Singapore Hash House Harriets

The ‘Annual Valentine’s’ Run

Hares: Stiff.

Where: House of Stiff, Seletar.

On On: On site Mr. Ho

The Run: The hare of the annual Valentine’s party run announced it as a “variation on a theme” to which Sneaky Comer rudely asked “clockwise or anticlockwise”. In the end it was clockwise, but not really in the form expected. After waiting for a “quorum”, which turned out to be a baker’s dozen, the pack reluctantly left the party venue by the back gate, taking care not to “let the dogs out”. Our front runners were momentarily confused, first asking if men could lead the run and then turning right to follow imaginary paper off the nature strip (soon to be a six lane road, Seletar Road #72 (or perhaps the LTA could reinstate one of the previously expunged roads, such as Knights Bridge. If you are particularly anal, you should see http://www.singaporeharriets.com/Newsletters/SingaporeHarrietsRun1853.pdf and http://shhhog.wordpress.com/2009/02/21/expunging-singapore/ and http://postcardsfromseletar.com/2008/12/15/roads-will-be-expunged/ ). But I digress, just like the front runners.

Paper was pointed out hanging from a tree between two houses out to the road, but a closed gate was another barrier. Just open it, suggested Sneaky Comer. “Close the gate behind you please” was suggested, answered by “f&*k off”. Anyway, out past the Seletar gate, across the TPE, and into the forest above Yio Chu Kang. We then meandered through every shi&&y muddy track we could find, down along the TPE to Sengkang Riverside Park. A T-check confused some, lost soles confused others, and we finally headed back across the canal and back to Anchorvale street, then along to Thanggam station, up Lorong Samak, then along Lorong Tanggam to cut the corner back to Jalan Kayu and back home.

The Circle: A very casual and relaxed Circle got underway, with runners still in their gear lounging around on the lawns.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run?
Some new territory, when is the grass lane at the back of the house going to turn into a 6 lane highway? Good run.

Tell us about your On On:
Mr. Ho’s famous Salmon, beef, creamy potatoes, salad etc. No horse meat. Nor whale.

Next week’s run: Too Easy, Mad Chinaman, Lorong Lada Hitam

Visitors / Returnees: Impossible & Wee Willy were the returnees, Stiff and Welsh Git the visitors. Knobby Boy Scout spent half the circle debating whether he was a visitor or returnee.

Virgins:
Nope.

New Member: Nope.

Lipstick: Nope.

Tits: Goes Down Easy (standing in for Twin Towers) has a fine pair, and tells us it the first time she has had Tits. (Seems like something under her shirt has been doing a fair impersonation). She was running behind Fat Crashing Bastard when he suddenly stopped without indicating, causing her to rear end him. ‘Open your eyes’ was his reaction. FCB puts the Tits on, and CR then turned them around onto his back so they would act as a fender for future rear end collisions.

Dick:
Stiffy has had a very sick Dick in Burma, and it is still recovering. (Please everyone, ask Stiffy how his bike riding trip in Burma went).

Awards – nope

AOB:

• Stiff starts off with a tale of a wild hog being snared.
  
• This reminds Cock Radio of 4 Kiwis in a hatchback who were pulled over by the police. The police discovered not one, but eleven, sheep hog tied in the back seat. I kid you not. Wet ‘n Wild, our resident Kiwi, is given a drink and a Baa Baa song.
  
• Wet Pet tells how Welsh Git ripped his running shorts putting on his shorts and spent the whole run trying to hide his crack. Just as well he didn’t get rear ended.
  
• Sneaky Comer reminisces about the good old days when runners just ran. Now it is all about technology. Impossible and Goes Down Easy were overheard while looking at their GPS trying to work out if they had covered 500 meters or 501 metres. Just run the F*#king Hash!
  
• Wet Brazilian questions Stiff’s claim that he used 7 rolls of toilet paper to set the trail. At times paper was so few and far between it was more like 7 sheets rather than 7 rolls.
  
• Posh Nash is accused of something while all this is going on, but claims ‘I’m an official,’ as her defence.
  
• The GM, always on the lookout for male talent, got more than she bargained for when she was distracted by the bulge on the side of Fat Crashing Bastards leg. Strange place to keep his bulge.
  
• Stiff then tells how Wet Brazilian twisted her ankle when she was distracted while admiring Fat Crashing Bastard’s bulge.
  
• Wet Brazilian was in good hands when she twisted her ankle. Wee Willy was first on the scene and rendered first aid advice – ‘Get up, keep running, don’t be weak you girl.’ Well done Doctor Willy.
  

On on to the on on.

And what a great on on it was, fantastic food, great wines (Fat Bird white was a winner), great company, top location and all under a beautiful tropical sky.

Thanks Stiff, Stiffener, the Maid, and the adopted daughter in law. And the 2 (3?) dogs.

And thanks to all the Committee involved for putting it together.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

A young woman confidently walked around the room while leading and explaining stress management to an audience with a raised glass of water. Everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, ‘half empty or half full?’… She fooled them all …. “How heavy is this glass of water?” she inquired with a smile.
Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied , “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it.
If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm.

If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance. In each case it’s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.” She continued, “and that’s the way it is with stress. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won’t be able to carry on.”

“As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we’re refreshed, we can carry on with the burden – holding stress longer and better each time practiced. So, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the evening and into the night… Pick them up tomorrow.

1 * Accept the fact that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue!

2 * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

3 * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

4 * Drive carefully… It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.

5 * If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

6 * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

7 * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

8 * Never buy a car you can’t push.

9 * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won’t have a leg to stand on.

10 * Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

11 * Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

12 * The second mouse gets the cheese.

13 * When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

14 * Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

16 * Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

17 * We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

18 * A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

19 * Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today.

20 *Save the Earth….. It’s the only planet with chocolate!*

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY

Run the F#%king Hash!

The ‘Tiger on the Prowl’ Run

Hares: Tiger Lily

Where: Bukit Gombak Stadium

On On: Coffee Shop across the road

The Run: Tiger Lily commenced the run by giving us a number of reports.

Security update: While setting trail in the jungle, Tiger tells us how she was surrounded by no less than 26 policemen. She kids us not. She was then informed that she was in a restricted area without permission. Beware a squadron of police.

