The ‘St. George’s Day’ Run
Vigilante Drive – Kent Ridge Park
Hares: Stiffy, Wet Brazilian and the English.
21/4/10
The Run
In WW2, a thundering booming noise blasted over the west of Singapore as guns and cannons blasted away during the Battle for Pasar Panjang along Kent Ridge. However, the booming sound during this afternoon was due to the massive storm that hovered over the park, followed by the booming voice of Stiffy as he cursed and swore relaying the run at 5.30. Maintain a stiff (y) upper lip mate. The comemerative sign for the Battle of Pasar Panjang was bent over at a precarious angle on the corner of Vigilante Drive at the entrance to the park, an ominous sign. Had Stiffy knocked it over in frustration, or had it been struck by lightning???
Down the steps on the opposite side of the lake, Circle check. Along to the right I checked and checked until the call of ‘On back,’ was heard, which I assumed was on back to the Car Park and down the hill on the lake side. So down I went, spotting runners in the distance and calling ‘Are you?’ but no response. At the lake I found trail, very, very fresh but the runners were not Hashers. Following trail, I soon realized I had found the home trail and was running alone in reverse. Too late to turn back, keep going and do the run in reverse.
So here is the run report in reverse, I have never done this before but here goes.
From the car park, down to the lake and a nice little gallop through the park with fresh legs, barely raising a sweat. Along the edge of the lake and around the end through some bushes for a T. I decided not to call ‘T check’ to myself, as it was probably a waste of time. Stir up the bushes a bit to anger the hornets, turn back up the canal to find a Circle under a covered walk way. ‘Circle Check’ I automatically called, forgetting the rest of the pack was on the other side of Kent Ridge – but it did give the passing Uni students a bit of a giggle. Check right – nothing. Check left up 157 steps – security gate, NUS.
Trail was straight ahead and it was leg over some railing, into a car park and out at the top of South Buona Vista Rd. Down South Buona Vista, enjoying the long gradual decline and the serenity before I bumped head on into the Pack, led by Shoe Shopper. No use me turning back now; I knew how to break all the checks.
So on down South Buona Vista I ran, saying a cheerio and top of the evening to the rest of the Pack coming up the long gradual incline. Some even thought there must have been a T Check ahead and turned to join me. I can vouch that 2 of the virgin girls were doing well.
Well, I must admit I missed the bus stop stairs down into Science Park, but I continued on all the way to the bottom of South Buona Vista and found trail going across the road into the bush. I gave that a miss and instead followed trail marked in green chalk along the canal, which blended nicely with the green railing. Into the residential area at the bottom of Kent Ridge, a nicely disguised set of steps and it was all the way back up to the top and the Beer Wagon, where I managed to once again meet the rest of the pack who had come up the other side from the lake. Nice run, well thought out.
Stiffy’s Hash Maths. ?? Maggot, the apprentice, measured the run at 7.3km.
Crikey, what did we think of that for a run? Jolly good run, Rule Britannia!
Tell us about your on on mate. Mr. Ho’s English Shepherd’s Pie and other English delicacies.
Well what about next week? AGM, The House of Stiffs, Seletar. Members free, visitors $15 for dinner plus usual guest fee of $20 men, $15 ladies. G&T, beer, wine.
Virgins: Michelle, Angela, Kristin, Emily, Natalie
Visitors, returnees and other misfits: Trash, Vibrator, Slip and Slide, Geko, Krit, Pinball Wizard, Ah Beng, Stiffler, and making a return is Hopeless.
New Member – Great Balls of Fire, again, Sex Change, Confused, Stiffener, and they all get a gift!
Lippy – Hooray, who was in front before we even left the car park.
The Tits – I am sure Fat Crashing Bastard is the holder of the Tits, but did he have them tonight?
The Dick – Hooray suggests that Wet Brazilian deserves a mention for her attempting to set the run 24 hours beforehand, ignoring the regular thunderstorms we have been having every afternoon.
Cock Radio deserves a mention for reverse running.
And a virgin deserves a mention, missed why, but by overwhelming opinion it is the virgin gal who scores the Dick
Awards- nope
AOB
· Stiffy was told by Fat Crashing Bastard that he was unable to ride his bike home after last week’s run wearing the Tits because they are not aerodynamic. Stiffy then asked him how his wife manages to ride her bike then???
· Sneaky Comer observed a lot of sex happening on the run tonight. Singaporn was heard saying something about her preferences, Shaggy Dick 2 said he likes it hot and fast and Big Head prefers to be on top.
· Speaking of sex, Sneaky comer tells us how he has missed out for 2 years as his wife has been too occupied with GM duties. But all that will end next week. He is looking forward to sex in the Circle and no more Wednesday afternoon calls from Wet N Wild asking him where the run is.
· Legolas praises Big Head for being a model Hasher and providing us with all the necessary calls to keep us safe –‘hole, trip, swing back,’ and so on. But one Harriet failed to heed her calls. Wet Pet, why did you not tell your guest that wearing MP3 head phones is a Health and Safety issue?
· Not Good Enough tells us that life is all about choices. Tonight he had to make a choice on which way to go – should he follow 2 inexperienced lovely female virgins or should he follow the more experienced but less visually appealing Father Anus? So he followed the experienced Father Anus and they went the wrong way. Bad, bad choice.
· Fat Crashing Bastard missed the run, but this doesn’t stop him bringing in the virgins who are dressed rather scantily. He then informs them that a Muslim cleric has blamed the wearing of skimpy clothing by promiscuous women is causing all the major earthquakes happening in the world. One of the virgins then informed us that she has made the Earth move for some of her boy friends.
· Mother Tongue, according to my interpreter, called the English in for a drink. Happy St. Georges Day.
· Shoe Shopper calls in Shaggy Dick 2 as representative of a nice young English son. During the recent airline down time, a mother and her son who had been stuck in an airport for 4 days were interviewed. The son said he was doing well, had lots of sleep because he had sleeping tablets. ‘But mum not doing so well, she’s had no sleep at all.’ What a generous son for not sharing his sleeping tablets with his dear old mum. He ought to be publicly p…… on, he….
· Maggot thought that the favourite English food might be something like roast beef, bangers and mash, kippers, or even fish and chips. Well, we all know that the number 1 food in UK is now curry, don’t we. Or is it? No, Maggot informs Stiffy that the number 1 dish in the UK is now Chow mien. I like Chinese,….
· Maggot also announces a JB run this Saturday, which will be last Saturday when you receive this.
· Stiffy asks what is on everyone’s lips – this is an English run so how did someone with a name like Wet Brazilian get a Guernsey as a Hare? I’m ½ English she tells us, my husband is from Leeds. Oh, I see, she has a bit of English in her, at times at least anyway.
· Stiffy tells us of panic that set in with his co hare when the rain started. Was it due to the Lightning bolts darting about the sky?? No, it was all due to a little spider
· GM thanks all the English for the lovely shirts.
· Sneaky Comer gets Boo to pronounce ‘Singapore,’ which he does ‘Sing-a-pore.’ He then gets Stiffy to say ‘Singapore,’ which he does ‘Singa-pore.’ Speak English Stiffy!
· And finally the GM announces that we will all receive a Goody Bag at the AGM, immediately sending shivers of delight up all the men’s backs.
On on On on to Mr. Ho’s shepherd pie.
Scribed by Cock Radio.