Singapore Hash House Harriets

The ‘Wet Black Thong’ Run

Wet Thong & Black Member

Upper Serangoon Rd

2/6/10

The Run

‘Where the f*#k are we Mal?’

‘F*#ked if I know Mike.’

So went the conversation between those intrepid Aussie outback explorers, the Leyland Brothers.

And tonight’s run site was a bit the same, where the f*#k are we!

The Hares told us that the run was set mainly on flour, paper and chalk. Mmm, so what else? ‘Grass,’ was the reply.

Grass indeed. What sort of joint is this, do they think we are dopes or something? Next they will tell us the run is sponsored by Billabong.

So, with a Tally Ho, the large pack set off across the grassland. No need to stick to the made paths when there is plenty of ankle breaking bomb cratered long grass land to stumble through. Finding an appropriate hole to twist an ankle on, Wet Brazilian let out a cry of pain, immediately prompting Jack Off, who was 20 metres ahead, to turn back and call ‘Hole.’ Better late than never sometimes is not quite correct huh.

With Boo breaking a T Check along a drain, we eventually emerged onto Aljunied Rd and most of the pack followed Boo across and along. Sneaky Comer and I thought better and went the other way, finding trail in at the Funeral Parlour. Hoping it was not a dead end, we called for a woman and ended up with Legolas.

Through more grassland, we emerged out onto Bartley Rd, but not for long! Back into the grasslands. Up and Over Upper Serangoon Rd, where the highlight undoubtedly was –“The Bog”.  Anyone with a white shirt was in trouble, and there was lots of call of ‘I am Zinking,’ and by the looks of Ayam Zinking’s shirt, he did.

The Pack then became rather spread out as we journeyed through the Woodleigh Estate before emerging at the overhead bridge to return to the Mosque. Well done Hares.

Crikey, what did we think of that for a run? For a good run, that was a good run, no doubt about it.

Stiffy’s Hash Maths. Nope.

Tell us about your on on mate. On site, Nepalese this and that.

Well what about next week? Singapore, probably Lavender Park. Stay tuned.

Virgins: – A girl from Tassie came in and claimed she had already been a virgin 3 times and was trying for her 4^th. Get out of here!

Visitors, returnees and other misfits: S&M, Cock Tease, Trash, Tight Spot, Biggles and Woodbridge.

New Member – nope

Lippy – Ad Nauseum and Hooray were the naughty boys.

The Tits – A joint Tits and Dick effort with Forced Entry and Virginia Slim.

Forced Entry had enquired about my little goatee under my bottom lip. I explained to her about the benefits that it can provide to a female on the receiving end of it, but she wasn’t convinced so I offered to give her a demonstration. Ok, I get the Dick.

Shoe Shopper had been to Thursday Hash recently, and was explaining about the Harriet’s Tits. A verbal description was inadequate, so she proceeded to do a little dance, using her assets to model the Tits. This too proved to be inadequate. So take the Tits, Shopper, and actually show them to Thursday.

The Dick – See above.

Awards – 100 fast runs, Tiger Lily, and it goes to Breast Cancer Awareness.

AOB

· Tiger Lily observed Cock Tease having trouble drying herself after showering – she forgot to bring a towel. She did bring 2 umbrellas though.

· Cock Radio observed Tiger Lily buying new shorts at Haberdash after showering. Why? She forgot her shorts.

· Wet and Wild received an email from Boo regarding where the run site actually was and where it definitely was not. Seems he was worried we might go to the wrong mosque. But in the short email, he used the term ‘and I repeat..’ a multitude of times. Padding out, is this how Lawyers make their money??

· Big Head knows why the GM is becoming forgetful – she is getting older. Cock Tease brings in an oversized Elton John style of glasses with Happy Birthday on them.

· Sneaky Comer was surprised to see such a significant piece of shiggy here in suburbia. As the Aussie School is just up the road, did Black Member bring his students down on a PE run and do a bit of mud creating somehow?

· Wet Thong then corrected the above charge – Black Member’s students are only 5 years old and could not travel so far to create a bog!

· Ad Naseum announces the Kampong Charity Run on the 19^th. All for a good cause, be there or be square (or in my case, be in Viet Nam).

· Virginia Slim mentions lots of infamous names who will be attending the Seletar Anniversary Run. Get on the web site to register NOW. Women are invited of course.

· Big Head is always on the lookout for a fine specimen of a man to help her out with her needs. So she thought her luck had changed tonight when she came across a fallen tree on the path that was creating quite an obstacle. There was Ad Naseum helping Ugly Bum over, so she patiently waited for her man to help her. As Ugly Bum reached the other side safely, she grabbed Ad Naseum by the hand and ran off, calling out, ‘You can just jump over it on your own Big Head!’ Here’s to Ugly Bum for not sharing her man around!

