The ‘ANZAC’ Run
Hares: Private Cock Radio, Sergeant Sneaky Comer, Breaker Morant Private Simpson and his donkey and the Oz / Kiwi troops.
Where: Bukit Brown Chinese Cemetery
On On: Red Lantern.
The Run A large Pack of close to 50 runners performed a minutes silence in respect of the fallen. Shaggy Dick Too prayed that he would not slip on a grave again and join the fallen. Boo then asked if there had been any exhumations yet. Someone replied no, but there could be a burial soon if he didn’t shut up.
It was nice to welcome back Ugly Bum and Ad Nauseum, and our thoughts have been with you both. (The welcome will no doubt be worn out within 3 2 weeks! Nah, joking lah, we missed you- scribe).
The first T check towards the middle of the cemetery saw the majority of runners follow Boo to the track on the right. Unfortunately for them, trail was to the left. Everyone turned back, except for Boo who was not seen again. A good run already. Gypsy decided to try sampling raw dragonfly. Straight into his mouth it flew. A bad experience for Gypsy, even worse for the dragon fly.
Into some jungle, it was Give Way leading the way, thanks to her pace and cunning in breaking a Check. On surveying a steep, muddy descent, Give Way asked if someone could be at the bottom to catch her. ‘No’ was the answer, ‘but there are plenty of runners at the top ready to give you a push if you don’t hurry up.’
Trail went up the steps to Lornie Rd and headed back towards the PIE. Comes Quietly fell for the old ‘Could be going to Adam Rd trick,’ and crossed the overhead bridge to the other side of Lornie. But it was back into jungle to emerge onto Kheam Hock Rd, just past the cemetery entrance, and just 200 meters from where we had started from 20 minutes earlier. Tiger Lily took the front runners all the way down to the PIE underpass and found a T Check.
Back into the cemetery, the Hares thoughtfully turned into the jungle just before the dog house. However, this did not stop Father Anus from going on straight, taking a group of women with him and being set upon by the dogs.
Up Hobbit’s Hill and down again, back into the jungle and down to the market garden stream. Familiar trails with some twists prevailed, and the runners wound their way back to Home. But not before they took a silly little track up the grass hill, along and back down onto the road again.
5.7 kms, 50 minutes for front runners, 1 hour for the Pack and 90 minutes for some sightseers.
The Circle: The GM manages to get a rather large Circle parked in the well lit used car sale yard, right in front of the sign that said ‘Register for exhumation here.’(GM tally 0)
Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? The scribe is certain he heard ‘Run of the year,’ called out, but we settle for a good run. We did lose Boo though. Well done Hares, thanks.
Tell us about your On On: Red Lantern, all the favourites, 10 smackeroos.
Next week’s run: AGM, Mt Sinai Rise, check the front page and map.
Visitors / Returnees: The GM reads out the guest list this time, and reads one female as ‘Sharon Buttocks.’ Well, Shaggy Dick Too and I have always admired Sharon’s bum, but we always refer to her as ‘Sharon Batu.’ (GM Tally 1)
Virgins: Nope
New Member: Nope.
Lipstick: Hoo Ray, Shirley Temple, Lost In Space.
Tits: Wet N Wild, who hopefully washed her shoes after last week’s shitty charge, comes in looking even more voluptuous than normal. Cock Radio for including Breaker Morant in an Anzac Run (Anzac came about in WW1, Breaker Morant fought in Africa during the Boer War), Sneaky Comer for choosing a running site full of dead people as a Remembrance Run site, and Wet Patch, now thinking he is a fully fledged Aussie and was playing Australian music. The tits stay in the family as the voting went horribly wrong.
Dick: Jack Off has taken the Dick to China. (GM responsibility. Tally 11)
Awards – Nope. (see AOB. GM tally 111)
AOB:
· Sneaky Comer charged Father Anus for ignoring the Hares 50 metre long arrow pointing into the jungle and away from the mongrel dogs. But FA led a group of women straight into the Jaws of Death – yes, the infamous Dog House, where he had to fend off the bitches with his big stick.
