The Bit On The Side Run
Hares: Zipp, Gypsy, Bit On The Side, Leg Over
Bukit Browne Cemetery
On On; Mr. Hoe
Gypsies are a much misunderstood and unfairly treated group of people. They are widely seen as a mysterious group, and even sometimes perceived as having a romantic lifestyle, travelling around in their horse drawn wagons, sitting around camp fires playing the violin and looking into crystal balls. But they are often treated suspiciously and blamed unfairly for the evils of the world.
Which brings us to another greatly misunderstood but romantically mystic group, who wander from place to place every Wednesday night – the Singapore Harriets. And like the real Gypsies, we are viewed with suspicion by the public, we have our own rituals, and are we are persecuted by National Parks, Police, Fire Departments, jealous members of the public etc. And tonight we have our own Gypsy.
The Run
Fearing that the run may be a little short, Gypsy decided to stretch it out with a rather lengthy pre run speech. (What time does a 6 o’clock run start?) So, after telling us about new drains, to make sure we only cross roads at overhead bridges, the price of fish, the mating habits of the cane toad, Antarctica’s Red Light District, the connection between condoms and coca cola, how chickens are being fitted with contact lenses and details of William the Conqueror’s funeral, along with other bits of time wasting information, we finally set off.
This could be described as a snakes and ladders run. FRB’s, thinking they were on a ladder and getting ahead, soon realized that their ladders were actually more like snakes and they were soon brought back to Earth. Loops that ended back within 20 metres of where they started, T Checks at the end of other ladders, Circle Checks full of snakes. This was a run for the slow and steady. And the dead. Who would be grateful.
Mr. Potato Head soon departed after rolling his ankle in a hole, it was a rather grave situation. Just shows you don’t have to be dead to be stiff. Wet Patch asked where the last paper was at one stage when he became lost – ‘2 metres from your right ear,’ was the reply. On On! Meanwhile Gypsy continued to sweep from the front.
For those disinterested in the scenery, there was always the option of a blowjob on the run. The Harriets are looking up at last. Welcome Blowjob, all the way from Fremantle. Blowjob, meet Deep Throat.
Between graves, around graves, over graves, on graves, through graves, and in the case of Mr. Potato Head, into graves, we went. Apart from one very short stint along the Lornie Rd footpath, the entire run snaked it’s way within the confines of Bukit Browne Cemetery. After the 354th grave, we finally reached home.
A 6.7km run, just on 1 hour. And 354 graves. Well done Hares, fantastic use of the area. And not a new drain or overhead bridge in sight! You tricky dicky Gypsy.
The Circle: Calling for a Circle, Shoe Shopper adjusts her zipp, puts a leg over, asks for a bit on the side and ends up with a Gypsy.
Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? A deathly silence came over the Circle as we pondered gravely over the question. Too many dead ends. Not enough graves. Well, Boo was caught out on a few of the Checks, so no doubt this was a good run.
Tell us about your On On: Mr. Hoe on site German sausage. In remembrance of Armless no doubt. $12, free for vegetarians.
Next week’s run: Kan Not Can and Kan The Cobra – Sengkang Riverside Park. That will be in Sengkang.
Visitors / Returnees: Blowjob. Blowjob is the father of Shag, who use to run with us, until she got pregnant. I remember when we use to have a shag in the Circle.
Virgins: Not on your sweet bippy.
Lipstick: Wet Patch, Boo, Hand Bag and myself. The GM has forgotten the Lippy, so proceeds to spank the naughty boys, except for Wet Patch who got a boot up the Khyber Pass.
Tits: Shaggy Dick 2 has been obviously using some firming cream, as the Tits are perched very high on his chest. In fact, almost strangling him. What a way to go. Wet Brazilian asked how SD2 was able to remember a certain date, when he replied it was near his birthday she asked how old he would be. SD2 replied 54, and Wet Brazilian believed him.
Dick: Apparently Lethal Weapon went home with the Dick in her box last week, and kept it in all week. Her Haberdash box that is of course. She calls in Virginia Slim for declaring that he does not wash his underpants, Wet Patch for doing a trip that resulted in a forward roll with half twist and double pike, scoring an 8.5 from the judges, Fat Crashing Bastard for telling Too Easy she was going to be eating sausage tonight, and myself for bringing my running shoes to the run but not the laces. And it’s the sausage man, FCB, who gets the Dick.