Wild life report: When not dodging police, Tiger Lily also came across 2 snakes. (Did they have police permission?) Beware the snakes.

Medical update: Tiger gave us the run down on her foot injury, meaning that she can’t sweep or protect us from the police and snakes. Beware an injured Tiger on the prowl.

Nutrition report: The on on will be across the road at the seafood coffee shop if enough are interested, otherwise pizza in the car park. Beware of indigestion.

Weather report: It has been raining, so some of the chalk may be washed away. Beware soggy chalk.

Run briefing: There is a short/long split. Short is 6km and long is 10km+++. Beware of fatigue.

The run finally got underway, but we lost trail before we had left the car park. Some familiar territory was covered, although the jaunt through the Community Club was different. The long /short split was reached at 6.45, meaning most runners took the easier option. No one was arrested, no snake bite fatalities, and no one ended up on a drip for exhaustion. Well done Tiger.

The Circle: Umbrellas are up, and Gypsy kindly uses his to keep the scribe dry.

Gypsy then directs a silent retreat of people standing, leaving Kamala exposed alone on a chair almost in the middle of circle.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run?
Not enough police, too many snakes in the grass. Good run.

Tell us about your On On:
Across the road for some nice makan.

Next week’s run: Too Easy, Mad Chinaman, Lorong Lada Hitam.

Visitors / Returnees:
Slack Arse, Impossible, Lost and Found, Wee Willy, Totally Unacceptable, Stiff, Golden Shower.

Virgins:
Barbara from the UK

New Member: Nope.

Lipstick: Slack Arse, Gypsy, Herr Zipp.

Tits: Cock Radio, on behalf of Shaggy Dick Too, tells how Twin Towers sent me a Facebook card for my birthday, but was puzzled why, after 4 days, no one had commented on it, not even a thank you from CR. Strange, it was a really witty card. So she rechecked on Facebook and found that she had sent it only to be viewed by herself. Give Bimbo a note.

Dick:
Stiffy has the Dick in Burma.

Awards – nope

AOB:

• Jack Off is puzzled why an athlete from the stadium picked out CR of all people to give some fruit to. (Obviously he recognized someone who looks after his body-CR)
  
• CR thought Slocum may have been in need of Lipstick as he was spotted ahead early on. However, he claimed he was not on trail as he was on a parallel path to the one the trail was marked on. Dubious defence.
  
• Slocum then counteracts on CR with a similar accusation.
  
• Slocum charges the GM for not knowing who Slocum was.
  
• Herr Zipp mentions the similarity between The Pope and Slocum. Both resigned their jobs recently and neither knew who to send their resignation to.
  
• Tiger Lily saw something totally unacceptable – a male who muscled his way in and took over Stiffener’s umbrella. Totally Unacceptable.
  
• Kamala then charged Stiff for not protecting his wife’s honour, or her umbrella.
  
• The GM is puzzled why an injured Hare would choose to set 2 runs, including a long one. Here’s to the injured ninja.
  
• Those that actually finished Tiger’s Ball breaker Run are brought in for an intravenous drip to replenish themselves. (Deciding to do the long split at 6.45, perhaps a brain scan may have been more appropriate.) Jack Off, Impossible, Goes Down Easy, Lost and Found (look alike marathon runner, Herr Zipp).
  
• Stiff lays out Exhibit 1 on the ground – a 1.5 meter length of paper he extracted from a bush in the HDB Estate. Tiger Lily on a charge of littering as well as trespass.
  
• Two Jugs was impressed by a young man before the run who demonstrated the true Valentines spirit. At 5.55, he was most concerned if his wife was going to make it to the run in time. How sweet. Then Two Jugs realised that our Valentine hero was dressed in his work clothes still and was waiting for his wife to arrive with his running gear. Stiff the Valentine Bastard.
  
• Zipp defends Tiger Lily’s run, as there were lots of runners not on trail. Stiff, Impossible, Lost and Found (Herr Zipp), Jack Off are all singled out for wrong sided wrong direction running.
  
• Kamala – a very, very, very sexy, intelligent (at this point she stops and has a secret discussion with a fellow Harriet) husband andddddd he was coming in all directions. Gypsy is in for coming 5 times. Golden Showers point out that it has stopped raining but Kan The Kobra is still holding her umbrella. (To stop Golden Showers??)
  

On on to the on on.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

I have been in many places, but I’ve never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I’ve also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I’m not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I’ve been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I’m in Capable, and I go there more often as I’m getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent, and I don’t remember what country I was in. It’s an age thing.

The ‘Chinese Valentines New Year’ Run

Hares: Cock Radio.

Where: Sembawang Park, car park B.

On On: 1036 Coffee Shop

The Run: ‘Oh we do like to be beside the seaside, oh we do like to be beside the sea.’ Ah, smell the salt in the air. And that deep blue ocean, the white sand beach and the gentle surf rolling in with children frolicking in the shallows. Well, that’s how it was pictured on the advertising billboard for new beachside units there.

So along the oil stained brown beach the pack ran, leaping over the piles of rubbish washed up from the murky waters of the Straits. At least the sun was out. Gypsy kept the Pack going with enthusiastic calling (the way it is meant to be – take note front runners!). At one stage he sounded like a ships fog horn.

Leaving the beach, runners made their way around the black and white house areas of Sembawang, determinedly solving the numerous challenging Checks. Their task was not made easier by the 3 blind mice, Tiger Lily, Shaggy Dick and a visitor who insisted on running through T Checks.

Big Head was told by an elderly local out on a walk, ‘You run so slow lah.’ Cheeky bugger. Wonder if he has extracted himself from the hedge that Big Head pushed him into.

The main Pack was back in 1hour 14 minutes after a 9.5km workout, although Comes Quietly managed to do 12.6km. Something to do with him deviating a long wrong way at a Check near the canal. ‘Far canal,’ was his comment.

The Circle: The Proxy GM, Wet ‘n Wild, gets things underway under a beautiful sky, palm trees swaying in the tropical breeze..

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run?
Not enough checks, far canal. A Very Good run. Well done Cock.

Tell us about your On On:
1036 Coffee Shop, the usual great food for $10.

