The ‘Skirting the National Park’ Run.
Hares: Deep Throat & Wet Brazilian
Where: Dairy Farm Rd. National Parks Car Park 1.
On On; Malfunktion’s Italian Meatballs and special sauces, at Deep Throat’s residence, Pasir Panjang. Just up from the National Park.
Life
Suspended. Cock Radio is back. Think about it…..
The Run
Well, after having the camp stirred up by SD2 in my absence, it’s good to be back in the scribes seat and appreciated by all, except for Knot Good Enough and Giving Way, who continue to complain I get their names wrong all the time. You can’t please everyone. In my case, probably no one.
Well, Shaggy Dick Too has started up something worthy, which is unusual for the British. But I will be incorporating a secret code word into this report for the GM to test everyone with at the following run. But you must read through to find it, so get searching all you word sleuths.
Leaving the National Parks Car Park, into the bike track we went. I stopped and looked at the maps on the National Parks noticeboards as we ventured along some nice sort of National Park trails. At one stage, it looked we were leaving the National Parks area, but a great T Check pulled us back into National Parks, and I checked our position on the map on the next National Parks noticeboard.
The FRB’s, led by Tiger Lily and ably supported y the equally blind Knobby Boy Scout, sailed straight ahead on the bike trail, which is maintained by National Parks, missing a turn off. Despite being called on back by the Hare, they kept going and by the time they realized they were off, they were back on again.
For the rest of us, it was over a green National Park’ railing and down into a rather significant drain that turned out to be pretty much the anus of the quarry, the one that is in the National Park. A wonderful view of the Quarry and surrounding National Park jungle greeted us as we emerged from the rectum. Father Anus was there in his element.
The Hares then spared no expense in providing us with a piece of rope – actually it was only slightly above the category of being called a piece of string and just snuck into the twine class- to descend down a slippery hill back onto the bike track at the National Parks overhead bridge. They misjudged the length of the twine by about 2 meters, leaving everyone man, and woman, to fend for their own bum at the last drop.
Eventually we emerged from the National Parks and took the rocky ex railway line back to Rail Mall, over the old railway bridge on Upper Bukit Timah Rd for another treacherous descent down onto the footpath, where Father Anus was at the bottom (appropriately) to help the pretty girls.
A circle Check under the bridge pretty much did to the Pack what Greece is doing to the EU.
Hand Bag went left and right, but was clueless. Comes Quietly went left, adamant he saw paper. A lot of the pack went right, and left, and down, and up. Eventually trail that led in completely the opposite direction to National Parks was found, for some tarmac running out in the Hillview Ave area, leading to the big field and eventually crossing back over the old railway line and Upper Bukit Timah Rd to Dairy Farm Rd, where the Beer Wagon awaited at National Parks Car park 1.
7.1 km, around the 1 hour mark, for 2 GM’s this was not a bad run really. Even well thought out. However, I would like to get a definition from the Hares on the word ‘skirting,’ as I think it may differ from what National Parks define as ‘skirting!’ Well done though Hares. Did I mention National Parks?
The Circle: The GM was not happy with the shape of the Circle. I rated it 9/10. Would have got 10/10 without Stiffy and Boo there.
Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Not enough National Parks, too much skirting, too many GM’s! Not bad for 2 old ladies (Boo) and who did you pay to lay it? (Pay to get laid?) Good run.
Tell us about your On On: My House (Deep Throat), meat balls and stuff by Mal Funktion. And a case of free beer. $12 per head. [Ed: the scribe forgot to mention the precarious trip to the on on in Croc Hunter’s van].
Next week’s run: Vibrator, who is retiring maybe, and hopefully not in Singapore, Tagore Drive, Boxer on site. Not near a National Park.
Visitors / Returnees: The GM had trouble with the print size of the list and could not read it. I have the list and and here it is! Veggie Queen, Burp: Belcher, National Parks Ranger, Fuk Mai Pak Uo Soon, Vibrator, WTFI, Bagless, Trash, Knobless Boy Scout, iPoo’d.
Virgins: Stephen, Jodia, Tim Twing, & Velmoot who is unsure of his/ her status..
Lipstick: A spanking in lieu of was awarded to Ad Museum, who calls in a lawyer to defend himself, and Vibrator, who actually was being a gentleman and got down the drain first to help the females. Life is so unfair. Shaggy Dick 2 came in of his own accord, just for a free spanking. Sick man. But I like his style!
Tits: Ayam Zinking is not here, he is still tiinking.
Dick: Shaggy Dick Too – Open To The Floor – Vibrator – Camel Humper – Boo: all these were mentioned in having dealings with the Dick, making this charge rather messy. However, Camel Humper has learnt that some gals just keep on taking hydration to unimaginable proportions – Do they know when they have had enough?? Anyway, from memory, the Singaporean Thief, Boo, took the Dick, but I struggled to get my hand on it.
Awards – there having been zilch for many many weeks, it was inevitable there would be a plethora of awards tonight. [Ed: the on-sec blames her husband, the webmaster, for having an entirely too complicated system that requires her to click a button to tell her who is due for an award]. [Webmaster note: if any of you are curious about your run count, ALL you need to do is get a logon for the web site; log on, then click “My Information” – all you need to know is there – your run count, a transcript since April 2007 (in case you need it for a job interview), the runs you are scheduled to hare and that you have hared already. It even has fiction such as your T-shirt size. Ask for a logon and take a look.]
