to cop that line) and not enough taxis.’

Tell us about your On On: The Egg and Spoon. Fish and chips, beef Rendang, Vegetarian.

Next week’s run: The Breast Awareness Run, Dempsey area at the St George Church Car Park. We hope this will be a firm run with a titillating experience allowing for hands on activities.

Visitors: Dances with Whales, Licker, Stifler and GF, Graham. Possibly a few others I missed.but I don’t think so tonight.

Virgins: Not tonight.

Returnees: no Boomerangs today.

Lipstick:

Tits: Your scribe has a bag full of Hash items, including the Tits, The Dick, The Prick from Friday and the Friday Hash Shit award. The Tits are given to Maggot for his defensive tactics in blocking Tiger Lily. Every time he called ‘need a woman,’ he would tell Tiger that he didn’t want her. At one stage he even pulled up an old wire fence to hold her back.

Dick: As mentioned, Shaggy Dick2 made his way safely through the treacherous long grass full of holes and trips, only to trip on the flat dirt track afterwards. This resulted in him suffering a Dicky Knee, worthy of the Dick. ( Actually it was his toe that bore the brunt of the injury, but I am not sure if you can actually have a Dicky Toe?)

Awards – nope

AOB

· The GM charges herself and Dances With Whales. Dances With Whales for blatant running in front of the Pack, and herself for failing to tell him that this is a ladies hash and there must be a woman in front at all times. Shame, shame..

· Hooray charges Gypsy and a visitor for breaking 2 cardinal rules. Never follow Boo, and don’t follow Hooray.

· Wet Brazilian found a gentleman on the Hash. Huh? Impossible. But it seems she did – a male held a fence down for her as she got over it. Dances With Whales is the kind person. But he is a visitor and doesn’t know the correct etiquette. Maggot, can you have a word with him.

· Kan Not Can has discovered someone improperly dressed but I can’t read my notes. 1^st name starts with D, 2^nd with W. You work it out.

· Kan Not Can clearly called for a very, very, very special song for the last charge, but your scribe got it wrong and commenced singing a song that was only special. So I get my own very special song, ‘My name is Jack, na na na, na na na, na na na, na na na ……..

· Tiger Lily has an announcement – she is after a single man who likes computer games involving virtual girls. Shaggy Dick 2 and Dances With Whales fight it out for the rights.

· Shaggy Dick 2 fights back, noticing that not only is there a lack of Fxxk Me Shoes being worn by the girls, but we have one girl who has gone to the opposite extremes and is wearing Fxxk Off Shoes. On in Tiger Lily and those so not sexy pair of crocs you have on. By the way, there is a Face Book Club, called ‘I don’t care how comfortable Crocs may be to wear, they still look shite.’

· Gypsy was concerned about a conversation he overheard between 2 Hashers. ‘I waited so long for you to come.’ said Tiger Lily. And who was taking so long to come? Shaggy Dick 2. Seems that he was suffering from some sort of prostrate problem.

· We have a new member, reveals the GM. Welcome Jane. You will now have the pleasure of receiving this weekly piece of inspiring literature, based entirely on factual information.

· Zipp explains what constitutes an Aussie pair of Fxxk Me Shoes – a pair of flip flops. Does she mean thongs? Now that’s more like it.

· Boo and Tiger Lily were charged for having racist shirts on. Or was that raciest shirts? Well, it was getting dark, I couldn’t write properly.

· Wet Brazilian has seen lots of different hash attire on the run, but tonight we had a camel pack. We know last week’s run was a trifle long, but a camel pack on the Hash? Actually, what did you have in it Licker? It wasn’t water was it? An appropriate song was song, something along the lines of ‘Fxxk You,’ to the power of 10.

· Kan Not Can is questioning if Zipp has had a sex change. First she arrives back after a break sporting a very short hair cut. Then on tonight’s run, she kept repeating that she needed a woman.

