The “Lazrus on a Camel” run
Hares: Father Anus & Melissa
Where: end of Yishun Ave 1
On On: Kim San Seafood, Yishun Ave 11
The Run: So we had an Associate Member who was willing to write about the run this week….
A smallish group assembled at the end of the dam. Stand in GM Pubic Zipp took her lead from every other GM for the last 30 years and was busy chatting as 6pm rolled past. Various associate members tapped their watches anxiously while Tiger Lily took on the age old refrain “what time does a 6-o’clock run start”?
Having no virgins to deal with, Pubic Zipp sent the pack off down the path away from the dam, where the blind front runners went straight past a prominently marked arrow and turned into the Army camp. After a bit of “are you”, they were directed to the large arrows and headed down Yishun Avenue 1. Wiser and cooler (or old fat and slow) Associate Members commenced walking slowly at this point, waiting for the T-check down the road and finding trail into the army camp on the right.
From there we went on a right hand wheel. There were some very clever checks, none of that pig excrement mangrove that Kannot Kan normally takes us through, and a large wall that is designed to keep what out, we are not sure. There is quite a bit of road construction going on, but why they use mangrove mud is yet another mystery.
Anyway, I nice clockwise run, returning to the run site in about an hour. Sadly, however, we arrived back at the run site to find the beer wagon missing in action. Where oh where was Ah Wah? A few phone calls were made and he was “on his way”. Apparently the supplier didn’t turn up on time. Anyway, we lost a few while waiting for the beer wagon, and nearly lost Boo and Quickie – fortunately the U-turn over the dam is 3km long and by the time Boo had completed his U-turn to go home, the beer wagon had arrived. Maggot, doing a quick mirror check before pulling out into traffic, saw the beer wagon arrive, and was able to stop and rejoin us.
The Circle: Pubic Zipp decided that since we were a small group, we could start the circle early at 7:45.
Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Good run, shame about the beer truck being late. Melissa was asked what Stanley was like as a hare, she remarked that “he has nice legs”.
Tell us about your On On: 417 Coffee Shop on Yishun Avenue 11…first right, first left, and you are there. Make sure you get a lift J
Next week’s run: The hare was missing, but we have subsequently discovered it will be at the car park behind St George’s Church off Harding Road. On on at Botak Jones.
Visitors: Mr Logic and Stiff.
Returnees: None.
Virgins: None.
Lipstick: None (doesn’t Pubic Zipp wear it?). Anyway, there were no naughty boys (even though there were a lot of them, boys that is).
Tits: Absent with Kan the Kobra.
Dick: Not Tonight had one candidate with three different charges – for Father Anus.
· Not Tonight was running along and Father Anus caught up with her, asking “what is wrong with your feet?” Not Tonight replied that she had forgotten her running shoes. “Well why didn’t you ask me” replied Father Anus, “I have ladies’ running shoes in my car”. Why on earth does Father Anus have spare ladies’ running shoes in his car and does it have anything to do with the care he takes of virgins.
· As will be further recounted, Father Anus went out to do his recce for this run on Sunday, a boiling hot day, taking only a very small bottle of water.
· Finally, Father Anus did the recce alone on Sunday – why, when he could have had Melissa?
AOB
· Stiffy wants Boo and Tiger Lily in the circle, and is immediately given a drink for racial abuse. Having finished his drink, Stiffy gets to make his charge. When Stiffy arrived for the run, he found a perfect spot for his car, just next to the run site. On parking, there was a tap on the window. It was Tiger Lily, telling him to piss off, the spot was reserved for the beer wagon. So Stiffy obediently drives off, heading 3km down the road to the first available u-turn. When he gets back 20 minutes later, he finds that Boo has parked in the beer wagon spot. Now that is racial abuse.
· Herr Zipp charges Father Anus, Boo, and Hooray. Herr Zipp had asked Father Anus what the area was normally used for, and the reply was “Army Training”. So apparently a Singapore Army guy had his automatic weapon stolen at the point of a screwdriver during the week (http://www.asiaone.com/News/Latest%2BNews/Singapore/Story/A1Story20120620-354091.html), so what does that say about the state of Singapore National Defence? Actually, says Herr Zipp, it was taken from the Maid.
· Herr Zipp also found a National Service water bottle in the Army Training area. He gives the Singapore NSMen another drink for having their water bottles stolen from them.
· This prompts a charge from Fat Crashing Bastard, who enters the circle with a backpack. Normally, bags are not allowed in the circle but in this case it was a prop. So FCB and Too Easy were at lunch on Sunday. The phone rings. It is Father Anus, calling, feebly, “help”. Well this might be a mystery but FCB and Too Easy had just finished a bike ride and encountered Father Anus out doing his recce. The phone rings again and there is another feeble “help”. So FCB and Too Easy jump on their bikes and head back to Yishun and start riding around. There, they eventually find Father Anus collapsed under a tree, unconscious and dehydrated. They manage to revive him with water from their camelbaks. So, in the hope that Father Anus is never so stupid again as to recce alone and without water, they donate to him a camelback. To everyone else, please don’t recce alone and always make sure someone knows where you are!
· Stiffy weighs in. He points out that when FCB found FA, he said, famously, “Dr Livingstone I presume”, to which FA replied, “no, it’s Stanley”.
· Herr Zipp wants the Associate Members in the circle, since they outnumber the Members tonight.
· Tiger Lily points out that given the small number of Members present, it was impressive that the first 5 in tonight were ladies (no racing on the hash).
· Maggot to Tiger Lily – during the run, he mentioned (sarcastically) “It’s not like you to do all the checks” to Tiger Lily. Tiger Lily, not recognizing the sarcasm, says “Yes, I usually know where to run”. Bullsh*t.
· Stiffy to Shoe Shopper (who is gone, so look-a-like Stiffener) – Tiger Lily and Shoe Shopper were heading off in the wrong direction and came back to find Boo pissing on trail.
· Pubic Zipp to Comes Quietly for coming late, and quietly.
· Tiger Lily points out that Comes Quietly is really back to being a front runner these days, he seems to have lots of energy, why is that?
· Pubic Zipp wants to use more beer, so calls in Sneaky Comer for showing off his tech before the circle.
· Maggot weighs in on Sneaky Comer’s high tech. On the drive to the run, SC was showing off his phone’s advanced navigation system – expect when it said turn left in 80m onto Cross Street when we were already half way up Cross St.
· Not Tonight weighs in on Sneaky Comer’s tech. With such a high tech tablet in his bag, which he was proudly showing off, how is he writing on the circle report? On a scraggly old bit of paper.
· Pubic Zipp thanks Stiffener and Stiff for hosting the farewell party (then tomorrow night, now last Thursday). For those asking “what farewell party”, you should read your newsletters.
Scribed by Sneaky Comer
On on to 417 Seafood