Hares: Quickie, Boo, and Father Anus
Where: Dam at end of Yishun Avenue 1
On On: On Site
The Run
By the time the GM called the assembled rabble together the hares were still not back, some were a little worried for the safety of Quickie who was possibly lost in the jungle with Boo and Father Anus!! Someone had heard that the trail went back down the road and over to the left, “but we never go in that direction”, maybe that’s why the hares were lost!!! Shoe Shopper led the pack off on the annual National day romp, opening her legs and truly showing her class. Into the bush and into the first of many wonderfully challenging circle checks. The run had an environmental theme and the hares had chosen to use half a roll of toilet paper for the whole run, so finding the trail was a little tricky. Several hours later the cry of ON ON was heard and the pack were back on their way. This set the tone for the rest of the run. Run, run, circle check, check, check, check, check, etc. ON ON, run, run, circle check, check, check, check, check, etc., ON ON. The ON HOME was a good honest dash home, which saw Tiger Lily opened her legs even wider than Shoe Shopper did earlier showing she had class in abundance. This was particularly impressive as she had already had a 400km bike ride to get to the run site. All the runners were back by 10 pm just in time for home made pizza. Thanks hares, a great run, great t-shirts, great pizza, there was even a virgin!! ON ON and HAPPY NATIONAL DAY.
Reported by Shaggy Dick Too.
The Circle:
Crikey, what did we think of that for a run? Wet Bra Zillion called in the hares Boo, Quickie & Fr. Anus, the last of which looked strikingly similar to Sybil. The loud consensus was that the run was too short and, despite the heavy afternoon rain, there was far too much paper. After being reminded of the nice t-shirt and the $5 on-on, everyone suddenly remembered that the run was perfect. Actually, as testament to the hares, the vast majority of hashers did the entire run following only tiny soggy remnants of toilet paper. Good run!
Tell us about your on on: On site $5.
Next week’s run: Next week’s hares were called in and Shaggy Dick fronted up yet again to say that he would set the trail with, probably Cock Radio and possibly Sneaky Comer (if Sneaky Comer sees this and contacts Shaggy in enough time). Shaggy also offered his deep and undying gratitude to this week’s hares for setting the bar so low as to allow next week’s hares to shine in comparison. Shame on Shaggy Cock. BTW, the run will be in the Dempsey Road area, from the large carpark behind St. George’s church.
Virgins: The only virgin of the night was Caroline but if she keeps drinking down downs like that, she won’t be a virgin for long. The look of surprise on her face, when she was told she was a little flat chested, was matched by the look of surprise on everyone else’s face when Caroline said she would come again. That girl is nuts!
Visitors / Returnees: The visitors were far too numerous to remember everyone (and I forgot to get the list) but I know Wee Willie and Foreplay were there as were Belcher, Veggie Queen, Stiff, Stiffler and…..
Lipstick: The front running women seem to include two transvestites this week as Wet Patch and Stiff were hauled into the circle for transparent lipstick.
Tits: were with Shoe Shopper, where are they now???
Dick: was with Sybil, where is it now???
Awards – None, tonight!
AOB:
· Shoe Shopper called in Slocum and Stiffy and rapped them on the knuckles for practicing discrimination. The two gentlemen in question had complained on the run that with Shoe Shopper and Tiger Lily leading the pack, we had the blind leading the blind. Shoe Shopper pointed out that we already had other handicaps on the hash – the deaf (Slocum), dumb (Comes Quietly) and Stupid ( Stiffy) so what’s wrong with so blind blondes?
· Handbag made his made his case for being included in the hearing impaired category by calling in Shoe Shopper and Tiger Lily for being to blind to follow the trail. See what I mean?
