Singapore Hash House Harriets

Hooray’s Wet
Run.

Hare: Hooray

Where: Fort Canning Park

On On: District 10 Bar

The Circle:

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Short, slippery and wet. Thanks hare. “We wish you a Merry Christmas” down down down.

Tell us about your On On:
District 10 bar, free champagne for every 5 females that turn up.

Next week’s run: Pre Christmas run by Give Way and Not Good Enough. Labrador Park carpark 1. Wear something Christmassy. There will be home cooked Christmas fare by the hares.

Lippy: no lippy in celebration of 12.12.12.

Also in celebration of 12.12.12, the Harriets gave a beautiful red shirt to everyone to remember the day.

Visitors / Returnees:
Five visitors, welcome.

Virgins: Two virgins, welcome.

Down down to the tune of “Jingle Bells”.

New Member: nope.

Dick:
absent with Fat Crashing Bastard.

Tits: Not Good Enough gets the tits because he “needed baubles to look like a Christmas tree”. Who are his baubles? Wet Pet and Give Way. All three get a drink along with Lost Marbles for her attempt to give away the tits.

Awards –
no

AOB:

• The gift of Christmas shirts were worn by all except those cheap bastards that are saving them for next year. Stiffy, Not Tonight, Zipp, Boo and Sybil. WTF?
  
• Not Good Enough charged Hooray with putting flour only where it could wash away so that he could tell all hashers where to run and not have to lay trail again. Does Hooray know the difference between wet and dry? Hmmmmm
  
• Mother’s Tongue charged Hooray and Not Good Enough with loss of memory and laziness. Her run a couple weeks again was rained on and she went back out to remark trail. Give those lazy b’s a note.
  
• Stiffy lamely charges the GM with not having any lipstick, lipstick that’s why no lippy for the bad boys.
  
• Not Tonight had a charge but dementia sent in and forgot, I so understand that!
  
• GM called into the circle the guests, one from from Dubai and William. They wanted to run with Posh Nash but were complaining that she was too fast for them. Charging them with not keeping up with a woman.
  
• Stiffy charged all the Germans with their country finally banning Zoophiles. Or bestiality which has been legal there since 1969. Sex with an animal is now allowed as long as it doesn’t hurt the animal. One year prison term if animal suffers that is for the human not the animal.
  
• Hooray charged all the marathoners with being running hash shit or whatever…
  
• As a good charge he thanked the committee for providing the shirts for 12-12-12.
  
• Announcements:
  
  • Kampong Hash on Saturday
    
  • Half Cut leaving for return to Perth and Singaporn is off to AUSTRALIA
    
• To end the circle Sybil made some charge that I have no idea what she said so
  

ONONON to District 10 for free champagne for every 5 females.

Scribed by Pubic Zipp (or Public Zipp according to the spell checker on her ^&*(%% iPhone).

The “French Retreat”
Run.

Hares: Singaporn and Lost Marbles

Where: Blackmore Drive

On On: Red Lantern

The Run: “Good drink stop” says the scribe. [Ed: mmm, is that a statement on the quality of the run or just that Cock Radio and Sneaky Comer weren't there to write a longer version? Only those who were there can say….]

The Circle:

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Good drink stop. Thanks hares.

Tell us about your On On:
Red Lantern, with Frogs Legs, Bouillabaisse, Lepan, and other French delicacies (not).

Next week’s run: 12.12.12 celebration run by Hooray. Fort Canning car park opposite YMCA. There will be a special 12.12.12 gift from the Harriets.

Lippy: Shirley Temple, Boo, Stiff, and Stiffy. There will always be lipstick as long as there is Boo.

Big Head reminded the GM that the visitor from NY is being disrespectful by talking to Too Easy too much. As necessary, the two were given a down down for taking too much. The visitor from NY’s hash name is “Party Cock is in my mouth tonight”

But I will refer to him as AH.

Visitors / Returnees:
Probably, not recorded. We know Stiff was there.

New Member: nope.

Virgins: nope.

How lucky can one person get as Stiff parades into the circle with both. The Dick on his head and Tits on his breast. The big quandary is which is first the dick or the tits.

Dick:
The dick wins and fat crashing bastard is called into the circle. Now Stiff was injured on the previous hash and as a result could not run the 21K in Ankor Wat. FCB is also an injured hasher but whined about it on the whole 20k run of the hash. He gets the Dick.

Tits: Now for the Tits. Stiff thinks that women and directions is an oxymoron. At 6th avenue and the hares direct him to the drink stop which was not correct as he ended up running through JB and still could not find drink stop, and who is directionally challenged? Lost Marbles gets the tits as Singaporn is going missing in action to Australia.

Awards –
no

Farewell –
Singaporn. As a send-off to Singaporn Wet Pet adorns her with surfer duds which includes shorts that she doesn’t zipper/snap so are falling down to revel a beautiful g-string.

