Singapore Hash House Harriets

The AGM Run.

24 Lorong Sesuai

Hares: Committee

On On: Mother’s Tongue’s house, 24 Lorong Sesuai

 

The Run: Since Cock Radio spent his morning in Geylang and afternoon in Chong Pang, he was more interested in joining the drink stop than the run. So, from someone who did do it:

We started out at the turning circle at the end of Lorong Sesuai. Many of us held back at the start, expecting a T-check and a slide down the hill at the back of the houses. But no, out on Lorong Sesaui the run went, so fortunately those of us who had been trying to be sneaky were able to catch up with a short cut up the stairs to avoid the Lorong Sesuai loop road, then we bypassed the rather obvious T-check down the dead end street. We then ran down to Upper Bukit Timah road beside The Hillside. On north for a while up Hume Avenue, before a circle check was solved over the overhead bridge to Upper Bukit Timah Road and onto the old railway line.

 

A few checks kept us together before another suspicious T check down Hindhede Walk had us heading back across Upper Bukit Timah Road again, then along Old Jurong Road to the park, where the infamous fluorescent paddle pop sticks marked the trail to the drink stop in the park overlooking the quarry. Very nice Mohito’s to fuel the long climb back up to the run site. Good run ladies.

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Good run, could not find it, great drink stop. Boo is wondering why Wet ‘n Wild is saying we need a ‘cheer’ for the scribe to sit on.

 

Tell us about your On On: Number 24, Go down carefully, the steps are narrow. We will all go down together for The Boxer’s lasagna.

 

Next week’s run: Sembawang Rd, Cock Radio.

 

Lipstick: Multitudes. Too many to write for the scribe. [Stiff, Hooray, and a few others].

 

Visitors / Returnees: Penile Extension, The Boxer, Bagless 2, Butt Wiper, Dragon Breath (these were last week’s but I am sure I saw them this week too. I didn’t get the list.

 

Virgins: A lovely virgin came in and showed she can swallow well.

 

New Member: nope.

 

Tits: Butt Wiper is complaining about the cost of tonight’s run, reckons he can a BJ for less than $40. Gypsy, who has been complaining about the lack of calling on the runs lately, is given the Tits for his gorilla mating call impersonations when calling on back tonight.

 

Dick: Wet ‘n Wild gives it to Cock Radio on behalf of the males who complained about the lack of a pool for the men to bond in during the AGM. The Committee went to great expense to install a 6cm deep plastic wading pool in Mother’s Tongue’s backyard.

 

New Committee:

 

The new Committee was presented and wished good luck. It wasn’t long before the call of ‘Bring back the old committee,’ was heard.

At some stage the old Committee were thanked for their efforts.

 

2012 – 2013 Awards:

 

Annual Harriets awards were then presented. Below are the nominations, with winners highlighted.

 

Run of the Year –

 

Best Onon –

 

Wettest Run –

 

Harriets’ Hero-

Sneaky Comer (Website and event organising), Cock Radio (scribing), Gypsy (helping with accounts). Tied.

 

Harriet of the Year- Stiffener

 

 

Most creative –

 

Longest run-

 

Most Confusing –

 

Best Drinks Stop –

 

 

AOB:

Note from the scribe: Things are rather messy in my notes (due to the messy state of the scribe, in fact very little makes sense. Most of it I can’t read, let alone make sense of. I suggest you try reading this after numerous alcoholic beverages so it makes more sense.

• Dragon Breath charged Cock Radio for having no shirt on for the 2^nd week in a row, despite her giving him $5 for one last week.
  
• Mother’s Tongue had in new GM Pubic Zipp for lessons from Too Easy on how to wear F#*k Me shoes.
  
• Pubic Zipp wants Gypsy in the Circle, but he refuses on the grounds that it is too dangerous. Anyway, Pole Dancer is and that entices Gypsy to come in to be a pole.
  

Now things got really messy in the notes, so I am copying directly from my notes.

• Pole bent? Pole getting up. Turn around. Bachelor Party.
  
• Not Tonight – Loose Change for F#*k Me shoes last night.
  
• Mother’s Tongue to Haberdash and Not Tonight for new glamorous gear.
  
• The new GM wants a new pole to learn on.
  
• Not Tonight – pole- cock.
  

 

On that note, On On to the On On.

Run report by Sneaky Comer

Dog’s breakfast Circle notes by Cock Radio.

 

WHY GOD MADE MUMS
Answers given by 2nd year school children to the following questions:


Why did God make mothers?
1. She’s the only one who knows where the sticky-tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mum?
1. We’re related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s mum like me.

What kind of a little girl was your mum?
1. My mum has always been my mum and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.


What did mum need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least 1 million a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mum marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mum eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mum didn’t have her thinking cap on.


Who’s the boss at your house?
1. Mum doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such an idiot.
2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.


What’s the difference between mums and dads?
1. Mums work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but mums have all the real power ’cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.


What does your mum do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don’t do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mum perfect?
1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.

2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d dye it, maybe blue.

The Anzac Run

Vigilante Drive, Kent Ridge Park

Hares: Sneaky Comer & Cock Radio

On On: 99 South Buona Vista Kitchen (no Anzac biscuits)

 

Front Runners: It is your
responsibility to call loudly. Runners behind you depend on it.

Shout ‘On On’ loudly and regularly when on trail.

Shout ‘Circle Check’ at a Circle.

Shout ‘T Check’ at a T.

Shout ‘Checking’ if searching at a Circle or T.

Shout ‘Looking’ if trail is lost.

Note ‘Looking’ is different to ‘Checking.’

Also note that males cannot be given lipstick when ‘Checking’ or ‘Looking’ until ‘On On’ is called.

Let’s hear louder calling. See Gypsy for lessons.

 

The Run:

Kent Ridge, where the Malay Battalion gallantly made one of the last stands against the advancing Japanese in World War 2. Gun and cannon fire sounded out from the hill. In 2013, the only banging up there involves young couples having a bit of nocturnal fun in the back seat of their cars at night time.

Down the steps all the way to the bottom and back up again 50 metres from where we started. Nice one. Then down the S bends and into Hort Park. And straight out again.

Thankfully the couple having wedding photos taken had moved on. Imagine having 30 sweaty Hashers in the background of your photos.

Sneaky led the Pack down a very sneaky way onto Alexandra Road. It was here that the Pack split into 2. Walkers headed back the scenic way through Hort Park. Runners went up onto the board walk towards ISS at the top of the Hill.

Eventually along the old railway line, around the back of Normanton Park for a final stair climb up Kent Ridge to home.

8 kms in an hour. Everyone’s a grinner.

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Late entry for run of the year.

 

Tell us about your On On: 99 South Buona Vista Kitchen, $10.

 

Next week’s run: AGM Run, 24-26 Lorong Sesuai.

 

Lipstick: Hooray, Penile Extension, Butt Wiper, Gypsy

 

Visitors / Returnees: Penile Extension, The Boxer, Bagless 2, Butt Wiper, Dragon Breath.

 

Virgins: nope.

 

New Member: nope.

 

Tits: The GM was reminded of her youth and the Duracell battery ad with the toy rabbit playing the drum. While the no name brand battery commenced at rapid speed, it soon died out while the Duracell rabbit just kept on and on beating his drum. And so it was with Butt Wiper, and his no name brand battery which allowed him to sprint past the GM several times only to die out, while our Duracell Wet Brazilian just kept on and on running.

 

Dick: Held by Kannot Kan. 3 candidates.

1. Dragon Breath who has taken over from him as Sunday GM
   
2. Zipp – because. Just because.
   
3. Sticky Ring, Big Head, Mother Tongue and Wet ‘n Wild then are brought in, which probably means 3, 4, 5 and number 6 candidates, but KNK can’t count past three. There was mention of Mother Tongue asking why KNK was wearing a shower cap? It was actually his hair. Anyway, Wet ‘n Wild won the Dick.
   