Next week’s run: Tiger Lily, Bukit Gombak.

Visitors / Returnees: Shaggy Dick Too, Wee Willy, Impossible, Right Royal Tit, Big Beer Tits, Trash

Virgins:
Too wet.

New Member: Nope.

Lipstick: Shaggy Dick Too, receives a kiss from Twin Towers and Kamala.

Tits: Back from Penang, Maggot’s fondest early memories of the Harriet’s was Shaggy Dick Too with the Tits. And for no other reason than for old time’s sakes, Shaggy gets the Tits. Thanks for the mammaries.

Dick:
Stiffy has the Dick in Myanmar Burma, sorry stuff that corrupt army dictatorship that changed the name.

Awards – nope

AOB:

• Tiger Lily reckons Twin Towers can show enough cleavage without wearing a top that is torn at the V line. Eye popping stuff. Tiger then tells us to give her an ‘On On.’ Tiger Lily for GM!!
  
• Hooray gets the Aussies in and display their rippling muscles, 6 packs, abs and athletic prowess. And just like that, the report claiming all Australian sportsmen are on steroids is proven to be a load of crap.
  
• Maggot however has proof of 3 runners that are steroids. A side effect of steroids is blindness, so in come the 3 Blind Mice. Tiger Lily and Shaggy confess by coming in. However, the 3^rd member is suffering more serious side effects, as well as blindness he has deafness and loss of identity. The visitor is physically led into the Circle.
  
• Hoo Ray was in front, he claims,- ‘Bullshit, bullshit…’ Anyway, he charges Wet ‘n Wild and Stiffener for not only listening to his directions on how to get back, but actually trying to follow them. Blind leading the blind.
  
• Herr Zipp tells us how a Kiwi died from an overdose of Coke. No, not the heroin coke but the good old Coke a Cola. 10 litres of straight Coke a day is a health hazard – dilute it with Bourbon and look after your health. Wet ‘n Wild is in for a drink – make it beer, not Coke please.
  
• Twin Towers tells us that today is Esh Wednesday. It was almost the end of Esh Wednesday too, as Gypsy told her to stop at the crossing because the man was green, and when it turned to red he said ‘run.’ Funny thing is Twin Towers did exactly that.
  
• Being Chinese New Year, Croc Hunter is bought in for the traditional giving of the Red Packet and a thank you for all his hard work. Wet ‘n Wild gives a less than traditional greeting that went something like ‘Gong Xi Fat Boy.’ Must have been the Kiwi accent.
  
• Shaggy Dick was in Hanoi watching Aussie Network on TV. A news report described a drive by shooting in Adelaide. A witness, in stubby shorts, blue truckies singlet and a tattoo saying ‘Mum’ on his left bicep stated that he clearly heard 2 shots, ‘Bang bang bang.’ The Adelaide Education system is due for an overhaul.
  
• Sneaky Comer calls in a local, Zipp, to act as a translator and give Wet ‘n Wild some basic Chinese language. Maggot then gives her an appropriate local dumb ass song.
  
• Kamala. Hash hush, living in a country with freedom, you can show your bum and tits to everyone. (think she was referring to Singapore,) Shiggy Piggy is back, (think she was referring to Shaggy) Dances With Kerbs, Zipp. No hugging for 1 year. The charge was all too exiting for Kamala and she lost her drink.
  
• Sneaker Comer assures us it was a long run, with various devices recording 9.3, 9.6, 9.9kms. But one recorded 12.6km! On in Comes Quietly for using Apple technology.
  
• Twin Towers charges Trash for taking too much interest in what was under cock radio’s shorts.
  
• Gypsy’s robust calling while on trail was given recognition by CR.
  
• Kamala asked if there would be free flow of men at the Valentines Party??
  

On on to the on on.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists
found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the
conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more
than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the British, in the weeks that followed, an
American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a
story published in the New York Times: “American archaeologists,
finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their
ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50
years earlier than the British”.
One week later, Australia’s Northern Territory Times reported the
following: “After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in
Tennant Creek, Northern Territory, Knackers Johnson, a self-taught
archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely bugger-all. Knackers
has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already gone
wireless.”
…Makes ya feel bloody proud to be Australian

The ‘Nice Pair of Jugs’ Run

Hares: Two Jugs & Husband, and last minute co opted Hare, Goes Down Easy.

Where: Temasek Club, Portsdown Rd.

On On: The Colbar

Gong Xi Fa Cai.

Welcome the Year of the Snake next Wednesday. Please wear red (and remember, the next day is Valentines Day!)

The Run: The rain started at 4.30, Hares were half way through setting trail, it was a washout. What to do? Co opt Goes Down Easy and do a live Hare run of course. So the gals took the pack up Portsdown Rd, through One North, Buona Vista MRT (well, that’s where Comes Quietly lost trail – mainly because trail did not go there), over the canal with a dodgy bridge, through the water, although I’m not sure anyone went through the water in the tunnel, back along the old railway line and through the black and whites to the Colbar and home.

The Hares were proud that they weren’t caught. The males were sad.

Other run highlights:

• Twin Towers, deciding it was too wet, decided to sleep in the car and miss the run.
  
• Too Easy trying to knobble 2 tickets to the British Club on Valentine’s Day from Comes Quietly: FCB and Stiffy are away, the girls will play.
  
• Wet ‘n Wild spilling a full cup of red wine all over Forced Entry’s lap.
  
• Stiffy was ahead and broke a Check.
  
• Comes Quietly abandoning a group of Harriets.
  
• Gypsy caught behind 2 talking women on the short run, resulting in him getting back 20 minutes later than those on the long run. Wonder who the 2 women were?
  
• Your scribe almost drowned on the footpath by the wash from a passing car in flooded Portsdown Rd.
  

The Circle: The GM gets things started, but I’m sure she was not here when the run started. The GM reminds us of the Valentines Party coming up. A dancing presentation of what to expect was then put on by Kamala. Sybil Style. Gypsy points out that Wet ‘n Wild and Lost Marbles are still talking.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run?
Too dry, why didn’t someone catch the Hares? Good run. Well done.

Tell us about your On On:
The Colbar, the usual.

Next week’s run: Cock Radio, Sembawang Park.