· Big Head thanks Wet Thong for providing the bare chested male volleyball players. Black Member, where were the bare chested female players???

· Sneaky Comer noticed that last week’s run report was remarkably accurate for a change. Well, a Hare should be able to describe accurately where his run goes.

· Shaggy Dick 2 and Cock Radio are dressed like the Velcro twins tonight.

· And finally Wet Brazilian charges your scribe for not being man enough to tell her to move out of light when he was scribing. After completing my 3^rd consecutive down down, I proceeded to tell her where I was going to shove the lamp if she did it again!

On on on to Yak food.

Scribed by Cock Radio. See you in 3 weeks.

The ‘Slim Cock,’ Run

Cock Radio & Virginia Slim

Gambas Crescent, Sembawang

The Run

A brand new run site all to ourselves in the wide-open spaces of Sembawang. These 2 Hares are geniuses, I tell you.

Out onto the connector path along Sungei Sembawang, enjoying the mangroves and bird life. A T check outside Cock Radio’s mansion had Wet Patch cursing and swearing, as he was left high and dry the other side of the road while Tiger Lily actually found trail back across the paddock to within a bee’s dick of the Beer Wagon.

Winding in and out of a patch of forest, the pack emerged onto the new road, once more within a bee’s dick of the Beer Wagon, prompting Stiffy to accuse the Hares of setting the run on a postage stamp. Half the pack hen followed trail along the grass, while the other half chose the footpath.

All roads led to Rome however, or in this case to the forest land next to Gambas Avenue the other side of Sembawang Ave. The Hares continued to excel with their innovative trails winding through the bush.

A small stream crossing via 2 small branches proved not a problem, that is until Lethal Weapon, our Haberdash, broke them, plunging her into deep water and allowing dampness to infiltrate her Hash Box. Sensing that too much water would not be of benefit to the goodies inside Lethal Weapons Hash Box, Wet Patch jumped in after her and guided her to higher ground.

The run continued to wind around and in and out of the bush land, eventually doing a big loop to emerge onto Gambas Avenue for the hit out to home. But not before a final T check back into the jungle had the front runners finding trail that had trees that looked remarkably similar to the trees encountered earlier on. Yes, they were the same trees you twits, you went back onto the out trail and were going to go around again!

So back out onto Gambas and a direct path back this time to the Beer Wagon in about an hour.

With a spectacular light show in the sky, complete with a full moon peeking between some towering cumulus nimbus clouds, (all provided free of charge by the thoughtful Hares), The Circle got under way promptly with lots of gusto. Shoe Shopper said we should keep things moving in case one of those cumulus nimbus clouds lost control and pissed down on us. I think she had other motives for a quick circle, I suspect the fact that Wet Patch was flying out later that night may have been one of them.

Crikey, what did we think of that for a run? ‘Brilliant’ said the Hares, run of the year. Other members used even more glowing adjectives and descriptors, but I will not include them here as I don’t wish to appear biased.

Stiffy’s Hash Maths. Toy Boy said 5kms, Maggot was not there to verify, but 5 sounds ok to me.

Tell us about your on on mate. S111 was the call from Cock Radio, a la carte. Actually it was S21, (Ok, I’m not good on large numbers!)Yishun Live Seafood, on Sembawang Rd and Forced Entry ordered for the 12 of us at $10 a head and the food was excellent. This is definitely a Hash Eating House, next run up this way try and get to the On On, the food was tops.

Well what about next week? Black Member and Wet Thong, (whose absence tonight, along with Right Royal Tit, could be, I suspect, be explained by a telecast of the State of Origin Rugby grudge game on Aussie network), Pasir Potong. Stay tuned for more details. (BTW, Queensland defeated NSW, again)

Virgins: – Valerie came in, to the tune of none other than ‘Valderie, Valderha, Valderie, Valder – ha ha ha ha ha ha….’ to own up as a Virgin, in town visiting Singaporn. A short stay with Singaporn and she is no longer a virgin!

The Circle was then delayed while Valerie sipped on her down down beer for 5 minutes.

Visitors, returnees and other misfits:, there were a few but I forgot to write them down. I recall Woodbridge was a returnee.

New Member – nope

Lippy – Ad Nauseum and Hooray were the naughty boys.

The Tits – Comes Quietly has managed to get his hands on Twin Towers Tits, and quickly awards them to Virginia Slim for providing the drink stop that wasn’t.

The Dick – The GM announces that she can see the Dick in her midst. I think that is somewhere around the midriff, which is an unusual place to have a Dick.