 

Awards –nope

 

AOB:

• Due to Butt Wiper wearing his cap backwards, Gypsy was confused as to which way he was going. One look at Butt Wipers pink socks confirmed that he goes both ways.
  
• Sneaky Comer observed runners taking the grass shortcuts on the S bends going down the hill, despite the arrows marked on the pathway. But one runner stuck to the path all the way. Well done The Boxer for law abiding, National Parks will send you a Certificate of appreciation.
  
• Butt Wiper did not run in fast (might have if he used Duracell batteries); it was new member Jackie that led the way. Hash name possibilities:
  

1. Comes First
   
2. Bit Between the Teeth (she works with horses at Kranji)
   
3. Premature Filly
   

Jackie will now be known forever more as Comes First.

• Hooray charges the Brits for lack of St. George’s Day Run.
  
• Kannot Kan calls in the Hares. Anzac Day is a somber day but everyone is happy. Rename it Prozac Day?
  
• Wet Pet charges the Hares for lack of Anzac biscuits. (Sneaky Comer left them at home).
  
• Cock Radio charged Stiffy for trying to explain from a British perspective the meaning of Anzac Day to F#*king Easy.
  
• Stiffy then charged F*#king Easy for calling the Aussies stupid for trying to fight the Turks at Gallipoli.
  
• Dragon’s Breath charged Cock Radio for not wearing a shirt after the run and gives him $5 to buy one at the Sunday Hash.
  
• Penile Extension was confused with 2 Mrs. Coates at the run – Wet Pet and the Boxer. Which one is his wife?
  

 

On that note, On On to the On on.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government  conceded that English spelling had some room for  improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become  known as “Euro-English”. 
In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”… Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in  the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”..  This will make words like fotograf 20%  shorter. 

In the  3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted  to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are  possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double  letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate  speling. 
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the  silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go  away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such  as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.
During ze fifz  yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from  vords kontaining “ou”  and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil  sensi bl riten  styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil  find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali  kum tru.
Und  efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze  forst plas.

The Dam Run.

End of Yishun Ave 1, next to the dam wall.

Hares: Father Anus and Two Jugs

On On: Block 419 Yishun Ave 11

The Run:

The 2 Hares stepped in at the last moment to set this run. Thanks guys, appreciated. Too bad not more members made it.

Pubic Zipp acting as GM, gathered everyone around ready or not, including the 2 Hares. Leg Iron, from Bangkok, failed to believe us that it was traditional for male visitors to lead the pack off. ‘Observe the Circles,’ we were told by Father Anus.

We came to the first Circle, so Jack Off and Gypsy went down on hands and knees to observe the Circle. While they were busy discussing circumference, diameter and radius, not to mention who ate all the pie, Comes Quietly and I searched along a track and discovered an otter on the side. No bull.

Long stretches of fast running punctuated by long and not so fast T Checks. The Pack was kept together. A steep rocky embankment had everyone scrambling up on hands and knees and then bums shuffling down the equally steep and rocky other side.

Forced Entry led the way, but as she had not been seen for 6 weeks there was a cloud lingering over her fitness level. This saw Too Easy and Jack Off as standby ‘Need a woman numbers 1 & 2,’ in case Forced Entry collapsed.

It was not long after this that Wee Willy tripped and fell on top of a dyke. This raised 2 questions. What was a dyke doing out in the wilderness? And why was a Wee Willy trying to make a Forced Entry on a dyke? All seems pointless to me.

The run finished in the muddy makings of a new construction site before exiting out onto Avenue 1. (Although Comes Quietly and I exited somehow onto Avenue 6, which was a rather longer way to get home.

There will be no more ‘Shooting Stars’ drink stop at this site, that famous area is now all dug up. Progress strikes again.

7kms of steady running in just under an hour. Good stuff

 

The Circle: Thanks Posh Duck for the torch light.

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? A dam good run.

 

Tell us about your On On: Block 419a Ave 11

 

Next week’s run: Sneaky Comer & Cock Radio, Vigilante Drive

 

Lipstick: Cock Radio, Gypsy and Iron Leg received a kiss from the GM in lieu of lipstick. Gypsy then claimed he was in front several times and demanded a kiss for each time.

 

Visitors / Returnees: Wee Willy, Penile Extension, The Boxer, Bagless 2, leg Iron.

 

Virgins: nope.

 

 

New Member: nope.

 

Tits: The GM calls in Fat Crashing Bastard and Kannot Kan for blaming their wives for forgetting the silly awards they received for their silliness.

 

Dick: see above.

 

Awards – nope

 

AOB:

• Not Tonight feels sad for Iron Leg who was encouraged to run in front of the ladies. Jack Off, Forced Entry and Gypsy were the guilty ones. But not only did they try to get him lipsticked, they also sent him into the long grass where there was a snake lurking. You snakes in the grass leading the visitor astray.
  
• Cock Radio wants to pay out on Stiffy, but he’s not here, so Nurse Not Tonight cops it instead. Last week Stiffy insisted I go to Tan Hock Seng Hospital to have my nose job. I would be in and out in minutes and could meet everyone for tea at the Red Lantern afterwards. Was the Red Lantern really open at 2am, because that’s what time I left the Hospital.
  
• Kannot Kan charged CR for something, but I didn’t get to write it down.
  
• Leg Iron is not happy with a fellow male leading him astray. Gypsy in for another drink.
  
• Father Anus gives us a biology lesson. The genes determine that girls play with Barbie Doll and the boys play with GI Joe. Women like Japanese made oval shaped toys. This is why Bill Clinton used the Oval Room with Monica. So tonight, those observing the Circle Checks would have noted they were all an oval shape. It seems that Two Jugs has it in her genes too.
  
• Not Tonight tells how Father Anus got his name – being a fatherly figure to the young gals. Two Jugs is the latest to be taken under his wings. The Boxer is also in as a look-alike virgin.
  
• Last year we nearly lost Father Anus on a run from dehydration, but was saved by an observant member who pumped him full of water. (Can’t remember who) Tonight there was no chance of him getting dehydrated because he had Two Jugs.
  
• Zipp gets Gypsy in and bend at the knees slightly. Leg Iron stands next to him and we have the new Velcro twins.
  
• Too Easy was offended by Cock Radio calling her a spare woman. On the run, Forced Entry was leading the way but was starting to struggle. Cock Radio noticed that Too Easy and Jack Off had caught up and commented that we now had 2 women in reserve. It’s like batteries; you should always have a spare one in the draw for when the old one dies.
  
• Pubic Zipp thanks the Harriets for promoting equal rights. Not sure where she was going with that charge.
  
• Penile Extension – New Zealand has 6 million sheep and 3 million people. Wet and Wild and a look alike Kiwi, Forced Entry are in as a lesbian couple. Can’t remember who the gay men reps were, but they can marry sheep instead.
  
• Cock Radio then told a very rank joke about how to tell if your NZ lamb is too rare. This resulted in a down down and a spanking.
  
• Forced Entry has the Hares in for making Jack Off and Gypsy get down on their hands and knees to observe the Circle Checks.
  
• Kannot Kan told a joke.
  
• Zipp charges the GM for reading the Harriers magazine while running the Circle. We didn’t know she could read.
  

 

On that note, On On to the On On.

 

Scribed by Cock Radio.

 

Joke of the week:

Cock Radio and his new F*#king Lenovo computer.

The Kiwi Invasion Run.

Bukit Brown Chinese Cemetery.

Hares: Thighs the Limits, Sneaky Comer

On On: Red Lantern

 

The Run:

The Return of Thighs the Limit after 6 years had everyone excited and jumping out of their graves. The only instruction I remember was that there would be a drink stop.