Visitors / Returnees: A couple of wet ones.

Virgins:
Too wet.

New Member: Nope.

Lipstick: Stiffy and Comes Quietly. A visiting male asks what the lipstick is all about and is bought in for a reality moment.

Tits: Gone to Penang for CNY.

Dick:
Two Jugs was unsure of what a live Hare Run was. However, a really mean man insisted that she do a live Hare Run. Why, what is a live Hare Run she asked. It means you have to show your bum, or your two jugs, when we catch you. Stiffy, who else.

Awards – nope.

AOB:

• Hooray witnessed Forced Entry’s new designer jeans, a birthday present from her bf, being christened by Wet ‘n Wild’s cup of red wine. Nice one. Luckily she had a short, sexy little white skirt to change into.
  
• Forced Entry is then given a drink for the lack of CNY celebrations at her run.
  
• Gypsy points out that Wet ‘n Wild and Lost Marbles are still talking.
  
• Wet Brazilian noticed that the Velcro Twins are facing a bit of competition. Two Jugs and husband are wearing matching tops. Then someone noticed that there are 4 members wearing the black Harriets shirt, so in come the Velcro Quads.
  
• Gypsy, being quite a geography buff, and explorer, has been checking out Twin Towers shorts with ‘Deutschland’ printed across the backside. He is curious as to where Berlin is, then asks Twin Towers to bend over and show us the Brandenburg Gate.
  
• Twin Towers is made to drink by Slocum for hibernating in the back seat of the car instead of running. She drinks and spits.
  
• Gypsy points out that Wet ‘n Wild and Lost Marbles are still talking.
  
• Not Tonight wonders why it is called the Brandenburg Gate. Because it is brown, and branden is German for brown. Sounds impressive, but Not Tonight tells us it is crap. Ok, impressive crap. No, Branden is German for Brendan she tells us. So 2 Brendans are brought in, Comes Quietly and Impossible.
  
• Kamala. Last week, mud, husbands, thank you, Malaysian migrants, Jack Off, my husband watching your bum cause you had your pants on upside down.
  
• Not Tonight brings in the teacher librarian, Wet Brazilian. Look at her, old, grey hair, spectacles. But is she is too old fashioned and strict? She disciplined one of her students, Slocum, for using his phone during the Circle. But he was actually looking up information about the Brandenburg Gate. Teacher, you must get with it. ‘Librarians make novel lovers’ quips Zipp.
  
• Gypsy points out that Wet ‘n Wild and Lost Marbles are still talking.
  
• Stiffy wonders why Twin Towers hasn’t got a Malaysian shirt on, as then she could show us her Petronas Towers. He shows a little bit too much interest in pointing out where the Towers could be located and is promptly dragged out by Not Tonight – by his ear.
  
• Gypsy, who has been trying to separate Wet ‘n Wild from Lost Marbles all night to stop them talking, finally is exhausted and sits down. And gets charged. But manages to get in one more time that Wet ‘n Wild and Lost Marbles are still talking.
  

   

On on to the on on.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

My sexy Chinese neighbour told me she was desperate for a “roger”. It was only when I had my trousers round my ankles, that I realised she wanted to rent her spare room out!!

The ‘Forced Slimy Entry Birthday’ Run

Hares: Forced Entry & Virginia Slim

Where: Springleaf Rd.

On On: The Infamous Kitchen

The Run: Runners arrived at the former home turf run site of the Velcro Twins, only to be confronted by the sight of a limp Virginia Slim. But this time it was not the middle leg letting him down but the left one. Biggest worry was how could he carry the loaded drink cooler 500 metres into the jungle?

Runners scrambled up and over the embankment under a hot January sun, I’m not sure if the scratching in the soil at the top was made by pigs or runners rooting around. Hard to differentiate sometimes I guess.

A Slim inspired run is not complete without shitty shaggy shiggy. He got this over and done with early in the run, with runners sinking in crap that rated toxic levels so high that would make the Beijing air quality index sound pure and fresh.

Gypsy sunk to depths he has never been before. And that is deep. Pasturised? It was nearly up to his his neck for sure.

Runners ran/walked around in circles in tight jungle/ex Kampong tracks, dodging spiders, pigs, snakes, snares, traps, land mines etc for a total of 50 minutes and 2.4 kms before stumbling across an oasis – Forced Entry’s champers drink stop.

Watching runners emerge from the jungle after the drink stop, it was obvious the world was depleted of 1 or 2 less brain cells than it had before the run. Luckily the pack had few brain cells to lose.

The Circle: This was always going to be an interesting Circle, a 10 bottle Champagne Drink Stop and the promise of more free drinks at the On On. Good luck GM!

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run?
Not enough champagne, more shiggy, bit long. Good run.

Tell us about your On On:
The Famous Kitchen, $10. Subsidised and free beer and wine.

Next week’s run: Two Jugs, Colbar- use car park behind. Will be a clean run.

Visitors / Returnees:
Stiff and Penile Extension are in, and show us how their jigsaw parts fit together. Not a pretty sight.

Virgins:
There was, and Penile Extension was a sub for Wee Willie who had carried the drink cooler back and vanished.

New Member: Nope.

Lipstick: Talking on your phone continuously during the Circle, and not paying guests fees. Totally Unacceptable. He then proceeds to give us an astronomy lesson. Zipp asks him ‘Where is Uranus?’ Nice one Zipp.

Tits: Maggot has had a rough week and finds comfort by holding onto the Tits for a bit longer.

Dick:
Stiff, not on the French bandwagon this week, decides to follow a celebrity – the Wicked Witch of the West, who was waving her wand all about in the jungle. Two Jugs gets the Dick and a new wand to wave the cobwebs away. ‘Ding dong the witch is dead,…..’

Awards – to anyone still sober.

Before the Circle starts:

Totally Unacceptable is whacked on the head by the GM for phone abuse.

Sybil has put her pants on back the front.

‘Too Easy, you talk all night.’

Shooting star.

‘Shut the F..k up,’ from Kamala and some sort of control is gained for the GM.

Yep, things are messy.

AOB:

• Speaking of astronomy, thanks to Stiff, the GM has seen 2 moons tonight. And Uranus.
  
