The ‘Mexican’ Run
Hares: Maria Jack Off & Don Pedro Slowcum, Lorenzo Leg Over & Catarina Bit On The Side.
End of Springleaf Rd
On On; Penile Alfonzo Extension’s for Carmen Lenny’s Mexican
The Run
90 mm of rain for the afternoon ensured there would be more than one Wet Brazilian tonight. But what does a Wet Mexican entail?
So we gathered, just south of the border, for Mexico’s National Day.
The inevitable T check at the start led to the front runners stuck behind a slow moving single file pack (can there actually be such a thing as a single file pack?) winding it’s way through the jungle. The Hares had assured us that most of the trail had been re-laid, but this section was obviously outside of that reassurance, as not only did the pack lose trail, but the Hare lost her bearings (and marbles).
‘Look for a big field,’ was the only offering of a possible rescue from the Hare. Well, Maggot and myself found a big field, the former going through a hole in the wire fence and the latter climbing over the top and having it collapse under me. Who ate all the pies?
Having found trail out in the middle of the field, we then had to find a woman. Veggie Queen emerged through the newly created gap and sprinted towards us. Only thing was, by the time she got to us she almost collapsed from exhaustion. We managed to crank her up and get her moving again, and back into jungle after negotiating the Circle Check at the end of the field, where eventually the drink stop would be found.
Winding muddy trail eventually led us to the side of the SLE slipway and onto Upper Thompson. Somehow Tiger Lily was allowed to get way ahead, around the back of the shops and houses to a small park. By the time the rest of the pack arrived, she had found a T Check and was checking on a cleared grass way behind houses. Unbeknown to us, the T Check was 150 metres up the canal, and she was checking actually parallel AND forward of it 50 metres away.
Jack Off arrived and directed the Pack, well, everyone except Camel Humper and myself, back across Upper Thompson and into some more jungle. While the pack were directed through a Kampong area by a very helpful Chinese man, who was probably just keen to get this crazy bunch of smelly runners out of his little patch of serenity, Camel Humper and I, after running around in loops still on the other side of Upper Thompson, had to rely on Malfunction and Hooray, who we had stumbled across, for guidance. They were as useful as a bull with tits.
Here is the final loop, as written by Shaggy Dick Too.
We then found a circle check by the traffic lights on Upper Thompson, and a few hashers were thinking that we had finally found the Slocum and Jack Off mystery trail that had been missed in the last three runs they had set. When the lights turned green everyone ran straight across and found trail. Now I have to say that this was certainly the best loop of the trail, and I really wanted to say that just to piss Cock radio off because he missed it. We ran a nice trail through the bush and past a little kampong settlement where a friendly old chap pointed us in the right direction. We then went under the SLE to find a t check, Open To the Floor shouted at Shaggy Dick Too to "get your arse across the stream pretty damn sharpish and check left", well he couldn’t refuse could he. And there was the trail. A run up a bank to the SLE and then left to follow the SLE to Upper Thompson, the FRBs were actually overtaking traffic on the inside, truly inspiring stuff.
For Camel Humper and myself, who were on our 3rd Tequila by then, it was a completed a figure 6 course. Oh well, ole ole! The 4th run here in 6 months and I still haven’t completed one of them.
Good run Hares, a good twist, and a bloody good drink stop.
The Circle: Once our police visitors had departed, The GM got it correct and called ‘Form a Circle,’ did we collect guest fees from the Police?
Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? This was a good run, something for everyone.
Tell us about your On On: Lenny’s Mexican Fiesta. Penile Extension explained how to get there. He lost me after the first turn right.
Next week’s run: Virginia Slim is setting a run, but has, in his words, ‘no f*#king idea where. ‘Could be somewhere in Hougang. He then consulted Boo for some advice.
Visitors / Returnees: Camel Humper, Belcher, Veggie Queen, Impossible and possibly a few others.
Virgins: Too wet for virgins.
Lipstick: Obviously too wet for lippy too.
At this stage, some of the Committee were hauled in by Stiffy for having a meeting at the back of the Circle. Singaporn, Wet N Wild & Posh Nash. Stiffy won’t stand for any talk while the Circle is on.
Tits: (I really must start writing neater, cause here I am on Saturday afternoon in a coffee shop in Yishun trying to decipher what can only be described as total scrawl and scribble.)
Stiffy has the Tits and gives Wet Wild an honorable mention for something.
He also gave an honorable mention to a female Hare for getting angry, quite possibly when she could not find her own trail.
But the full honors go to Fat Crashing Bastard, who drove himself to the Hash while leaving his wife to ride her bike, in the rain, all the way to the run.