Up Hobbit Hill we went before veering off through the graves. Oh yeah, Sneaky told us not to run on the graves and have respect. I told Posh Nash to be careful as it was very slippery. She told me she was having thoughts of shagging a dick. Sorry, I misheard her. She was thinking of Shaggy Dick, who dislocated his shoulder here last year.

Down to the little stream where the market garden hut is, followed by a T Check.

Unfortunately, this is where things became a little messy for me, as I tripped on a tree root and fell flat on my face, no hands involved. Ouch. Eventually I managed to mumble to F#*king Easy that I was sort of ok, so he kept going and I walked back to the beer wagon in a daze. Luckily I came across Dr Kannot Kan who administered some of his special snake oil onto what was left of my nose. He then prescribed G&T medicine, so off we went in search of the drink stop.

While this was going on, the Pack frolicked around the Mt Pleasant Rd area [ed: over the road to the second part of the cemetery, down to PIE, than back up a discrete distance from the ISD camp] heading to where Sneaky Comer assured them the drink stop would be. But no drink stop. Maybe we ran too fast and they have not set up yet?

No, Wet ‘n Wild and Lost Marbles had set up in the wrong place!

Anyway, the pack finally made it, but not before Dr Kan and I had sampled several G&T’s.

Bloody good run. Unfortunately.

 

The Circle: Thanks Posh Duck for the torch light.

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Bloody good, a bit on the nose though I thought.

 

Tell us about your On On: Red Lantern, char siew lamb and kiwi fruit.

 

Next week’s run: Father Anus and Two Jugs. Yishun Ave 1

 

Lipstick: Stiffy, Posh Duck, In and Out. I was spared because I never got my nose in front.

 

Visitors / Returnees: Wee Willy, Fore play, In and Out, Kirsten, Lynda, Sticky Ring, King Leer, Bagless 2, Stiff, Wet ‘n Ready.

 

Virgins: nope.

 

New Member: nope.

 

Tits: Stiffy has them on behalf of Slocum. On arriving at the run tonight, Stiffy was asked by Posh Nash if he would set next week’s run. Hang on a bloody minute, he was a Hare last week. The GM takes the Tits for Posh Nash.

 

Dick: The GM awards the Dick to Kannot Kan for applying his snake oil lotion to CR’s nose.

 

Awards –nope

 

AOB:

• Herr Zipp poses a question at Cock Radio – what plant has no roots? A face plant. Ha ha, so funny lah!
  
• The Hares were rightly charged for leaving the Pack high and dry. Very dry in fact. Drink stop placed in wrong location was a grave mistake.
  
• Slocum also charges the Hares for the drink stop stuff up. Then when he got a ride back from the drink stop, he noticed that Lost Marbles, who was driving, had rather glazed eyes. Possibly from sampling more G&T than she served out? And then she got lost.
  
• In and Out came in. He noticed the spruced up graves, particularly one that looked like a ‘cross between Twin Jugs and Two Towers.’ In and Out gets a charge for getting his jugs mixed up. He also copped a clip over the ear.
  
• Mother’s Tongue has good words for the recently departed Margaret Thatcher. The Brits are called in, some are not too happy about it and this turned out to be a very divisive charge.
  
• Not Tonight wonders why only 5 people are wearing ‘Thighs The Limit’ shirts. Not even Thighs the Limit is wearing her own shirt. Shame. But Wet ‘n Ready has an excuse – she said she is too hot to wear it.
  
• Herr Zipp has a Mickey Mouse charge. A Mouseketeer passed away. Stiff cheese.
  
• Slocum asks Stiffy what his wife’s last charge was all about. No idea was Stiffy’s reply. Well stop bloody talking and listen son.
  
• Sneaky Comer has concerns about the limited number of Harriets to fill the upcoming committee positions. But Friday has 20 nominations. Solution: Those not elected for the Friday Committee fill the Harriets. Everyone’s a winner.
  
• Wee Willy proudly declares he is a Monday Hasher and noticed Stiffy wearing a Monday shirt. But Stiffy has never been to Monday Hash. And then it started. ‘Oh yes I have.’ ‘Oh no you haven’t.’ ‘Oh yes I have.’ ‘Oh no you have.’ ‘Oh yes I haven’t.’ and so on
  
• Stiffy then claims that Wee Willy is not old enough to remember when Stiffy ran Monday. Last century, if not the one before. Stiffy claims he was given a Hash name at a Monday run held at the Australian High Commission. Wee Willy counteracts by saying Monday does not have Hash names. Stiffy goes on about climbing a fence with a kangaroo tail made with a coat hanger. The 2 of them then went out the back and had a punch up.
  
• Herr Zip calls Stiffy and Wee Willy back in for talking Hash politics and says something about slipping the adjudicator a big one.
  
• Zipp then told a politically incorrect joke about dogs swimming to and from Malaysia. Censored.
  

 

On that note, On On to the On On.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

 

Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on TV.

The Evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their TV

set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed.

 

Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the TV, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her great pain.

 

Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV and placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his private parts.

 

Grandma scowled at him and said, “I guess you just don’t get it, do you?

The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, NOT to raise the DEAD!!!”

The ‘Ten Years of Married Bliss thrown under a tank’ Run.

The little shelter at the END of Hindu Cemetery Path 1.

Happily married Jackoff and Slocum with consultant Stiffy

On On: On site Italian food by Boxer

 

The Run: Last time I ran from this site, Stiffy took me on a little short cut that resulted in a search party car rescuing us on Jalan Bahar at 8.10pm. ‘It didn’t seem this far last week when I was here last week,’ he had commented at one stage. That’s because it was the Bike Hash and you were on your bloody bike, you whacker!

 

So with Stiffy as consultant for this run, and the other 2 Hares with their bikes, it was suggested that we all should take a survival kit and torch with us.

 

After the early arrivals were entertained by 3 wild boars scampering around, we set off across the saturated field via the most waterlogged sections available.

 

As we cruised on down the first track, a clattering of machinery and engines could be heard. The rumbling got louder and suddenly a battalion of Tanks and Armored Personnel Vehicles emerged from the jungle coming right at us. Holy shit!

Was it Kim Jung Un using Google maps to try and invade South Korea? I suggested to Big Head that she do a Tiamen Square re enactment and stand in the pathway of the leading tank. However, she had already jumped into the nearest ditch. Where are the yanks when you need them? Does anyone have a white hanky then?

Finally some smiling faces waving at us confirmed that it was just the Singapore Army out doing some wild boar shooting. On on.

 

As we ran, we did a left hand turn. And then another. And yet another left hand turn followed by another. I said to Sneaky Comer that if we don’t go right in a minute, we will be back where we started. And that’s exactly what happened – a loop to slow the front runners down and get the walkers ahead.

 

Some lovely running trails were had and the Hares were on hand on their bikes to guide us where the paper trail had been washed away. This was greatly appreciated, even if one of the Hares accidently sent us the wrong way at one stage. This resulted in Wet ‘n Wild being the lead woman until she was on her hands and knees from exhaustion.

 

At one stage we had to cross a Singapore version of the Colorado River. When the Hares set the run, they crossed on dry rocks. After the rain , it was a wild torrent with Grade 1 rapids suitable for the Olympic White Water events. The 2 poor Virgins asked ‘Do we really have to cross that?’

 

A 1 hour run, and 8km+. Bloody good run Hares, I enjoyed that.   Â

 

The Circle:

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run?
Pig of a run, bit dead, not enough spirit. A very good run, tanks for the memories. Jack Off Spits her Down Down out – water.

 

Tell us about your On On:
On site, by Boxer. Lovely Italian food. $12.

 

Next week’s run: Return of Thighs the Limit, Bukit Brown, co Hare Sneaky Comer.

 

Lipstick: Cock Radio, Sneaky Comer, Phony Dick, Herr Zipp.

