The ‘Extremely Close to a National Park’ Run.
Hares: Mr. Potato Head
Where: Jalan Kampong Chantek.
On On: The Red Lantern.
The Run:
The Hare assured us that he had done all the necessary paperwork and had permits from National Parks, Urban Development Authority, Land Transport Authority, Police, Fire, Ambulance, Civil Defence, Singapore Post, Comfort Taxis and Mr. Wong, a Hawker, of Blk 326 Bukit Batok West.
The Hare also told us that we need to start on time, as it was a run of considerable length, 9.2 kms in fact. This would explain why Mr. Potato Head was carrying a back pack that contained a tent, cooking stove, torch, rations for 2 days, 1 tattered FHM magazine (with the centerfold missing), a toothbrush and one slightly shaggy teddy bear.
Having told us how it was such a long run and we needed to start pronto, The Hare then spent 5 minutes describing each dish of his 10 course On On menu.
With our taste buds tantalized by the description of a classic Red Lantern Feast, it was into the Durian Loop, out again onto Rifle Range Rd and down to the old railway line. Along the way, the GM had a chance to take the lead from Tiger Lily at a Check, but she ran straight ahead when the Trail was clearly marked to the left. She was timed as being the lead woman for exactly 1.25 seconds. Another highlight was one of the neatest and precise Circle Checks made from toilet paper ever seen. It was wrapped so tightly that it took 3minutes to break it, and then it was only with the aid of a chain saw.
The Hare then took us on a scenic tour of the Nature Reserve, lots of up and downs, giant steps, twists and turns and good Checks. One Check over near the South Hut really scattered the Pack. Big Head and Maggot managed to find trail eventually, but they were so far away that the rest of the runners could not hear their call of ‘On On.’
Out onto the pipeline, for what you would think would be a straight forward sprint up to the reservoir and home. However, Big Head and Maggot were so focused and pleased with themselves for shaking off the rest of the Pack that they failed to see paper leading back into the Nature Reserve along the Sengkang Track.
It was actually another 15 minute loop along the Sengkang Track, onto the bottom of Rifle Range Rd, and ending back through the Durian Loop. This caught Kan The Cobra by surprise, as believing trail came in the back way along the Reservoir where Big Head and Maggot returned, she had decided that the little bushy area at the entrance to the Durian Trail was a good place for a quiet shower.
The Circle: ‘What did we think of the Hare?’ asked the GM. A little short was the reply.
Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? As for the run, it was good, could have been more hills though.
Tell us about your On On: Red Lantern, all the favourites.
Next week’s run: Seletar, Stiff and Stiffener
Visitors: In and Out, iPooh, Bagless, Jasmine, Impossible. Welcome all.
New Member: Tim-Tiny.
Virgins: Nope (Sunday Hash the place to see lots of them – scribe).
Tits: Handbag.
Dick: Missing.
Lippy: Herr Zipp, Hooray, Comes Quietly, Wet Patch.
Awards – Nope.
AOB:
· As usual, Ugly Bum is not happy with the Associate Members, but leaves them alone and attacks Kan The Kobra for picking a quiet shower area on the home trail. When Tiny Tim ran past, she squealed in delight, but not a sound was heard from her when the old farts ran past.
· In and Out thought Kan The Kobra was flashing at Tiny Tim, but she pleaded innocence on the grounds that she was too saggy and baggy.
· Not Tonight, who is shaping up as the next GM, charged Twin Towers for returning from the Run in a Mercedes Taxi. Furthermore, she was of such dubious character that the driver chased all the way after her as she ran to the car to get money for the fare.
· It all got too much for Ugly Bum, she decides to pay out on the Associate Members. After 10 minutes of chatting with Stiffy and In And Out post run, neither of them offered to stand and offer her their deck chair. Every man for himself I reckon.
· Cock Radio reckons Mr. Potato Head was suffering from constipation due to the cooler weather. The first Circle Check was the tightest ring you have ever seen – a perfect circle of the tightest packed paper you can imagine.
· Sybil pays out on the British Associate Members for not offering their seats for a female. Totally un British.
· Wet Brazilian then pays out on Sybil who had taken one look at the GM’s slightly short new hairstyle, commented something like ‘Ehhhhh, do something about your hair before next week’s run lah.’
· And Wet Brazilian is not finished yet. On arriving at a call of ‘Need a woman,’ from Ad Nauseum, who had broken a check, he said to her ‘I need a woman, not a boy.’ (nice one mate, he he- scribe)
· Speaking of ‘Need a woman,’ Maggot recalls how he called for one, the GM came racing up before Tiger Lily could arrive and then she ran straight ahead when paper was clearly marked 90 degrees to the right. This prompted Maggot to call for ‘Need a woman who can see.’ He then got Tiger Lily.
· The GM, under heavy artillery fire, decides the best form of defence is to launch a counter attack. Stiffy, observing Wet Brazilian trying to get her leg over a fallen leg, commented to her ‘You must have been at the end of the queue when they were handing out long legs.’
· In And Out, who has been in and out a lot tonight, reminisces how the Harriets use to be so great with all the gals wearing ‘F#*k me shoes.’ But now look, apart from the GM who has made an effort (but everyone is staring at her hairstyle instead of footwear) – we have Jasmine in a pair of smelly runners, Twin Towers in slippers, Not Tonight (next year’s GM) in a pair of rank colored Crocs.
· Sybil fires back at In And Out, claiming something about he wants to vote for the next Committee on the basis of their F*#k Me shoes. In And Out pleads the 5th Amendment on the grounds that anything he says may be taken down and used in further charges against him.
· The GM launches yet another counter attack, and calls in all the males wearing non sexy shoes.
· Eagle Eyes Ugly Bum calls in Herr Zipp for trying to avoid the previous charge by removing his sandals and hiding them behind his back.
· Ugly Bum continues with a love story from her past, B.A.N. (Before Ad Nauseum). A young potential lover she met had everything – cash, condo, car, credit card, etc. However, he got the flick as he insisted on wearing his socks to bed. She was reminded of this somehow by Impossible wearing socks, and Geraldine and Sybil are dragged in too. Sock it to them babe!
· Herr Zipp defends the Associate Members by claiming Ugly Bum to be the most irritating factor on the Hash for males, followed by ball rash, nipple rash and running out of beer.
· Herr Zipp continues by stating that Sybil use to be the most irritating factor for everyone on the Hash, (after Boo) with everyone having to sit down in the Circle while she completed her charge. However, he states that we now have a new Sybil – Ugly Bum!
On on on.
Scribed by Cock Radio.