The ‘Breast Cancer Awareness’ Run.
Hares: Dances With Kerbs, Sybil, and Forced Entry
Where: Fort Canning Park, River Valley Rd Car Park.
On On; On site, Boxer & El Ghoppa Extension, Mexican feast.
The Run
Confusion happens frequently in life. For blondes, it happens perhaps a little too frequently. Presenting an Irishman with 2 shovels and telling him to take his pick is confusing. Seeing a Singaporean driver use his hazard lights to turn a corner is confusing. Confusion increases with age, although the elderly may be too confused to realize it. Stiffy being quiet for 1 minute during the Circle is confusing. Coming across Hooray on trail is confusing. Scribing a Kamala charge is confusing. Working out how the next run after run number 1999 is not run number 2000 but run number almost 2000, and you need to wait another 3 days for the actual run number 2000. As for what next Wednesday’ run number will be, I am totally confused.
[Ed: Cock Radio, it is really rather simple. You just need to understand a lady’s logic. Last week was 1999. We want to have run 2000 on Saturday. So this run is 2001. Then we have 2000 on Saturday. Next week will be 2002. We will then return to normal business. By the way, these shoes are on discount so I buy two I actually save double the money. Logic, you see. You men will never understand].
Which brings us to tonight’s run. A very strategically, well placed Circle Check around a tree at Boat Quay had the Pack very confused indeed. Up to this stage, we had enjoyed the ups and downs of a Fort Canning Hill, where we could not persuade the 3 Indian workers to fork out even 10 cents in recognition of the fine breasts on display.
Over into Clarke Quay where the pre dinner crowd became very aware of the breasts on display as they ran past. The money started rolling in as tourists and ex pats realized this was all for a great cause. Strength in numbers prevailed as we made our way along the river, over the bridge and through Boat Quay.
This is where we reached the fore mentioned Circle Check, just past Penny Black Pub. But this turned into a disaster, just like your bra strap just snapping in public on an important date, and things started to fall apart a bit. To some, it was quite a let down as they struggled to cope with the broken bra strap. Runners went in all 380 degrees of the compass searching for trail. In fact some, such as Shaggy Dick Too, actually went in a complete loop 3 times.
Many runners had obviously not suffered this fate before – Posh Nash, obviously use to better quality clothing, struggled to know what to do about this mishap and covered up by crossing the river to where there were no people. And no trail.
Poor Stiff was left to find his own way home, and found himself unable to raise a smile from the public, let alone raise any money. Really, who is going to stop and talk to a sweaty smelly male who wishes to talk about breasts with you and then ask you for money? Strength in numbers is important, broken bra straps a disaster!
Well, the real trail cut back through Chinatown before rejoining the river just before Brewerkz for the final stretch home. Seems strange that Virginia Slim was one of the few to do the whole trail, and Forced Entry was a Hare. Will there be an inquiry.
Who cares if some of us (99% actually) missed that bit of Chinatown, we all got back after after a good work out and lots of fun. Smelly, sweaty money bags were hesitantly collected by Big Head at arm’s length, Wet Patch in his pink ribbons got a photo of himself in front of his Shell office, Ayam Zinking ran out in fresh clothes and flip flops from behind a tree 5 metres from the finish pretending as though he had done the run, Deep Throat arrived from work just in time for drinks and Loose Change was selling firm little cup cakes with a choice of strawberry, chocolate or fruity erect nipples. (The chocolate nips sold out first).
Well done everyone, you’ve all done very well.
The Circle: Big Head pushed her chest out and took control.
Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Lots of comments were called out as people got it off their chest. Yep, good run.
Tell us about your On On: On site Mexican Boxer.
Next week’s run: Two Jugs Farewell Run. She has no idea where at this stage. Check the website as usual.
Visitors / Returnees: Romeo (ex GM 1985), Bully, Skid Marks, Sherpa, Camel – all returnees.
Belcher, Veggie Queen, Suck Swallow, Herr Zipp, Pubic Zipp, Alias, Mark, Totally Unacceptable, Amber, Ayam Zinking.
Virgins: Nil
Lipstick: Too busy dealing with boobs to worry about lippy.
