The ‘Anzac’ Run
Hares: Cock Radio, Sneaky Comer
Bukit Browne Cemetery
On On; On site Lenny’s Chilli Con Carne, with the vegetarian option
ANOTHER GENTLE REMINDER – SUBS ARE NOW DUE. PLEASE PAY TO STIFFENER or FORCED ENTRY
The Run
Our new GM gets us off to a good start by calling ‘Form a Circle.’ Obviously Wet Brazilian has been taking lessons from the previous GM, who couldn’t get it right after 12 months. Finally we gather round.
After telling everyone this will be the run of the year so far for the new Committee, the Hares sent everyone out the gates for a Circle Check. Ad Nauseum buddied up with me and tried to get me to tell him that it had to be on back into the cemetery. No way, I’m not talking. Unless you sling me a few free beers of course.
On back into the cemetery it was, of course, where a multitude of previous Hash trails were merged together to form what the Hares thought was a pretty good run. After a number of previous injuries here, runners where kept fairly much on trails rather than grave dodging.
The stream was at a minor flood level following the afternoon rain, leading to more than one Wet Brazilian finishing the run. Tiger Lily complained that this was the Wednesday Hash, and the women don’t like to get their women things wet.
The water must have interfered with Tiger Lily’s navigation system (there’s a new name for it), as at the Circle check immediately on leaving the stream, she checked more than 100 metres to find trail. This put paid to the Hares theory that she would only check 45 metres before turning back and racing the opposite way calling ‘Are you?’
Back into the cemetery for a few more familiar trails, eventually leading to what Sneaky Comer has named ‘Hobbit Hill,’ as it looks like a part of a scene where they filmed Lord of the Rings in NZ. Well, I know he hadn’t been drinking but I wouldn’t mind a bit of whatever he was smoking. The closest thing I saw Bilbo Baggins were 2 Indian soldier statues guarding a Chinese grave 100 metres back.
More bits of rehashed trail, leading to the little stream with the market garden and shack, and out onto the trail with the Mean Dogs Shack. Whatever happened to The Love Shack? A final Circle just beyond reach of the dogs held the Pack up nicely. Through the trees and back onto home trail to the side of the car park.
Tiger Lily was running in front with Heath, who had been trying to impress her by bouncing his balls next to her while balancing a camel on his back. Unfortunately they were mistakenly sent up a wrong trail by one of the Hares, allowing the other front runners to sneak past them before they were called back by the Hare on realizing his careless mistake. Sorry about that chief.
Front runners back in 50 mins, the rest of the Pack in 1 hour. Not sure of distance, but Kan Not Kan, according to his GPS, somehow managed to cross over himself. If we didn’t know KNK better, we may have suspected it was a faulty GPS.
The Circle: For the first time, virgin GM Wet Brazilian gets the large gathering together with a variety of calls. ‘Form a gathering,’ ‘Gather a Circle,’ ‘Circle round,’ ‘Round a Circle.’
However, what finally grabs our attention was when one of the males yelled out ‘Hey, the GM’s got cleavage and F#*k Me Shoes!’
Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Doesn’t matter what you say when the Hare is also the scribe. The best ever run for this committee. Hard for other Hares to maintain this standard. Might as well call it run of the year now to take the pressure off the rest of you.
Tell us about your On On: Lenny’s chilli con carne, Oz style. (Made from kangaroo). Vegetarian option, chilli con carne, NZ style (made from kiwi).
Next week’s run: Shaggy Dick Too, Right Royal Tit, cp next to the Long House.
Visitors / Returnees: Heath, Belcher, Lost Asshole, Veggie Queen (hope she likes kiwi?), Bang Bang, Bagless 2, YBF, Stiff, Krit, King Lear. And Posh Duck returning.
Virgins: nope.
Lipstick: Heath for running in front of Tiger Lily while bouncing his balls.
‘Respect for the old lady’ shouts Boo as the new GM tries to get the vocal Circle to listen to her. Well, Wet Brazilian is not standing for being called an old lady, and asserts her authority by calling the old Chinaman in for a drink. Take that Boo.
Tits: Stiff walks in rather stiffly, due to a cut on his foot. (Obviously feels that his wife has received enough sympathy after her fall off the roof). Well, a ‘slimeball’ he was called for some reason by Shoe Shopper. Yes, the same Shoe Shopper who left her car full of Hash bags and valuables completely unlocked while she did the run. Titally irresponsible.
Dick: Father Anus, wildly waving the Dick around, complains about the level of Hash singing, and the fact that we only have 3 songs. (Someone said that given the average age of members, we are incapable of remembering the words to more than 3 songs). He then attempted to charge someone, but the Circle was quickly hijacked by Virginia Slim (not Slimeball Stiff) who sang Father Anus a song, resulting in Father Anus maintaining the Dick.
Awards – Zilch
AOB:
· Stiffy gets the virgin GM in and asks her to inject some vitality and novelty into the Circle. (Stiffy shutting up while the Circle is on and not whinging would be a novelty). ‘Do something different.’ he said. ‘Like show some leg,’ was one suggestion, and this led to a reply ‘No, she’s too old for that.’ (Was that Boo again?)