· Sybil then entered the circle and I swear, as best as I could understand, she said “ted westula fresac balou yedrfe jgroiy yedsaw nouli con vichma yedpo reflax malu pokli juru yesde arevre urdem scalai machem pichu varnakum”. I am not sure I believe the translation but was later told that Boo asked her to give someone a charge because the pizza for the on on had not arrived yet and he needed to drag out the circle. He certainly called on the expert. Anyway, the further translation was that Sybil encountered both Stifler and Mr. Ugly Bum on the run several times. Young Stiffler, contrary to the stereotype of today’s youth, helped her over streams, up and down hills and through various patches of shiggy. Meanwhile, Mr. Ugly Bum, contrary to the stereotype of elderly gentlemanliness, responded to each plea for assistance with a cool “bugger off Grandma”! He’s the meanest….
· Fat Crashing Bastard hopped into the circle to mention that he saw on the run a bunch of kangaroos stoned on opium. So many Harriets were trippy skippys tonight that he had to call in a representative. I just can’t remember who it was.
· Obviously my notes and memory started getting really bad at this point. As best as I can recall, Not Tonight wanted to take a sex poll to see who had the sexiest job. The underwear designer won the prize although Fat Crashing Bastard’s chocolate taster’s job came in a close second. That may have been because “sustainability” is the new sexy and, at least when talking in the circle, he lasts as long as Sybil.
· Belcher correctly pointed out that the evening’s dress code called for wearing any previous National Day shirt. It appeared that only one Harriet didn’t get the memo. Wet Bra Zillion was called in for sticking out like a sore thumb.
· Slocum called in Stiffener for being overly blonde. She had been wondering if Slocum’s shirt had lights on it like fellow Velcro, Jack Off’s did. Slocum had to point out that the lighted object was actually Jack Off’s glass which she was holding in front of her shirt. Who knew that blondes had so much trouble with depth perception?
· Ugly Bum called in Dances With Kerbs for bitching & moaning on the run about the fact that no one writes run reports any longer. UB asked DWK if she recalled the run report that Deep Throat wrote just a week or two ago and Dances replied that she hadn’t looked in the newsletter for months. So how does she expect see any run reports????
· Stiffy, or Boo, or Quickie, or someone that looked like one of them called in Ayam Sinking, or someone that looks like him, and gave him a down down for false masculinity. It seems as though Quickie had asked people if they would wear a purple shirt (she and Boo are running out of rainbow colors for shirts). The reply from Ayam Sinking, or someone that looks like him, was “hell no! I am not gay”. Then he shows up in the circle wearing a shirt with pink flowers all over it. Stiffy was also appreciative that the hares had made a shirt this year for the front-running women. Apparently, it is written in Braille.
· Shooting star.
· Clit called in Loose Change and gave her a down down. I didn’t get the direct connection but Clit had kept Slack Arse out of jail in China when Slack Arse tried to alter his passport to gain entry into the country.
· Wet Bra Zillion called in Virginia Slim, Forced Entry, Big Head and Jack Off for having a private party that excluded her (and the rest of us). Slocum thought they may have been celebrating Jack Off’s recent birthday.
· Shoe Shopper gave Slim a second beer to celebrate his recent growth spurt. He looked to be about 5 ½ months.
· Mother’s Tongue came into the circle, and I understand with the help of a translation by Sybil, that she gave Boo a drink for purposely being mean on the run. He set the trail down a muddy hill straight into a deep muddy stream when only five meters away was a gentle slope down the road that bypassed any shaggy. Hand Bag, Tiger Lily and Who the Fuck is Christine were among the few that did the silly version of the run.
· Wet Bra Zillion gave Stiffy a down down (hoping for the pizza to arrive soon because we are digging deep now) for not helping Loose Change up a hill. He said he was willing to help but Loose Change wanted a hand up and Stiffy only wanted to push her bum from behind.
· Hand Bag, as GM on Lion City, was asked to advertise the Red Dress Run. This year, the date for the run – 10 September – was chosen because it is exactly two months before Zipp’s birthday.
· Wet Bra Zillion was giving a drink to Stiffy who did not know the way to the run site. According to Not Tonight, he made the same errors in directions the past few times. Fortunately the pizza guys arrived and we all gave up listening.
On on on!
Scribed by Gypsy.