 

Visitors / Returnees: Phony Dick, Dead Fish, ….

 

Virgins:
Welcome Francis and Laura, hopefully you will come again soon.

 

New Member: nope.

 

Tits: New member Deb wants to give to Not Good Enough, but he has fled so Herr Zipp in as a look a like. But he is just a decoy, as the Tits end up with Slocum – for getting lost on his own trail and having to rely on GPS to save him.

 

Dick:
Jack Off wants to award the member to Posh Nash, but she’s not here. The April 3rd Run was double booked, and Jack Off is grateful for Cock Radio giving up his booking for them. The GM is given the Dick for being in charge of a Committee cock up.

 

Awards – nope

 

AOB:

• Cock Radio follows up on the double booking. Since Christmas, the newsletter had been carrying an urgent message ‘Hares needed urgently for April 3rd. No Hare no Run.’ So with only 2 weeks to go, and still no Hare, being a good Samaritan, I logged onto the web site and booked the run, thus causing panic for Jack Off who had booked the date with Posh Nash some time ago, who forgot to put it on the Hareline. A look at the Hareline shows there are 4 runs booked for the next 12 months. Make that 5, Fat Crashing Bastard has booked July 17th but it hasn’t been put on the Hareline either. And with so many vacancies, Stiffy whinges about the Aussies having their Anzac Run and not leaving a date for his St George’s Day Run. In come the Committee and Stiffy for causing Hareline grief.
  
• Wet Pet went to the wrong shelter for the run, thanks to Stiffy’s directions. He then told her she he may not have room for her to get a ride back with him after the run because there are a couple of young virgin gals.
  
• Slowcum answered a question about how come the Hares were on mountain bikes? Because tanks can travel faster than even the fastest Harriet can run.
  
• Deb has educated one of the virgin gals. When confronted with a ‘Danger, keep out sign’ with the gun and hands up picture, virgin gal asked ‘Are we allowed in there?’ Deb explained that there are no rules on the Hash, except for the rule that says ‘There are no rules on the Hash.’ And Rule number 2 that says ‘Refer to Rule 1.’ We could mention the Rule about no poofters, but we don’t want to confuse the poor gal.
  
• Too Easy tells us why we are here tonight (because the Hares stole my run?) The Velcro’s 10th Anniversary of course. A cake is presented (should have been a tank cake) and Not Tonight then asks Too Easy if she can say something too, completely by passing the GM. It is pointed out that there are a number of past Velcro shirts being worn. Fat Crashing Bastard has the 2nd Anniversary, and I managed to find the 1st Anniversary shirt and was impressed that it still fitted after 9 years. Big Head pointed out that there are different definitions of the word ‘Fit.’
  
• Slowcum then gave a moving speech thanking his wonderful wife of 10 years for making him the luckiest man this side of the black stump. This had everyone reaching for their tissues and caused the scribe to end up with soggy notes.
  
• Someone, possibly Gypsy, called out that he needed a dentist as all this sweetness had caused a cavity.
  
• Zipp, not to be outdone, tells how she and Gypsy were happy for 20 years. And then they met each other.
  
• Stiffy agreed to a Good Friday recee with the other 2 Hares, meet there at 10.30am. Before the run site, Stiffy was stuck in a 2.5 km traffic jam. Those that weren’t heading to the Woodlands or Tuas Checkpoints to get away for the long weekend were instead heading to the cemeteries for the Qing Ming Festival (sweeping of the Graves). Stiffy rang Slowcum and suggested that they not bother coming. He also expressed surprise that Jack Off, being Chinese, had not told him about this yearly ritual. Jack Off quickly chirped in and said ‘He doesn’t listen to anything I say, so why bother.’ Well, looks like the 2nd ten years could be more challenging.
  

 

On that note, On On to the On.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

 

 

 

The ‘Glam in Kampong’ Run.

Kampong Bugis.

Dances with Kerbs & Pubic Zipp

On On: On site packet Nasi Beryani

 

The Run: Hmmm, an interesting run site with only two ways out and more than a little tarmac around it begged the question of which way we would be going on. The hares did a good job of confusing everyone, including more than one construction worker wondering what all these people were doing running through their construction site.

 

So we started out with a circle check in the aptly named “open space” behind the Singapore Johore Factories building. On was found over on Bugis Beach (East), then over Geylang Road to a circle check that had us stumped for a good 5 minutes. Into Stadium Link (under construction) to annoy the construction workers, then under the Nicoll Highway bridge to annoy more construction workers (last seen erecting a new fence to keep any remaining runners out of the site – see “shutting the barn door after the horse has bolted”). Some of us (well me) got screwed trying to short cut here and were left well behind the pack as they headed back over Nicoll Highway and into the Golden Mile from the basement car park. A quick stop in the Karaoke pub was followed by a prayer at Masjid Hajjah Fatimah (the only mosque named after a woman, according to Pubic Zipp).

 

We then got on the overhead bridge at the Concourse (under construction) to Nicoll MRT, then into the Promenade running track for the run home. 6.75km and 1.01 for me, so I guess the run length was pretty good, thanks hares.

   Â

The Circle: Wet Brazilian formed up the circle in a corner of the old gasworks. Plans to have it in the middle were rudely interrupted by the Kampong Glam Slow Yoga club. The GM distinguishes herself by calling the hares in the circle, looks around, sees Dances with Kerbs, and asks “where’s the other hare?” Ummm, standing right next to Dances with Kerbs.

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run?
The hares point out that “they took us to a Karaoke bar, so it should be a good run”. “Not enough tape, too many Bangladeshi workers”, etc – good run!

 

Tell us about your On On:
$7 packet Biryani, “we ordered a few more than the number who put their hands up, so good luck”. I think we had more than enough food and spare curry for those who managed to spill theirs all over our feet, not naming any names…..T_o _ug_.

 

Jackoff was acting as hash brew and managed to spill chips all over the place, so she gets a drink.

 

Next week’s run: Sneaky Comer announced next week’s run as “Save Sembawang” by Cock Radio. This prompted a flurry of activity as Stiffy and Jackoff accosted him to tell him “it was the anniversary run for Jackoff and Slocum, what’s going on”. “I don’t know”, replied Sneaky, “I only read the hareline, I don’t make it up”. Anyway, after another flurry of texts and Facebook messages, the run will NOW be:

Jackoff and Slocum’s Anniversary Run, at the Hundu Cemetery (Jalan Bahar). See the directions above and perhaps look at this map:

 

 

Visitors / Returnees: Visitors well and truly outnumbered members tonight, thanks for coming Vatic&nt, Just Marina, Boxer, Totally Unacceptable, Semen, Tits, Deb, Welsh Git, Dead Fish, Shrinky Dink, and Bugs. Wee Willy is a returnee.

 

Virgins:
Nope.

 

New Member: Welcome Deb! “Why did she join in the last week of the quarter”, someone was quick to ask. [Ed: she wasn't that silly, and Quickie isn't mean]. Deb, if you read this, I managed to wash your email address, please send it to onsec@singaporeharriets.com, thanks].

 

Lipstick: Hooray, as usual; Slinky Dink; Herr Zipp, Bugs.

 

Tits: Hooray has Too Easy, Too Jugs, and new member Deb in for racing on the hash. New member Deb gets the tits.

 

Dick:
Wet Brazilian reports that she comes to the hash to be fit and healthy. But one Harriet thought it was too far to walk from the car park to the run site – about 10m. Jackoff is on in but wants to know who “told on her”. She gets the Dick, protesting that “it doesn’t look good on me”.

 

Awards – nope

 

Announcements:

• The GM is not wearing F&ck Me Shoes, she is wearing “school shoes”.
  
• We desperately need hares for April 17, please step in and help.
  

