The ‘Lonely Bum’ Run
Hares: Father Anus
Yishun Industrial Park A
(outside the Yishun Fire Station)
The Run
The Hare did a great job of confusing runners before we even started -Yishun Industrial ParkA was the run site given, and there were 9 streets with that name! However, those it made it early were entertained by an exhibition game of street soccer put on by the fire brigade boys.
Along the canal we went, for quite some distance actually, putting it in the category of a far canal, I guess. Eventually a T check was hit, which basically said ‘Enough far canal.’
Trash led the way through the pricks prickles, out onto a dirt track and down into a bit of a stream for a T check. Kan Not Can was seen heading off trail at one stage, possibly to retrieve a camera he had secretly stashed in the bushes to get some quick undetected snaps.
Back out onto the dirt track and the feeling was, despite some checks to throw us off, that we were going to hit water at the Straits of Johor. Loose Change even led the way at one stage, still only delaying momentarily where we were headed. And sure enough, there were the Straits and a fine view of Malaysia. A cunning little loop took us parallel to the Straits and then came back to within 20 metres of where it started.
More dirt / gravel tracks going clockwise, more checks to try and throw us off our gut feelings (and crikey, after the Christmas / CNY break, there were plenty of guts out there to be felt). Wet Patch checking north to the Straits at a Circle Check was just going too far in pretending he didn’t know where the trail was really going.
Down the home stretch, and the foreign construction workers were out on their hostel balconies cheering us on. Or perhaps they were just giving us curry.
The Circle:
So, what did we think of that for a run? Too much anti clockwise running. Too many firemen and not enough seamen. Far canal! Good Run.
Tell us about your On On: Som’s Restaurant, opposite Sembawang Shopping Centre. Hong Kong Cantonese style (and it was top food too I must say. Well done Father Anus.)
Next week’s run: Lost Marbles, Wet N Wild, 2 ewes, 3 lambs & a ram.
Visitors: Vibrator, Stiff, Vibrator, Bagless 2 and a few others possibly.
Virgins: Not with all those firemen around
Returnees: Nah.
Lipstick: Kan Not Can for sneaking off at one stage. Did anyone take his photo?
Tits: Stiff has some sensitive Tits candidates, such as someone (possibly Vibrator) pissing on trail, again, and a lack of exposure from KNC. But for giving short cut tips that got runners back 15 minutes after everyone else, Hooray gets the Tits.
Dick: No Dick.
Awards – nope
AOB
· Hooray attempts to name the new girl Jackie. Two Jugs was voted on and all the males were happy to have a hand in that. And with the power infected in her, Shoe Shopper duly named her that.
· Shaggy Dick 2 noticed a spelling error on Kan Not Cans shirt – it said ‘Consulting Engineer,’ instead of ‘Insulting Engineer.’
· Mother’s Tongue called in myself and Trash for ducking off into bushes and not inviting her for a 3some.
· Wet Pet charged the Hare, Father Anus, for his confusing run site that contained 9 streets with the same name, resulting in one Harriet driving round and round in a Taxi before finally going home – with a $45 taxi fare.
· Hooray charged those that were silly enough to follow his short cut.
· Wet Brazilian, who arrived late, having explored Yishun Ave 7 in detail, was given a map by the Hare so she catch up to the pack. A kind thought from Father Anus, only that the map was 8 years old and there has been considerable development in that time, making the map useless.
· Cock Radio and Shaggy Dick 2 gave Shoe Shopper 2 bottles of wine as a CNY present for her driving them to the run each week. Except last week, when she went home early from work to play scrabble, leaving us to get a taxi. And being CNY, there was not a taxi to be found. So while waiting 50 minutes trying unsuccessfully to get a cab, and getting a bit bored, we drank the 2 bottles, hence the presentation of 2 lovely but empty bottles of white to Shoe Shopper. But being the kind, generous types we are, 2 full bottles were then given to Shopper to replace the empty ones. ( That should keep us in the good books for another 12 months).
· Stiff reminded us how our members are pillars of society – almost good lawyers, insulting engineers, teechers, etc etc and can understand why they may not want their Hash photos on the web. (Although there is a certain Microsoft IT guru who does not mind his Face Book profile pic feature him wearing the Hash Dick). Kan Not Can is exposed! Will he snap back? What will he focus on next? Will he tell the Committee to Nickoff instead of Nikon? Let’s hope a Cannon is not fired. Will he tell the GM to shutter her face? Stay tuned for further developments! Another Classic Kodak moment.
· Kan Not Can calls in a buxom blonde – NO, not you Shoe Shopper. Loose Change fits the bill.
At this stage, an urgent call is made by yours truly – ‘Everyone, get off the road. NOW!’ Has CR gone crazy?
No, the fire brigade boys are in action! Out comes fire truck number 1 from the station, siren blaring and lights flashing the boys busy adjusting their helmets in the back. But look out, here comes the scout on the motor bike, putting the KFC motor bike delivery guys to shame. But wait, there’s more! Out comes the big pump engine, with the boys hanging out the side giving us a wave. So, do we resume the circle? No way, out comes an ambulance, red flashing light resplendent against its shiny white paint work. My, this is excitement plus. Well done Father Anus!
Well, after all this excitement, I lost the gist of the charge. Involves the buxom blonde Loose Change, Kan the Cobra, and something about suffering headache, pain in arse, pain in jaw etc. I leave it to you to interpret.
· Open to the Floor tries to get a naming for Stifflers GF. Lots of possibilities, many involving the Stiff Family. After lots of discussion, the only result was Bagless 2 being charged for suggesting ‘F#*ing Stiffler.’ And we refer to him as nice Bagless??
· Wet Pet reminded Stiff that size does matter.
· Shaggy Dick 2 finished things off by thanking Father Anus for the on site entertainment. We had a game of street soccer, fireman holding their hoses, and even their long snorkels, sliding up and down their slippery poles, polishing their helmets and so on. Good stuff.
And just to get you in the mood for next week’s run:
AN ENGLISHMAN, A NEW ZEALANDER AND A MAORI
THERE WAS AN ENGLISHMAN, A NEW ZEALANDER AND A MAORI ON A PLANE FLYING OVER THE SOUTH ISLAND WHEN THE PILOT ANNOUNCED THAT HE WAS LOSING ALTITUDE BECAUSE THE PLANE WAS TOO HEAVY.
SO THE ENGLISHMAN THREW OFF A BOX OF PEARS, THE NEW ZEALANDER THREW OUT A BOX OF APPLES AND THE MAORI THREW OUT A BOMB.
NOW WHEN THE ENGLISHMAN GOT HOME, HIS MUM WAS CRYING.
"WHY ARE YOU CRYING?" HE SAID.
"CAUSE DAD GOT HIT OVER THE HEAD BY A BOX OF FLYING PEARS AND DIED.”
NOW WHEN THE NEW ZEALANDER GOT HOME, HIS MUM WAS CRYING TOO.
"WHY ARE YOU CRYING?” HE SAID.
"CAUSE DAD GOT HIT OVER THE HEAD BY A FLYING BOX OF APPLES AND DIED.”
BUT WHEN THE MAORI GOT HOME, HIS MUM WAS LAUGHING HER HEAD OFF.
SO HE SAID, ‘MUM, WHY YA LAUGHING BRO.”
"BECAUSE DAD FARTED AND BLEW UP THE HOUSE…..
On on to Soms Restaurant for some very, very tasty Cantonese food.
Scribed by CR.