Stiffener has the Dick and tells how the St George’s Day shirts were very popular with everyone, except Virginia Slim and Forced Entry. Slim was lamenting tales of woe last week, saying how he was being denied sex because he came home without one of the treasured shirts for Forced Entry. Desperately he asked if Stiffener could help him out of his predicament. Was Stiffener going to provide him with sex???? No, Stiffener reserved a revered St George’s Day shirt for Forced Entry, thus relieving Slim and obviously meaning that Forced Entry was going to get the Dick tonight. So Slim can force an entry tonight and Forced Entry goes home with the Dick.

Awards – Not Tonight and Stiffy have come together 600 times on a Wednesday. Well done.

AOB

· Cock Radio charges Stiffener for her prepared speech that she read out like a member of the Royal Family. Give Queen Elizabeth a note.

· Not Tonight calls Father Anus as a look alike for Slowcum (or was it the other way around?) Anyway, heroic deeds were performed in saving the crown jewels when one of the girls found herself up to her funny in water.

· Tiger Lily journeyed to the run sitting with Lethal Weapon in the back seat, where the discussion turned to bras. Tiger was a bit short on for a sports bra and Lethal told her that she had a spare one but it would be too big for Tiger! Was that an illusion of grandeur or what? Cock Radio offered to come in and measure the 2 girls up for size.

· Cock Radio believes that someone has already measured Lethal Weapon up for size – she had a muddy hand print across her left boob. Looked about Tiger Lily’s hand size!!

· Slim announces the 30^th Anniversary run for Seletar. He wants people to sign up early. Paper registrations are available for the physically and mentally deficient people that can’t go on line.

· And on that note, Shopper drags Wet Patch into the car and speeds off home for a quick game of Scrabble.

· Accommodation wanted. Goody Bag is looking for an apartment to share, close to the city. If you know of anyone looking for a housemate, contact Goody Bag URGENTLY.ph 97376603

(Is Sembawang close enough to the city Goody Bag? –CR)

On on on to S21

Scribed by Cock Radio.

The ‘Shaggy Dick Shopping,’ Run

Shoe Shopper and Shaggy Dick 2

Blackmore Dve

119/5/10

The Run

A showroom up on the paddock where there were model airplanes last time! Jungle knocked down. A new road going through. Migrant worker huts. Welcome to more progress, Singapore style. Crikey!

Off we set, along a jungle trail running parallel to Blackmore Dve before descending to the railway line for a Circle. The smart money was on the opposite direction to Bukit Timah Rd, and it was Vibrator who was soon in need of a woman. Up into jungle on the other side of the railway line, Legolas led the way and was even heard to call ‘On on’ at one stage.

Reaching the canal, out onto Clementi for a Circle that had the Pack scratching their head, or another anatomical feature in the case of Great Balls of Fire. Legolas disappeared into the jungle, Vibrator tried the overhead bridge and I went straight along Clementi Rd. Vibrator returned, so everyone headed back to join Legolas in the bush. I refused to turn back, and continuing on I finally spotted paper on the other side of Clementi Rd, obviously Vibrator had stuffed up.

Well, at this stage there was not a lot I could do. There was not another runner in sight, and the traffic noise meant calling ‘Need a woman,’ was a waste of time. I could run back and find the pack? No stuff them, I’ll run on by myself. Up Clementi and into the jungle trail by the old railway line. Along the fence line, up and down to emerge at Sunset Way. But which way??? Back to Clementi Rd of course and over, down onto the old railway line. Cock Tease did some serious screaming in the mud, and Maggot commented it was too late for us to take trail up the embankment into the jungle. 2 minutes after he said that, we struck a T check on the railway track and it was back up the embankment into the jungle. Nice one Maggot.

Aye Aye continued to complain about the Hare breaking all the checks. Stiffy just continued to complain. Cock Tease continued to tease. Then back down onto the old railway line back to the canal, over the Malaysian train track and back to home along the new road with all the workers huts in about 1 hour 10.

Crikey, what did we think of that for a run? ‘ Brilliant’ said the GM, but she may have been biased. Too long, too dry, not enough shopping, not enough shagging. Good run, well done, thanks Hares, at short notice.

Stiffy’s Hash Maths. Toy Boy said 5kms, Maggot said 6 km. Stiffy comes up short again.

Tell us about your on on mate. Pizza on site, $5 or $10 for pigs.

Well what about next week? Cock Radio, Sembawang. It is a brand new road, not in Directory yet. Head to Sembawang along Sembawang Rd. Turn left at Gambas Ave then turn right at first lights –Sembawang Ave.

It is then the very first street on your left,

Mighty Maps 13 – you can see the new street shaded in dark green but unnamed. Drive to the end of it.