• The GM complains to the Hares that not only did we have to put up with smelly shiggy, but also snakes nests. This is going too far. Stiffener and Pubic Zipp refused to jump them. Beware the snake in the grass.
  
• Virginia Slim tells how Big Head was trying to impress her boss, saying she had to work instead of attend a free birthday Japanese meal. Sounds fishy.
  
• The GM charged Big Head for almost being trapped in the jungle – by a wire noose.
  
• Slocum charged Jack Off for her Tarzan impersonation – swinging on a vine and pulling down the branch onto the runners behind.
  
• Kamala (people sit, lie, top up drinks) ‘I’ve been extremely very quiet today.’ And that was the only coherent sentence I wrote. The rest of the charge went – ‘snakes nest, baby, f…ing sexy snakes, she missed sexy bitches, she miss the snakes, sexy bitches drink.’ You can interpret. Good luck.
  
• Tiger Lily was enjoying Japanese seafood with Virginia Slim, but Forced Entry did not like the Cod egg because it was too slimy.
  
• Cock Radio noticed that Tiger Lily, despite using 23 bottles of water to wash with after the run, still had white splotches of a white substance in her hair. Using the fullest of my tactful, discreet, compassionate Aussie decorum, I subtly pointed this out to Tiger Lily. The reply I received, at volume 7.8, was ‘Is it sperm? Wow, what a good shot.’ Japanese gals don’t muck around huh.
  
• Tiger Lily commented that sperm is good for your hair. Gypsy calls out ‘I’ll try anything.’ There’s something about Gypsy.
  
• Comes Quietly was not happy with CR leaving his balls in his car after last Fridays Oz Day run. Comes Quietly also got all the talkative girls in too, so they would be quiet for a minute and he could be heard.
  
• Wet N Wild is chicken the GM. She has a new Hash Brew lined up for next year’s committee – Hooray, who is very accommodating in pouring wine for the new ladies.
  
• Circle adjourned.
  

   

On on to the on on.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stout.

Barman asks, “What’s wrong with Stout?”

Bloke says, “I had 12 pints of Stout last night and when I came
round I was f#*king skint.”

Barman says, “12 pints of anything costs about the same.”

Bloke replies, “Skint’s my dog.”

The ‘Aussie Day’ Run

Hares: Cock Radio, Maggot and Comes Quietly

Where: Blackmore Drive

On On: Red Lantern

The Run: An out of breath Maggot makes it back just on 6 o’clock to explain the run, and states CR is lost out on trail somewhere. Out into the middle of the field for a Circle Check. I wonder how many people knew they were searching over an old Chinese Cemetery?? Along the far side of the canal, with some nice little shiggy patches just before getting up onto the former railway line.

Unfortunately Tiger Lily was near the front at this stage, and the long fast stretch saw her 400 meters ahead of everyone at the bridge on Old Holland Rd. This meant she had found the T Check on the other side and had come back before everyone else got to the bridge.

CR was discovered directing runners into a track of Old Holland Rd. and warning walkers to go the other direction. Some serious bush bashing with a mongrel steep and muddy descent saw runners slide, free fall, drop, plunge and somersault into the big canal.

Wading and trudging through the double tunnel, runners were confronted with a construction site at the usual exit to Ulu Pandan Rd. How were they to get out, they wondered. Exactly the same thoughts the Hares had when they were setting the run.

A new way through the jungle and up the embankment to Ulu Pandan was forged by the innovative Hares. However, they had the trail heading back to Old Holland Rd instead of Clementi Rd.

Clever cross trail setting by the Hares saw the pack head back to home along Old Holland Rd. Tiger Lily missed the turn off up the new unopened road and continued all the way back along Blackmore Rd. Say no more.

Everyone back in one piece, more or less, in 1 hour after a 6.5km workout.

The Circle: Wet Brazilian commenced proceedings under a lovely sky, with nearly 50 in attendance.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run?
Too many Aussies, danger level not high enough. Good run.

Tell us about your On On:
Red Lantern, $10.

Next week’s run: Forced Entry’s Birthday Run, Springleaf Rd (dead end part, not the park). Famous Kitchen for On On.

Visitors / Returnees:
There were heaps, forget to get the list.

Virgins:
nope.

New Member: Nope.

Lipstick: Cock Radio and Impossible

Tits: Zipp was told before the run by a young handsome man where the short cut was for walkers. She then retracts on the young handsome statement and calls in Maggot. He told her to go left for the short cut but when she was out on trail, Cock Radio told walkers to go right. Get it correct guys. Maggot takes the Tits.

Dick:
Boo has enough trouble understanding English but was totally stumped when having a conversation with a French visitor. Trying to explain the Dick to the Frenchie would be impossible, so Stiff gets the Dick for bringing him. An appropriate French song was then sung.

Awards –
nope

AOB:

• The GM is having a good laugh. ‘We can’t do AOB yet, you haven’t done the Dick yet,’ said a concerned Committee Member. On in Wet N Wild, and pay attention.
  
• Maggot gets his co hare in. At the Old Holland Rd bridge while setting the run, it was decided that one of us should run back to the start to give the runners their instructions, while the other Hare should stay at the Bridge to relay the home trail after the Pack go through. Cock Radio was already sitting down on the Bridge before Maggot could ask who wants to do what. Off you go Maggot.
  
• Tiger Lily went to the Sunday Oz Day Run, which ended with a BBQ at Maggot’s. On deciding it was time to go home, she said see you later to Maggot. 20 minutes later, Maggot found her wondering around the Condo grounds, lost! Just confirms what we already knew.
  
• Wet Pet discovered a Harriet after a bit of hanky panky while her husband is away. Ugly Bum is in, and immediately a line of males queue up, with Virginia Slim at the front.
  
• Not Tonight recalls how Maggot pre run instructions included ‘It is a challenging run, but ‘older’ members can stay on the flat. Fat Crashing Bastard took the challenge and took a fall, injuring his suspect shoulder. As he crawled his way back to home, Nurse Pubic Zipp raced to him with First Aid. FCB must have health insurance with extras, as the nurse even held something for him.
  
• The GM tells of a Harriet who was bleeding profusely from a wound sustained on the run, but shrugged it off as just a flash wound. Cock Radio tests her bravery by making her eat a Vegemite sandwich (unfortunately I can’t remember who the brave one was).
  
