The ‘Foreign Language’ Run.
Hares: Mother’s Tongue & Jana
Where: Labrador Park MRT
On On: Boxer’s Indian chicken
Party Notice: Valentine’s Party, Saturday 25th February, House of Stiff, Seletar (save the date, more details to come).
The Run:
A new run site where not only do you get to run but also buy some new furniture. Herr Zipp had his eyes on the classic pig lantern. After the car park security guard had finished playing Chinese (Indian?) Checkers with our car parking arrangements, it was off down the new boardwalk that skirts a bit of a mangrove stream.
1 ½ km later, we came to our first check by the sea at Labrador Park. Maggot, who had been complaining of needing a pee after the first 200 metres, decided to take advantage of the toilet at the park and catch up with us at the next stop. Unbeknown to him, the next Check was another 1.5km away, and consequently Maggot was not seen again for the rest of the run. What a pisser.
This next section of the run was very scenic – another new path heading from Labrador Park towards Sentosa Gateway along the waterfront. To the left, luxurious condo apartments, some not yet complete, and to the right the waterfront and luxurious yachts and a brand new marina. In the distant, I caught a glimpse of the Tiger Lily and Shaggy Dick Too heading out on a wharf towards the sea trying to outrun a passenger ship that was departing. Or had they missed the boat? Whatever, they did not miss the T Check at the end of the wharf.
After waving farewell to the cruise liner, it was time to turn inland and up Telok Blangah Hill. From long straight flats by the sea to mountain climbing. A very nice climb it was, taking a rather unfamiliar but scenic route.
The scenic run continued to be unspoilt by the hideous sight of Circle and T Check markings. In fact, a reliable source (this newsletter prides itself on the accuracy of it’s reporting and transparency) confirmed that there were only 4 checks in the first 5 kms of the run.
Wet Patch was enjoying the scenery so much that he ran full on into a lamp post. Lamp post 1, Wet Patch 0.
Eventually the elevated treetop walk was reached, taking runners to the Henderson Rd Wave Bridge and to home for a solid 8.5 km workout which had the Pack splattered out from one end of Telok Blangah Rd to the other.
Well done Hares, I suggest that anyone who did not do the run, get down to Labrador Park MRT, take the boardwalk to the sea then along to the new Marina. A very pleasant stroll it will be.
Can everyone please remind Maggot to go to the toilet before the run next week.
The Circle: The GM calls the Circle to order, gets the Hares in and disappears, reappears and then disappears again. Hide and seek?
Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Too short, too many Checks, not enough hills. A very scenic run if you had time to admire the views. Thanks Hares, well done.
Tell us about your On On: On site Boxer’s Tandori Chicken and stuff, $10.
Next week’s run: Next week’s Hare is pushed into the Circle by her consultant, Virginia Slim, thereby making it a Forced Entry. It’s her birthday run, Jalan Penjara (off Margaret Drive). There will be a drink stop.
Visitors: iPood, Dead Fish (Tokyo) Welsh Git, Bagless 2, Vibrator, Peter Welcome all.
Virgins: Nope.
Tits: Ok, I forgot the Tits. I hid them at home out of sight because my daughter was visiting and I did not want to tarnish my image.
Dick: Loose Change, who charged herself last week for dog cruelty, this week has another animal charge, this time cruelty to a pussy by a Penile Extension. Seems that he made a pussy go down, in fact poor puddy cat fell 5 floors. Did it land on it’s feet? (FYI, Harriet is on the way to recovery, but howls and cowers with fear at the sight of a stick.)
Lippy: Hooray, Shaggy Dick Too, who thus decides to abandon his night of drinking 100 Plus and switches to beer instead, and yours truly, who then has an Aussie mumble about how wrong it was ……..
The GM then asserted her authority and called the scribe back in for lack of respect.
The scribe then left mumbling more about the truth being reported in the newsletter, but quickly shut up as he had to concentrate on interpreting Mother Tongue’s AOB charge.
Awards – Nope.
AOB:
· Mother’s Tongue, using her motherly experience, tells how it is usually children who are hiding things from their parents, but tonight we heard of a parent hiding something from their kids – Cock Radio who hid the Tits.
· Wet Patch and Herr Zipp, who are obviously on the Singapore leg of their World Tour, then performed a stirling cover version of the Beatles ‘When I’m 64,’ for the Birthday Gal, Mother’s Tongue. Happy Birthday!
