The ‘Sengkang Heartbreak’ Run.
Hares: Kan Not Kan & Kan The Kobra
Where: Heavy Vehicle Car Park, Anchorvale Crescent off Anchorvale Street, Sengkang.
On On; Ding Xiang Seafood, Fernvale Koufu.
The Run
Just whose heart were the Hares going to break on tonight’s run? A fine view of the backside of the Sengkang HDB blocks was soon obliterated as we disappeared into the jungle. The jungle soon turned into fern growth that was disguising a very soggy waterway underneath, full of holes, logs, rocks and possibly landmines. This did not stop Tiger Lily, who was trapped in the middle of the single file line, from yelling out ‘Keep running.’ Yeah, right.
Out onto a gravel track that came to a fork, so we stopped and let Tiger Lily keep running to what we thought must be a T Check. But she kept running and running and did not come back, so we eventually decided it was not a T after all and set off after her, only to find her coming back calling ‘T Check.’ What took her so long to find it? Is she slowing down?
A nice board walk across the water, it was difficult to decide what to admire the most – the river view or Twin Tower’s bum, which was leading the way at this stage after Tiger Lily was sent to discover another T Check.
The hardy and the foolish then hugged a tin fence along a canal, while the less hardy but certainly far wiser stayed on the road and arrived at the same destination more happily. The road safety first Hashers then decided to use the overhead pedestrian bridge at the light rail station to cross the divided road, only to find it was closed, resulting in a groin straining leg lift over the green safety railing.
Up the embankment and into the jungle. As we came across an illegal’s hut, deep in the jungle, we were quickly surrounded by a pack of ferocious, wild, aggressive, savage dogs. Well, you would have thought so by the noise they made. However, they turned out to be rather cute and lovely little puppies that just liked to make a lot of noise. Was this the hut where Virginia Slim once had a drink stop? I think so.
It was just after this that we sort of lost trail momentarily. Slim, knowing the area well because of his dog friends, was heard to make a comment – ‘If we go to the right, it will be just a nice length run, but if we go to the left it will be a seriously stupidly long run.’ So as we emerged from the jungle onto a track, I looked to the right and found paper. On on. Come on Tiger Lily, catch up.
Through the Sengkang Riverside Park, over the bridge and footpath back to home, just under 50 minutes for front runners. The Hare, who was sweeping, got back at 7.30 and declared that we had all missed 1/3 of his run. Which really made Virginia Slim’s previous comment absolutely accurate.
Due to absolutely no fault of the Hare then, this turned out to be quite a nice, enjoyable little run. Bit of a heart breaker though.
The Circle: The Circle was delayed a little while the Hare showered. We certainly did not want Kan Not Kan standing in the middle of the Circle in his jocks and soaping himself up. Might be different if it was Kan The Kobra.
Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Who let the dogs out, not enough heartbreak, bit soggy. It was an enjoyable, good run thanks Hares, but could have been swept better.
Tell us about your On On: 8 courses of yummy stuff at Ding Xiang Seafood.
Next week’s run: Fat Crashing Bastard and Too Easy, Segar Rd, off Bukit Panjang Rd. As usual, check the map.
Visitors / Returnees: Way too many for me to write down and I forgot to get the list of the GM. But if they are visitors, then they don’t get the newsletter anyway and so they won’t know they didn’t get a mention.
Virgins: An Australian female virgin. Quite a rarity. (To test her authenticity, should she be made to do 10 naked squats, while having her ears pinched, as per Malaysian Immigration procedures?).
Lipstick: Ad Nauseum, Stiffy, Stiff and Sneaky Comer who arrived after the run in a taxi with his wife. He should have put her in the front seat obviously, thus having a female in front at all times.
Tits: Ayam Zinking is not here, he is still tiinking.
Dick: Boo still has his hands on it.
Awards – nope.
AOB:
· Ugly Bum attacks Wet N Wild for not looking after her sick husband, who was dragged off his death couch so that she could mark the attendance sheet. (and sneak in another wine or 2 – scribe).
· Wet N Wild counter attacks by stating that she went to work with the flu but Sneaky Comer had to get MC and stay home. (Coincidence that World Cup is on at moment?)
· Mother’s Tongue asks where the Hares are? Still showering. Oh please lets not bring a semi naked Kan Not Kan into the Circle – we’ll never get rid of him.
· Fat Crashing Bastard talked about sex on the run, involving Stiff, Stiffy and Tiger Lily. Tiger, in an impatient single file moment called out ‘Run the F#*ing Hash’ to those in front of her then mumbled something about preferring to f#*k than run.
· Your scribe then heard Tiger Lily comment after the run ‘It’s alright until you put it in your mouth.’
· The GM had observed that neither Stiff or Stiffy had downed their drinks at the previous charge. ‘We are trying to be responsible citizens, we’re driving.’ (If you wanted to be responsible, you would not be associated with the Hash- scribe) They then blame Virginia Slim, who is acting as Hash Brew, for not offering them water. And what do they do with their cup of water for this charge – throw it up in the air over everyone. Naughty little boys they are.
· Not Tonight wanted to charge the virgin, but she has gone already. Apparently the virgin has to leave Singapore, and the word ‘deported’ was mentioned. But Not Tonight has a cunning plan (thank you Balwdrick) – she claims that if you have a pussy you won’t be deported. (If the virgin does not have a pussy, that may explain why she was still a virgin – scribe) Anyway, she is not here, deported already, and it is Comes Quietly, whom is the closest thing we can get to an Australian virgin, who takes the charge.
