The ‘Camp’ Run.
Hares: Stiffener, Stiff
Where: Seletar Camp.
On On: On Site Boxer’s Singaporean Chicken Curry and fruit salad (served separately).
The Run:
With a threatening sky and a threatening pair of vicious terriers at their heels, a small but quality field of Hashers set of for a preliminary warm up loop of the estate before heading to the wilderness. Or what remains of it out that way. Oddly enough, it was Stiffler, son of the Hares, who led the way off. Was he keen to show off his local knowledge or does he just like wearing lipstick??
At the first sign of bush, a handful of males found themselves caught horribly out of position and also resigned to lipstick later on, including yours truly, who finds that a lamp post is no longer of sufficient circumference to hide behind.
Handbag decided that the graders and machines were not doing enough clearing of the forest and did a bit of bush bashing himself that any bulldozer operator would have been pleased with.
Over the TPE and into some nice jungle trails that suddenly ended in a recently cleared area that now resembled a bomb site. Anyone with dirty shoes could have them hosed off with the excavation trucks.
A lovely view of man’s monument to progress greeted runners from the top of a hill – a dozen cranes perched on top of new HDB’s going up. Much better than looking at crappy green jungle and nature stuff.
Down the steep incline and across the vast field, we knew we were on trail as the Hare kept with us. A tour of the Light Rail Station, and back into the bush, but one had to be careful of what side of the fence you were on. Across Jalan Kayu for a loop back to the TPE, into the Estate, to finish in 1 hour, just as the rain started. All good.
The Circle:
Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? It was all good. Well done and thanks.
Tell us about your On On: Boxer’s Chicken Curry, Singapore style, with fruit salad. (Most people had the fruit salad separate, not sure about Vibrator).
Next week’s run: Harding Lane, Dempsey. Car Park behind St. George’s Church.
Visitors: 3 visitors – Stiffler, Trash, Malfunktion- and 1 pain in the asse – Vibrator.
Virgins: Nope.
Tits: Handbag has candidates in Cock Radio for being stupid enough to follow him on a bush bashing short cut, himself for being stupid enough to follow Stiffler into the bush when all he was doing was going for a pee stop, and Shoe Shopper for being stupid enough to use her toys the wrong way and declare Vibrator a pain in the ass. Shopper wins.
The GM charged Zipp for calling SS a Shoe Hopper, I think in reference to having only 1 thong. Better than a Hoe Hopper
Dick: Missing.
Lippy: Stiffler, of course, Hand Bag, Cock Radio, Vibrator. Hooray was belatedly brought in for bragging that he had got away with it.
Awards – Nope.
AOB:
· Kan Not Kan reminds the GM and Kan The Kobra of his past Valentines Run at Fort Canning where he hid paper stars at the checks for runners to search for and redeem for top quality champagne and chocolates. Shoe Shopper’s response to this romantic innovative effort was ‘I came here for a run, not a f#*king treasure hunt.’
· Mother’s Tongue had a quote from Shoe Shopper who claimed ‘2 is good but 3 is better.’
· Stiffy recalls a moment from Malfunktion and Phoney Dick’s Birthday Party last week at the British Club. Shoe Shopper happened to be in the ladies toilets, just as Francesca, the erotic dancer, was going through her warm up routine. On returning to her table, Shoe Shopper announced ‘That woman has such a gorgeous body, even I would shag her.’
· Not Tonight said that Zipp has even made some Hash Jewelery with the name of Shoe Hopper.
· Shaggy Dick Too overheard 2 Harriets in conversation – ‘How were your knees after the other night?’ The reply –‘Ok, but my bottom was sore.’ What were Tiger Lily and Posh Nash up too??
· Hooray wishes Malfunktion a happy 70th. He then complains about some fickle Harriets. Wet Brazilian, Tiger Lily and Big Head are normally all over him, but because tonight he did not bring any warm shower water they are not even speaking to him. Females, they are hot and cold huh.
· Hooray finishes by pointing out that Seletar is not a good hunting ground for Vibrator. Every time he comes here he loses a woman (try bringing some warm water mate).
· Stiffy informs us that our virgin from the other week, Jasmine, was medi vacced on the bike hash.
· Wet Brazilian points out that Stiffy acts so gung ho tough doing rugged bike hashes, but can’t handle a simple cold. Tonight ( he wanted to disinfect his car because she sneezed in it. Then he drove the rest of the way with the windows down to blow away any germs.