A gift of flowers is presented from the hash to our long time Harriet Singaporn with tons of good luck and good bye wishes.

AOB:

• In his usual pacing FCB called Singaporn into the circle and questioned why she was going Australia. Was it possibly because of a recent survey that recently exposed the fact that the French sperm count was down by 1/3 and Australian sperm are known for swimming very well.
  
• Not Tonight called in Father Anus to reprimand him for not sharing his daughter’s marriage. Indie Anus has finally hooked a man and congrats was given by the circle with lots of Indie laughter.
  
• Ugly Bum posed the problem with associate members. Ad Nausium is charged with not listening to this Harriett.
  
• GM charged Not Tonight with stopping at car while she was splashing and almost naked and chit chatting, really. What to do?
  
• AH, you know who is from earlier on, wants to take a photo of the gathering. GM tells him that he has to be nice and bounces her boobs in front of him. She reminds him that he called us “old hashers” and gives him a down down.
  
• FCB has another f__king charge. Car verses woman. Charges Stiff with running after a car to stop Stiffner but it was not the right car (Sorry cannot give away Dick so fast)
  
• Sybil is not content to leave Stiff alone. After his injury last week which ended his pursuit of a great 21k run, pulls up a chair for him and tries to comfort him after her sitting on his leg last week added to his pain.
  
• GM breaks in with a charge for Stiff who started running on home with the NY hasher and bushwhacked through the shaggy which led the visitor astray.
  
• Sorry about this one it’s a communication issue.
  
• Not Tonight saw Lethal Weapon running to squat in the trees. There happened to be a biker in the area who was trying to chat her up. When he saw her he was so scared away he burned rubber on his take off.
  
• Gypsy called the visitor, or AH of PCITM, on being an old cow as his jacket was a stupid vest that looked like a cow.
  
• Ad Nausium trotted into the circle to share with us his pain. He took Ugly Bum on a 5 day vacation. After running 21k, the next morning at 4:30 she wakes him up and wants to go see the sun rise at the temples. After he growls at her she takes a bucket of ice and dumps it on his head…so off they go. You know who won that one.
  
• Stiff would not let the opportunity pass to get Stiffener. Stiff was injured so could not run well and had to pass the 21k for the 10k at Angkor Wat. Stiff had to listen all week to “I beat you” LOL
  
• All the week end marathoners and half marathoners went into the circle to cheer their running victories.
  

ONONON to Red Lantern for farewell dinner. Good luck to Singaporn on her new adventure.

Scribed by Pubic Zipp

The ‘Stiffy Passes Another Year,’
Run.

Hares: Stiffy and Not Tonight

Where: Vigilante Drive, Kent Ridge (not far, as the crow flies, from Pepys Rd).

On On: Eeo Soon ‘Genuine Thai Food.’ Mai Kay Kay (look that up in your Funk and Wagnall)

The Run:

Stiffy normally fits in the 3 peaks of Kent Ridge, Telok Blangah and Mt.Faber when he sets these runs, so we were ready for a thigh straining workout. Instead we did a loop of Kent Ridge, going up and down as we circumnavigated it.

Posh Nash was obviously in a hurry to get home, as she raced off and disappeared out of sight. The Hares had warned us of some long T Checks. As Posh Nash led a group of runners up the canal path into the bush at the bottom of South Buona Vista Rd, I decided to run ahead up the road. Finding trail, I then sat down in the bus stop. Well, 3 buses came along before the pack along the canal found the T Check. Now that was a long T Check.

It was Give Way who led the way back into Vigilante Drive. Trail went up and down and around on some nice tracks. Ample short cutting opportunities.

Open grassland provided no shelter from the lightning flashing around. The Pack looked like a platoon of WW1 soldiers scampering across No Man’s Land dodging enemy bullets. Stiff took a hit to the leg, tearing his calf muscle, and requiring medical evacuation.

A final climb up the steps from Hort Park saw everyone back safely (whoops, almost everyone) in an hour or so.

Good work Hares.

The Circle:
A good sized Circle and the rain held off (Sort of). Stiff was propped up on a chair with a massive ice pack around his leg.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Good sound and light show. No Hooray. Bloody good run.

Tell us about your On On:
Thai, genuine, bottom of Pepys Rd. Name your price, a la carte.

Next week’s run: Singaporn is leaving on a jet plane. Helped by Lost Marbles.

Visitors / Returnees:
Heaps, but forgot to get list. Stiff was there.

New Member: nope.

Virgins: Too wet

Tits: The GM believes she was striding out so athletically with her tanned long legs, big boobs, and sexy shorts that an Associate Member decided to accelerate after her. Result: Associate Member with pulled calf muscle requiring car transportation back. We prefer our muscles shucked, not pulled Stiff. Does anyone have a motor bike license?