On on to The Egg and Spoon.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

The ‘Commonwealth Games Pre Ramble’ Run

Jalan Mashhor

Shaggy Dick 2 & Right Royal Tit

The Run

Despite last minute frantic work around the clock, it was clear when we arrived that the Hares had failed to have the run site ready in time. The much anticipated beautiful lawn area, with landscaped cobblestone terrace, flanked by a rose garden, leading to the octagonal pavilion with revolving restaurant for the On On, was quite simply, just not going to happen tonight. Instead, a field of mud, scattered with rubble, weeds and a deserted construction workers hut confronted runners. In fact, the workers had been recalled to Delhi to help complete the stadiums and athletes village for the Commonwealth Games. On closer inspection of our run site, several pythons had been removed, dogs roamed freely around the workers hut, a bridge had been fenced off by orange tape (was it about to collapse?), dengue fever warnings were up, toilet amenities were non existent. The shower facilities involved a bucket in the drain beside the road, or was that the warm up pool for the swimming events? And where was the valet car parking? In fact it was just plain diabolical. We hoped that the Games organisers were having better luck in New Delhi, you sure could not imagine anything like this happening at the Commonwealth Games, that’s for sure. At least our security was good, I thought, as we stepped aside to let a police car go by.

So with apologies, the Hares tell us that the trail for tonight is first class, the beverages will be ice cold and they have booked out the world renowned Long House for a feast of International Food, well, International with a sort of Asian emphasis.

When one of the Hares insisted we turn right, despite not seeing any markings, and trudge up a hill, we should have guessed it was for a reason. Yes, to make us run to the top to look at the T Check they had planted. The first of many.

Just to give us a little taste of what it might be like running the Commonwealth Games Marathon through the streets of New Delhi, the Hares took us into Gymkhana Rd. and onto Mt Pleasant Rd. No footpaths, plenty of blind corners, blind hashers, blind Singapore drivers. Total chaos ensued. Luckily Boo was on traffic duty, threatening drivers with being sued by an Almost Good Lawyer if they didn’t slow down and respect the old running farts.

The PIE was then reached. Oh no, surely the Hares wouldn’t do that to us? Ah, a little trail skirting parallel to the PIE eventually took us into some jungle, and a lovely little jungle stream with a little track next to it. But the track soon disappeared, and the lovely jungle stream turned into a nasty, black sludge pool. There was nothing for it but to get in and get dirty. Following the stream, sometimes in, sometimes out, it was good stuff. A massive log was encountered across our path. I really don’t know how some people got over it.

Eventually we were into Bukit Browne Cemetery. A nice tarmac trail. Lethal Weapon set the pace, but then relinquished it to Posh Nash in a tag team Tactic when trail headed left into the jungle. Yes, it was yet another long T Check. There had been many so far.

Out onto Sime Rd, Circle Check. Had to go forward towards Lornie, so I did. But it was back into jungle on the left. I suspected, cunningly, that it would come out onto Lornie near the overhead bridge, then down SD2’s favourite set of steps behind the houses and back into Bukit Browne. I suspected correct, and as the front runners ran past my hiding spot on Lornie Rd, I ran out and joined on the back. I don’t think anyone noticed, apart from the passing traffic who were rather suspicious of a sweaty male in shorts and singlet hiding behind bushes on Lornie Rd.

So Tarmac trails wound us back through Bukit Browne, but not before another whopper T Check and a Grand Old Duke of York manoeuvre – yes, the Hares marched us up a hill through the graves, then they marched us down again only 50 metres further along.

Eventually the disabled riding school was reached. Back in just over an hour, some heavy going stuff, nice trails, all good. Apart from the uncompleted run site. Well done Hares, a good run. Not as good as the run 8 weeks ago, but nice try!

The Circle:

So, what did we think of that for a run? ‘Good run, bloody good run,’ said the Hares. Despite the grave situation we found ourselves in, and all the dead ends, everyone agreed with the Hares that it was a good run.

Tell us about your On On: A la carte at The Longhouse with International Food featuring Asian cuisine, from Asia.

Next week’s run: Hooray, corner Racecourse and Gloucester Rd. NE line exit D&E

Visitors: Nancy, Heath, Bagless 2, Drop a Load, One Time and Dyoon. Possibly a few others I missed.

Virgins: Not tonight.

Returnees: no Boomerangs today.