 

AOB:

• Not Tonight reports that there is a very small number of committee members here tonight, so those that are here are working extra hard. Special mention for Haberdash, Pubic Zipp, who is selling peeks tonight: “if you want to see it, it will cost you $2″.
  
• Stiffy has made some comment about the above charge, so Not Tonights wants to know how Karaoke Girls charge more than $2?
  
• Stiffy calls the hares in. Then a Singaporean. He points out there was a big sign in the park stating that it is “Strictly prohibited to steal water from this toilet”. In the same vicinity are lovely concrete benches with wooden seats attached to them that are perfectly designed to make sitting, or any other activity (such as illicit sex), very uncomfortable. The charge is for the soliciting hares, and I think Posh Duck had something to do with the charge as well.
  
• Vatic&nt calls in Herr Zipp and Pubic Zipp. On trail he noticed Herr Zipp seeming to find some sneaky short cuts, and he was wondering if his wife was giving him sneaky hints. Later, however, seeing HZ well off trail, he figured he must just have been off trail the whole time.
  
• Deb, being a front runner, got back to the run site early to find Posh Duck getting all hot and bothered in the car park.
  
• Herr Zipp calls in Sybil. Sybil, unfortunately, is not here, recuperating from her broken leg. Herr Zipp wants a look-a-like, he thinks Sybil’s broken leg excuse for not setting her own run is “pretty lame”.
  
• Not Tonight calls in our Turkish visitors Semen and Tits (copycat Velcros). Apparently they are on hash holiday, having been to at least 10 hashes around the region. They report that “this is the best hashs we have been on”. Thanks, you’re welcome, and have a drink.
  
• Sneaky Comer calls in a Singaporean (Posh Duck) and Ang Moh (Herr Zipp). We all know Singaporeans are very law abiding and wouldn’t cross the construction site boundaries that we ran through/past. The Ang Moh’s, on the other hand, were quite content to run through the construction sites, all the while holding up their hands and saying “it’s all right, I’m just running through here”. Here’s to the two sides of the law!
  
• Wet Brazilian has been agitated by the quality of the circle singing tonight, which concern was echoed by three of our male visitors. Until, that is, they ran out of puff and gave up with an “arrgghhh” in the middle of a song. On in three that are past their prime: Dead Fish, Shrinky Dink, and Bugs.
  
• Stiffy is taking credit for signing up our new member Deb. When she asked the fees she asked “what I am getting for my money”. Well Stiffy can now report that she got a very cheap boob job for the money and she should be very happy.
  
• This prompted some attempts to name Deb with “Boob Job” or “Cheap Boob Job” or “Silicon Queen” but there was insufficient enthusiasm so naming will come some other day. [Editorial note: in the old days we got to know our members before we named them; and naming visitors we don't know has the potential to piss them off. Just a thought….]
  
• Too Easy to the hares for disrupting the local’s downward dogs (Yoga lesson in the pavilion next to us).
  
• Herr Zipp calls in Two Jugs, who has been assisting as Hash Brew. Or has she? She should be named Gunga Din, she has been serving water all night. [Ed: if your education in classics has been sadly lacking, as mine was (Australian Education System), see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gunga_Din ]
  

 

And with that it’s On On to the On On.

Scribed by Sneaky Comer.

 

Drunk Blonde

 

A drunk blonde woman was sitting at a bar says to the barman, “Barfender, I’d like a marhini for my heartburn.”

 

The barman mixes her drink and puts in down in front of her.

 

A few minutes later, she calls him over and says, “Barfender, I’d like a marhini for my heartburn.”

 

He rolls his eyes but mixes her drink anyway and sets it down in front of her.

 

A few minutes later, she waves him over again and says, “Barfender, I’d like a marhini for my heartburn.”

 

The barman looks her up and down and says, “First off, it’s bartender, not barfender. Second off, it’s martini, not marhini. And third, you don’t have heartburn, your boob is in the ashtray.”

 

Breast Stroke

 

A blonde, a red head and a brunette were competing in the Huron River Breast Stroke Championships.

 

The redhead won and the brunette came in second. However, there was no sign of the final contestant.

 

Hours and hours went by causing grave concern and worry. Just as everyone was losing hope, the blonde finally arrived.

 

The crowd was extremely happy and relieved to see her.

 

They embraced the young girl as she came ashore.

 

After all of the excitement died down, she leaned over to the judge and whispered, “I hate to be a bad loser, but I think those other girls used their arms.”

The ‘
Kiwi Sense of Direction aided by an iPhone Maps’ Run.

Vigilante Drive.

Wet ‘n Wild and Lost Marbles

On On: 99 South Buona Vista Kitchen

 

The Run: A very hot day today and one of the hares was lying down in the car, not an auspicious start. A confusing chalk talk followed, which resulted for once in Hooray charging off out in front in the wrong direction. Well done hares.

Down the stairs towards towards South Buona Vista, to a circle check that took the pack quite a long time to solve, which spread the pack out, which was fortunate as the front runners had to go back up the second set of stairs to a T-check (at Casualty Evacuation Point “E”). Back out onto Vigilante Drive, up the hill again, and then left into the park (at Casualty Evacutation Point “F”).

 

It was then down the hill and into Science Park, across the AYE and over to Portsdown Road, where the pack began to spread out. A circle check above the Colbar had the pack stumped for a while, before the front runners found the on and left feeble onon calls behind them. On to the “green corridor”, formerly known as the KTM railway line, and up to the Gillman flyover the AYE again.

 

A long run around old England (Winchester Drive, Canterbury Road etc) led us into Hortpark in the bottom corner for the long slog up the hill to home. About 7km and a good work-out, thanks hares.

   Â

The Circle: Wet Brazilian had a little difficulty keeping quite a rowdy circle under control, Shut the F&^k up wasn’t there.

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run?
The hares have recovered from their ordeal and are bubbly and bouncy again. Not enough short cuts, not enough dead bodies, virgin sidewalk – good run.

 

Tell us about your On On:
99 South Buona Vista Kitchen, $12 per head. We had two tables.

 

Next week’s run: Kallang Riverside Park, end of Kampong Bugis off Kallang Road. Hares are Dances with Kerbs, Sybil (who last week fractured her femur), and Pubic Zipp. On on will be on site, packet Beryani.

 

Visitors / Returnees: Welcome Penile Extension, Deb, Pain in the Ass, Dead Fish, Sticky Ring, and Bagless Too.

 

Virgins:
Nope.

 

New Member: Nope.

 

Dick:
Sneaky Comer has returned with the Dick and invites anyone with a poor sense of direction into the circle. Strangely he is short of volunteers so he recommends a few candidates, in Wet ‘n Wild, Lost Marbles, and Wet Brazilian. Wet ‘n Wild and Lost Marbles were tonight’s hares and they had a little trouble following the path that was recce’d on the weekend. Sneaky Comer proceeds to draw a chalk map of where the trail was “supposed to go” and where it did go, the two being not only completely different but also somewhat illogical. See the map following to understand the difference. The problem was compounded by Wet ‘n Wild proclaiming confidently after the recce that she knew that part of the trail very well (the bit where they got lost laying) and Lost Marbles confidently proclaiming that her iPhone map would help them on their way.

 

 

However, Wet ‘n Wild has already had the dick at home for two weeks so it it someone else’s turn, on in Wet Brazilian. WB demonstrated her lack of direction by:

1. Leading the pack off trail within spitting distance of a trail marker, leading a group of ladies to stand around for a few minutes wondering where the trail went, in front of Sneaky Comer who was forced to stand and wait for them to realize their mistake.
   
2. Reaching the circle check on the green corridor and not realizing it was the home of her pet snake – so she both sent Jakki off to search in that direction and then went herself, putting them both at peril.
   

Wet Brazilian gets the dick to accompany the tits she is already wearing.