Dick:
Not Good Enough, who I now recall was good enough to get the Dick last week, is certain that the Dick should come before the Tits. Anyway, there was a certain male who was doing a lot of whinging and complaining about petty little things happening to him during the run. He then whinged about ‘Well, things can’t get any worse, can they..’ and promptly tore his calf muscle. Now you have something to really whine about.

And could things get any worse for him after that? Yes, as he sat on his chair with a massive ice pack around his leg, Kamala came and wrapped her thighs around him.

A Dick and Tits job for Stiff.

Lippy: Cock Radio, for not measuring breast size correctly and giving some flat chested Harriets an exaggerated titillating experience. Boo, because he is Boo and Hooray is not here.

Awards –
no

AOB:

• Not Tonight thinks Stiffy is living more dangerously as he ages. The National Parks sign warned to take shelter in inclement weather and beware falling trees. So there was Stiffy, strolling around the park tonight with umbrella in hand, lightning bolts jagging through the sky, booms of supersonic thunder, wind, rain, crashing branches…..
  
• Fat Crashing Bastard just comes to the Harriets to learn the real truth about women. Overheard tonight from Wet Pet – ‘I only have to do it for 10 minutes and then I pretend.’ And we always thought it was for real.
  
• A Birthday cake for the Birthday Boy. ‘But it’s not me birthday day yet..’ You can’t whinge and eat your cake too.
  
• Sneaky Comer is reminded of a particular whinging episode a few years back when another pair of Hares tried to use his run site the week before him. He carried on and on and on, threatening to nuke the Harriets if they did not make the offending Hares change their run site. So here we are, 2 weeks in a row at Kent Ridge but not a peep out of Stiffy.
  
• Maggot thanked Cock Radio for getting him to tonight’s run site 1 week earlier.
  
• Not Tonight observed Half Cut kindly holding an umbrella to prevent the scribe’s notes from getting soggy until it stopped raining. Another shower of rain commenced and Not Tonight heard ‘Hold this for me and I’ll get it up for you again.’
  
• Goes Down Easy and F*#ks Too Easy conversation to each other on the run. ‘Can you do it in the jungle?’ The reply was ‘I can only do it going down.’
  
• Stiffy saw the scribe’s beer knocked over and a waiter immediately came and replaced it with a full one. Is this what Aussies do when they are almost finished a drink – leave it where someone is bound to knock it over and they feel obligated to get him another one.
  
• Maggot kindly gave Sneaky Comer a ride to the run, only to end up with 3 centimeters of dust and dirt all over his back seat. Seems that while waiting for Maggot, Sneaky had sat down in the multi story car park that is covered in crap. Well, it will give the maid something to do tomorrow.
  
• Jack Off used one of her old pub pick up lines and approaches a male member, asking him ‘Are you f#*ks easy?’ Nothing like the direct approach. Anyway, it seems that F#*kin’ Easy did not know the way home from the bottom of Kent Ridge at Hort Park. There’s only one way but up!
  
• GM makes a brilliant statement ‘We are not so young anymore.’ Startling news that. But she qualifies it by saying we are all active still, and calls all those in who are doing Angkor Wat or Standard Charters Marathons this weekend. 3 members with walking frames came in, 2 with a walking stick, 1 with a Seeing Eye dog, 1 in a wheelchair and Stiff was pushed in on a hospital trolley, pushed by his personal nurse, Kamala. What a fine bunch.
  

On On to Thai

Scribed by Cock Radio

The ‘I Can’t Understand a F*#kin Word You Are Saying,’
Run.

Hares: Mother Tongue and

Where: Pepys Rd, Kent Ridge (not far, as the crow flies, from Vigilante Drive), Kent Ridge

On On: 99, South Buona Vista Rd.

The Run:

Maggot, who has been out of Singapore more than he has been here lately, got me to tell him where the run site was. After a check of next week’s site at Vigilante Drive, we then drove to the correct site at Pepys Road. Well, it was the correct hill, just the wrong side.

No sign of the Mother’s Tongue Hare, who was out relaying the run after an afternoon storm created havoc with her chalk markings.

Down the hill and straight through a T Check at the bottom went the front runners, led by the GM and Goes Down Easy. Just before they were out of voice range, we took pity and called them back.

It was then Not Tonight who led us along the drain and past Hort Park. The GM and Goes Down Easy once again charged past, heading to the next T Check.

So it was Stiffener who reluctantly led Comes Quietly and I through Hort Park, muttering something about not liking the pressure of being the front woman. We finally managed to push her out onto Alexander Rd, where we crossed up onto the raised walkway. The GM and Goes Down Easy barged past again, up the board walk and down again, disappearing out of sight down Alexander Rd. Another T Check we thought, and most of the Pack stayed up on the tree top walk waiting for them to come back. But they didn’t. F^&k it!