On on will be at Chong Pang.

Virgins: – nope

Visitors, returnees and other misfits:, Cock Tease, being a Valentines Day Masochist, used her Bullet Head Vibrator to amuse Sex Change who was Confused and became Stiff. Did they get VDM?

New Member – Michelle, having received her St George’s Day shirt from Stiffy, honors her agreement and has signed up. ‘She’s a little flat chested, ….’ And Michelle takes a peep at her boobs to check.

Lippy – Cock Radio automatically goes in for running ahead for 2kms on his own without any sign of the pack. Vibrator, Great Balls of Fire and a few others come in as well. Did we get Lipstick? No, the GM forgot it, so instead she gave us all a swift kick up the bum and said don’t do it again. Ouch, ouch, ouch..

The Tits – Slim has the Tits for Father Anus, but wait, Father Anus is here? Slim tells him to f*#k off anyway.

Virginia then promotes the Seletar 30^th Anniversary Run, but they still don’t have a logo. So who in the Harriets can he turn to for artistic inspiration? The sight of Twin Towers changing provided all the inspiration Slim needed. 2 round circles with a 3 on one and a 0 on the other.

Twin Towers tells Slim she doesn’t need the Tits, she has her own real ones. Still complaining, she proceeds to put the Tits on her back, prompting Jack Off to comment, ‘Wow, so many Tits!’

The Dick – Stiffy asks what is the symbol of penis envy? Yep, sports cars. So there is Forced Entry in her little white machine, preparing for the run. The male with the penis envy issue comes over, checks out her sports car, then drags his wife over to admire it. But if that is not enough, he then pushes his wife into the little white machine and sits in the seat next to her. Wow, do you have an envy issue or what Stiff! Take the Dick.

Awards- nope.

AOB

· Twin Towers comes in with her 4 Tits and calls in Shopper and Stiffener for being blonde and forgetting things, including the lipstick.

· Not Tonight tells us that the English St Georges Day shirts have become collector’s items. Valuable, rare items that are highly sought after. So what did our new member Michelle do with her brand new shirt? Yep, wore it on tonight’s run, through the thorns, prickles, mud sweat and tears. The nice new white St George shirt had lost a bit of it’s sparkle by the time it came back.

· Michelle is still angry at getting the Dick when she was only a virgin, so Hooray cops another blast. Be careful with your Dick around virgins, you might upset up.

· Shaggy Dick 2 was bringing up the rear with some of the girls, or he was doing something to their rear. He got back a little late with these gals. Why? Because Trash didn’t want to get mud on her shoes along the old railway line. Trash then blames the mossie.

· Stiffy tells the story of Michelle hugging the beautiful old banyan tree last week, claiming it would bring her luck. As she works in the Casino here, Stiffy thinks that is rather a strange way to get lucky.

· Cock Radio then charges Stiffy with plagiarism, as I had already written that story in last weeks run report. Not only does Stiffy talk all the way through the Circle, but he doesn’t read the newsletter. Shame, shame. Well done to Handbag for being the only one who read the newsletter last week and knew where this charge was headed!

· Stiffy observed Goody Bag drinking water out of her bottle, when the lid fell and she lost sight of it. The first place she looked for it was down her top. Stiffy thought that was rather ambitious thinking. I would have asked Goody Bags if she wanted some help searching for it.

· Accommodation wanted. Goody Bag is looking for an apartment to share, close to the city. If you know of anyone looking for a housemate, contact Goody Bag URGENTLY.ph 97376603

(Is Sembawang close enough to the city Goody Bag? –CR)

On on on to Pizza on the Path

Scribed by Cock Radio.

The ‘Indian Anus’ Run

Kamala & Father Anus

Lower Seletar Car Park, Old Upper Thompson Rd

The Run

The usual bunch of misfits turned up for the run. Apart from Shaggy Dick 2. Oh, and Lethal Weapon wasn’t there either. Nor was Loose Change, or Wet Pet. Didn’t sight Wet Patch come to think of it. Mmm, Give Way? Virginia Slim? Tiger Lily?

So it was the almost usual bunch of misfits that headed down to the water’s edge and along the boardwalk. But not for too long, as trail disappeared into a jungle path off to the left. Encountering a severe patch of Shiggy, Stiffy held back, certain a T Check was going to be called the other side of it. Come on Stiffy, get your feet dirty mate.

This track soon turned into a prick of a trail. Nasty thorns on branches, bloody pricks of vines tripping us. Our Virgin gal Annie had never seen so many big pricks, and was surprised there were so many in Singapore.

Legolas was showing the way for a while, but after failing to call ‘On on’ for 10 minutes was eventually pushed aside. Twin Towers took the lead, proudly inflating her lungs and calling something out about ‘You bastards.’