 

Tits: Now holding the Dick, WB is very keen to get rid of the tits. On in Hooray who is not only talking too much; but even worse after the run, as the GM and her friends were sitting down having a drink and a chat, Hooray came over and had a fondle in front of them. The GM hands over the tits and hopes “he will be able to find it one day”.

 

Lipstick: Hooray, as usual; Penile Extension (who after asking the GM “are we on trail?”, proceeded to run in front); Bagless Too; Comes Quietly.

 

Awards – nope

 

AOB:

• The GM announces that Sybil (Kamala) fell down and fractured her femur last week. The Harriets, being a lovely club, sent her some flowers. The GM read out the message she received in return from Zipp: “Kamala received the flowers and was very touched, but she was also disappointed the flowers did not conceal a bottle of brandy!” Get well soon Kamala.
  
• The GM announces that the Annual General Meeting will be on May 1^st. We are short some committee members so “people talking in the circle will automatically be nominated for the committee”. Stiffy volunteers that he has a dress and would be happy to run. C’mon ladies, we have a great club and everyone needs to do their part. Many of the current committee have been serving for a number of years, we need some new blood. Not Tonight points out that Stiffy is a “house-wife” so has time to do the job!
  
• Fat Crashing Bastard wants to weigh in on the subject of directionless hares. He overhead Deb asking Dances with Kerbs after the run “do you need a good sense of direction to set a run?” “Of course you do”, replies JJ. FCB points out that tonight is proof that is not the case. Dances with Kerbs gets a drink.
  
• Wet Pet feels there were lots of examples tonight of a good old chat going on between the hares as they were “setting” the run. There would be lots of arrows or trail markings and then suddenly a dearth of markings for 100m or so – was something interesting being discussed? Give the hares a note.
  
• Twin Towers and Pubic Zipp continue to gang up on the hares. The hares were sweeping the run and as is the custom, gave the people at the back of the pack some short cutting hints. The problem was, the hint they gave Twin Towers and Pubic Zipp caused them to do a full circuit “short cut” to get them straight back to the point they started from. The point was illustrated with a very clear chalk map and a description of a gum tree. Give the hares another drink.
  
• Hooray wants to make a charge but he has taken the tits off so is not allowed [hash etiquette – if you have the Dick or the Tits you are expected to wear them to the circle and leave them on until the end of the circle. Consider yourself lucky, in the early days you were also required to wear them to the onon].
  
• Not Tonight reports that she and Stiffy are heading to Hong Kong and so need some Grandparent practice. They went to Pubic Zipp for help; they particularly want to help their grandchild with speaking. Apparently that isn’t too good an idea, since one of Pubic Zipp’s grandchildren recently said “Grannie you are so lucky, you have two husbands”. Give the bigamist a note.
  
• Herr Zipp is a bit worried by this development, but never mind, he invites Pubic Zipp into the circle since she is standing in for Sybil in setting next week’s run: “Good luck, break a leg”.
  
• Wet Pet reports there is an anniversary coming up. Who? The Velcro Twins. How does she know that – because the Velcros were discussing their plans in the circle. They commute from Iskandur, have lots of time in the car; so why can’t they discuss it there? They must have been too long married, they don’t talk any more. The GM also points out that for the first time in living memory, the Velros are not in matching shirts. Given them a note.
  
• Hooray has his tits on and is allowed to charge Two Jugs. Two Jugs has written an article about how lovely the Harriets are, but failed to mention that the first person she met on the hash was Hooray [Ed: perhaps it was a memory she was trying to suppress J].
  
• Hooray also has some Canadian news charge about leggings that are too small. Two Jugs gets another drink.
  
• Stiffy has a complaint. Doesn’t everyone know it is HIS job to moan and complain on the hash – so he takes offence when someone else does it – on in Wet Pet.
  
• Slocum wants to know if Pubic Zipp is a Mormon? No, apparently, is the answer. He gives a long historical explanation of how if you are a Mormon you are not a bigamist but a polygamist. Pubic Zipp gets a drink while the rest of us scratch our heads. Kannot Kan reports that “geometry was not his strong suit at school”.
  
• Herr Zipp wants to know how Hooray found Two Jugs article about the Harriets? What Google search was he doing? Was it “two jugs” or “big jugs” or “big tits”. Anyway, give the searcher a note.
  
• Penile Extension reports that St Patrick’s Day was Sunday. So on in the early celebrators who were at a St Paddy’s day party on Saturday. Herr Zipp, Pubic Zipp, Twin Towers, Stiffy, Not Tonight, Slocum, Jackoff, and Comes Quietly who is incensed “I was still there at midnight”. They all get a green drink.
  
• Slocum has a grudge and tells Penile Extension this is precisely why he wasn’t invited to the party…..
  

 

And with that it’s On On to the On On.

Scribed by Sneaky Comer.

 

This week’s joke: The Australian Cricket team.

The ‘Forced Kan Kan’ Run.

Sengkang Riverside Park

Kannot Kan, Kan the Kobra, Forced Entry

On On: Local Coffee Shop around the corner

 

The Run: Threatening rain did just enough to get rid of the chalk markings at the start and end of the run, but no serious damage done. But there is some serious damage being done to the running area surrounding this run site as development encroaches from all directions.

The Hares decided to make cunning use of the patch of jungle that is remaining. Instead of going under the TPE and following the river along as we often do, it was into the jungle at the far side of the park. Very cleverly, the trail zig zagged up and down in a very tight formation. Gypsy was in foreign territory – no Kiwi walk and talkers for him to get stuck behind and no Phony Dick to lead him astray.

Highlights were the wild dogs that had a few runners back tracking and the spiders that hung everywhere. This is a problem when you have 2 short Hares setting the run – the spiders at head height for everyone else are still there. The GM ran face first into a huge one, causing her to scream so loud that Comes Quietly who was behind her suffered temporary deafness.

The Pack emerged near the light rail to follow the arrowless footpath home in just under 1 hour.

Well done Hares, good work.

   Â

The Circle: Wet Brazilian managed to get quite a nice looking Circle formed under the bridge.

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run?
Not enough spiders and dogs. A very good run.

 

Tell us about your On On:
Coffee Shop up the road.

 

Next week’s run: Singapore. [Subsequently decided to be Vigilante Drive, top car park.]

 

Visitors / Returnees: Phony Dick, Trash, Totally Unacceptable, Wee Willy, Stiff, Betty Boob, BMW, Boxer, Penile Extension, Deb.

 

Virgins:
Nope.

 

New Member: Nope.

 

Lipstick: Totally Unacceptable, Wee Willy, Phony Dick, Penile Extension, F#*king Easy, BMW

 

Tits: Gypsy gave them to the GM for falsely accusing him of something for 3 weeks. A false tits award.

 

Dick:
Still with Sneaky. But Not Tonight tells us that she has a dickhead in her house – Stiffy. A Stiffy Dick charge. Stiffy, who only works part time now, has been given some house duties to carry out. One of them is to feed the animals that reside outside. So with plastic bag of food, out he goes and performs his duties. Unfortunately, he did not realise he was being watched by a group of monkeys. His strenuous tasks over, Stiffy lies back on the couch and puts the TV on. While the grills on the windows are a sure way to keep the monkeys out, their effectiveness is rather diminished when the front door is left open. The monkeys simply followed our house husband through the door, and while Stiffy watched TV in the lounge, the monkeys helped themselves to the fruit bowl in the kitchen. You dickhead.

 

Awards – nope

 

AOB:

• Hooray does some arithmetic. If you make $100 but owe $175, how much money do you have? It seems this is beyond the capabilities of the Brits, who have hired a Canadian to run their Government finances. In comes Two Jugs, whose attempt to sing the Canadian National Anthem is drowned out by “She alright, she’s a little flat chested……’
  
• Wet Brazilian gets all the Singaporeans in. Now here is a country with so much money that they are putting down Astro Turf in the jungle. Yep, there in the jungle was a heap of discarded Astro Turf. This is going too far in the Greening Singapore campaign – for f#*ks sake, the jungle is already green.
  