• Tiger Lily was in Tanglin Mall, when she saw a Harriet waiting outside a clinic. Tiger, doing a bit of prying, asked her what she was doing. ‘Having a Brazilian Wax,’ was the reply. Lost Marbles is brought in to the calls of ‘Prove it.’
  
• Big Head acts out a little play. Using the kerbing as a prop for the substantial wall that runners had to negotiate, she has Goes Down Easy stand on top and she is kindly helped down by Stiff and Comes Quietly. They then run off into the distance, leaving Big Head stranded alone on top of the wall.
  
• Fat Crashing Bastard watched Ugly Bum open the boot of her car, which contained 50 Australia Day balloons. However, as she opened the boot, 57 of them burst.
  
• Sneaky Comer is proud that an OZ Day tradition continues. Once again, no Aussie shirt. This continues the pattern that he so strongly adhered to when he was in charge, and is glad nothing has changed this year, despite CR’s boasting about being able to get the job done.
  
• Cock Radio, sick of being told to ‘Speak English,’ by Boo, decides to educate him by teaching him to speak ‘Orstralian.’ The lesson ends with Boo having a vegemite sandwich.
  
• Stiffy went around to the GM’s house one night during the week (what for?), only to find it in total darkness. What sort of job does she have that allows her to go to Bali during a working week?
  
• Slocum calls in Gypsy for soliciting on the Geylang Run. Hang on, that was 3 months ago. Slowcum has Alzheimer’s? Boo is brought in also as a hooker – in High School Rugby. All 3 are given a vegemite, but Gypsy tries to do a runner.
  
• Stiff heard a strange call on the run. ‘Ohh, ahhhhh!’ Tiger Lily gets a vegemite sanga to see if she can repeat the call.
  
• The GM was impressed by Comes Quietly’s commando roll during a fall.
  
• Virginia Slim was kidnapped on Thursday, taken to a house guarded by a vicious dog. He was hoping for a quick rape and release as no one would pay the ransom. Instead he was held captive for hours and made to drink alcohol until he was finally rescued by Dances With Kerbs. Beware of her hospitable husband!
  

On on to the on on.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

The Run: ‘Teams’ were allocated and given a waterproof pack of clues, answer sheet and pencil, although we were uncertain how much lead Stiffy had in his pencil. This was to be a team effort run. However, King Leer, in Tiger Lily’s team, commented that group consensus was non existent. In fact, Tiger applied the theory of ‘Unnatural Selection,’ which meant she failed to listen to any team member’s opinion and eliminated them one by one by sprinting off into the distance. Team members who could not keep up with her were eliminated. Darwin’s theory of the survival of the fittest is proven.

Virginia Slim wanted to get some team bonding going by holding everyone’s hands. However, it was not only the men’s hands he wanted to hold. This team proceeded cautiously with male teamwork.

Many Singaporean monuments were visited on this cultural run, including:

National History Museum

St Andrews Cathedral

The Padang

The Esplanade

The Merlion

Boat Quay etc etc

Along with some obscure places:

Hello Dolly

Big Bird

Brass Monkeys

Molly Malone’s

Eat, Drink Party

A notable place that was not included was Pagoda St Chinatown. This did not prevent Hooray waiting there on his own for 15 minutes.

Maggot and CR did their own high altitude training by running around Fort Canning 5 times 15 times.

Maggot’s highlight was a young girl in a short black dress.

Mine was a young girl in a skimpy black bikini, pool side at Hotel Fort Canning.

Maggot was first to the drink stop on River Valley Rd, but he was not in a team.

Fat Crashing Bastard was technically the first there, but he was alone without his team.

King Leer was first back home – but he was on his own, a victim of the ‘Unnatural Selection of the Survival of the Fittest,’ a process implemented by Dictator T. Lily.

The first intact team (physically, but maybe not mentally) to arrive home was the Stiffy Team – Wet Pet, Posh Nash, Two Jugs, Mother’s Tongue and an adopted son, Boo (he commenced the run late at 5.25 as an orphan).

First genuine (if there is such a thing) runners were back at 7.17, piss heads at 7.45.

The Circle: Wet & Wild got us going under a lovely Fort Canning Sky. She also started the Circle.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run?
Too much shiggy, not enough of Pagoda St. Sprite at a drink stop? A thoughtful run, thanks gals.

Tell us about your On On:
Timbre, formerly the Fat Frog, far end of the Park, go straight, drive that way then that way, left, bit further then right, keep your passenger on your left, watch out for speeding Ferraris, make sure back seat passengers are still in the back and if you go over what you think is a speed hump but end up being hurled 80 metres into the air, then you have reached the Bungee Bar at the River and you’ve gone too far.

Oh, by the way, not much parking there, better to leave the car where it is and walk. It’s only 2 minutes.

Next week’s run: The Aussies, Australia Day, Blackmore Drive.

Visitors / Returnees:
Tits, Semen, King Leer, Totally Unacceptable, Simon, Bagless 2, Sticky Ring, Boxer.

Virgins:
nope.

New Member: nope.

Lipstick: Boo, Bagless 2 and Fat Crashing Bastard.

Tits: Kannot Kan forget he had Tits.

Dick:
The GM has it in her hands.

Awards –
nope

AOB:

• Wet Pet found a pair of visitors who were keen on a pearl necklace. In comes Tits and Semen.
  
• Kannot Kan asks the pearl necklace lady who she would like to nominate for the Tits. Stiffy is the chosen one. Too bad KK, you need the Tits here to hand over. Keep the Tits.
  
• Cock Radio to Hooray for waiting on his own at the wrong temple in Chinatown.
  
• Not Tonight, as one of two pretty gals, tried to give Hooray clues as to which was the correct temple. However the clueless one ignored them.
  
• Fat Crashing Bastard called in our resident Shell Chemical On Her Ear Engineer, Red Snapper. A Shandy is a mix of beer and lemonade. Mixed by an expert in a proportional way. But this shandy was distinctly weak. Why? The Chemical Engineer is quizzed. The response- they had to carry the drinks all the way from Shell House to the drink stop on River Valley Rd (100 metres) and the sprite was lighter to carry than the beer. Hence the diluted shandy.
  
