The ‘Not So Handy’ Run
Hares: Hand Bag
Pasir Ris, downtown
On On: Mr Hoe’s meat pies
A GENTLE REMINDER – SUBS ARE NOW DUE. PLEASE PAY TO SINGAPORN OR WET PET.
Singapore. The Far East. A land based on free trade and opportunity, encouraged by the leadership of Sir Stamford Raffles and the Dutch East Indies Trading Company. Where The Four Trade Winds brought traders to deal in spices, tea, opium, silk and other oriental delights, establishing a free port, the Jewel of the East, attracting people from all over the world in search of a better life.
Which brings us to tonight’s run. Pasir Ris, the Far East of Singapore, for most Harriet’s. And while there is no opium these days, we do love our Hash and there is plenty of spice and certainly other oriental delights to be had. (I do not include Mr Hoe’s meat pies as an oriental delight.)
The Run
Well, you have to hand it to Handbag, he handles this run site well, despite it not being so handy to get to, except for the handful of runners living way out east.
At 6.05 the question was asked, ‘What time does a 6 o’clock run start?’ It then dawned that Shoe Shopper was not here, so Zipp quickly gathered everyone around.
Handbag soon had the Pack searching left, right and centre at the first check, while some decided to stir up a dog in a condo instead. Down to Handbag’s condo and into the jungle. Seeing it was about to go single file, I conveniently let Sex In The Circle go in front of me – it was much better to be behind her bum than Maggot’s.
Soon we were transversing the stream with a rather deep embankment for the first time, only to have to recross 2 minutes later on finding a T Check the other side. We then proceeded to cross the stream by various means another 6 or 7 times.
Various methods were trialled in getting to the other side without immersing one’s body into the water. There was the standard long jump approach for those with longer limbs, there was the standing long jump approach for the hesitant ones, the just stand there looking and scratch the head approach for the very hesitant ones, the bum scramble down the embankment, try and find a stepping stone across the water and then wonder how the hell to get up the opposite embankment approach, and then there was the ‘I’m not f#*#king going across there,’ approach adopted by Stiffy.
At one stage, a tree trunk offered a bridge solution to cross the stream. Once again, a variety of styles was used. The ballerinas and circus performers tippy toed across without faltering. These tended to be females. Then there were those with more bravado than style and balance. These tended to be males.
Amongst this group was Last Minute Dot Com, who managed to sway, swagger and stumble his way across the log to within what he believed was jumping distance of firm ground, as indicated by the long grass on the other side. So jump onto the long grass he did, only to discover that the long grass was in fact very long grass. So long in fact that it extended from the bottom of the stream some 5 metres below. And that is exactly where Last Minute Dot Com ended up.
Having seen this disaster, some of the would be bravado type males decided to reduce their bravado level a notch or two. Shaggy Dick 2 straddled the log with legs either side and did a bum shuffle across. Some males, including myself, on watching him decided that ringing the boss the next day to say that you won’t be in for work as you are in Singapore General Hospital having splinters removed from your testicles was not the way to go. And I don’t care how pretty the Singapore nurses are SD2, there must be better ways to get a sponge bath. I opted for the side saddle bum shuffle method instead.
Anyway, we finally emerged from the jungle, and that bloody stream, to find a Circle Check. Well, Wet Patch and I knew exactly where we were, having been in this same position a few weeks ago on Hand Bag’s Friday run. So across the road and into jungle on the far side we searched, thus confirming that tonight we would be doing a clockwise loop.
But no, ‘On On’ was called in the opposite direction, thus making it an anti clockwise run. You tricky dicky Handle Bag.
Wet Patch managed one more total stuff up at the next check before we moved into the Loyang Industrial Estate. However, the biggest stuff up at a check was yet to come, this time by a rank outsider at odds of 40 – 1.
The rest of us pretty well found our way through the estate to the canal, across and through the low tide muddy mangroves back into Pasir Ris Park. It was a rather excited Too Easy who led a testosterone fueled pack of males in – she was quoted as saying ‘You guys have made my heart rate go through the roof.’ The front pack back in a bit under an hour. 6.4 km.
However, back to the ‘Biggest stuff up at a Check of the night,’ award.
In the bowels of the Loyang Industrial Estate, Maggot checked at a Circle and went straight on for a long, long way. He had reached the dreaded ‘Point of No Return’ when he heard the ‘On back,’ call.
In an effort to outsmart the Hares, and the rest of the Pack, he decided to run on and cut up the next street instead of going all the way back. Nice in theory, but the next street was a dead end. Back to the original street, he headed to the traffic lights. Nice in theory, but the street was going in the wrong direction.