• Stiffy keeps the Singaporeans in. We all know there is a shortage of space in Singapore. Now the Singapore Sports School has laid a 100 metre Astro Turf sprint track in one of its corridors. What happened to the old school rule of ‘No running in the corridor?’ (There is a theory that they ordered enough Astro Turf for a whole athletics track, but only used a 100 metre strip in the corridor- the rest was discarded in the jungles of Sengkang.)
  
• The GM agrees that this was a well laid run. Phony Dick’s comment was ‘not a bad run considering it was set by girls.’ So what’s the charge GM?
  
• Betty Boop’s birthday today. BMW, you cheap arse, bringing her to the Hash instead of taking her out for her birthday.
  
• Hooray asks Wee Willy how many times he has run in the Bricklands area? ‘Countless,’ was the reply. Then how did you manage to get lost for 2 & ½ hours with your dog?
  
• GM brings out a big cake for the Kannot Kan’s birthday.
  
• Stiffener went into the bank to withdraw some of Stiff’s money. Not sure where the charge then went, but it involved Gypsy and Zipp, if a PR marries a foreigner, can they get PR?
  
• Forced Entry asks Stiffy to squirt talkers with a water pistol. Stiffy reckons a Super Soaker or water cannon would be more appropriate. Phony Dick warns that squirting people could be the first stage of assault.
  
• The blonde visitor calls in ‘you, you and you.’ F#*king Easy assured her he would not leave her or lead her astray. He did both. Penile Extension harassed her to run and then blamed it on Boxer.
  
• Penile Extension gets all the bargain hunters who are prepared to queue for hours in i.e. the Singaporeans. Ikea were selling their famous horsemeat free meatballs for 10 cents, causing a queue all the way back to Yishun.
  
• Kannot Kan mentions Stiffener’s birthday and she is going on a big cruise, on her own (hence the withdrawal of Stiff’s money). He then tells how Kan the Kobra went on a cruise once – it was a one night casino cruise, but she does not even gamble.
  
• Posh Duck is nabbed by BMW for having his hand in his pocket.
  
• Cock Radio points out a candidate for the next Hash Brew – Kan the Kobra is wearing a blue and yellow top with a blue skirt, looking very much like a Tiger girl.
  
• Forced Entry then points out 3 people for not having Hash uniform – F#*king Easy, Kannot Kan and the blonde visitor.
  
• Kampong was on last Saturday.
  

 

On On to the On On.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

 

A Pom and a Irishman go to a pastry shop.

The Pom whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn’t notice.

The Pom says to the Irishman: You see how clever we are? You’ll never beat that!

The Irishman says to the Pom: Watch this, an Irishman is always cleverer than an Pom.

He says to the baker, give me a cookie, I can show you a magic trick!

The baker gives him the cookie which the Irishman promptly eats. Then he says to the baker:

Give me another cookie for my magic trick. The baker is getting suspicious but he gives it to him. He eats this one too.

Then he says again: Give me one more cookie… The baker is getting angry now but gives him one anyway.

The Irishman eats this one too.

Now the baker is really mad, and he yells: And where is your famous magic trick?

The Irishman says: Look in the Pom’s pocket!

The ‘It Pays to do a Recee before you Announce the Run Site’ Run

Hares: Posh Nash, Wet Brazilian.

Where: Durian Seller’s car park facing Napier Rd, Dempsey – Harding Lane, car park behind St George’s Church.

On On: Samy’s Curry

The Run: After deciding their original run site was not a wise option (as it no longer exists), the Hares opted for Harding Lane behind St.George’s Church. However, the local authorities had decided that this car park was not of a satisfactory standard to accommodate the Hash, and decided to upgrade it. And to keep out any riff raff in the meantime, they had barricaded the entrance. Thankfully, Hooray had a cunning plan, and with Herculean strength he pushed the barricades aside, allowing us in.

Perhaps the GM had word that the run was a bit short, as the run did not start until 6.10. Apart from Hooray, who started at 6.01. Or was the GM too busy distracted moaning about the $3 pair of genuine Thai Oakley sunnies she had lost setting the run?

Off towards the Embassies around Tanglin, on what would become basically become a clockwise loop, apart from a section that doubled back anti clockwise for a bit and led Comes Quietly astray. He is not the first male to be led astray by searching for a bit.

Gypsy, having managed to escape the clutches of the Kiwi walk and talk machine, decided to follow Phony Dick in the direction of Orchard. Only thing was, it was a phony trail – he wasn’t on paper.

A tour of how the other half live in Ridley Park saw Give Way in front at least 3 times as she reached trotting speed. Along some sort of a pipeline and we ended up on the soccer fields for the final stretch home.

Well done Hares, good work.

   Â

The Circle: Wet Brazilian, hands on hip, is accused by Stiffy of stealing Saliva’s run she is setting next Friday. It is a brave person to mess with Saliva. Posh Nash was not happy with her run; it made her so sick she had to go home.

Interesting facts:

1. Totally Unacceptable has 5 hamstring muscles – 3 in one leg and 2 in the other.
   
2. Samys Curry is spelt with only one ‘m’.
   

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run?
Too sick, too punctual. Good run.

 

Tell us about your On On:
Samy’s Curry. $12

 

Next week’s run: Sengkang Riverside Park.

 

Visitors / Returnees: Phony Dick, Tore, Dead Fish, Totally Unacceptable, Gary.

 

Virgins:
Deb and Bruce. G’day Bruce.

 

New Member: Nope.

 

Lipstick: Hooray for starting 9 minutes before everyone else, Boo (look alike Posh Duck), Comes Quietly, Whales Vagina (who did not even do the run) and Gypsy, who was hiding somewhere.

 

Tits: Missing – last week Stiffy accepted them on behalf of Gypsy. Hope Stiffy didn’t leave them hanging around.

 

Dick:
Sneaky, who received the Dick last week for getting himself a seat in the middle of the English rugby supporters, with a complimentary British Lions scarf, is chasing terrorists in the Philippines. [

 

Awards – nope

 

AOB:

• Wet Pet noticed a bit of wife swapping – seems like Kannot Kan and Not Tonight were seen in an embrace. In comes the other 2 partners, Kan the Kobra and Stiffy. But Kan the Kobra decides on a 3some cuddle with her husband and Not Tonight, leaving Stiffy standing alone looking slightly puzzled and dejected.
  
• Slowcum noticed Loose Change doing her own thing on the run, but still managed to find the GM’s sunnies. But wait a minute – she was not on trail, the glasses are not Oakley and they are not even sunnies. ‘But they are grey,’ she announced proudly. Guess it’s the thought that counts.
  
• Big Head was reminded of the story of Creation, and how Adam and Eve were tempted into sin. Not Tonight kept insisting that Big Head pick the apples from the tree along the trail, ‘Go on, take one, there are many.’ said the evil temptress. But Big Head resisted the temptation. Good gal, may you go to heaven with an endless supply of apples.
  
• Mother’s Tongue was impressed by Not Good Enough being a real gentleman and helping the ladies over a small stream. Not Good Enough is all smiles at this stage, basking in the glory of being classed as a gentleman, as opposed to the rest of the male riff raff. Mother’s Tongue tells us that he commented something about ‘Well, someone has to help the ugly women.’ You Bastard!
  
• Not Good Enough tries to tell us it was a true story. Brionic in fact. (It is not the policy of this scribe to publish anything that resembles the truth – I take no responsibility for any articles bearing resemblance to the truth appearing –CR). Apparently Not Good Enough was suffering from palpitations, causing him to suffer sweaty palms, (amongst other sweaty body parts) from helping so many women. But at least he helped, not like the other bastard men who ran on. Bastards he says. Bastards. Yes, the scribe got that. BASTARDS.
  