Lipstick: Heath not only got the Lippy but he also received the pink tutu that made a return tonight.

Tits: Indecent Exposure told how Right Royal Tit was doing a fine job sweeping at the back of the Pack. However, the girls were a little uncertain about jumping off the embankment into the stream. Should they try and land on the near side or the far side? Right Royal Tit tells them that ‘this side is not so bad,’ so he jumps into reassure the gals and immediately sinks up to his waist. ‘I think the other side is better,’ he then tells them after reassessing the situation. So Deep Throat jumps towards the other side and promptly sank up to her chest. RR Tit does another reassessment of the situation and suggests the remaining girls give the stream a miss and try to bush bash along the edge instead. He then goes to rescue Deep Throat, who was in deep water, but not as deep as what Right Royal Tit finds himself now. Take the Tits mate.

Dick: Shaggy Dick 2 asked me on Monday at work where this week’s run, to which I replied that I couldn’t remember. Later on in the day, as the cobwebs disappeared, I realized that he was the Hare. Ah, got you, you dopey bugger, forgetting your own run. I then asked Shoe Shopper could I be first AOB to give the dopey one a note. ‘You sure he was serious, he wasn’t joking?’ asked Shopper. ‘Na, he was serious, he didn’t have a clue.’ I said confidently.

So here is SD2 tonight, giving me the Dick, because he claims that of course he was joking and that I am a dumb arse for thinking he was serious.

Ok Shopper, please cancel my AOB charge. I’ve been beaten. (I still think he was serious)

Awards – nope

AOB

· Wet Pet noticed One Time doing the right thing and buying a Hash shirt from Haberdash. But hang on, it’s not a Harriet’s shirt, it’s a lion City Shirt. Lethal Weapon, get in here. This is Wednesday not Friday!

· Deep Throat was told by Stiffy that he could tell her exactly how long it is. And not only that, but how long it is while it is vibrating. Is he boasting?

· Not Tonight tries to let the truth get in the way of a good story by trying to tell us what Stiffy was actually referring to, but as we know well, this is reputable newsletter and there is not a chance of the truth getting in the way. In fact, Not Tonight adds more intrigue to the story by telling us that it also gets bigger while vibrating. Nice try Not Tonight, end of story on this note!

· Wet Brazilian asked Stiffy how to drive to the run site. Stiffy’s famous word –‘Easy.’ Just take xxxx Rd, left at xxxx Rd, take exit 14, then xxx Rd and you are there. Easy. Especially with details on GPS. Well, after going wrong way several times and having to find places to U Turn, which she eventually did somewhere near Sembawang, poor Wet Brazilian then ran out of petrol. Only one thing to say about this charge Stiffy – Easy.

· CR drove out of Pungol Run Site last week with Shopper. Shaggy was in the front talking work with her, I was in the back with Lethal Weapon admiring her box – her Haberdash box of clothing. Anyway, we came to the first set of lights, which were red, and so we stopped. But something looked not quite right. OMG, we had driven out on the wrong side of a dual lane road, and were now faced with a tricky situation, having to drive diagonally across the intersection to get on the correct side. While there were no cars facing us yet, Shaggy made an executive decision and said ‘Go, go!’ So across we went, red lights and all, onto the correct side.

· But that’s not all. Immediately after this, it was time to take the slip lane onto the TPE. Shoe Shopper decided the ramp was a bit narrow so she headed for a much wider piece of pavement next to it. Luckily Shaggy convinced her that it was actually a footpath, and the entrance ramp was a better alternative.

· Wet Pet charged Ad Na4seum for not following the directions of his wife. I am not sure what he failed to listen to, but this sets a dangerous precedent if he is going to be charged every time he doesn’t listen to Ugly Bum.

· Heath impresses Zipp for his environment friendly approach by carrying his own water bottle and not a disposable one. There was then something about running the triathlon, which resulted in him getting the ‘He’s the meanest, he sucks the …….’ To which he danced to with gyrating hips.

· Kamala almost went to Outer Space on tonight’s run. Requiring assistance to get over a log blocking the trail, Heath came to her rescue. But instead of giving her a bit of a step up, he grabbed her by the crutch and launched her into space. Not sure if Kamala enjoyed this or not.