More jungle, more shiggy, more of Twin Towers bum to follow. Luckily she had a white band around her black shorts or we may have lost her in the jungle shadows.

Eventually onto Old Thompson Rd where a group of walkers were milling around, complaining they had not seen any trail yet. Funny about that Ugly Bum and co.

Well, we didn’t wear our shoes out too much on the bitumen of Old Thompson Rd – across, through a hole in the fence and back into the jungle. ‘On your bike lad,’ was the call from Legolas as we passed a bike chained to a tree. And just what was that stray drain lid doing lying out in the middle of the jungle? Weird.

A little market garden in the middle of nowhere with a Circle had us guessing. Past a fantastic old tree, which caused our Casino worker runner to go over and hug it for luck, (makes you wonder about the viability of the Casino if it’s workers rely on tree hugging for luck).

Anyway, back out onto Old Thompson, but again not for long. It was Wet Thong who led us back into jungle and entertained us with her trips, slips and tangles. Nice trail to finally get back onto the boardwalk for the hit out to home.

Unfortunately for Wet Thong, who was in good form, a shoe blow out left her high and dry as the following men deserted her and went ahead, spotting Ugly Bum and co walkers in the distance. Once the walkers were passed, Not Tonight took full advantage of the situation and ran the final 500 meters in to the beer wagon with 6 sweaty, charged up males on her tail. On On!

Crikey, what did we think of that for a run? No doubt that was a prick of a very good run. Well done, thanks Hares.

Stiffy’s Hash Maths. Toy Boy tried to tell us that we only travelled 4 kms tonight, a little hard to believe. His apprentice, Maggot, gave us a more convincing reading of about 5.2km. More about this discrepancy in distance later!

Tell us about your on on mate. Casuarina Curry – nope, next door to it.

Well what about next week? Posh Duck has been called out of town on business, so it’s Shoe Shopper and Shaggy Dick too 2 stepping in, using the old tried and trusted Blackmore Drive, near the gal’s school.

Virgins: – Anna, friend of Posh Nash. Get’s the ‘She’s a little flat chested,’ song and has to look down at her chest to check.

Visitors, returnees and other misfits:, Vibrator, Cock Tease, Phoney Sex,Flat Chat,Stiff, Knickerless and possibly a few other odd bods.

Knickerless then asks Shoe Shopper ‘Are you the GM now?’

New Member –

Lippy – Great Balls of Fire, Cock Radio, Vibrator, Comes Quietly and Handbag are charged on a technicality. With 500 metres to go, Wet Thong had to pull into the pits after suffering a blow out (she stopped to tie up her shoe lace.) The lead bunch of men failed to stop, and claimed that they could use the walkers as their leading women. Despite employing an almost good lawyer (Boo) to defend themselves, they were found guilty as charged.

Hooray and Stiffy also copped a faceful.

The Tits – Apart from the Virgin gal, who apparently was unsure of her Tit size, there’s not much happening on the Tit front tonight.

The Dick – Maggot retells the Crocodile Dundee scene where a street punk in New York pulls a little flick knife on Mick Dundee in an attempt to rob him. Cool as a cucumber, Dundee looks at the punk and his under sized weapon, reaches under his jacket and pulls out a weapon 1 metre in length and says ‘Now that’s a knife.’ The punk took one look and fled.

Stiffy has been coming up short lately with his GPS reading. Maggot asks him to get it out, takes one look at it, produces his own vastly size superior tool and tells Stiffy, ‘Now that’s a GPS.’

Take the Dick Stiffy!

Awards- nope.

AOB

· Wet N Wild has a story about looking after the bush. In days gone by, apparently the best way to treat a policeman or Parks Ranger who was complaining about runners destroying the vegetation was to shove some foliage in his mouth and tell him it was edible.

· Boo produced an article about the Brits and their unsafe sex habits.

Some of the results of a recent Brit survey are.

18 million people have been injured during sex.

Injuries included pulled muscles, back injuries, carpet burns, cricked necks, bruised elbows, fingers bent back, twisted knee.

40% did not realize they were injured until the next morning.

Most dangerous locations for sex were sofa, stairs, car, chair, kitchen table, work cupboard, garden.

Items commonly broken were bed frame, wine glasses, pictures, chair, chest of drawers, vase, window, door.

Please all you Brits, practice safe sex.

· Stiffy was asked by Michelle could she have a St George’s Day singlet, as the run was so nice, the shirt is so nice, Stiffy is so nice,…. Well, stiffy didn’t completely fall for it, so said she can have a a St George shirt if she joins the Hash. She said ok, well done Stiffy!!