• Kamala complains that if Not Good Enough is such a gentleman, he should have wiped his hands after helping each lady. (Yes, you don’t know where there’ve been). No pleasing some people.
  
• Kannot Kan and Lost Marbles husband, Gary, are charged by Kamala for flirting with Committee members. Are the ladies attracted by their similar blue checked shirts? After several more comments from Kamala that were beyond the capabilities of my scribing skills, Kamala suddenly stopped and turning to the Circle with a totally vacant look, asked ‘Now what is my f#*king charge?’ (this is what I ask myself every week trying to scribe a Kamala charge –CR)
  
• Stiffy thinks that the runs are getting shorter, and starting later, thus enabling some uneducated souls to do a warm up. Deb, the virgin, was seen sprinting past St George’s Church at 5.45 and into the car park. Tiger Lily apprentice?
  
• Slocum gets into Whales Vagina, who is leaving Singapore for Texas. (Hope he does not get harpooned by the Japanese whalers on the way). When he was charged earlier, he complained to the Hash Brew, Zipp, that she gave him too much head. Head? Who said head? I’ll have some of that.
  
• It is Croc Hunter’s Birthday and he is brought in for a celebration. Wonder how much head he got from the Hash Brew? He seemed happy anyway.
  

   

So on that happy ending, it’s

On On to the On On.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

 

And remember;

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering ‘What the f#*k happened?’

The ‘Will There Be Chocolate?’ Run

Hares: Boo, Too Easy, Stiffener

Where: Lorong Lada Hitam

On On: On site Boxer.

 

The Run: Many questions were posed before this run got underway – would they be answered?

Will there be chocolate?

What run number will it be?

Will there be champagne?

Will there be army men?

Will Wet ‘n Wild & Lost Marbles run and not talk?

Will Hooray not short cut?

Off down the road went the pack, and then into jungle for 20 minutes of single file walk and talk. We immediately had one of our questions answered as Gypsy was again stuck behind the 2 infamous Kiwi walk and talkers.

Crossing the new connector path that leads out onto Mandai Rd, it was then a climb up Hamburger Hill. Along the fence line and down into the tracks for a clockwise loop. Some challenging Checks and T’s kept everyone pretty much together, apart from Hooray who was at the drink stop by 6.30. Another question answered.

Nice paths and trails, with a few mean hills, saw the Pack back at the drink stop in about 1 hour and not an army platoon in sight. Another 2 questions were thus answered as we popped the champagne corks. And yes, out came the chocolates. Good run.

[Ed: well written Cock Radio given that you did a different run at a different time].

 

The Circle: A threatening sky held off and the GM held the Circle as far away from the street light as she could,

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run?
Too much chocolate, too much champagne, not enough army men. Good run.

 

Tell us about your On On:
Boxers salmon and beef/horse meat lasagna.

 

Next week’s run: The Web Master, Sneaky Comer assures us that the Valentines Run was recorded as Run 1073 and thus next week will be 1074. All questions answered.

Posh Nash and Wet Brazilian tell us it will be at Dempsey, Durian seller’s car park facing Napier Rd. It is then suggested that they do a recee as that car park no longer exists. Ok, make it car park behind St George’s Church.

 

Visitors / Returnees: Impossible, Amber, Totally Unacceptable, Neil

 

Virgins:
Nope.

 

New Member: Nope.

 

Lipstick: Hooray for being at the drink stop 45 minutes early. Impossible, Slowcum, Gypsy and Stiffy.

 

Tits: Fat Crashing Bastard was wondering why Zipp was looking so happy recently. It seems that Gypsy has finally learnt to turn the right button on. Gypsy is missing, Stiff accepts as a look alike.

 

Dick:
Stiffy has had a very sick Dick in Burma, but he assures us it is on the mend. Too Easy gets a mention for having pre, virtual, and post birthday celebrations. Sneaky Comer and Comes Quietly are looking forward to the Lions Rugby tour of Australia, however it is a bit difficult to buy tickets. Sneaky Comer found a tour company with a heap of tickets, and happily snaffled one up. However, this tour company specializes in packages for British fans. Not only will Sneaky receive a complimentary Lions scarf, but he will be sitting in the British supporters section of the ground. Not so Sneaky after all.

 

Awards – nope

 

AOB:

A birthday cake is bought out for Boo, Too Easy and Stiffener.

A thank you is given to the Committee organisers for Saturdays Valentines Party.

• Not Tonight declares she is totally pissed, but noticed how Amber goes missing and reappears all the time. A Hash name? Slurring her words, she manages to get out that Amber is always in office clothes. At this stage, Kamala was in flashing her legs. After some naming possibilities were given, it was decided to leave it till another time when champagne hasn’t taken such a toll.
  
• Fat Crashing Bastard, also suggesting the Circle was suffering from too much booze, was in a sweeping role today. 3 times at the beginning of a hill climb, Kan the Kobra looked up and said ‘I’m going to kill Louise. ‘It seems Kan the Kobra prefers going down to going up.
  
• Sneaky Comer observed too much detail happening during shower time after the run. F#*kin’ Easy for giving his wife a soapy wash and rub down. Happy ending?
  
• Cock Radio asked F#*kin’ Easyif he cooked a mean curry for tea last night. Was that really mud that appeared to be running out of Goes Down Easy’s shorts all the way to her ankles. Your out of line scribe is subsequently charged for such a shitty charge.
  
• Wet Brazilian was clearing cobwebs for Goes Down Easy in the jungle during the run, but what did Goes Down Easy do when she took over the lead? She ducked under the cobwebs, leaving the poor old GM to get a face full.
  
• Jack Off warned the GM to be careful when she started calling Jackie. There are 3 Jackies on the Hash. Will the real Jackie stand up.
  
• FCB tells us – for Jack Off, just call ‘Shooting Star.’
  
• Sneaky Comer has had enough of the scribe and the on sec for messing up Hash names all the time. In Cock Radio and Wet ‘n Wild. It’s F#*king Too Easy, Kan Not Kan, Kan the Kobra etc etc. Get it right.
  

  On On to the On On.
  

Scribed by Cock Radio.

 

> This is just about how ridiculous we’ve become!!!

> As we progress into 2013, I want to thank you all for your educational

> e-mails over the past year.

> I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

> I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let

> the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the

> bacteria on the lemon peel.

> I can’t sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has

> happened on it since it was last washed.

> I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the

> number one pastime while driving alone is picking one’s nose.

> Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine

> how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

> I can’t touch any woman’s

> handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.

> I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo in the glue on

> envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that

> needs sealing.

> ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

> I can’t have a drink in a bar because I fear I’ll wake up in a bathtub

> full of ice with my kidneys gone.

> I can’t eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant

> freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

> I can’t use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water

> buffalo on a hot day.

> Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I

> forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five

> minutes.

> Because of your concern , I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can

> remove toilet stains.

> I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a

> serial killer doesn’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up.

> I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven

> different types of cancer.

> And thanks for letting me know I can’t boil a cup of water in the

> microwave anymore because it will

> blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

> I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle

> infected with AIDS when I sit down.

> I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a

> perfume sample and rob me..

> And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a

> number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica ,

> Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ..

> Thanks to you I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because

> a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant

> death when it bites my butt.

> And thanks to your great advice I can’t ever pick up a

> dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by

> a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

> I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the Violin

> Spider and my hand will fall off.

> If you don’t send this

> e-mail in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on

> your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels

> will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will

> occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbours

> ex mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s best friend’s beautician!

> Oh, and by the way . . .

> A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered

> that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their

> hand on the mouse

> Hah!! Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.

> P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by

> e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet..

> NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY?