The Lethal Porn Run
Hares: Lethal Weapon and Singaporn
Lorong Sesuai
On On: on site, Canadian Pizza once the correct delivery boy turned up.
The Run
Your scribe is not a big fan of this run-site. To start with, it’s a minimum $30 taxi fare from the sunny East Coast. Then, there is the stunningly well designed entrance that requires 3 U-turns and four loops of Bukit Batok to configure your taxi to get into the road. And finally, and perhaps most telling, you have to run up that bast%$#d of a hill at the end of the run.
Nevertheless, this was a very well set run to confound both professional short-cutters and cunning amateurs. We started off up the hill, down past the condo and onto Upper Bukit Timah Road to the first circle check. No-one checked down the hill so it took a while to solve this check as every other conceivable direction was checked. On on down Upper Bukit Timah Road, where a T-check on the pedestrian bridge f&*^ked everyone trying to out-guess the hares. On back up Old Jurong Road, into the park, and then a nice bit of shaggy up the canal, down the canal, and onto Hillview Avenue. The traditional left turn into Jalan Remaja followed, at which the professionals and cunning amateurs decided that the run would progress down into the open field in front of Hillview Camp somehow and over into Dairy Farm. So we “short cut” down Hillview Ave; never to see the pack again.
I am reliably informed that a cheeky left turn was done up the top of Jalan Reemaja and the trail proceed back into the park at the corner and back up the track to the top. I wouldn’t know, being a not so cunning amateur. Never follow Boo (the professional). We made our way back with a few other misguided souls up Upper Bukit Timah Road or Hume Avenue and heights.
The Circle: With Shoe Shopper off replenishing her thong collection (that’s flip flops for you uncultured non-Aussies); stand in GM Big Head revives a cherished (for the Associate, non-voting, members anyway) tradition of conducting the circle in serious F&^k Me Shoes. Having gained 6 inches in height, Big Head commands attention.
Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? No arguments to a very good, even excellent run. Even some high praise from Boo: “not bad for two old ladies”. Well done hares.
Tell us about your On On: On site, Canadian Pizza, if the boy can find the site!
Next week’s run: Wet Pet and Wet and Ready, Dempsey Road Car Park (bottom one) also known as the Peirce Road car park. Big Head assures us this will be a great run, because:
1. She has fond memories of the first Harriets run she ever set, which was with Wet Pet.
2. It is near her house. Hmmm, ok.
Virgins: Welcome Sarah, who seems particularly well prepared with both a hash shirt to run in and another for the circle. Not only that, it is a 69 shirt. Clearly Harriets material, apparently she enjoyed the run but sadly is only visiting.
Visitors / Returnees: not too many tonight, but welcome Ah Beng, Krit, and Jackie.
Tits and Dick: Handbag has both, a fetching combination (I think not). Handbag has been dedicated (or not) enough to leave work and turn up in time for the circle to attempt to give these away. He tells us (unfortunately) that while trying out the Dick and Tits in bed, he decided that they really do go together and perhaps should go to a couple. His first thought was to Shoe Shopper and Wet Patch but they are away. So it must be Ugly Bum and Ad Nauseum; to which loud cries are “keep the pair” are heard. Sorry Handbag, try again next week.
Lipstick: Stiffy is called out as a naughty boy, to which Big Head replies “I don’t believe that”. Stiffy is offended enough to claim lipstick, along with Ah Beng. Stand in Hash Brew is a little slow on the up-take, but being accused of being Australian wakes her up (or distracts her from her little chat).
Awards – none, tonight.
AOB
· Sybil has a “serious charge”, the weight of which is somewhat dimished as she shows off her belly. Anyway, apparently Father Anus was a bit upset today, as per the Harriets constitution it is his responsibility to look after all young female virgins on the run. Unfortunately today’s virgin was too fast for him and he got lost. Give him a consolation drink. And a consolation cuddle. With the virgin.
· Mother’s Tongue enters the circle wearing a Bali Hash 1000 run shirt from 2001. Unfortunately, the Bali Hash 1,000th run was this last weekend, in 2011. So she wants to take a Balinese to task for the error but there are none here. Never mind, she can charge Handbag for having nipple problems on the Bali run, and Deep Throat for having plaster to help out. Handbag demonstrates that the plaster is very resilient and still applied.
· Wet Pet wants the new Friday GM’s, Handbag and Deep Throat in the circle. The only issue is that Friday haven’t had their AGM yet. Does Wet Pet know something we don’t? Is she stuffing ballot boxes? Does she have a dodgy bet on the outcome with an cricket bookie? Anyway apparently they are too busy focusing on their (potential) new job rather than their current ones, which should be paying attention in the circle.
· Mother’s Tongue accuses Stiffy of not letting the young virgin out of his sight.
· Jackoff accuses Ah Beng of being a good uncle – he invited our virgin to Singapore, brought her to the hash, and bought a very expensive camera to document her every moment.
· Mother’s Tongue has a follow-up. While Ah Beng was “documenting”, MT was crossing a drain. She put on her best smile, but what did Ah Beng video? Her feet.
· Sybil points out that there are still gentlemen on the Hash (a likely story) and offers a drink to Blood Shit for pushing her in the drain.
· Handbag is very disappointed by the quality of the singing tonight and thinks it is because Slocum has been distracted by the phone in his pocket…normally we need a good strong baritone to keep us in tune. So he needs a good song for his drink. Boo: “5, 4, 3, 2, 1, drink it down down down”.
· While Mother’s Tongue has no Balinese to charge for the T-shirt error aforementioned, she does have Boo, who is apparently a look-a-like.
· Stiffy announces that the Friday Hash this week is a Japanese Girls run, and will be collecting for Japanese Earthquake/Disaster relief.
· Deep Throat has noticed that Ah Beng is wearing pink shoes and is wondering if he is jealous or just a Deep Throat copycat?
· Stiffy feels victimized. He is always accused of talking in the circle but look at Ad Nauseum and Jackie: they haven’t shut up since the start of the circle. Give them a note.
· Boo has a question about hair cuts. “What did your last hair cut cost?” “$100” is the answer (a likely story, WB, does your husband read this newsletter?). A few more Harriets are asked the same question; women’s hair cuts cost a lot, we all know that. So what about Father Anus….he had a hair cut this week, how much did it cost? $5. Another likely story, it must have been at least $8. Anyway, give the cheap-skate a note.
· Mother’s Tongue gives kudos to Big Head for her F&^k Me Shoes.
· Deep Throat wants to know who noticed what Handbag was wearing as he arrived after the run? Ugly Bum knows down to the colour and pattern of his tie. Handbag had been planning to run, because the work conference he was attending was going to be “boring”, but nevertheless he turned up late. His excuse? “They put the beer on at 5:30”! Not that he needs it, but give him another drink.
· The hares are looking out anxiously for the pizza delivery guy. This doesn’t go un-noticed by Stiffy, who wants Singaporn in for a drink for chasing down every boy on a motor-bike that comes up the hill.
When, finally, he arrives and it’s on on on to the delivery boy.
Scribed by Sneaky Comer.