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Kiwi Sense of Direction aided by an iPhone Maps’ Run.
Vigilante Drive.
Wet ‘n Wild and Lost Marbles
On On: 99 South Buona Vista Kitchen
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The Run: A very hot day today and one of the hares was lying down in the car, not an auspicious start. A confusing chalk talk followed, which resulted for once in Hooray charging off out in front in the wrong direction. Well done hares.
Down the stairs towards towards South Buona Vista, to a circle check that took the pack quite a long time to solve, which spread the pack out, which was fortunate as the front runners had to go back up the second set of stairs to a T-check (at Casualty Evacuation Point “E”). Back out onto Vigilante Drive, up the hill again, and then left into the park (at Casualty Evacutation Point “F”).
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It was then down the hill and into Science Park, across the AYE and over to Portsdown Road, where the pack began to spread out. A circle check above the Colbar had the pack stumped for a while, before the front runners found the on and left feeble onon calls behind them. On to the “green corridor”, formerly known as the KTM railway line, and up to the Gillman flyover the AYE again.
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A long run around old England (Winchester Drive, Canterbury Road etc) led us into Hortpark in the bottom corner for the long slog up the hill to home. About 7km and a good work-out, thanks hares.
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The Circle: Wet Brazilian had a little difficulty keeping quite a rowdy circle under control, Shut the F&^k up wasn’t there.
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Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run?
The hares have recovered from their ordeal and are bubbly and bouncy again. Not enough short cuts, not enough dead bodies, virgin sidewalk – good run.
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Tell us about your On On:
99 South Buona Vista Kitchen, $12 per head. We had two tables.
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Next week’s run: Kallang Riverside Park, end of Kampong Bugis off Kallang Road. Hares are Dances with Kerbs, Sybil (who last week fractured her femur), and Pubic Zipp. On on will be on site, packet Beryani.
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Visitors / Returnees: Welcome Penile Extension, Deb, Pain in the Ass, Dead Fish, Sticky Ring, and Bagless Too.
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Virgins:
Nope.
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New Member: Nope.
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Dick:
Sneaky Comer has returned with the Dick and invites anyone with a poor sense of direction into the circle. Strangely he is short of volunteers so he recommends a few candidates, in Wet ‘n Wild, Lost Marbles, and Wet Brazilian. Wet ‘n Wild and Lost Marbles were tonight’s hares and they had a little trouble following the path that was recce’d on the weekend. Sneaky Comer proceeds to draw a chalk map of where the trail was “supposed to go” and where it did go, the two being not only completely different but also somewhat illogical. See the map following to understand the difference. The problem was compounded by Wet ‘n Wild proclaiming confidently after the recce that she knew that part of the trail very well (the bit where they got lost laying) and Lost Marbles confidently proclaiming that her iPhone map would help them on their way.
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However, Wet ‘n Wild has already had the dick at home for two weeks so it it someone else’s turn, on in Wet Brazilian. WB demonstrated her lack of direction by:
- Leading the pack off trail within spitting distance of a trail marker, leading a group of ladies to stand around for a few minutes wondering where the trail went, in front of Sneaky Comer who was forced to stand and wait for them to realize their mistake.
- Reaching the circle check on the green corridor and not realizing it was the home of her pet snake – so she both sent Jakki off to search in that direction and then went herself, putting them both at peril.
Wet Brazilian gets the dick to accompany the tits she is already wearing.
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Tits: Now holding the Dick, WB is very keen to get rid of the tits. On in Hooray who is not only talking too much; but even worse after the run, as the GM and her friends were sitting down having a drink and a chat, Hooray came over and had a fondle in front of them. The GM hands over the tits and hopes “he will be able to find it one day”.
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Lipstick: Hooray, as usual; Penile Extension (who after asking the GM “are we on trail?”, proceeded to run in front); Bagless Too; Comes Quietly.
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Awards – nope
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AOB:
- The GM announces that Sybil (Kamala) fell down and fractured her femur last week. The Harriets, being a lovely club, sent her some flowers. The GM read out the message she received in return from Zipp: “Kamala received the flowers and was very touched, but she was also disappointed the flowers did not conceal a bottle of brandy!” Get well soon Kamala.
- The GM announces that the Annual General Meeting will be on May 1st. We are short some committee members so “people talking in the circle will automatically be nominated for the committee”. Stiffy volunteers that he has a dress and would be happy to run. C’mon ladies, we have a great club and everyone needs to do their part. Many of the current committee have been serving for a number of years, we need some new blood. Not Tonight points out that Stiffy is a “house-wife” so has time to do the job!
- Fat Crashing Bastard wants to weigh in on the subject of directionless hares. He overhead Deb asking Dances with Kerbs after the run “do you need a good sense of direction to set a run?” “Of course you do”, replies JJ. FCB points out that tonight is proof that is not the case. Dances with Kerbs gets a drink.
- Wet Pet feels there were lots of examples tonight of a good old chat going on between the hares as they were “setting” the run. There would be lots of arrows or trail markings and then suddenly a dearth of markings for 100m or so – was something interesting being discussed? Give the hares a note.
- Twin Towers and Pubic Zipp continue to gang up on the hares. The hares were sweeping the run and as is the custom, gave the people at the back of the pack some short cutting hints. The problem was, the hint they gave Twin Towers and Pubic Zipp caused them to do a full circuit “short cut” to get them straight back to the point they started from. The point was illustrated with a very clear chalk map and a description of a gum tree. Give the hares another drink.
- Hooray wants to make a charge but he has taken the tits off so is not allowed [hash etiquette – if you have the Dick or the Tits you are expected to wear them to the circle and leave them on until the end of the circle. Consider yourself lucky, in the early days you were also required to wear them to the onon].
- Not Tonight reports that she and Stiffy are heading to Hong Kong and so need some Grandparent practice. They went to Pubic Zipp for help; they particularly want to help their grandchild with speaking. Apparently that isn’t too good an idea, since one of Pubic Zipp’s grandchildren recently said “Grannie you are so lucky, you have two husbands”. Give the bigamist a note.
- Herr Zipp is a bit worried by this development, but never mind, he invites Pubic Zipp into the circle since she is standing in for Sybil in setting next week’s run: “Good luck, break a leg”.
- Wet Pet reports there is an anniversary coming up. Who? The Velcro Twins. How does she know that – because the Velcros were discussing their plans in the circle. They commute from Iskandur, have lots of time in the car; so why can’t they discuss it there? They must have been too long married, they don’t talk any more. The GM also points out that for the first time in living memory, the Velros are not in matching shirts. Given them a note.
- Hooray has his tits on and is allowed to charge Two Jugs. Two Jugs has written an article about how lovely the Harriets are, but failed to mention that the first person she met on the hash was Hooray [Ed: perhaps it was a memory she was trying to suppress J].
- Hooray also has some Canadian news charge about leggings that are too small. Two Jugs gets another drink.
- Stiffy has a complaint. Doesn’t everyone know it is HIS job to moan and complain on the hash – so he takes offence when someone else does it – on in Wet Pet.
- Slocum wants to know if Pubic Zipp is a Mormon? No, apparently, is the answer. He gives a long historical explanation of how if you are a Mormon you are not a bigamist but a polygamist. Pubic Zipp gets a drink while the rest of us scratch our heads. Kannot Kan reports that “geometry was not his strong suit at school”.
- Herr Zipp wants to know how Hooray found Two Jugs article about the Harriets? What Google search was he doing? Was it “two jugs” or “big jugs” or “big tits”. Anyway, give the searcher a note.
- Penile Extension reports that St Patrick’s Day was Sunday. So on in the early celebrators who were at a St Paddy’s day party on Saturday. Herr Zipp, Pubic Zipp, Twin Towers, Stiffy, Not Tonight, Slocum, Jackoff, and Comes Quietly who is incensed “I was still there at midnight”. They all get a green drink.
- Slocum has a grudge and tells Penile Extension this is precisely why he wasn’t invited to the party…..
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And with that it’s On On to the On On.
Scribed by Sneaky Comer.
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This week’s joke: The Australian Cricket team.