Dick: Father Anus, it seems, is still having a lot of trouble releasing his grip on the Dick at the moment.
Awards – Zilch
AOB:
· Jack Off explained why the police arrived – there had been a complaint from a local resident who had looked out her window and saw 3 semi naked people showering. Well, it wasn’t any of the men, no one would complain about any of our hunky six pack muscle rippling semi naked bodies. In come the culprits for causing outrage of modesty to a female resident – Singaporn, Lost Marbles and Posh Nash. No wonder the birth rate in Singapore is so low if Singaporeans can’t stand to see a semi naked body.
· Fat Crashing Bastard treads on thin ice by charging Too Easy. First she destroyed the car, resulting in him suffering an outburst of anger leading to a domestic tiff. And then she tried to pacify him by wearing a sexy outfit and showing cleavage. So she was riding in the rain, because he had to go and pick up the car, that she had wrecked, from the garage. And it’s him that got the Tits. Life is so unfair.
· Camel Humper also was charged for being mad – he ran to the run from Orchard.
· Mr. Potato Head points out the height difference between himself and Gypsy (Gypsy quite a bit taller). Gypsy had a swing back branch at head height, and called back ‘Trip,’ to Mr. Potato Head who was behind him. Now Gypsy, there is not that much height difference.
· Mexico has a reputation for its toughness. Maggot took a trip at one stage on the run, and while lying prone on the ground face down, was stepped on by a merciless runner. He pulled up the back of his T Shirt to reveal to me a footprint, size 39 Japanese. Calling on my detective skills, and knowledge of Cinderella, I was soon able to track down the heartless villain, none other than the infamous Tiger Lily.
· Wet Brazilian was squelching her way through the mud, when she took a bend a bit fast, lost traction, slipped and ended up with a Muddy Brazilian. But she was shown no respect. Virginia Slim stood there and laughed, resulting in him ending up with a pair of muddy handprints on his shirt. As for Camel Humper, he just turned and ran like a rabbit.
· Slowcum, dutifully manning the drink stop while his wife, who had set the run, set all the T Checks, reset the run, reset all the T checks and was now out sweeping and front running, was taken aback when Singaporn came in and asked for water. Umm, no, this is the Margarita Drink Stop, water is back at the Beer Wagon. Then Mr. Potato Head asks for water too. And others. What is going on with the Hash? Free Margarita’s and people would rather drink water? Well, some people have still got it right. Camel Humper was on his 4th Margarita by this stage.
· Kamala, at risk of being jumped on by Camel Humper, enters and thanks Leg Over and all the Hares for the Mexican dips after the run.
· Zipp had complaints last week from people getting detergent in their down down beers, but this didn’t stop Wet Brazilian from throwing her water bottle into the detergent bucket in the hope that Zipp would take it home to wash for her.
· Slowcum was setting the run with his co Hares in the jungle when the lightning got a bit frightening. Jack Off suggested they turn back. Slowcum suggested that as they were half way into the jungle, turning and going back would be no shorter than going forward. Leg Over then suggested that they continue on, but stay away from trees. Slowcum suggested that as they were in the middle of jungle, this may be difficult.
· Wet Brazilian suggests that Camel Humper is being affected by alcohol as the flashing red light in his pants has drooped considerably.
· It has been a while since Slowcum has seen a girl spread her legs as quickly as Wet Brazilian did as she attempted to avoid a falling beer.
· Tiger Lily was curious as to why Fat Crashing Bastard was wearing a mask in the jungle. Because he is ugly? Hiding? Stupid? No, it was to avoid the cobwebs.
· Slowcum tells us that it is not so much Mexican Independence Day, but rather Defeat of the French Day. A Singaporn look alike is needed, FCB speaks French. Apparently the French didn’t know they were invading Mexico, they thought it was England.
· What is the date today? It is Startrek Day – May the 4th be with you.
· Virginia Slim gives the Thursday 400th run a plug.
· Zipp tells the Associate Members that she does not like to wear F me shoes and that’s that.
On on to Penile Extension for Mex.
Scribed by Cock Radio.
A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. He says, "Mom, look – I’m a white boy!" His mom slaps him in the face and says, "Go show your father." He goes to his dad in the living room and says, "Look Dad, I’m a white boy." His dad slaps him hard in the face and says, "Go show your grandmother." The boy goes into his grandmother’s room and say, "Mira, Abuelita, I’m a white boy." His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother. His mother says, "See, did you learn anything from that?" To which the boy replies, "Sure did! I have only been white for five minutes and I already hate you Mexicans!"