Ok, don’t panic, head towards the sea and come back along the beach to Pasir Ris Park. Nice in theory, but a naval base / shipyard restricted area with security guards put an end to that.
Maggot back in 1 hour 30 minutes, 10.2 km. And he complains to the Hare that it was a bit long for a Wednesday Run.
The Circle: Zipp pulls everyone into line and asserts her authority.
Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? A handy run, not enough stream crossings, black shiggy could have been closer to the finish. Good handy run, well done.
Tell us about your On On: Mr. Hoe’s beef pies, mushy peas and potato. (No head with the potato) and a bit of salad thrown in.
Next week’s run: AGM, Mt Sinai Rise, on site with Lenny.
Visitors / Returnees: Wee Willy, Foreplay, Bimbo, Sex In The City, Mike, Heath, Mosquito, Caicra, Peter, Last Minute Dot Com.
Virgins: Zsolt
Lipstick: Cock Radio, Mossie, Zsolt
Tits: Hand Bag has his hands full, with the Tits and the Dick. There were lots of walkers tonight, but there was one group who made a point of not wanting to get their shoes dirty. Kan The Cobra, Deep Throat and Wet Brazilian. And Wet Brazilian gets the vote. And a nice pair of Tits as well.
Dick: Having had only female candidates for the Tits, Hand Bag goes for an all male line up for the Dick – 2 males who did not complete the run. But not only did he not complete the run, but Father Anus misled a group of women as well. Take the Dick and don’t mislead it.
Awards – nope
AOB
· Zipp was told by Mosquito that he comes to the Hash for intelligent conversation. Obviously he’s been sniffing too much insect repellant. Now buzz off.
· Boo informs us that Hooray lost his trousers. In comes Hooray with a towel around his waste. ‘Let the wind blow high, let the wind blow low, Hooray, where’s your trousers?’
· Hand Bag reckons that Silence of the Lambs is a pretty scary movie, but not nearly as scary as Bimbo’s flashing red lights he is wearing around his head.
· Hand Bag was heard asking Zipp if she wanted a date, but she replied that she was happily married. In fact Hand Bag asked a lot of people, males as well, if they wanted a date.
· Bimbo announced that we should be reading The Hash magazine.
· Gypsy asked for Sex In The Circle, which raised a few eyebrows, especially Zipp’s. He then qualified himself and asked for Sex In The City. It is pointed out that she is married to Ice, an old friend of the Harriet’s.
· Hash Brew was subsequently charged by Sex In The City for giving her a water down down. Stiffener argues that she had asked for a watered down beer. SITC argues back that there was too much water and not enough beer. Oh my gals, step out the back and sort it.
· The Sydney Gay Hash Members are invited in. Hang on, they are a male/female couple. Oh well, they do look happy anyway, even if they are not gay.
· Not Tonight charges Stiffy for being so gullible and believing something about gay dress. If only he would just listen more instead of talking during the Circle.
· Wet Brazilian was one of the females Father Anus led astray. Arriving late, she tagged on with Father Anus, whom she believed to have lots of inside knowledge on the terrain out here. He convinces her to go straight on through a T check because trail will come out just a bit further on and they will be taking a huge short cut. Well, they spent the next 30 minutes lost in the jungle and never saw trail again. Nice one Father Anus.
· Deep Throat asked Twin Towers why she was not running. Her answer was she had a bit of an injury and did not want to end up running like Cock Radio. (No one can run like me –CR)
· Fat Crashing Bastard charges Heath for carrying a camel pack all the way around the Run, thus showing up National Servicemen who get their maids to carry their backpack for them.
· Mossie reminds us that our GM is missing tonight, but we do have a visiting GM with us – Sex In The City, GM Bangkok Harriet’s. And how long has she been GM? Umm, 1 week. 1 week as GM and she is missing in action already. One GM drinks, all GM’s drink.
· Bimbo finishes with a charge on Boo the General, Maid in Singapore. (I was distracted by his scary flashing red lights)
On on to Mr. Hoe’s mushy pies and beef potato with pea salad.
Scribed by Cock Radio.
Ear Infection
A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
The Receptionist said, ‘Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?
There’s something wrong with my dick’, he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, ‘You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. ‘
‘Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,’ he said.
The Receptionist replied; ‘Now you’ve caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.’
‘The man replied, ‘You shouldn’t ask people questions in a room full of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.’
The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered..
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, ‘Yes??’
‘There’s something wrong with my ear,’ he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. ‘And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?’
‘I can’t piss out of it,’ he replied.