• Cock Radio has seen men lure women by offers of chocolates, flowers, wine, etc, but Hooray entices women by offering them containers of warm water to shower with after the run. (How does he warm the water?)
  
• Wet Pet is disappointed that with all the effort to take runners to notable landmarks, the biggest highlight that Maggot and Stiffy could recall was the pretty gal in the short black skirt.
  
• Maggot clarifies the Hares alleged calling Hooray to the drink stop. Apparently they hid behind a bush when they saw him approaching –after he had passed on his way to Pagoda St. they stood up and shouted ‘Hooray, he didn’t see us.’
  
• Pubic Zipp has great news for those that want to wear their favourite clothes but not get charged for non Hash gear. A Harriet’s logo patch for $5. Put it on your G string and feel comfortable.
  
• Wet N Wild calls in all the over 60 members. It was a squeeze to fit them all in. They all look a healthy bunch though, with lots of stamina and they could just keep on going on. Exposed are Auntie Kamala and Auntie Mother’s Tongue, sitting on chairs at the rear of the Circle.
  
• Maggot observed Fat Crashing Bastard who is under 60 but proceeded to walk into the Circle for the last charge. Why? He thought it was for people with an IQ of less than 60. Duhh.
  
• Kannot Kan puts your humble scribe to the test – how do you spell Red Snapper’s job description? Easy – kem i kell n gin ear.
  
• Wet N Wild charges the Hares – a 2 hour setting of a run on scooters does not equate to a 1 hour run. On yer bikes gals.
  
• Finally, the run quiz result.
  

  Sybil’s team in 5^th
  

  Tiger Lily and Wet Pets teams tied for 3^rd
  

  Forced Entry and Wet n Wild’s teams tied for 1^st
  

  The 1^st team back was Stiffy’s. Plenty of lead in his pencil after all.
  

   

On on to the on on.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

The ‘Greasy Spoon,’ Run

Hares: Wet Brazilian

Where: Bukit Batok Heavy Vehicle Car Park

On On: The Greasy Spoon

The Run: It was a wet afternoon, and the Hare was still out relaying the washed out trail, but luckily she had called in her husband on his bike to help.

A rather small Pack commenced the run, and the GM tried to reduce the number further by having us run along Jurong Rd into the path of lorries, buses and cars. Those that survived then headed into the old Kampong trails where some long straight stretches spread the Pack out, but some strategic and long T Checks brought everyone back together again.

Gypsy was travelling well until his big toe had a head on collision with a rock. How could he be so careless??? A snake was seen at one stage, prompting the GM to carry a very big stick. Kan Not Kan was seen running the trail in reverse and complaining about the Checks being tricky. The other notable point about tonight was that the Short Run was longer than the Long Run. Or was the Long Run shorter than the Short Run? Anyway, most people were back in an hour, apart from Gypsy who was still hobbling his way back, and Kan Not Kan who was probably on his way to Bricklands Rd.

The Circle: The Circle proceeded under umbrellas. We started with about 6 runners and started the Circle with 30.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run?
A substitute husband for the GM, Stiffy, was in also. Too dry, not enough long T Checks and too many snakes. An enjoyable run thanks.

Tell us about your On On:
Greasy Spoon, the usual stuff. Ask for chop sticks.

Next week’s run: Red Snapper & Not Tonight, Fort Canning

Visitors / Returnees:
Yep. Lost the list. One visitor came in with an umbrella. That was Totally Unacceptable of course.

Virgins:
nope.

New Member: Nope.

Lipstick: A certain male, sick of the slow pace, pushed the lady in front of him aside, Loose Change, saying ‘She is not the front runner.’ Due to the last long T Check, oh yes she was and it was Totally Unacceptable to push her aside.

Tits: Stiffy has a fine pair. We thought the trail was clearly marked, so why was one associate member on his own complaining about all the tricky Checks? On in Kan Not Kan for running trail backwards and complaining.

Dick:
Comes Quietly is in for Twin Towers. The GM is charged for setting a run where the short split was longer than the long split. Boo also in for vocally calling ‘Good Run,’ at the Circle when he did not even do the run. One of these deserved culprits won. Stay tuned at next run to see who!

Awards –
nope

AOB:

• Kamala is quick in and gets in the lad hiding on a chair under the Carlsberg umbrella. Stubby boy hobbles in, poor Gypsy.
  
• The GM has a big stick. For snakes? No, it was part of a tree that F#*king Easy demolished and threw it back at the runner behind – yep, that was the GM.
  
• HooRay can’t believe that Virginia Slim left his GF behind in Singapore while he went and interviewed Thai gals in Bangkok. For what we are not sure, but they were oral interviews Slim tells us.
  
• Not Tonight got in Two Jugs, Jack Off and Tiger Lily who screamed at the sight of a rather small insignificant snake. The husbands and would be husbands drink for having snakes of their own that are not worthy of screaming at.
  
• Fat Crashing Bastard opens a Court case. A local, Posh Duck, a Lawyer (dubious reputation) Boo, and 2 Brits (possibly FCB and Stiffy – I could not keep up). It involved a case against Rolls Royce and a 5 year warranty that expires and is immediately followed by complaints of screaming noises coming from the car. The complainant was asked if there was ever screaming coming from their car, especially at night in car parks? Yes was the reply. Case adjourned.
  
• HooRay is a brave man and questions the marital harmony of the GM and Husband who did not stick around too long with happy face after helping wife reset run. On your bike HooRay!
  
• The GM was impressed by the guided history lesson of the run site provided by Virginia Slim (older people make great museum tour guides – scribe). Highlight was the secluded area where the Thai gals tempted the men to run with $20 in their pocket.
  
• Stiffy is worried why Cock Radio is asking people if they have a spare cigarette lighter. Australia is alight with bush fires, and where has CR been the last 3 weeks??
  
• Stiffy, by this time without his cap on, tells Croc Hunter he will never get a game in the NBA after missing a slam dunk into the rubbish bag with an empty can.
  
• A messy charge coming up – Kamala to Dances With Kerbs. Waiting. Look after her. 1^st Check. On on. Blah blah blah. Next time you wait for me. Blah blah blah. Comes Quietly. Stiffy. Hat in Circle. Then GM was charged.
  