· Sneaky Comer has been doing a bit of researching on the Harriets (so that’s what you call it huh, research)

Anyway, in the old days, the girls use to have a problem with unaccompanied males who would get back from the run first and drink all the beer. On in Vibrator as a relic from the past.

Then there was a waiting list for males to become a member. They had to set a certain amount of runs before they would be considered. Apparently Hooray did his share 25 years ago, was accepted and hasn’t set a run since.

· Handbag had a bit of serious tail gating happening on the run. Single trail through the jungle, Vibrator became impatient with lack of overtaking opportunities and so stood on the back of Handbags shoe, causing it to dislodge. Unfortunately, Handbags braking system was lacking, hence Handbag continued for 6 steps in his socks across pricks, thorns, rocks, thistles, hot coals cobras before coming to a halt. He then had to reverse 6 steps back across the hazards because Vibrator would not retrieve the dislodged shoe. All is fair in love and war !

· Black Member calls all the teachers in. As teachers are likely to have a supply of white chalk, who wrote the message on the wall in the jungle that said ‘F*#k the new committee?’ The primary teachers are excused as it was written in upper case, and they would use a cursive script.

So it became a case of, if you can read this, thank a Secondary teacher. And they got the spelling correct.

· Kamala accuses Doubleback for ringing Father Anus to ask about a short run.

· Stiffy tells Black Member it is politically incorrect to use the word blackboard when he did his teacher charge. It is whiteboard.

But is that politically correct?

One smacks of discrimination and the other of supremacy.

So we decide on chalkboard.

From now on Black Member will be known as Chalk Member.

Blackmore Dve is renamed Chalkmore Dve.

Anyone having a whisky drink stop will have to supply Johnny Walker Chalk Label.

We have never heard of Chalk Widow.

An approaching storm will be referred to as ‘Gee, the sky is looking a bit chalk over there.’

And to keep all colors in perspective, the Red Lantern will now be known as ‘The Chalk Lantern.’

On on on to the Casuarina restaurant, but don’t sit down there, go next door.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

Upper Thompson Road near the Longhouse
Posh Nash & Royal Tit
The “Never Mind, the Paper will still be there” Run

Run report by Sneaky Comer

A new committee brings on a new efficiency (or maybe the GM just has a watch), as “gather around” was called a few minutes before 6.  Or maybe it was those big black clouds scudding over that had us off to an early start.  Anyway, it was on out the car park, up towards the housing estate, and straight past the steps where the trail went.  Mmmm, what was happening?  Tiger Lily was back out in front and her eyesight hasn’t improved during her enforced layoff – she has been to the physio but not the optometrist.  Up the stairs to a circle check, up the drain to the estate, up the fence line and then into the Macritchie trail.  By this point the heavens had well and truly opened and the hares were sweeping but not carrying any spare paper or flour.  Oh well, it must just be a run around the track.

But no, a bit down the way we headed into the bush, and bush it was!  Paper was starting to disappear, ants were all over the place, and we had a little trouble following trail.  A nice run up the creek, under and over downed trees, up a slippery slope or two, and finally back onto the grassy knoll behind the houses in Bright Hill.  Then it was around down the pipeline towards Venus Drive and it was starting to look like a very long run, until we doubled back into Windsor Park, through Soo Show Walk, and then back down behind Upper Thompson Road and back home.

Wow, I recalled all that without a GPS.  Anyway, I was back in about 1:05 and I am getting fat and slow, so suppose the front runners had about 55 minutes.  A really nice run hares, very adventurous and something a little bit different for this area.  Thanks.

Circle report by Wet Brazilian

First of all I must say Thanks to Cock Radio for being so kind as not to show on the first hash of the new committee and thus giving me a chance to step in straight away!

“But I thought I would only have to do this once or twice a year, not on the first B—- week!” I said for the hundredth time to anybody who would listen.

The new GM, Shoe Shopper, thanked Posh Nash and Royal Tit for an exciting, wet run, which started with Two Easy going down for Mr Potato Head!

Father Anus announced the start of next week’s hash will be Lower Pierce Reservoir Car Park.

But we are short of a hare for the following week – no hare, no run!!! (or one lap of Macritchie) So hurry to your emails and let Shoe Shopper know you will step into the breach.

Only one Lipstick boy in the circle unfortunately this week – Mr Potato Head, although Comes Quietly went in for a little bit and came out quietly unnoticed!

Visitors –?, Phoney Sex and Stiff

Returnee – Posh Duck

No tits, but Shaggy Dick had a dick (this week!)

But who to give it to, maybe his fellow Hash Challengers, Shoe Shopper and Wet Patch or Maggot?