· Stiffy, who we all know is not a good listener, was rung on Sunday afternoon by a Hasher, asking for help. Yes, it was I, asking if he could remember any of the charges from the previous run because I had lost my notes. Ok, I was desperate. (By the way, Stiffy actually gave me 4 or 5 charges, proving that he does listen a little bit)

· But after helping me out, he did not receive the newsletter. Why? Eventually he checked his junk male, waded through all the ‘you can add 2 inches more, Viagra, hey guys, pick up girls with ease’ etc etc junk and found the Harriet’s run report at the very bottom. How sad.

· Wet Brazilian, so Hooray tells us, actually got seasick on the swim leg of the Triathlon. Did she get carsick on the bike leg?

· Wet Brazilian then told how things were a little rough on the swim leg, not just with seasickness but physical jostling for positions in the water. Heath did a lot of jostling and groping with those swimmers wearing white caps, but only found out tonight that the red caps were the women and he missed his chance to grope them.

· A naming opportunity for Heath was discussed – Groper, Trisexual, Greasy Groper. But no, not agreed. Heath remains Heath.

· Announcement ‘Breasts Do Matter Run’ Oct 27, Dempsey area.

· SUBS are Due now. Pay up before Singaporn rips your arms off.

On on to The Longhouse

Scribed by Cock Radio.

The ‘You don’t want me to set another run until 2015, do you? But just to make sure try this one on for size’ Run

Race Course Road, Little India

Hooray and his bike

The Run

Regulars will know there is nothing harder on earth than getting Hooray to commit to setting a run. If you have a spare three hours, ask Hareline. But the time had rolled around since Hooray’s last effort and it was time for another classic. Having been on a few of Hooray’s previous runs, your scribe had trained and trained, hydrated up, and brought his best cushioning running shoes. Others made sure they had taxi money tucked away safely. Cock Radio, having had to make a taxi escape last time when he reached Woodlands from a Bukit Timah Road start, decided to escape to a safer location for the week, the wild jungles of Cambodia. Most of the committee had similar thoughts and had scattered to the far ends of the earth, leaving Stiffener to call the circle to order and be set off towards Farrer Park Station looking for chalk.

Now normally we don’t post maps of the runs people have set because we don’t think it’s fair for people to “borrow” other hares hard work in countless recces to set a good run. However, in this case I don’t think there is much risk of the run being replicated, so will let the map speak for itself:

The three of us who actually completed the run on trail particularly appreciated the circle check at the top of Bukit Tunggai Road at about 7:10pm. At least we lost Tiger Lily at that point and got to slow down to a pace where we could breathe for a while. Despite it’s length it was a pretty interesting run, particularly once we got back to Newton with sparse markings, light heads, and not much idea how to get home. On in at 7:40pm.

The Circle:

Stiffy’s Hash Maths: didn’t do the full trail tonight. Comes Quietly’s technology did do the full trail and ALL the checks and was at 12km when we were crossing the field back to the carpark. http://www.mapmyrun.com says 11.33km without all the checks.

So, what did we think of that for a run? Too short was the obvious call. Hooray promised to set his next run in 2015 giving us all time to do a bit of marathon training. However, with three runners in on trail and quite a few on in taxis, a rare Hash Shit had to be called on Wednesday.

Tell us about your On On: Muthu’s Curry, just across Race Course Road, no need for anyone to take a taxi (ambulance maybe), ala carte with free beers. Thanks Hooray.

Next week’s run: Stiffener & Open to the Floor, Seletar West Farmway 2 at the end of the road.

Virgins: Welcome Jason, who looked like a bit of a runner but nevertheless needed to be guided home by Jackoff in a taxi. He found the run on the website (maybe the web site needs a disclaimer, on thinking about it – customized by Hare. For example):

If (hare == Virginia Slim) then bring very old shoes && antiseptic

If (hare == Sneaky Comer) then bring extra petrol money && passport

If (hare == Comes Quietly) then (OnOnLocation = Red Lantern)

Etc.

If you want to help with use cases for the disclaimer generation code writing, please post a comment in the Harriets Blog (http://www.singaporeharriets.com/blog).