Awards – 350 non decipherable runs to Mother Tongue. Who forgot to warn Mother Tongue she was receiving an award and that she should wear a bra? No off off tonight.
AOB
· Deep Throat asked how to define a vegetarian. Sybil. Claiming to be vegetarian, will not even eat fish, but at the 1500th run she was a victim of not getting in early enough for the food and ended up scrounging a piece of chicken out of desperation. Will she be eating sausage tonight??
· ‘Stay ere,’commanded Blowjob to Sybil in a fair dinkum Aussie slang. Crikey, stone the crows I thought. Blowjob was sick of Sybil whinging all night, assumed she must be a Pommy and told her to go back to Bradford. (for the non British members, according to my sources, Bradford is a town in the UK made up of a 99.99% population of Pakistanis)
· Hooray accused Shoe Shopper of deliberately sending the men the wrong way at the last check. (Hooray actually was at the last check?)
· Mother Tongue, being a good health care worker, warns Deep Throat that giving Blowjobs can cause throat cancer. Deep Throat replied so far so good, and it’s worth the risk.
· Jack Off tells us that early in a relationship, everything is lovey dovey, but the ‘honeymoon period’ can soon fall away. It seems that for Wet Patch and Shoe Shopper it already has. After announcing their engagement a week ago, the first signs of the wheels falling off are already showing. After Wet Patch’s spectacular fall, as mentioned earlier by Lethal Weapon, he was lying prone on the ground amongst the graves, looking for some sympathy and support from Shoe Shopper. ‘Get up, you f*#king old woman,’ was the advice from Shopper.
· Stiffy tells us of another Hash romance that is flourishing at the moment – TBA and Hand Bag. Lately they have been seen frequently in the company of each other. They met on the Hash, they drink together, they set a run together, they wear matching pink singlets. And on Monday they were spotted dining together, drinking white wine, in a trendy little pizzeria. And were proud to be noticed. TBA insisted that the Wednesday Hash be informed. ( I think Friday will be too – CR)
· Hooray questioned why Jane was in Tanglin so much over the last 3 months. (What is Hooray doing in Tanglin so much to notice? CR)
· Not Tonight has noticed 3 Singapore Sarong Party Boys tonight. In comes Kan Not Can, Father Anus and Virginia Slim. Forced Entry is asked to do a quality control inspection of their sarong material. However, by the time she got to Virginia Slim, it was not just the quality of the sarong she was checking. (Slim’s jocks were noticed around his left ankle – CR)
· Hand Bag is a bit upset by Blowjobs insinuation about Bradford, and informs us that he is actually from Bradford and Blowjob should be careful of what he says about his home town. ( ah, Hand Bag makes up the other 0.01 % of the Bradford population – CR)
· Twin Towers informs us of a male member (associate member, sorry Ugly Bum- CR) who was playing with his nuts, when one of them popped down her top and he had the balls to try and retrieve it. Stiffy, stop playing with your nuts in the circle until you can control them.
· Zipp has Twin Towers in and reminds us that today is Esh Wednesday. I wonder if anyone Lent her that charge.
On on to The German Sausage.
Scribed by Cock Radio.
And for St Patricks Day next Thursday:
Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish
"I think it’s got epilepsy" he tells the vet.
Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".
Paddy says, "I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet".
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —
Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the
bloody thing up.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —
Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —
Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to
avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road.
Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
Cop says "For goodness sake Paddy, that’s your air freshener swinging
about!"
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
An old Irish farmer’s dog goes missing and he’s inconsolable.
His wife says "Why don’t you put an advert in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy" he replies.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
Paddy’s in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his
feet.
"What the hell you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself" Paddy replies.
"It should be around your neck" says the Guard.
"I know" says Paddy "but I couldn’t breathe".
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
An American tourist asks an Irishman: "Why do Scuba divers always
fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the Irishman replies: "If they fell forwards, they’d still be
in the bloody boat.