Through the old Lock Road area and then back under the boardwalk to emerge at Alexander less than 20 meters from where we started. That bit of trail was so close it was tighter than a nun’s (censored).

Over the road and lots of tarmac, past Eton Hall and finally along the back of Winchester before entering the bottom of Kent Ridge and the gut wrenching climb to the top.

6.5 kms and between 50 mins and 1 hour 10 for the by now rather strung out Pack. Good work Hares.

The Circle:
A good sized Circle and the rain held off.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Up and down more than a bride’s nightie was suggested. Someone else commented why would a bride being wearing a nightie in the first place. Good point. And good run – 6.5 kms, 50 to 70 minutes.

Tell us about your On On:
99, South Buona Vista Rd

Next week’s run: Stiffy and Not Tonight, Vigilante Drive

Visitors / Returnees:
Malfunktion and Totally Unacceptable

New Member: nope

Virgins: Too wet

Tits: Cock Radio to the GM. As the GM ran through 3 T Checks without seeing them, she would have an excuse if she had bigger tits that stopped her from seeing the ground at her feet. So now she has an excuse.

Dick:
Hooray declares he is not going to keep the Dick, which brought an immediate response of ‘Keep the Dick.’ Nominations are Cock Radio for leading night owls astray to Harry’s, Ipanema and Naughty Girls after the D&D, Not Good Enough for pretending to be concerned about his wife who was still out on the trail, and someone else for something else and someone got the Dick but it was not me. (Ed, Not Good Enough go the dick).

Lippy: Hooray of course. And Sneaky Comer for always claiming he was ‘Checking’ as an excuse for being ahead. Cock Radio got an honorable mention for inflating the size of Not Tonight’s boobs when it was suggested he was ahead of her.

Awards –
no

AOB:

• Maggot calls in an Aussie, Sneaky Comer, and a Kiwi, Wet N Wild. In 1880, a Kiwi invented the Condom by using a sheep’s bladder. The Aussies perfected it later by taking the bladder out of the sheep before using it.
  
• Stiffy was asked by and Indian man for directions while running through Hort Park. As it turns out, Siffy was headed to that particular location and said ‘Follow me.’ 20 minutes later after trudging through jungle and up and down hills, the poor Indian man, gasping for breath and about to have a coronary, gave up. “Where exactly are you going to” asked Stiffy? ‘The gym,’ was Indian man’s last gasp before he passed out.
  
• Most people have a Birthday, but Twin Towers has a Birth month. Out comes the cake. Not Good Enough takes offence, as today is his Birthday but where is his cake. It was declared too mathematically challenging to calculate his age!
  
• Not Good Enough was promised a hot date for his Birthday. Give Way was very hot and very sweaty after the run, but that was not his idea of a hot date.
  
• Mother’s Tongue assures Not Good Enough that the hot part of the date is still coming . Not Good Enough replies he has had 3 years of wedded bliss. With a slap across his ear, Give Way reminds him they have been married for 31 years.
  
• Cock Radio has managed 1 year!
  
• Maggot is sick and tired of all the shit that has been poured on the Aussies for their lack of recent sporting success. He then asks Stiffy what he thinks of the drubbing given to the Pom’s by the Wallabies last week (one point is close enough to a drubbing)
  
• Totally Unacceptable had a little sight problem on the run tonight. Why was he not wearing his spectacles? The GM tells us he took them off before the run to get changed, carefully placing them on the boot of his car. But not carefully enough, as they were crushed to pieces when opened the boot.
  
• Not Good Enough is puzzled why Texans don’t stick to Tacos for Thanksgiving.
  
• There were other charges, but I missed them because I think they involved me so I couldn’t write them down.
  

  On On to 99

  Scribed by Cock Radio

Towering Birthday
Run

Hares: Twin Towers & Comes Quietly

Where: End of Rifle Range Road

On On: Red Lantern

The Run:

No idea. My cab driver like the traffic jam on f%^king Bukit Timah Road so much he decided to miss Rifle Range Road and do a loop to do it all over again. So when I turned up the pack was long gone. Reports from after the run suggested that the run had gone through the bush (but always on marked trail J) to the lookout tower, which is where Astronut and I ran into the front runners after running down the pipeline and over the boardwalk. On home was back along the pipeline.

Once again Stiffy was extremely complementary about the run. He “wasn’t looking forward to it” when setting out today, but thought in the end it was a “very good run”.

The Circle:
Once again the GM was enthusiastic about getting the circle started, despite the hare still in the changing process. I must admit it was 8pm by this time, but Comes Quietly had been conscientiously picking up paper after the last runners so was a little late back. Anyway, on to next week’s run.

Next week’s run: Mother’s Tongue thinks next week’s run will be at the top carpark of Pepys Road. More details to come.

Visitors / Returnees:
I didn’t get them all, but do recall Tina Tuna, Handbag, Astronut, Totally Unacceptable, and a few others.