· Cock Radio informs the Circle of significance of the Anzacs – Australian New Zealand Army Corps. A day to remember the fallen soldiers. A day to forget the stuff up by the British command that landed soldiers on the wrong beach at Gallipoli on April 25th 1915. A day to remember 3 of our British runners who have fallen at this run site in recent times. Wet Patch who tripped on a grave and while splattered on the ground was told to‘ Get up you f*#king old woman,’ by his soon to be wife. Mr. Potato Head who fell into a grave and did his ankle. And last Friday it was Shaggy Dick Too who came to grief and ended up splattered on the ground after stubbing his toe. So here’s to our fallen comrades.
· Sneaky Comer reminds us that the Kiwis try to take the credit for a lot of things that are Australian, like Russell Crowe, Split Enz, Crowded House, pavlova, sheep shagging etc. But now they have gone too far – they are claiming the good old Aussie thong (rubber flip flops for the ignorant ones) as their own invention. Being a risk taker, he calls in the only Kiwi here, his wife Wet N Wild. She tried to counter attack but was drowned out by barrage of ‘Baa’s.
· Shoe Shopper complains to the Hares about the cuisine selected for tonight’s run. Where are the Anzac biscuits? Vegemite sandwiches? Kiwi fruit? Lamb? Beef? Instead we are having chilli con carne – how Australian / NZ is that? Umm, it’s made with wombat mince?
· Father Anus gives Cock Radio a quiz question, asking me the date of the Anzac landing. Quick as a flash, my reply ‘April 25 1915.’ So Father Anus, 3, 2, 1, drink it down.
· Fat Crashing Bastard had a memorable night last Friday at the Rock & Roots night, featuring Bob Dylan. It was such a riveting night that the organisers had to get in a special performer to get the crowd going. The highlight of the night that got the most crowd response was our very own Right Royal Tit, who was seen dancing, prancing, strutting and gyrating up on stage. Yes, the answer my friend, is dancing on the stage, the answer is up there on the stage.
· Wet Brazilian brings in the old former old committee and thanks them for their efforts. Yes, thanks all, well done.
· Cock Radio tells how in the old days in Oz, the swagmen used to wander the countryside looking for work with their swag (pack) strung over their shoulder. It was known as humping their swag. Well Heath has been carrying something over his shoulder on our runs, namely a camel pack. So he is a camel humper, correct? And so the new GM, on her first night, gets to do a naming, and Heath will now forever be known as Camel Humper. (Can’t wait for Kamala to hear this)
· SD2 announced his run next week earlier in the Circle, and was then immediately approached by Posh Nash with her Hareline asking him if he could set a run soon. How soon is next week?
· SD2 also reminds us that next Friday is the Royal Wedding in England. And we have our own royalty at next weeks run, Right Royal Tit.
· But Posh Nash is not finished with yet. Shoe Shopper was asked by Posh Nash, not more than 5 seconds after she had spoke to SD2, if she could set a run soon. Umm, who set last week’s run? I will give you a clue – the On On was at Shoe Shoppers House.
· Kan Not Can gets the trifecta on Posh Nash. She asked him if he could set a run in July, but he helping out with Kan The Kobra’s run the following week. ‘You’re kidding me,’ was Posh Nash’s response.
· And Mr. Potato Head gets the Posh Nash Quadrella. Could he set a run on May 11th? ‘Sorry, doing a run for Lion City the same week,’ was his reply. ‘Do the same run then,’ says an exasperated Posh Nash.
· Hooray mentions the JP Morgan run tomorrow. The only eligible corporate high flyer we have running is Big Head.
· Zipp calls in a slime person who keeps shining his torch on her shiny shoes to get a reflection up her skirt. I have a feeling slime person was Father Anus.
On on to the Lenny’s chili con carne.
Scribed by Cock Radio.
An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe with a full-grown emu behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.
The truckie says, ‘A hamburger, chips and a coke,’ and turns to the emu, ‘What’s yours?’
‘Sounds great, I’ll have the same,’ says the emu.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order ‘That will be $9.40 please,’ and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change and pays.
The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, ‘A hamburger, chips and a coke.’
The emu says, ‘ Sounds great, I’ll have the same.’
Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. ‘The usual?’ asks the waitress.
‘No, it’s Friday night, so I’ll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,’ says the man.
‘ Same for me,’ says the emu.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, ‘That will be $32.62.’
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. ‘Excuse me mate, how do you manage to always pull the exact change from your pocket every time?’
‘Well, love’ says the truckie, ‘a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I cleaned it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.’
‘That’s brilliant!’ says the waitress. ‘Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want, for as long as you live!’
‘That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there.’ says the man.
Still curious the waitress asks, ‘What’s with the bloody emu?’
The truckie pauses, sighs, and answers, ‘My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs, who agrees with everything I say.