Apparently during the challenge poor Shoe Shopper had a bit of chaffing you know where (if she is Australian it must be down under?) and we all know how uncomfortable that can be! However we might not all go to the extent of taking our shorts off in the middle of a hash and then running in our knickers with our shorts on our head! Then Wet Patch apparently had cramp and cried out in pain, so Shoe Shopper came to the rescue in her knickers striding over him and pushing his toes back. At which time some poor Malaysian hashers came round the corner to encounter the scene with Wet Patch shouting “Push harder, push harder!”, “I am pushing, I am pushing!!” Shoe Shopper retorted.

Maggot however ended with the dick for his lack of sense of direction as despite coming across the whole of the pack running the opposite way he continued going the wrong way by himself!

Bodies were on show as awards were given out to Wet Patch for the Most Creative run of 2009 and Stiff for the Best On-on – Congratulations!

New committee were introduced:

GM – Shoe Shopper

? – Posh Nash

? – Wet and Wild

Assistant on-sec – Wet Brazilian

? – Singaporn?

[Web editor’s note:  I had to leave this as written, given that the scribe is a member of the committee (Assistant On-Sec to boot) and yet she is unsure who her fellow committee members or what their roles are.  She can look it all up at http://www.singaporeharriets.com/aboutus/committee.html].

And rumours abounded as attention was brought to Wet and Wild and Sneaky Comer’s persistent heavy petting and the way Sneaky Comer caressed his wife’s belly – could there be some little wet and wilds on the way?

But don’t listen to what Comes Quietly says especially if he says “Don’t Follow me” when he is running in front of the hare!

The other person we should know better than to follow was, the recently returned missing in action, Tiger Lily who lived up to her reputation by running straight passed the trail.

Tiger Lily brought to everybody’s attention an article in last week’s Today’s paper about the Beach Boys of Bali, (alias Shaggy Dick) who sell sex to female tourists – especially Japanese girls as Mr Potato Head pointed out.

Talking of making people happy Stiffy was very happy on the run when Mr Potato Head’s supposedly fell in the deep water and placed his hand on a place where it shouldn’t be!

Tiger Lily was pulled into the circle by Jackoff who was wearing a toad covered t-shirt from Cairns. She was shocked at how ugly the toads were, so maybe if she wants to do some kissing she should take a trip to Bali!

On On On to the Long House

The ‘AGM’ Run

The House of Stiff – Seletar Air Base

Hares: Too Easy and Virginia Slim, Hare consultant.

The Run

“Guther round” called Wet N Wild for the last time. So we guthered round and listened to the rather wet Hares give us directions, and more importantly told us there was a drink stop. Almost a good run already.

It was hard finding a female to lead the way out as they all ran off to their cars, at the Hares advice, to get mossie repellant on. Finally we headed down mona vale rd [Ed: I think that might be Maida Vale], not a mossie to be seen. What’s all the fuss about?? On the right was a drain that was flowing fiercely with ugly brown storm water – had there been a drop of rain out here this afternoon??

A strategic Circle check down a side street had a few punters putting their money on local knowledge, so Stiffler was closely watched as he checked across some grassland. However he didn’t have a clue, and it was on back and into jungle along the side of the TPE. Mmm, the trail soon started to get a tad squishy under foot. Maybe it did rain at some stage?

A T check had everyone back and following a defined trail off to the right. However the TPE soon put a stop to that and had everyone back tracking, and off course it was trail to the left we should have followed. Gypsy was showing signs of aggression at this stage with his calling, continuing to call ‘On On’ from the very back throughout the time we searched for trail after the T. He just couldn’t work out why no one else was calling!!

Well, paper became rather soggy looking before disappearing altogether. Was this possibly due to an afternoon shower of rain?? Luckily the Hare was on hand with fresh paper and led the way. Soon we arrived at a hidden illegal workers hut that actually had a more impressive wardrobe than Virginia Slim has. In fact it was a darn sight tidier than my unit come to think of it. I wonder what they would charge for rent?

Paper became extremely scarce but brown muddy water became increasingly prevalent. Mmm, why? Anyway, the trail continued to wind its way through thick bush land, under trees, around trees, over trees, in trees, through trees, up trees.

“ If you’re happy and you know it hug a tree, hug hug. …..” Well, all this tree hugging kept the pack at walking pace, and for anyone non Asian height, it also meant being bent over double to avoid overhead branches.

Eventually a waterway was reached, and Virginia Slim could be heard in the distance calling the pack on. ‘How do we get to you?’ asked Shoe Shopper, who was on an embankment.

‘Go down the rubber hose,’ replied Slim.

‘I’m not going down on a rubber hose,’ exclaimed Shopper. On on.