Virgins: There was a virgin, Ria, who was pretty handy at drinking her beer as well.

New Member: nope

The hare is ready, so

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Very good run, and thanks for picking up the paper as well.

Tell us about your On On:
Red Lantern, three tables, first beers on the hare and as usual, good food (not quite as good as last week, but good nonetheless J).

Tits: absent with Virginia Slim.

Dick:
Hooray has two candidates:

• It always rains on Twin Towers’ runs, so why did Comes Quietly set the run way out here in the jungle?
  
• Since it always rains on Twin Towers’ runs, why didn’t she set the run near a pub.
  

At this, Twin Towers remarked that the charge was very boring, and the circle agreed, so Hooray gets to keep the Dick.

Lippy: the GM forgot her lippy so can’t be bothered to call anyone in tonight.

Awards –
nope.

AOB:

• Twin Towers received a complaint about the drink stop tonight. Tina Tuna was complaining that it was “too weak”. Why then, TT asked, was she staggering around after two drinks?
  
• The GM has a charge, and enters the circle under her umbrella to deliver it. Actually, she found the drink stop lovely, and was continuing to enjoy it during the circle. But when she started the circle, she put her cup down; only for Penile Extension to pick it up and take a surreptitious drink in the corner.
  
• Tiger Lily had been chatting to Totally Unacceptable after the run about a recent trip he had made to Japan. He listed all the places he had been, and Ria the virgin, over-hearing, asked “where is Bali in Japan?” Give a drink to the geographically challenged. And when one Japanese drinks, all Japanese drink: Tiger Lily, Herr Zipp, Forced Entry, and Ria.
  
• Wet Brazilian wants Sybil in the circle. Why? Sybil came over to the GM and asked “what’s JJ’s hash name?” Give her a drink for not knowing her good friend’s hash name.
  
• Sybil, now knowing Dances with Kerbs name, asks her into the circle. Dances with Kerbs called her today, saying “I like Comes Quietly’s runs, but if you are coming I don’t want to go”. Here’s to the best friend….
  
• Penile Extension was running along with Two Jugs, who with a woman’s sense of direction was sure we were in McRitchie. Well we kind of are, but anyway. Give Two Jugs a drink for being “directionless”.
  
• Wet Brazilian remarks that all the couples are looking lovely and lovey dovey tonight. On the run, one couple got separated and Wet Brazilian overheard Goes Down Easy calling out for “Wayne”. More like “where the f&^k is f&*king Easy” remarks Comes Quietly. Anyway, Goes Down Easy gets a drink.
  
• Kannot Kan wants to make an announcement. He says “a lot of people comes up to me and say….” which Stiffy quickly interjects “f&^k off”. Anyway Sunday Hash have their 500^th run on Saturday 8^th December, come one come all.
  
• Boxer brings in a birthday cake for the Scorpios – Twin Towers, Astronut, and Sneaky Comer.
  

And with that, it’s on on to the Red Lantern.

Scribed by Sneaky Comer

Sneaky Birthday
Run.

Hares: Sneaky Comer & Wet ‘n Wild.

Where: Bukit Brown Chinese Cemetery

On On: Red Lantern.

The Run:

The hares made it back to the run site “just in time” after a failed negotiation with the security guards near the prison – no way were we short-cutting back to Mt Pleasant road that way. Anyway, the pack were sent off towards the cemetery gates where a circle check was solved down Lorong Halwa. Down behind the houses on Lornie Road to a T-check, then back up to the loop for a run back to near the run site for a circle check.

Here, Tiger Lily was too fast for the check and found trail down the road, unfortunately following out trail up the hill. A T-check had her completely confounded and the pack took a lot of convincing from the hare to go the other way. (Front runners, you missed the on at the top of the hill. Warning to future hares, if Tiger Lily is in your pack you need at least 1km between a circle check and the on J).

Out of the cemetery down the horse trail to the corner of Gymkana Road, where a circle check took quite a while to solve. Walkers took an unmarked short cut back via the RDA, while the runners headed up Gymkana and across Mt Pleasant into the cemetery overlooking the PIE. Down and along the PIE to the jail, where the hare had been forced to put a T-check by the jail guards, sending the pack back along the PIE on the other side.

Finally, it was a long run along Merryn Road and up Kheam Hock Road to home. Stiffy, on a bike, remarked that it was a great run…high praise indeed although he was on a bike.

The Circle:
Pubic Zipp stepped in to run the circle tonight and was so enthusiastic she started the circle at 7:45 catching the hare with his trousers down (literally). Stuff it, I had just done 14km so I continued changing at a leisurely pace while the circle commenced with no scribe and no hare.

Next week’s run: Twin Towers and Comes Quietly, end of Rifle Range Road.