· Slowcum got a lecture on his abuse of water when showering, knowing that it is a scarce resource. But there was Stiff and Stiffy at the previous charge blatantly wasting water by throwing it up in the air instead of drinking. Naughty, naughty, naughty little boys.
· Shaggy Dick 2 witnessed blatant abuse of power involving the Assistant Hash Cash, Stiffener, and a male visitor. First he took of his shirt then his shorts and then bent over in front of her, while all the time Assistant Hash Cash kept asking him for money. Just where was he going to pull the money out from when he was virtually naked?
· Fat Crashing Bastard got our stand in female Oz virgin, Comes Quietly, back in and tells her/him that when choosing a pussy to avoid being deported, choose carefully. You don’t want an unlucky pussy. While these are words of wisdom indeed, could Twin Towers standing in front of a mirror admiring herself and saying ‘How good is my arse?’ be construed as unlucky? (I personally don’t think there can possibly be anything unlucky at all admiring Twin Tower’s arse in a mirror, especially if the mirror was on the bedroom ceiling – scribe.)
· Kan Not Kan, finally showered, explains the basis behind the naming of tonight’s run as the ‘Heartbreak’ Run. The bulldozers are moving in on the jungle area that he swept and we all missed running. It appears that will be the last time a trail will be set in there. That certainly is heartbreak material. The fact that the entire pack missed that section of the run is a double heartbreak! (But this is a valid point he has brought up, very true).
· At this stage, an urgent shout interrupted proceedings – did anyone book a very large taxi?? Because there coming directly at the Circle was a large set of headlights with green lights, 2 and a half metres above the ground. Wait, that’s no taxi, it’s a truck and Mother’s Tongue is parked in his spot. Oh truck!
· Kan Not Kan continued his charge, once the trucked had bull dozed Mother’s Tongue’s wagon out of the way. We know that Kan the Kobra has a fear of dogs, and consequently did not want to set the trail past the illegal’s dog house, but apparently there was (and I quote here) ‘A giant 3 Headed Norwegian Troll stated that some of those dogs are trained attack dogs.’ (The dogs I saw would lick you to death and smother you with affection, and that would be totally acceptable.-scribe)
· The GM noticed that Stiffy was not in the least bit afraid of the trained attack dogs – he even attempted to trample one with his foot. The pup got revenge by giving Stiffy’s ankle a lick and wagging his tail in a threatening manner. Take that! (The canine should have pissed on Stiffy’s ankle too, but but the trained attack dog could not cock his leg that high- scribe)
· Hoo Ray observed that Two Jugs and Wet Brazilian are choosey about what they put in their mouth – wasabi is not on their list of recommended items. (Who did bring those wasabi chips?)
· Tiger Lily pipes in and claims that at least she puts things into her mouth before she decides to swallow or spit out, unlike Two Jugs and the GM who just shut up shop.
· A Court of Law was then formed.
o Ministry of Trash v the Defendant, Kan Not Kan. This is an environmentally unfriendly charge from the Minister of Trash, Ad Nauseum, against the defendant, Mr.Kan Not Kan, who is hereby accused of using non biodegradable, chemically toxic, non decomposable, visually unacceptable and with a heavy carbon footprint loading red/white plastic tape to mark trail.
o The debate heated up, with KNK resolutely rebutting such nonsense, and pulling out a bag of red and white tape that he removed while sweeping. Unfortunately he was unable to produce any witnesses to verify the authenticity of the tape that was collected on the latter part of the run, due to the fact that no one else got to that part of the run.
o An expert on toxicology and other non related illnesses, Mother’s Tongue, having recovered her wagon from the bull bar of the big truck, then joined the fracas and adamantly told KNK that his defence in justifying the use of red/white plastic tape was fundamentally and scientifically flawed.
o Kan Not Kan, who was defending himself in the absence of his almost a good lawyer, Mr. Boo MC, would not have a part of this rubbish. However, Mother’s Tongue then swore on oath that she was correct and KNK was wrong, and that she would have her head chopped off if she was wrong. (The court then noted that Mother’s Tongue was confused – it was in certain parts of Europe that beheading was used for punishment, here in Singapore it is much more refined and involves hanging by the neck until dead).
o The case was thrown out, the environmental objectors, the Dishonourable Member for Trash Mr. Ad Nauseum and the Crown non expert witness, Madam Mother’s Tongue from the Yishun Hospital, were then given a down down.
o A later charge from the Urban Land Authority, represented by Ms Suzee Wong, that states that the use of red /white plastic tape may be a copyright infringement involving construction work sites, was dismissed.
o The Singapore Armed Forces, represtented by Brigadier General Croc Hunter, are also seeking legal advice, concerned that they may lose a whole platoon of soldiers on a training exercise following red/white tape around Sengkang.
o Case dismissed.
o Court adjourned.
o Brigadier General Croc Hunter invites everyone for a drink from his personal bar.
On on to Ding Xiang Seafood. Follow the red/white plastic tape!
Up your kilts!
Scribed by Cock Radio.
This week’s Chinese Proverb
Confucius say: when you go for routine check up and everything seems to be going fine until he sticks his index finger up your arse, it is time to change dentists.
Ever since i was a child, i’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So i went to a psychiatrist and told him ‘I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy..’
‘Just put yourself in my hands for one year,’ said the psychiatrist. ‘Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears..’
‘How much do you charge?’
‘Eighty dollars per visit,’ replied the doctor.
‘I’ll sleep on it,’ I said.
Six months later the psychiatrist met me on the street.
‘Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?’ he asked.
‘Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!’
‘Is that so!’ With a bit of an attitude he said, ‘and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?’
‘He told me to cut the legs off the bed! – Ain’t nobody under there now!!!