All of the awardees here mentioned donated the value of their awards to charity:
· Boo, 800 runs!
· Not Tonight, 650 runs
· Stiffy, 650 runs
· Quickie, 550 runs
· Too Easy, 350 runs
· Comes Quietly, 250 runs
· Kannot Kan, 150 runs
· Wet Patch, 50 runs (careful observers will have noted that Wet Patch refused to join the club for many moons, not being entitled to vote).
AOB:
· Not Tonight has a whinge – When Stiffy was announced as doing 650 runs, Too Easy said nothing. When it was announced that Not Tonight had completed 650 runs also, Too Easy commented ‘No way.’ She is the meanest really.
· Wet N Wild was in the lead, at one stage on the National Park trail, when finally the next bunch of gals caught up, prompting Shaggy Dick Too to call ‘At last, some fast runners.’ He is the meanest, really.
· Wet Brazilian has the secret to Wet N Wild’s running prowess – she hydrates well before the run and during the run. And during the run, she makes the GM carry her water bottle for her. (If the GM was serious, she would piss in it)
· Sneaky Comer has secret number 2 to Wilds’ prowess – she is taking steroids. Drug testing next? Or sex testing??
· Shaggy Dick had to comfort an upset male member after the NP run. Tiger Lily told Knobby Boy Scout that his ‘beard’ made him look like an old man. Is she the meanest?
· Ad Naseum was not going to be misled or fooled on this NP trail. Zipp heard him say not to bother checking up a rather hazardous piece of jungle, because ‘Deep Throat would never go up there, it has to be a false trail.’ He could be the meanest.
· Stiffy has a whinge about the 2000th run entry form being back to back, so that when you hand it in you lose all the details of when it is, where it is, what time etc. Shoe Shopper cops it, and immediately screws up an entry form, double sided of course, and tries registering it down Stiffy’s throat. We all know he is the meanest. [Ed: the 2000th run committee would welcome the assistance of everyone who knows they can do a better job J]
· Cock Radio explains why the forms are back to back – they were printed on the latest technology at the highest charging fee International School in Singapore, ISS, whose printer automatically does double sided to save paper. (We are only allowed 15 copies per week)
· Tiger Lily has a bummer of a charge to Cock Radio for wrapping the Oz flag around his bum and groin disguised as a pair of shorts. Shame, Julia Guilard would not do something like that, she just has sex on the floor with her BF under the Oz Flag. (Let’s not go there with that anymore, the thought is unpleasant!)
· Hand Bag is worried about English protocol – you can do almost anything on a British Bus – fight, fare evade, drink, graffiti, slash seats, and even have sex – just don’t smoke afterwards. Ah, priorities.
· At last, the charge we had to have. Wet Patch gets in the 2 GM Hares and nails them for not applying to National Parks for a permit for running in National Parks land.
· Maggot was at the ISS sports day (must have a good job) spectating, when he heard the announcer mention that ‘Princess Parker was at the finish line judging the relays. He looked down there and could only see Shoo Shopper.
· Shoe Shopper on the run towards the end, the pack were asking what time it was. She said ‘6.55,’ but was immediately corrected by Knobby Boy Scout who said ‘No, it’s 5 to 7.’ Isn’t he a clever little scout?
· Shaggy Dick Too was a little miffed by the Hares – seems the 2 GM’s tried to get the front runners hit by cars by placing arrows in the middle of roads for them to search for. It’s called traffic dodge.
· Vibrator, still with his wits about him, recalls a blonde moment when Knobby Boy Scout asked him where the Singapore ½ Marathon was. Well, you could book a flight to London but you may miss it. Duhhh!Will it be through National Parks?
· Knobby Boy Scout is in again for a nudity charge while showering after the run. This time he engaged the help of a male friend to try and cover his modesty with a towel.
· Tiger Lily goes for the kill on Knobby Boy Scout, he has told her no less than 9 times that he did the Switzerland Extreme Race. (‘Where was that held? ‘asks Zipp.) Tonight, KBS must be the meanest.
On on to Malfunktion’s Italian Meatballs, and stuff.
Scribed by Cock Radio. And written up at 35,000 feet over outback Australia.
This week’s Chinese Proverbs
Man who take tool into bathroom not necessarily plumber.
GM who take run into National Park, skirting the truth.
Password Quiz clue, for those still struggling.
What sort of a park does Yogi Bear live in?
Hint: Yellowstone N….. Park.
Two friends are fishing near a bridge, just by a National Park. Suddenly a Hearse and two Funeral Cars go over the bridge so one of the men stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head.
When the cars have gone he puts his cap back on, sits back down and carries on fishing.
His mate turns to him and says," Dave, that’s one of the nicest most respectful things I’ve ever seen "
Dave replies," Well we were married for nearly 20 years "
On on CR
And a Rugby version:
A man had great tickets for the Rugby World Cup 2011 Final.
As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the empty seat next to him.
"No," he says. "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible!" says the other man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Cup Final, the biggest sporting event, and not use it?"
"Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married."
"Oh … I’m sorry to hear that. That’s terrible. But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head. "No. They’re all at the funeral."