Visitors / Returnees:
King Leer, Malfunktion, Sticky Ring (I thought she had rejoined), Szilvi, Impossible, Stiff, Bagless Too and Pissy.

Virgins: Anthony, Brittny, John, Angie, Adrian.

New Member: nope

Lippy: none of the committee have lippy tonight. Nevertheless, Wet ‘n Wild was too knackered to do the run twice so she was able to spy on front running Associates, in Hooray, King Lear, Malfunktion and Fat Crashing Bastard.

Awards –
nope.

Tits: absent with Virginia Slim.

Dick:
Wet ‘n Wild to Hooray for something, I was still sitting down and getting a beer and it is unlikely Wet ‘n Wild remembers the charge. No doubt well deserved.

The hare is ready, so

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Run of the year agreed by all and sundry, committee take note.

Tell us about your On On:
Red Lantern, nearly three tables, first beers on the hare and best food of the year. On on of the year candidate, committee take note J (there have to be some benefits to scribing and sleeping with a committee member).

AOB:

• Malfunktion tells a travelling story from London about trying to push Impossible off a train while he was trying to get stuck in the door, or something. Give them both a drink.
  
• Boo was quick to notice Stiffy cycling on the hash. At least it stopped him from whinging about the length of the run.
  
• Fat Crashing Bastard congratulates America on selecting Obama and points out the world is safe again. Kept safe by the American military, apparently, represented at the hash tonight by the Navy. Asking one of the Navy boys why he chose the Navy, the answer was “so I wouldn’t have to run in the jungle”. Here’s to the irony….
  
• Maggot is quick to pile on the American military. Being passed by one of the lady sailors, she tripped and went flying. And what does one with such grace and balance do for a living? Drive the ship. “Me no likee British Sailor, Yankee pay $5 more…..”
  
• Kannot Kan had heard Fat Crashing Bastard remark that the King is dead, long live the King. Which King, he asks. On in British, Loose Change and FCB.
  
• Fat Crashing Bastard has overheard Stiff, who is now keen to join the US Navy – “girls drive the ship, sounds like it could be fun”.
  
• Not Tonight has noticed some other election news from the US – two states, Washington and Colorado, have legalized the hash. On it representatives of those two states, Slocum and someone.
  
• Wet ‘n Wild has Sneaky Comer in for a birthday drink.
  
• Sneaky Comer has the entire committee in for making him work on his birthday: set the run, scribe, buy the drinks, and making dinner.
  
• While the circle has been going on, Sybil has been running around looking for a torch, telling everyone who will listen she has lost Dances with Kerbs keys, and generally scratching around in the grass looking for them. Twin Towers has noticed her reentering the circle sheepishly – where were the keys? In Dances with Kerbs bag. Both of them get a drink.
  
• Stiffy points out that one of the Navy girls is a helicopter pilot and proposes the hash name Whirlybird. Eventually it is decided just to give her a drink.
  
• Malfunktion proposes a birthday song for the hare.
  
• Lion City D&D Nov 17^th and 30^th anniversary run Nov 16^th. See Jack Off.
  
• Tony Quek’s annual Christmas sale…last today Saturday 17^th November.
  
• Sunday 500^th run Dec 8^th. See Quickie, KNK etc. $60 for Guests.
  

   

Scribed by Sneaky Comer

The ‘Nomber Satu’
Run.

Hares: Zipp & Gypsy.

Where: Jalan Satu, East Coast

On On: Boxer Surprise on site.

The Run:

As we headed into Geylang, there was to be plenty of head ahead on this run. Hooray got off to a head start, as usual. The Hares then told us where to head, Wet Patch got ahead at one stage, the call of ‘Head,’ in Geylang was met with ‘How much?’ Big Head was propositioned 5 times, there were many skimpily dressed gals standing on straight corners that turned a few heads and as usual, Tiger Lily did not which way to head. Every time we turned a corner, Maggot called ‘Need a woman.’ And Fish Head Curry to finish off.

So the first part of the run wound it’s way in and out the whores Lor’s of Geylang. We passed the Indonesian section, Chinese, Filipino, Vietnamese, Thai and Cambodian. It really was a quick tour of the delights of SE Asia. Virginia Slim and Posh Duck were not seen again.

The second part of the run took us around the back streets of somewhere. Good checks kept the Pack together nicely. The highlight, or perhaps lowlight, was the almost completed ugly monstrosity of a mansion being built. Just what are the owners thinking? Anyway, we emerged at Dakota MRT via the back streets and across the road to home in 1 hour and 7.3km.

A very creative run, well done Hares. And was there any vodka in the cranberry/ apple juice? After 15 cups, Gypsy was still unsure, and he made the brew.

The Circle:
The GM is here!

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Not enough head, too many red lights. A well laid f*#king good run!

Tell us about your On On:
Lenny surprise, tandoori chicken, fish head curry, brownies and ice cream.

