The ‘Second Chance” Run.
Hare: Hooray.
Where: Little India
On On: Not sure, was it Muthu’s?
Life
Hello everyone, sorry the newsletter is a bit late but I’ve had a busy week. Obviously not as busy as all the Harriet’s who are running multinational companies and don’t have time to write the newsletter. Maybe we should run a course on taking notes and then typing them up afterwards for the incoming committee. Maybe we should look up the definition of the word lazy in the dictionary. I’m not on the committee, hey I don’t even have vagina, but here I am on a Monday night, hard at work on the typewriter, I’ve had a couple of beers too, as all good hacks do.
Actually its been a rather frustrating week, I tried to join the new Hash dating website. All was going well until they asked the question, “What do you like best in a Harriet” and I replied “My penis”, the screen went blank and then in big letters it said “You are a sad little man, join Seletar Hash”. Hey ho, you live and learn.
Then of course there is the question of whether anyone actually reads the newsletter. I thought this week we could introduce a newsletter code word, just for fun. And this week’s code word is BOTTOM. All will become clear in the fullness of time. Anyway I’m just going to have another beer and then get down to the telling of a little tale about a man call Hooray who took us all to little India. Make sure you’re sitting comfortably.
The Run
Memories live long in the minds of hashers, and memories of Hooray’s last offering were all about getting a taxi home. Most of the people who got taxis home were Harriet’s who ran for miles in the wrong direction, directionally challenged!!!! Never!!! They just didn’t want to write the newsletter!! This year Hooray promised that it was well marked, you didn’t need a passport and that you would be home in an hour. And bless him he was good to his word. I love the smell of curry, and this run started with the curry houses of Little India a stone throw away. We went up the road, turned left, kept going left and got back home, obviously there were some right turns and some straight bits and an assortment other bits. A well-marked trail, the hare was always there to keep us in the right direction, and if anybody needed a taxi home they were probably drinking heavily. The front-runners were home in 55 minutes 74 seconds and the people who came in last must have stopped at the pub, and why not. All in all it was a fantastic experience for everyone who took part and the hare should probably be given an OBE.
The Circle:
The first thing I noticed was the GM, not only did she have those wonderful shoes on, but stretched across her bosom were the words “When I run I get hot”, when you run my darling we all get hot too!!
Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Too much jungle, not enough taxis etc.
Tell us about your On On: ???? Muthu’s? [Ed wasn’t there, too busy running an international company, or having a drink, or something].
Next week’s run: Mothers Tongue at Labrador Park.
Visitors / Returnees: They said there was a list but I didn’t get it. {Ed: fortunately some members of the committee were hard at work and provided the following list:] Trash, Butt Wiper, Vibrator, Ayam Zinking, Belcher, Veggie Queen, King Lear, Secret Squirrel, Stiff, Who the f$%k is Christine and Phoney Dick. Returnee Shirley Temple.
Virgins: none.
Lipstick: Naughty boys were Kannot Kan, Butt Wiper, Camal Humper, Shirly Temple..
Tits: Ayam Zinking had a crap charge for Belcher, I think he kept the tits.
Dick: Me!!!! I’d left it in my back room which was much better than leaving it in my back passage!!!! Give him a drink anyway.
Hammerhead Charge: Belcher gave it to Shirley Temple for pissing in public.
Awards – Zilch
AOB:
· Kannot Kan had a charge for Shirley Temple because he was hanging around outside the communicable disease center. By the way is Shirly spelt Shirly or Shirley!!! None of the rest of us knew it was the communicable disease center, has Kannot Kan been there before?????????
· The rest is a bit of a blur.
· Stiffy, to Open to the floor for going the wrong way.
· Handbag, for having a pink shirt on and Elastoplast on his nipples.
· Hooray to Shirley Temple because SAAB have gone bust.
· Butt Wiper and Christine advertised the Red Dress Run.
· Kannot Kan wanted to advertise the fact that the Kampong Hash are not only getting smashed this month but they are raising money for some charity, I think it was the home where Kannot Kan lives.
· Belcher had a charge for Posh Nash who was last seen heading to Geylang, she hadn’t even had a shower. Stiffy said some blokes like it like that!!
· Zipp had a charge for Kannot Kan because he had been a naughty naughty boy.
· The GM had Phoney Dick for chatting up all the girls.
· Finally Sybil had a charge for something or other and it was wonderful.On on to Boxer’s Mexican
Scribed by Shaggy Dick Too.