Tits: Ayam Zinking is here. Unfortunately we didn’t have an interpreter, so details of the charge were rather foggy. However, Herr Zipp ended up with the Tits for pleading guilty to a case of bag swapping.
Dick: As per lipstick.
Awards – nope
AOB:
· Not Tonight tells how the Earth moved for Cock Radio. In Bali last week, I was having a massage when a 6.8 Earthquake struck the island. Certainly no happy ending this time.
· Shoe Shopper accuses Shaggy Dick 2 and CR for being ungrateful for all the times that she drives them to the Run, and when they do buy her wine they ask for it back again whenever she can’t make it to the run. And the latest is CR asking for the $4.95 jar of Promite (a cousin spread to Vegemite) that he gave her the other week. They really are the meanest…
· Hooray points out that Camel is on a 4 hour transit and decided that coming to the Harriet’s for a beer was better than sitting in a bar at Changi airport.
· Romeo, the ex GM, returns an ancient Harriet’s drink coaster, still in good condition.
· Loose Change drags the ex GM back in again, as she was reminded that in the 80’s you had to climb up onto a wagon for your down down. Getting up wasn’t too bad, it was getting down via some rickety steps after a quick beer.
· Fat Crashing Bastard overheard Tiger Lily complaining about the weight of her breasts, so he gave her a pair of light weight moulded ones to put in her bra. Everyone then lined up for a feel.
· Hooray noticed that Eskimo didn’t waste time collecting dollar coins on the run. She actually solicited $100 and $50 notes from one group of males. Well, if she ever loses her job, she can just takes to the streets around Clarke Quay and pick up some spare cash.
· The Ex GM shows some pictures of Confucius dating back to the 80’s. Hurly burly, what a girly!
· Herr Zipp complained of being overshadowed by Tiger Lily’s tits.
· Tiger Lily, who casually mentions that she won her division of the 10km race last weekend, felt sorry for Shaggy Dick Too who was in the 21km and really had the runs, forcing him to detour into the bushes along the way, despite having no tissues. We wonder if the leaves he used were 2ply?
· Shaggy Dick Too was pleased that Tiger Lily hung around the finish area and waited for him to finish his runs. And he was even more pleased when she offered to take him for breakfast, paying with the substantial cash award she had received for first place. Ah, breakfast buffet at Marina Bay Sands, that will help my stomach he thought. But nope, no such luck – Tiger shouted him toast and coffee at Starbucks, which gave him another case of the shits.
· Cock Radio brought in our Professor of Mathematics, Prof. Shaggy Dick the Second. As scribe, each week I put on the run number, but this week I was a little confused. As last week’s run was Run 1999, I consulted Professor SD2 as to what comes after this. After some careful calculations were made, the Professor confirmed that 2000 comes next. But wait, Run 2000 was to be held Saturday, so what run number is tonight. So Professor Shaggy Dick the Second applied the rarely used mathematical Law of TITH – SNM (This Is The Harriets – Say No More) and concluded that tonight was Run Number 1999 and a bit.
· Loose Change did a survey on the nipple color preferences of some of our male runners. Judging by the sale of her Titty Cup Cakes, Cock Radio likes chocolate nipples, Skidmarks prefers pink, while Stiffy likes fruity ones.
· Despite coming out from the airport to join us and having to head back in another 3 hours, Ugly Bum decides to charge Camel for being stingy with his money and demanding a T shirt to take back to Hong Kong for Black Widow and Indianus.
· Mother Tongue then called Ugly Bum greedy for demanding that Camel buy her a T shirt when she already has one.
· Deep Throat plugs the Lion City D&D.
· Subs are due. See end of newsletter for how to pay.
Scribed by Cock Radio.
This week’s Chinese Proverb
Confucius say: Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Fwd: Sex And Good Grammar
On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumoured to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.
After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for.
The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned,”This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful and then say ’1-2-3.’ ”
When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want.”
The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, “How do I stop the medicine from working?”
“Your partner must say ’1-2-3-4,’” he responded,
“But when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.”
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, “1-2-3!” Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes and then she asked “What was the 1-2-3 for?”
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.