• The GM notices the size of a certain wine glass held by Too Easy – it is a bucket. Give the piss head a note.
  
• A thank you to Santa – Malfunktion.
  
• And a big thank you to Stiff and Stiffener for a great Christmas Run Venue.
  

   

On on to Greasy Spoon

Scribed by Cock Radio.

Happy New Year
Run.

Hares: Lethal Weapon and Father Anus

Where: Blackmore Drive

On On: The Red Lantern

The Circle:
The GM called all to circle up at 8. She looked marvelous in her TITS.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Calling Father Anus who was a hare with no hair and Lethal Weapon into the circle an arousing “run of the year ” filled the air. Father Anus actually saved 3 women from lightening, a storm and attack of the cloud that hovered overhead.

Tell us about your On On:
Red Lantern.

Next week’s run: Next week’s hare is our wonderful GM who gave the circle 3 choices for a run, which meant she had not recce’d it yet. Chinese Garden, PIE Jurong greasy spoon or Brickland road. We are at the Greasy spoon car park.

Lippy: no record of it.

Visitors / Returnees:
Some visitors got a down down including Vatic&nt, and two guys in black shirts.

Virgins: nope.

New Member: nope.

Dick:
The GM called in handbag to award him the tits for his exemplary behavior of not knowing anything about women. He was running along-side the GM when they came upon a hill. He overtook her and bolted to the top where he could hardly catch his breath so he slowly walked until the GM got to the top of the hill and then, off he went running at a fast speed. She advised the groom to be to take it “slow and steady, the women like it”.

Tits: Twin Towers left the Dick at home so gave herself a down down for being a blond?

Awards –
no

AOB:

• TT called in Too Easy. It seems that as Too Easy was making her way to the run site, FCB drove right past her and did not give her a ride. He’s the meanest.
  
• HooRay called all the Yanks in to explain the Fiscal Cliff. Herr Zipp, Slocum, Big Head all looked perplexed and had no clue. Lady Blue then danced Gangnam style to add some spark to the charge.
  
• Twin Towers and Herr Zipp laughingly called one of the guests in. The guest told them he had a great continental breakfast. They wanted to know which continent he was from. Did he like American coffee toast or Laksa or Nasi Lamak.
  
• Now as the circle draws to a close, where are the hares? The circle moves towards Father Anus’s car and lo and behold, Lethal weapon has her legs wrapped around Father Anus and he is caressing her toes and the bottom of her foot. The windows of the car are covered in condensation. I will say no more. You should have been there.
  
• As the last charge, Too Easy cannot let FCB escape without reminding him that he forgot her phone number and birthday but had no problem going down with another Louise who wasn’t Too easy.
  

Happy New Year to all from the SHHH

Scribed by Pubic Zipp

The ‘Home Cooking’ Run

Hares: Give Way & Not Good Enough

Where: Labrador Park

On On: On Site, Home Cooking Christmas Fare

The Circle: The circle started at 8.15 pm with a moving tribute led by Pubic Zip for all the 26 souls including 20 young children and teachers killed in the massacre in the primary school at Newtown, Connecticut earlier this week. There was not a dry eye in the house, well said Pubic Zip!

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run?
On in the Hares, or rather the Hare, Not Good Enough, as Give Way was busy back home doing the wifely thing and preparing dinner. Good Run went the cry, though as a result of the trail or the wonderful mince pies and cream no one will ever know.

Tell us about your On On:
On site, Christmas Fare including mince pies.

Next week’s run: Stiff and Stiffener, at No 10 Maida Vale, Seletar (yes people still live there!).

Visitors / Returnees:
Nutcrakeer, Woodbridge, Amber, Totally unacceptable, Pat, In and Out(c’est moi, the temporary scribe so I missed the down down), Wee Willy, Julie, Stiff, Louise, Megan.

Virgins:
Leana.

New Member: Nope.

Lipstick: Naughty boys (as usual) were Boo and Stefan. Will they never learn??

Tits: Not Good Enough was spoiled for choice.

Was it to be

A.    Ad Nauseam for living up to his name and being nauseatingly nice, and whimpering like a castrated puppy dog, on top of being pathetically subservient and collecting all the trail marking tape which meant that half the hashers got lost, or

B.    The Grand Mattress for forgetting the wine due to a Miss Understanding?

No contest for this bunch of wino ladies, the GM rightly gets the T**Ts for the inexcusable error of not providing alcohol for the old soaks. She’s all right, she’s all right, etc etc….

Dick:
No record

Awards –
nope

AOB:

• The GM calls in Ad Nauseam, perhaps is a futile attempt to divert the baying throng from her aforementioned heinous crime. “He’s not nice, he refused to put on a Christmas Shirt!” Bar Humbug! Its no excuse that he’s Scottish! He ought to be publically…
  
• On to more charges. Boo calls in Herr Zipp for not telling the Virgin ‘not to follow Boo!’ Give Herr Zipp and and Leana a note. ‘They may be a joy to their mothers……….’
  
• Mother’s tongue, returns the favour and calls Boo back in. She reiterates, one should Never, Ever, follow Boo. Again, today he led everyone off trail. He ought to be publically pee’d on…..
  
• Now the second Hare returns, fresh from her travails in the inner sanctum of the holiest of holy places- her kitchen. Welcome back!
  
• HooRay calls in the virgin Leana, and charges her for speaking Russian in the circle. What is wrong with a bit of exotica one asks? Nastrovia! And shame about no Vodka. Here’s to the Virgin, she’s too red…….
  
• Slocum brings in the Hare, because he said that it is scary when Ad Nauseam is too nice. Bar Humbug! Does he expect him to be having a Dickensian Christmas complete with Scrooge and the ghost of Christmas past? He’s the meanest, he **** the horse’s p***s, ……
  
• Pubic Zipp brings in Megan. Guess what, she has no hash name. Now she has just got a job in the wilds of Australia’s outback, immediately after graduating. Surely that deserves some sort of accolade? How about Kalgoolie Girl? No way bayed the assembled throng…and so,
  

On on to the onsite extravaganza!

Scribed by In & Out.