· Sneaky Comer asks a Kiwi Environmental Scientist, Wet & Wild, what do you do to prevent a hill side from suffering landslides? Easy says Professor W N Wild – ‘maintain the natural vegetation and grow trees.’Correct. Sneaky then asks a Singaporean Tycoon Property Developer the same question, Father Anus. Tycoon Anus replied that you rip the shit out of the hill with as much earth removing equipment as possible, removing all traces of nature that only serve to impede development, and then fill in any gaping holes with concrete. May look a tad tacky on the environment, but sure keeps the Government’s economic figures looking tidy. Wrong.
· Shaggy Dick tells what it is like to be completely left in the lurch. While way out in front of the Pack on one of those long fast flat sections that allowed for an attempt on breaking the world 5km record, Tiger Lily decided she had to go to the toilet. This meant that Shaggy could not take 1 more step forward until he had another woman, and scanning the horizon with his portable pocket size telescope, he found that the rest of the Pack was nowhere to be seen. Take your time Tiger, and don’t forget to wash your hands.
· Maggot was then called in by yours truly for his toilet stop episode at the first Check. Thinking he could spend a penny and catch up at the next Check was sound thinking on most runs, but it was just not on for The Mother Tongue Express Run. Goodbye Maggot. That will teach you to have an 8 course Chinese lunch on a Wednesday. (I had a tuna sandwich and glass of water – no problem)
· Hooray calls in the Scandinavians. All the blondes and wanna be blondes enter, we are not sure which ones are acceptable? However, we discovered what is not acceptable. A Monday Hasher, of Norwegian origins, was attacked by a tree stump and fell on the men’s run this week. After getting up, he stumbled again, went wonky, and his running mates decided he was rooted and had to call an ambulance to evacuate him. While this is Totally Unacceptable, we do hope all is well and you are on the way to recovery. Cheers.
· Speaking of totally unacceptable, Shoe Shopper finds that the kids of today that wear their jeans so low that their bums are showing is not a good look. They should take a leaf out of Harry High Pants, aka Virginia Slim, who has the waist of his jeans almost around his neck. (Slim then offered to show what he would look like if he was a teenager today, and undoes his jeans to lower them – the unanimous call was NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)
· Tiger Lily points out the fashion lowlights of the Hash. Saggy jeans, Crocs, transparent mesh tops, cowboy hats, leather pants etc and she pulls in a heap of members known to be guilty of wearing such attire.
· Cock Radio noticed Tiger Lily having some difficulty fitting her sports bra under her work top before the run. I offered to give her a hand but Tiger Lily replied that a hand would be too big for the task. Say no more.
· The GM called in Big Head and Too Easy for shopping for Hash gear while the Circle is on.
· Wet Pet charges Welsh Git for arriving at the Run with the wrong shoes and then blames her.
· Sneaky Comer reckons the Hares did a great communicating with the furniture store for use of the car park, but did she tell the security guard about the frivolities of a Hash Circle??
· Shaggy Dick Too, being a purveyor of Hawker food, tells us that you should always look at each stalls rating before eating there. Anything with an A or B sign should not do any significant long term damage to your stomach, but avoid anything with a Z sign unless you are after a week off work. However, Shaggy is not sure what to make of the ‘Exit’ sign that is hanging behind Boxer’s temporary stall at the back of the car park.
· A plug for the Valentines Run next month, wear pink, drag or something suitable. There will be nice women there too we are told. ‘Are they included in the $35 ticket price?’ asks an optimistic Shaggy.
· Zipp has been continually bugged by Hooray over the years about special run dates, but he overlooked one recently – the first run of this year was none other than Run 2012.
· Hooray thanks our Scotsman, Bagless 2, for providing the Bagpipe player down on the wharf.
· Virginia Slim gives us a cultural lesson about jalan lampu and puki chiang, which relates to what he thinks of Wet Pet’s effort of running into a lamppost on the run and nearly dislocating his shoulder.
On on on to Boxer’s ‘Exit’ rated food stall.
Scribed by Cock Radio.
……….a recent study found that the average Briton walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found that Britons drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means that, on average, Britons get about 41 miles to the gallon!
Makes you proud to be British.