· Tiger Lily was in Tokyo recently and it was cold – coats and warm weather gear needed. While this is the so called ‘Winter’ season in Singapore, it is still 29 degrees and she reckons Trash wearing boots is just a bit over the top. Bet she didn’t have thermal underwear on though. Nothing wrong with a bit of Puss In Boots though.
· Stiff tells us why Hooray did not have hot water with him tonight, because he didn’t need it. All he did was run up and down Jalan Kayu a few times.
· Not Tonight then explains how Hooray warms the water up. Oh my, for that ‘He ought to be f#*king well pissed on, he ought to be ………’
· While Tiger Lily was in Tokyo, Kan Not Kan heard that the population in Japan is shrinking because they are not having sex. Apparently the women prefer to run in parks and the men can’t keep (it?) up.
· Shoe Shopper calls in the female Hare (does she want to shag her too?). Stiffener, with her husband still out setting trail, ran up to her before the run very excitedly and inquired quietly and discreetly where Camel Humper was.
· Shaggy Dick Too gives further confirmation for the dwindling Japanese population. It has got to the stage where 95% of Japanese men travelling fill out their immigration card with a ‘No’ response where it says sex.
· Tiger Lily is brought in by Malfunktion, who then proceeds to demonstrate how Japanese males claim that they can have sex 10 times in one night. It was a very visual charge, you really had to be there to understand it fully, but basically every thrust counted as 1 and so on all the way to 10.
· Vibrator charged Hooray, who managed to have his bag pissed on 2 times by the Hare’s dogs. And while took his charge, who did he have standing at his ankle? Yep, the little culprit terrier himself. ‘He ought to be F#*king well pissed on, ……’
· Stiff recalls that before the Circle, the Beer Wagon horn blasted several times, destroying the serenity and causing Trash, who was on her phone, to turn to everyone and tell them to be quiet so she could hear. The only thing was, she was actually sitting in the driver’s seat of the beer truck at the time, and was leaning on the horn not realizing it was her making all the noise.
· Hand Bag explains why Tiger Lily’s Japanese boy friend would keep on thrusting and stopping, thrusting and stopping……Apparently he got his sex education by watching internet streaming movies.
· Sybil commenced by telling how she has been standing there listening to all these stories about Japanese sex and their lack of sex skills. ‘Hopeless’ the Sex Goddess proclaimed. This is the shortened version, as the rest of the charge disintegrated into typical Kamala inscribable verbal non descripts garble.
· Vibrator has been trying to catch Tiger Lily for years, to ask if he can be her BF, I think he mentioned. Anyway, tonight he finally caught her and all he got out of it was lipstick.
· Wet Brazilian believes Zipp has a sex/marriage problem. Gypsy has been sitting out the back in the dark all night texting messages.
· Tiger Lily has had enough sex and changes the topic. She was running in the park the other morning, and there was a group of ISS students under the guidance of none other than teacher educator guru extraordinare, Shaggy Dick Too. She can’t work out what the purpose of his lesson was, because all they were doing were side to side movements that seemed to achieve very little but block her path.
· All night we have been told by Hash Brew, Zipp, to hold onto our down down cups so they can be refilled if we get another charge. This is good ‘Green Thinking,’ and the Hash doing our bit to save the Planet. However, Hooray observed that Hash Brew was filling the cups and then proceeding to drink the rest of the bottle herself.
· Don’t forget the Annual Robbie Burns Run next Sunday. Even if the run is crap, the whisky will be good.
Gong Xi Fa Cai.
On on on.
Scribed by Cock Radio.
A small boy says to his father “Dad, what’s the difference between ‘theoretically’ & realistically’?”
His dad thinks & then says “Right-ho son, go & ask your mother if she’d sleep with Wayne Rooney for a million quid.”
The boy toddles off & comes back saying “Dad, dad, she said she would! She would sleep with Wayne Rooney for a million pounds.”
“OK son,” says his dad. “Now go & ask your sister the same question.”
The boy toddles off & comes back saying “Dad, dad, she said she would too!”
So then his dad says “Right, son, now go & ask your brother if he’d sleep with Wayne Rooney for a million pounds.”
The son comes back excitedly saying “Dad! Dad! He said he would too!”
“Well there you have it, son,” said his dad. Theoretically we could be sitting on three million quid. Realistically we’re living with two tarts & a poof.”