· The GM keeps Father Anus in for commenting to Two Jugs that she had lost a bit of weight. ‘Just can’t win’ commented Gypsy, referring to men making weight comments to women. Doomed if we do, doomed if we don’t! (unfair sexist charge, GM tally 1111)
· Cunning Licker told how Kan Not Kan turned up at the Thursday Run site – the only thing was it was Tuesday and he was meant to be at the Seletar run. We often thought that he has no idea what day it is, now proven.
· Gypsy informs that Kan Not Kan is the new Sunday GM (bring a chair for the Circle).
· The GM is in the Circle for some reason, scores a vegemite sandwich for her effort and is sent on her way by Gypsy (GM tally- 1111)
· Gypsy thinks it is great to have young people at the Hash, as it gives the rest of us to see what the latest trends and fashions are, referring to Melissa’s haircut. Unfortunately some trends just don’t work for older people, and Gypsy removes his cap to reveal a Mohawk that only went ¼ of the way up the back of his head. Good try mate.
· Talking of new members, at the last Committee Meeting, Zipp and Forced Entry were engaged in very excited conversation about a young male visitor last week. So they got all dressed up this week in the hope of impressing him, but he is not here. (GM should not allow this sort of talk at Committee Meetings – GM tally 1111 1)
· Deep Throat informs us that Zipp and Forced Entry have even been ranking young men. You would never catch males doing that (ranking young women that is, not young men).
· Ugly Bum thanked the Hares for providing her with some excitement on the run – a Chinese man bathing naked in the stream. No, it was not Boo. Thank heavens.
· Sybil quickly has everyone squatting, sitting, or in Sneaky Comer’s case, lying on the ground. Charge went sort of like this. ‘Dogs, Father Anus, Father Anus big stick. Wait, 2 friends missing. ‘ZIPP!’ so called husband to find. Be f#*king quiet will you, I am talking. Find Mel. Who is Mel? Dances With Kerbs – we are pioneers, next time no need to wait for us lah.’ And there you have it. Simple.
· An award is then given, despite the fact this item should have been dealt with before AOB. Ad Nauseum for 50 ‘recent’ runs. (He and Ugly Bum had a number of years away from the Hash with personal commitments. Scribe) Off comes the shirt, and finally someone says he can breathe out now. (GM tally 1111 11)
· Stiffy, pointing to Boo’s car parked in front of a sign, announces that Singapore now has drive through exhumations. Herr Zipp, who has just arrived in a taxi wearing a suit, is brought in as an undertaker. ‘Burial, exhumation, crucifixion or freedom?’ Always look on the bright side of life…..
· Shaggy Dick Too overheard Virginia Slim talking about getting a stiff one. Normally, this would be acceptable for a male to be discussing the state of his Associate Membership. However, Slim was just following up Stiffy’s charge about Singapore having the world’s first drive thru exhumation centre. Slim commented ‘It’s nice to have a take away sometimes.’ He then started singing a few verses of a song, titled ‘My name is Jack, I’m a Necro#hi*liac. For those interested in further info that your scribe is dead scared to get into, click on: http://oh3.no/songs/just_plain_sick.htm#MY_NAME_IS_JACK
· Tiger Lily look alike, Ugly Bum, is charged by the GM. Tiger was heard to comment on the run ‘I’m not very good at finding trail.’ A slight understatement we think. 4 Hash songs are then sung at once, which shows lack of GM control. (GM tally 1111 111)
· Final GM tally stuff ups – 8 (I think I will regret providing this data – scribe).
On On to the Red Lantern. (Sorry SD 2, we ordered herbal chicken). And we had 2 tables of 11, thanks everyone.
Scribed by Cock Radio.
GOLF
A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinese businessman and an Aussie were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.
The Aussie fumed, ‘What’s with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!’
The Indian Doctor chimed in, ‘I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such poor golf!’
The Chinese businessman called out ‘Move it, time is money’
The Catholic Priest said, ‘Here comes George the green keeper. Let’s have a word with him.’
‘Hello, George’ Said the Catholic Priest. ‘What’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?’
George the green keeper replied, ‘Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free any time.’
The group fell silent for a moment.
The Catholic Priest said, ‘That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.’
The Indian Doctor said, ‘Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything he can do for them.’
The Chinese Businessman replied, ‘I think I’ll donate $50,000 to the fire-fighters in honour of these brave souls.’
The Aussie said, ‘Why the f**k can’t they play at night?’