Next week’s run: The Halloween Run, Associate Members. Scary already huh.

Visitors / Returnees:
Guest list written in size 72 font so the GM can read it. Phony Dick, Trash, Deep Throat 2, Wet Patch, Claudia, Jig, Malfunktion.

New Member: Nay

Virgins: A virgin in Geylang??

Tits: Hard to compete with some of the pairs we passed in Geylang. Was this a breast awareness run? No breasts awarded.

Dick:
Comes Quietly receives a Dick charge, for selling the little dick on E Bay. Could have got better deal in Geylang. [Wet 'n Wild still has the big dick.]

Lippy: Wet Patch for crossing a busy road without a woman, which is very difficult to do in Geylang, Maggot for unnecessary calling ‘Need a woman,’ in Geylang, and Comes Quietly for pimping.

   �

Awards –
to all men who did not stray off trail in the first 30 minutes. And to the GM who had collected $60 in her bra by the time she emerged from Geylang.

AOB:

• Malfunktion was standing next to a visitor who told him to squeeze and it will come out the end. What was she talking about?
  
• Big Head asked how many recees did the Hares do for this run? Six was the reply from Gypsy, and all were well laid.
  
• Not Tonight – ‘What do Virginia Slim and 007 have in common? They both drink Heineken. Slim refused to take her into a coffee shop in Geylang because it served Carlsberg and not Heineken. Slim said it was really because he would not have got enough for her.
  
• At various stages throughout the run, and afterwards, Kamala was asked by the wives of Slowcum, Gypsy, Virginia Slim, Boo and Stiffy – ‘Where is my husband, have you seen him?’ To the missing in action boys. A slight twist though, apparently Not Tonight asked Kamala where Gypsy was.
  
• Gypsy was thanked by Pissy (?) for setting the run so well, with markings every 15 feet. Gypsy knew that his markings were 25 metres apart, so based on this ratio of Piss, then 15 feet = 25 metres, then the all important male measurement of 6 inches equates to 1.08cm. Obviously she is easily satisfied.
  
• Stiffy told us that Slowcum was late tonight because he was stopped at a red light.
  
• Wet Patch got a serve for knowing that the going rate in Geylang was $50.
  
• Zipp tells us that if you want to f#*k your husband, do it at home. However, she still proceeds to charge her Co Hare husband. ‘Why did we do 6 recees in the Geylang section only and not the rest of the run? she asks Gypsy. And he made her hold his hand so that the girls would not call out to him.
  
• Lion City D&D Nov 17^th. See Jack Off.
  
• Seletar D&D Nov 24^th. Harriets table – see Slim
  
• Jack Off cops the final charge for demeaning a visitor by calling the Seletar Hash ‘Trash.’
  

Scribed by Cock Radio (who did not detour on the way home)

A man boarded an aircraft at London’s Heathrow Airport for New York, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo – she took the seat right beside him.

“Hello”, he blurted out, “Business trip or vacation?”

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, “Business. I’m going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States.”

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business role at this convention?”

The ‘Rain Awareness’
Run.

Hares: Big Head & Too Easy.

Where: Bukit Batok Rd, behind the workers dorms.

On On: The New Ba Ba.

The Run:

A little afternoon down pour that dumped over 100mls of rain did little to dampen everyone’s spirits, but it dampened the trail paper, causing the Hares to re lay it. Great jungle trails to start us off, not to mention devious T Checks. Sneaky Comer, Comes Quietly and I had a perfect score of none out of 3 in breaking them.

Comes Quietly decided to leap across a stream rather than take the log balancing approach. His take off was excellent, lots of momentum, and he was well balanced in mid air over the water, showing poise and grace. At this stage he was looking at a score in the high nines. However, a poorly executed landing in the mud on the other side of the stream, which saw him stumble and almost head butt a tree, led to him being scored a 6.3. Head butting the tree or slipping back into the stream actually would have led to a higher score, purely on entertainment basis for the sadistic judges. (CR & SC)

A bit of single file walking sections got a few frustrated front runners caught at the back. This is exactly what good checks are meant to do, keep the Pack together. It’s not a f#*king race. Well done Hares.

Sneaky comer warned ‘Watch out for the drop. ‘three times. “What drop?’ asked Tiger Lily who was following. Shortly afterwards came a shout of ‘Ahhhhh!’ Yep, that drop.

Emerging safely intact from the jungle and the muddy slippery trails, we reached a wide semi made gravel road that seemed to offer a degree of safer running conditions. But not for Totally Unacceptable, who took a major fall on the loose gravel downhill section, leaving behind a significant amount of skin from various parts of his body.

A bit of pavement run spread the field out a bit, as we headed into the jungle behind the Greasy Spoon. Nice well marked kampong trails had us heading towards home.

