Run Report #1978 18/5/2011

The ‘Mr. Potato Head is Injured Again, Can Anyone Take His Place,’ Run.

Hares: Cock Radio.

Where: Sembawang Community Centre

On On; 1036.

Makan Consultant: Forced Entry

The Run

Black and White Houses and a geography lesson were the order of the day for the first half of the run. Up to Kenya, round to Canada, take in Montreal, past Pakistan very quickly, Ottawa and onto Bermuda. By pass Hobart, Fiji, Auckland and Wellington. Speaking of Pakistan, we opt not to terrorize the Terror Club.

Up Kings Ave but a T check to bring the Pack back up Queens Avenue instead – after last weeks Circle, this was a more appropriate choice of street names.

Through the middle of Sembawang Park, watch out for the stray cat that thought my chalk was food and nearly took my finger off as I marked an arrow.

Sunset beach run along the sand, watch out for slippery rocks Stiffy. Oops, too late. The connector path along the canal was a possibility, but no, trail cut back into bushland track, around the back of houses, along the edge of a drain and back onto Sembawang Rd for a sprint past 1036 and the Nelson Bar to home.

Home in about an hour, approximately 8km.

Good run Hare, if I don’t mind saying so myself.

The Circle: Wet N Wild takes over as acting GM, and shows she has not lost it. Probably because she never had it anyway.

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Doesn’t matter what you think, I am writing the report. Bloody good run mate, well done.

Tell us about your On On: 1036 down the road. Finest Chinese cuisine. Forced Entry then asked if we wanted her to come. Is the Pope a Catholic?

Next week’s run: Wet Patch Birthday Run, out Buona Vista way. (Is that near Canberra Stiffy?). [Editor’s note: now car park of Temasek Club, which is a slight change from whatever you heard in the circle last week.]

Visitors / Returnees: Camel Humper, Belcher, Veggie Queen, Stiff, Malfunktion and possibly a few others.

Virgins: Not a place for virgins.

Lipstick: Camel Bumper, Hand Bag & Hooray.

Tits: Stiffy was amongst a group of late comers, mumbling something about passport control hold up. Anyway, he was most grateful for the directions from the Hare that would allow him to catch up to the Pack quickly. He quickly found Kenya but had trouble finding the next street mentioned by the Hare.

He then asked ‘What is the big country that sits directly above the USA?’

‘Ah, that would be Canada,’ I replied confidently.

‘Yes, not bloody Canberra that you had me running around looking for,’ was Stiffy’s chuffed comment.

‘Oh dear, no one deserves to be sent to Canberra.’

I take the Tits.

Dick: Father Anus is here! But he is Dickless.

Awards – Zilch

AOB:

· Cock Radio recalls that last week, the On Sec was charged for not reading the newsletter, that we are all expected to read, before she sends it out. However, I have evidence she does. My description of Virginia Slim’s cesspool disguised as a drainage canal contained one more item of description that may have been floating in it. However, it was deemed too politically incorrect and sensitive following the recent election, and was censored by our On Sec, but does prove that she reads this crap before she mails it out (notice I self edited myself here W&W to save you censoring it again).

· Ugly Bum is delighted. Over the moon in fact. There has been a bit of loaning of essential items, such as flip flops, umbrellas, underwear, wives, etc going on between Father Anus and Ad Nauseum lately. Tonight, Father Anus has a brand new pair of thongs, flip flops for Ad Nauseum. But Ugly Bum is now not so over the moon – that solves one problem but what about the rest of Ad Naseum’s problems? (let’s face reality though Ugly Bum, some of his problems are unsolvable).

· Mother’s Tongue was walking through Bukit Browne Cemetery, enjoying the scenery and getting into the spirit of things, when she noticed some paper from a recent Hash still hanging from trees. Being a good citizen, she decided to pick it up and dispose of it thoughtfully. The only thing was, most of the paper had been placed so high up in the trees, she could not reach it. On in Cock Radio for placing paper at high altitudes.

· Stiff tells us that the IMM is not the only institution having male members in strife with females. Our very own Gypsy was accused by a female Sembawang resident that he was very naughty (he’s not the Messiah, he’s just a naughty little boy).