Visitors: Next Time, Cock Tease, Stephan (welcome).

Returnees: Not tonight (inserted to see if Stiffy is paying attention).

Lipstick: Sneaky Comer loudly and proudly volunteered himself as running in front. First one in on trail in 1:40 with a late kick past Comes Quietly and Cock Tease.

Tits: absent.

Dick: absent

Awards – Not tonight.

AOB

· Hooray has a hare charge. The run was f^&*ed up thanks to Jackoff and Mr Potato Head apparently (Ed: nothing to do with being 12km not counting checks I suppose). Jackoff didn’t believe the on markings at the first circle check so the pack was wondering around like headless chickens for 15 minutes or so (Ed: very true, this check took a bloody long time to solve and spread the pack to the four winds). And then, only 60 minutes or so into the run, Mr Potato Head called what should have been an arrow as a T and sent most of the pack backwards to the taxi rank (eventually). They ought to be publically pissed on….

· Hooray, on a roll, admitted that the run had probably set a world record for returns by taxi. On in Kannot Kan, Twin Towers, Stiffener, Black Member, Wet Thong, Singaporn, Slocum and Next Week.

· Stiffy, who always pays close attention in the circle, called in the private party girls: Deep Throat, Suzee Wong, Open to the Floor, and Indecent Exposure. Shut the Fu%k up wasn’t there but could have given some advice.

· Stiffy has heard of the wet T-shirt look but hasn’t seen too many Wet Dress Looks. On in Open to the Floor for being a bit quick with her shower (or more precisely her toweling off).

· Stiff observed Jackoff running around like a headless chook at the first check. Why? Slocum was ordering her to “go and look” in a very assertive tone. Slocum gets a drink and very likely nothing else tonight.

· Jackoff piles on and adds something about coming back in a taxi with a virgin. Slocum gets another drink.

· Sneaky Comer has been doing some historical research (“sad bastard”). Before Hooray was allowed to join the Harriets waiting list back in the day, he was required to set at least two runs. Given that they had experience with his run setting, Sneaky asks Confucious, why the hell was he allowed to join????

· Slocum wants to explain his taxi trip. He and his crew managed to get a senile Uncle taxi driver. On giving his destination as Northumberland Road, the Uncle responded in time honored Singapore Taxi Driver form “wah?”. Slocum responded in time honored Ang Moh style, trying four different alternative descriptions of his destination:

“Farrer Park” – “wah?”

“Race Course Road” – “wah?”

“Little India” – “wah”

Having no luck at all the taxi was driving around in circles when fortune smiled and they passed Jackoff running along. Slocum asked for help and Jackoff was able to translate the destination into Singlish or whatever the heck the taxi driver speaks. Something like “Rasecorsroad” said very fast was understood and they were on their way. Slocum wants a look-a-like for a senile taxi diver, Hooray will do.

· Stiffy wants to thank Sybil for chatting up the Parking Inspector and avoiding fines for all the cheap bastards who might not have put out enough parking coupons. Giver her a note, she’s alright.

· Slocum wants Stiffy to remain. He overhead Stiffy saying to Stiffener “You must be the only honest person here, putting enough coupons to last the night”. All the cheap bastards are called in for a note. Names withheld to protect the guilty.

· Suzee Wong announces the Breast Cancer Awareness Run, Wednesday 27^th October, car park behind St George’s Church, Minden Road (Dempsey Hill). $35 for members, $50 for guests includes shirt, dinner, Goody Bag, drinks etc. All proceeds to Breast Cancer Foundation.

· Kannot Kan asks permission to do a charge. “Only if it’s a short one”. Kannot Kan points out that many talents were on display tonight, in particular the ability to get out of a tight spot. Mr Potato Head, having called a T-check on the PIE, was questioned by the pack. “If it really is a T-check, then it must be the longest one in history”, argued Kannot Kan, “all the way back to Whitley Road because there is nowhere else to go”. Mr Potato Head, however, was sure. “The trail could go up into the cemetery”, he said. Kannot Kan wasn’t sure at all, given that Hooray had clearly set the trail on a bike. What was he going to do, “carry it up into the cemetery”? “Could be”, responded MPH. “In addition”, responded KK, “I clearly heard Hooray saying there was no paper on trail, only chalk and flour”. MPH continued to insist, “it’s possible he set the trail through the overgrown cemetery with flour”. “OK, go and check” responded KK. Mr Potato Head was still insistent but unwilling to check, so he gets a drink for wriggling (out of his tight spot). Great charge Kannot Kan, worth the seven pages of my book it took to write it down.