Being a former resident of this part of Singapore, I used my local knowledge at a Circle Check to suggest that the trail will go right and through the tunnel of trees.

However, Tiger Lily and Posh Nash, who had arrived before us, said they had checked that way and there was no trail. Stupidly we believed them and did not check for ourselves. And so the last part of the trail was stuffed up for most runners as we retreated to the safety of Bukit Batok Road for the final stretch home.

A very good run Hares, well done.

The Circle:
The GM stand in GM, Wet n Wild, composes herself after sampling a few glasses of Big Heads Triple Strength Margaritas.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Too dry, not enough tequila in the Margaritas. Top run.

Tell us about your On On:
Plan B, the new Ba Ba.

Next week’s run: Zipp is setting the run at Jalan Satu, near Old Airport Rd. Check the map for details.

Visitors / Returnees:
Cheeks Out For The Boys, Robin, Totally Unacceptable, Boner, Lost and Found, Baldy Locks

New Member: Nay

Virgins:

Tits: Missing tonight.

Dick:
Lethal Weapon, who has had her hand on it for e few months, returns it, and my, it looks very worn out. It’s even out of shape. A case of Dick abuse is suggested. Lethal Weapon blames Father Anus for abusing the Dick in the back of his car. Also in is Wet N Wild who was heard to say she wanted to be between two women. After so much Dick abuse, the Pack decides that the lesbian option would allow some recovery time, so Wet N Wild takes the Dick.

Lippy: Hooray, wearing long tights, was actually seen on trail.

   �

Awards –
200 runs to Lethal Weapon. ‘Off, off,’ was the call, but to no avail.

• 50 runs to Gypsy. No one called ‘Off,’ but he did anyway, and performed some body building poses. Steroids?
  

AOB:

• Announcements. Lion City D&D 30^th Anniversary. See Jack Off for tickets. Hash Challenge, March 2013. PHH. Kampong, Saturday just gone.
  
• Virginia pulls out his red book that has details of a run he set here many years ago. Not Tonight had signed it as Yes Tonight. Too Easy got a mention, and Father Anus and Stiffy were obviously lying with what they wrote.
  
• Hooray tells how Loose Change and Hand Job were Hares at this run site once, with Virginia Slim as their consultant. The girls became rather lost at one stage and were forced to contact their consultant for directions. Turned out to be an expensive call, as Slim was in Japan.
  
• Slowcum is 25 today. ‘Bullshit’ was the call, but a great chocolate cake came out anyway.
  
• Not Tonight recalls how a guy fell from outer space during the week. Totally Unacceptable tried to imitate him on the run and had his own spectacular fall.
  
• Cock Radio overtook a cement mixer truck, but had more trouble trying to get around Wet N Wild.
  
• Sneaky Comer is very happy – Wet Wild is full of Margarita and declared she wants to get between 2 women. All his dreams have come true!
  
• Hooray is sick of Two Jugs whinging all night.
  
• Wet N Wild asks if we remember the long run set by Hooray in Little India. How can we forget it. Last week in setting the run with the gals, all Hooray could say was ‘It’s going to be too long, it’s going to be long.’
  
• A thanks to the Hares for the super strength Margaritas.
  
• Sneaky Comer was rather surprised when someone who use to set dozens of runs from the Greasy Spoon failed to recognize it. In CR.
  
• The GM has noticed that the Hash Brew, Zipp, has forgotten her job and is off talking, while her assistant, Loose Change, is just sitting drinking the beer instead of serving it. A man’s not a camel you know.
  
• Too Easy confirms that Hooray was seen on trail.
  
• The GM then asks for any other business, then calls ‘Blah, blah, blah.’ as she walks across the Circle to give her a husband a cuddle. Where are the 2 girls?
  

  And on that note, we assume the Circle came to an end!
  

Scribed by Cock Radio

The Magic Penis

A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip, so he thought he’d buy his wife something to keep her occupied. He went to a sex shop and explained his situation. The man there said, ‘ Well, I don’t know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except… The Magic Penis!’
The husband said, ‘The what’?
The man repeated, ‘The Magic Penis,’ and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo.
The husband laughed, and said, ‘It looks like a dildo!’
The man then pointed to the door and said, ‘Magic Penis, door!’

The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding away at the keyhole. The
whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so much so, that a crack began to form down the middle. Then the man said, ‘Magic Penis, return to box!’ and the penis stopped and returned to the box.
The husband bought it and took it home to his wife.

After the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Magic Penis. She undressed,
opened the box and said ‘Magic Penis, my vagina.’
The penis shot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she’d had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off so she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the closest hospital.
On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A Police Officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she’d had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, the woman said, ‘I haven’t had anything to drink officer. You see, I’ve got this Magic Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won’t stop screwing me.’

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied, ‘Yeah right… Magic Penis, my arse…!!!!!!!!!!’

The rest, as they say, is history…