· Zipp gives a plug for the Kampong Hash this Saturday, which will be last Saturday by the time you read this. Apparently Ad Nauseum is going to have an errection and become GM. Glad to see that another Hash has pre arranged errections. What makes this even more interesting is that Ad Nauseum will be in Australia when the errection happens. (Please remember to bring back an Oz newspaper with the sports section, preferably a Monday, and from Melbourne – thanks mate. CR & Maggot).

· Hand Bag asked what time it is. 8.24. Yes, 8.24 was seen driving around Sembawang tonight in his Merc, saying hi to everyone on the run. And is 1036 the time or the name of the Coffee Shop we are going to?

· Stiffy, and others, were interested to observe Kan The Kobra trying to discretely shower and change behind a lamp post. Luckily for her, there was a fat bit at the bottom – of the pole that is, not her bottom – that hid her modesty from us. However, Hand Bag let us know that he had a perfectly uninterrupted side view from the back of his car that was parked 20 metres away at a 90 degree angle.

· Cock Radio observed Malfunktion arrive rather late, about 6.35, but still with time to get a 25 minute run in. However, after taking 5 minutes to put each sock on, and a further 7 minutes for each running shoe, he then engaged in some frivolous chit chat with me for 5 minutes, which ended with ‘Well, guess it’s too late to go for a run now,’ and he then proceeded to take both shoes and socks off and get a beer in his hand in 1 minute 10 seconds.

· Furthermore, Malfunktion then stood at the end of the run, acting as if he was a Hare and taking credit for ‘Good run, thanks,’ from the runners as they came in.

· And not only that, but Not Tonight saw Malfunktion limping after the run and receiving sympathy for his ‘running’ injury.

· Stiffy, failing to observe that the wet, slimy green and black stuff on the rock wall at the beach spelt out ‘Danger, slippery surface, slow down, hati hati,’ of course slipped and fell, spilling about as much blood on the beach as the British Generals did when they made the ANZAC’s land at Gallipoli in 1915. Anyway, Suzee Wong was full of useful advice for him as he lay on the sand licking his wounds, and anything else his tongue could reach – ‘be more careful Stiffy, you are too old for this.’

· Kan Not Kan charged the Hare (Malfunktion, notice it is still singular, despite your impostor efforts after the run). This was about sending the late comers off, but I can’t remember if it was a charge of gratitude or grumble. Let’s make it gratitude. Thanks KNK.

· I then charged Stiffy for whinging about Sembawang being so far out that he claimed he was late because he was held up at the passport control booth getting here. They are just doing their job in trying to keep the riff raff out of Sembawang mate, lucky they let you through at all.

· Forced Entry charged Zipp for proposing her as Hash Cash for the 2000th Run. As the current Harriet’s Hash Cash, she thought this was appropriate and an endorsement of her good work. Until she found out that she was 2nd choice, as Stiffener had already been approached and turned it down. Wet N Wild was also implicated as being a party to this charge.

· And one more charge for the late comers. On giving Lethal Weapon directions to pick up the home trail and run it in reverse to Sembawang Park, she said ‘ Oh good, a reverse route,’ and took off at a rate of knots after Father Anus. (At this stage, it was not known that Father Anus was Dickless!)

On on to the Coffee Shop, 1036, just down the road. (BTW, this place was good – worth keeping in mind. Hash friendly and good makan).

Scribed by Cock Radio.

Hash Trash

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.

When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time…..

I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a train.

He was chuffed to bits.

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin…

3 hours later and they’re still walking about with it…

I thought to myself, these b*g**rs have lost the plot!!

I was at a cashpoint yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance.

Not being one to disappoint I pushed the old dear over.

A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast ‘The Flintstones’.

A spokesman for the channel said….

‘A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.’

My son’s been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!!

B*ll*cks to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

Just heard there was an explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield.

3.1415927 dead.

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’

I bought her scales.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

I got some new aftershave today that smells like bread crumbs.

The birds love it!

The Prime Minister, David Cameron, has announced that he intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits. From next week, all the forms will be printed in English.

Husband says to wife ‘My Olympic condoms have arrived – I think I’ll wear gold tonight’. 

Wife says, ‘Why don’t you wear silver and come second for a change’.

I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown’.