· Kannot Kan, having warmed the circle up with a great charge, was given license to announce the Sunday Hash Red Dress Run on (I am sure I heard) Saturday 23^rd October, $50. (Ed: Sunday Hash web site suggests it is Sunday 7^th November so maybe we need a clarification: http://www.sundayhash.org.sg/hareline/2010).

· Deep Throat reminded us that time and tickets were running out for the Lion City Dinner and Dance. See her for tickets.

On on to Muthu’s.

Scribed by Sneaky Comer.

The ‘How Good is Your Washing Detergent’ Run

The Cess Pits of Pungol

Kan Not Can & Kan The Cobra

The Run

This was a run on which to not wear anything white. A threatening storm passed by as we set off down the road, only to come back up the hill again to the start, after the first of many T Checks. Along under the shadows of the Light Rail, except there were no shadows due to the storm clouds, Not Tonight led the way across the grass. (Did she get an award last week?)

Down an embankment, across the stream, up the embankment and around the corner – to the next T check. Shaggy Dick 2 convinced most of those runners who had crossed the water that they had to recross the stream to find trail. After fruitless searching, it was I who found trail by not re-crossing the stream, meaning all those that had re-crossed the stream had to re-re-cross the stream. Nice one Hare! And nice one SD2. Comes Quietly had also found Trail but was running in the wrong direction, so as he came, we quietly spun him around 180 degrees and sent him on his way.

We then ventured into some rather tall reeds and grasses. Wet Brazilian was leading the Pack but her lack of height was creating difficulties for her to see above the reeds to find trail. Running just behind her, I decided to assist her by raising my periscope and calling directions to her from behind. Up periscope.

It was not long after that we encountered some seriously horrible, smelly, sticky, yellow mud. The squelching, sucking sounds emitted from the mud as runners tried to extract each foot, reminded me of the naked girl who did the splits on the tiled kitchen floor of her house and got stuck, but that’s another story. Serious, you would not want to have a shoe come off in that mud. At one stage, in a desperate attempt to keep my loose left shoe on, (the lace had broken before the run and was attached to only 4 eyelets), I implemented a forward lunging action with a twist that resulted in a half pike followed by a belly flop into the mud. But my left shoe stayed on.

A construction site was reached where we had to contend with a lot of Trash lying on the ground. In fact, making the descent down towards the light rail, it was not only Trash that ended up on the ground. And watch out for the hole at the bottom.

Back into jungle, nice trails but don’t trip – there were some nasty spiked broken saplings sticking out of the ground that resembled a VC trap from the Viet Nam War. Next up was another stream to wade along. This oozed with black gooey mud, and had a much higher water content than the orange gooey mud stream. However, the water level also allowed a very high diesel petroleum component to be added to it. No smoking, please. I hope Shaggy gets out of his running clothes and has a shower before he lights up a Benson and Hedges later on, otherwise it will prove once and for all that smoking is not good for your health. Could also introduce a new warning picture to be placed on cigarette packets. ‘Smoking in Pungol waterways may instantly terminate your life.’

Open to the Floor, who was also being called Scratch and Win, and even Scratch and Sniff, led us through trails to finally come out onto a road.

But road, not for long. More off road trekking and through some non-descript grass/shrub/forest wastelands. Ed the visitor had a little stumble on a discarded car tyre, to which I told him ‘You look a bit tired.’ And he replied ‘ I had a late night.’ Oh well, I thought it was funny. However, my attempted humour distracted him and he soon was down for the count after discovering a disguised hole and rolled his ankle.