Wading across the stream, runners, walkers, swimmers were treated to the sight of Virginia Slim sitting in waist deep water on his chair with a glass of vodka punch and a big smirk on his face. He sat there in the water watching the pack make their way across the water, all employing different methods to counter the swirling muddy water.

I’m not sure how the new [Ed: Assistant] On Sec’s Wet Brazilian went, but the in coming Haberdash, Lethal Weapon, was observed on tippy toes, treading wearily, to make sure nothing got into her little box of Hash goodies. Goody Bags had her flotation devices inflated, while Maggot and Stiffy waded army style with arms held high in the air to protect their boy toys. Boo found a piece of hollow bamboo and used it to breathe through, as the water level was 75cm over his head. And that was while he was standing on Quickies head. I’m not sure what Quickie had in her mouth to breath through. As for Singaporn, who baulked at the first 2mm deep puddle encountered 5 minutes into the run, it is believed that she will be released from the psychriatic ward of Alexander Hospital in a few days.

The Aussies took it as a training run swim and did a medley relay. Maggot commenced with the back stroke, and very cleverly passed his GPS from one hand to the other alternatively as he swam, thus keeping it safely above water. He then passed over to Shoe Shopper who, of course, swam the breast-stroke leg. (What else lah!) Black Member then swam the butter fly lap, although he probably resembled a giant bogong moth. To take the team home on the final lap, it was Right Royal Tit who took the meaning of ‘Freestyle’ literally and did the dog paddle. And it’s gold to Australia!! Oi oi oi!.

Over to the far embankment for the drink stop and the truth is revealed. There had not been a shower of rain in the afternoon. There had been a mighty f#*#ing dump of rain, including wind, lightning and thunder ( did they use to be a rock and roll band – Lightning Wind and Thunder???) Trees had been knocked over across the trail, waterways had risen by 2 and a 1/2 metres and the House of Stiff had been hit by lightning. Ai Ya lah! Poor Hares.

The drink stop was enjoyed by everyone, including the mossies. On home was then pretty much a straight trail running parallel with theTPE all the way back. Well done Hares.

The female members then adjourned for their meeting, leaving the men to drink beer in peace for an hour.

The Circle was then formed and the awards were presented by a GM who looked like she had taken full advantage of the drink stop.

Award winners were:

The old Committee then introduced the new Committee, and the new GM, Shoe Shopper, took over.

Stiffy’s Hash Maths. ?? Maggot, the apprentice, measured the run at about 5kms.

Crikey, what did we think of that for a run? Not enough mossies, not enough scantily clothed women, too dry. Good Run!

Tell us about your on on mate. Mr. Ho’s Lamb and creamy potatoes with salad.

Well what about next week? Car Park before the Long House, Posh Nash and Right Royal Tit

Virgins: Michelle, Angela, Kristin, Emily, Natalie

Visitors, returnees and other misfits: Dripping Bush, an ex virgin from last week, Teeny Willy and possibly a few other misfits that I missed and making a return is Wanker and Herr Zipp

New Member –

Lippy – None tonight

The Tits – Fat Crashing Bastard reminds us that Hashing can be a dangerous past time, resulting in hospital cases and even death! One of our Hares has just made a return after recovering from blood poisoning, a twisted ankle, malaria, some disease that requires a dose of penicillin, beri beri, bird flu and piles. So why return and sit in stagnant water Virginia Slim?!!

The Dick – Our Virgin gal from last week comes in with a Dick that is looking slightly the worse for wear, as it would after spending a week with a virgin. And who gave her the Dick last week? Hooray. So Hooray is in for giving his Dick to a virgin. Cock Radio is also nominated for arriving at the drink stop without a woman. Gypsy is brought in for bouncing everyone off a log in mid stream. Siffler had an immigration charge leveled against him. Shaggy Dick 2 was overheard telling a female to get her tits out. And finally Legolas for bringing along a guest and not informing her that she should wear her I Pod on the run.

And the winner is ……. Oh darn, I didn’t write it down and I can’t remember! As the last one in, let’s say it was Legolas

AOB

· Stiffener promised fine weather to set the run and proposed putting vegetables on a post outside to keep the rain away. Too Easy agreed with this scientific approach to solving the world’s weather problems, so they put chilli on a post. The end result was the house being struck by lightning. Give the witches a note!

But then again, the cleric that said scantily clothed women were behind all these forces of nature causing havoc in the world. The ligtning bolt struck above Stiffler’s bedroom, making its way down to obliberate his computer where he had been obviously using the internet to view images of scantily clothed women.

On on On on to Mr. Ho’s NZ lamb and creamy potatoes

Bring back the old Committee!

Scribed by Cock Radio.