Eventually we reached the Marina and it was a sprint for home around the backside. Open To The Floor, who had set a cracking pace, got to within 200 metres of the Beer Wagon and completely stopped. ‘I can’t go any further,’ she gasped, ‘I haven’t done it for 2 weeks.’ The boys urged her on, but no. If she was a race horse, they would have shot her. So it was up to the GM to lead the way in.

Back in an hour exactly, some heavy going stuff but certainly different. Well done Hares, a dirty, dirty run. Not as good as the run 7 weeks ago, but nice try!

The Circle: I left my notes in a plastic bag at the On On, so here are some recollections of what happened.

So, what did we think of that for a run? You call that shiggy? Too much road. Good run was the verdict.

Tell us about your On On: On site, Puncher’s Chicken Tika and desert, $12 (and my goodness me, it was vary vary good, don’t you worry about that).

Visitors: Trash, Ed, Jane & Tarzan. Possibly a few others I missed.

Virgins: Nope.

Returnees: no Boomerangs today.

Lipstick: No, all good boys. CR was let off on a technicality – Wet Brazilian had given him special dispensation to trail blaze a certain section for her, and in another section I was used as a spider web detector. Anyway, Shoe Shopper forgot the lippy.

Tits: Armless still has his hands on them.

Dick: Jack Off recalled how Loose Change had just crossed the first stream, when T Check was called by the FRB’s. Shaggy Dick insisted that it was on back, and made her go back across the stream. Loose Change is usually far enough at the back of the Pack to avoid these sorts of situations. But then ‘On On,’ was called from the T Check side of the stream, resulting in Loose Change getting wet in the same water 3 times in the space of 3 minutes, totally unheard of. Have a drink SD2. And what an appropriate drink it was – water.

Awards – There are no awards tonight. Got that Stiffy? Is this clear enough for you? No one, and I mean absolutely no one, not even Not Tonight, received an award tonight.

AOB

· After complaining recently about the lack of FM Shoes in the circle, Sneaky Comer was very pleased to see his wife in high heels and asked for a short circle, please, to take advantage.

· Dances With Kerbs and Shoe Shopper were charged for making their cars dance with the kerb at the run site. Stay tuned for further follow up car charges regarding car dancing.

· Shaggy Dick 2 tells how Cock Radio kept the Hash Car waiting at work. Why? He was having an extended parent- teacher meeting with a Japanese yummy mummy.

· Stiffy was reading the newsletter last week (well, at least 1 person reads it) and asked Not Tonight what she got an award for. Not Tonight replied ‘What are you talking about, what award, I didn’t get an award?’ Stiffy insisted, ‘But it says here, Awards – not tonight.’ Your scribe is then brought into the Circle to explain. What I meant was – awards, not tonight, as in there are no awards tonight. Stiffy drinks for not paying attention, and your scribe drinks for incorrect use of Not Tonight’s name.

· Singaporn was charged for attempting to dance her car with trucks – on arriving she parked her car slap bang in the middle of the turn around. Wisely taking advice, she moved it just before a bloody big lorry truck came down and turned around.

· Wet & Ready, Posh Nash, Singaporn and Lost Marbles (female gas baggers) were brought in by Stiffy, who had observed them chatting away and paying no attention at all. Using a tried and tested method of checking one’s level of attention, he asked them where next week’s run was. Not surprisingly, none of them had a clue. Stiffy then tells them it was actually a trick question, as next week’s run has not been announced yet.

· This immediately makes the GM jump into action, realising her oversight, and calls for next week’s run to be announced:

Next week’s run: Shaggy Dick 2 & Right Royal Tit. Jalan Mashhor,off Upper Thompson

· Penile Extension, who arrived late, and had also thought about parking out on the turn around, is given a charge, something to do with Monday Hash or wanking or something. Actually, his car would have been safe parked out on the turn around, it’s so low to the ground that the trucks would have passed over the top of it.

· Cock Radio was given a charge for incorrect use of navy equipment, in that he was raising his periscope way too frequently, and way too many times up the back side of Wet Brazilian. Here’s to (Dis) Able Bodied Seaman Stains, Royal Navy.

With apologies to all those with great charges who I have missed.

On on to On site Indian.

Scribed by Cock Radio.