Senkang Riverside Park
Hares: Stiffener & Stiff
On On: 10 Maida Vale
Before the Run: Before the run even started, Pubic Zipp called for an Exciting General Meeting. It turns out that she is bailing on us after a few weeks and we need a new Grand Mistress. Up steps Jack Off to take over but now we need a new Hash Cash. Up steps Forced Entry but now we need a new girlfriend for Virginia Slim. Up steps Sybil but now we need a new Queen Emeritus of the Hash. Up steps Stiffy but…. Oh, never mind.
The Circle:
After the run, the GM shouts to the masses: The Pubic Zipp called the circle to order and asked for the hare. Okay, Stiff was not around so we’ll get back to that later.
Next week’s run: Okay, the Pubic One forgot this so we’ll come back to it later.
Visitors: Golden Shower, War & Peace of Shit, Penile Extension, EMP, Nura, Comes Slowly and Totally Unacceptable.
A slight interruption of the circle happened when War & Piece of Shit (Soul Hash) came into the circle to award a custom made t-shirt to the birthday boy, ie Stiff.
Returnees: Virginia Slim, Wet Patch, Shoe Shopper, Herr Zipp and, somehow, Pubic Zipp who came back to the hash after a long hiatus of a week. I also wrote down the words “wonder off” after the above list. If anyone knows what that means, let me know.
Virgins: Yvonne, Christian & Joanna braved the mud today. Two out of three approved. Whore & Piece of Shit interrupted to give some custom patches to the hash brew and ex-hash brew.
Lipstick: Pubic Zipp was keen to use up the last of her lipstick before her pending departure so most of the men were called into the circle. Offending offenders included Wet Patch, Warren Peace of Shit, Totally Unacceptable, Penile Extension, EMP, Comes Slowly and, shockingly, Herr Zipp.
Hares: Finally Stiff and Stiffener were around and gladly accepted the shouts of “good run” that echoed through the valley – right after they said the on on was at their house and it would be totally free. Damn good run.
Were End Peace of Shit interrupted to give another shirt to the disappearing Grand Mistress.
Dick: Loose Change came into the circle in full hash regalia. She was appalled by the fact that Christian did the very un-Christian act on the run of leading her down the garden path. Apparently it was the wrong garden path so the virgin ended up going home with a dick on his head.
Tits: Loose Change also needed to relieve herself of the Tits so she called in Fat Crashing Bastard to chastise him for either flashing her or being flashed by her and not being impressed. I could not remember which, but either way, he was in trouble. Despite FCB’s transgressions, the Tits went to Stiffy for taking grass up the backside. At least that’s what I heard. At this point, Warren Peas of Shit interrupted to give Forced Entry a custom t-shirt.
New Member: nope.
Next week’s run: El Pubico was reminded that next week’s run had to be announced so Zipp and Gypsy came in to direct people to Jalan Lam Sam off Bricklands Road / KJE for the run next week.
Banana Keeper: Herr Zipp noted that War & Piss of Shit has been in the circle more than the GM, has given out more t-shirts than the Haberdash and issued more drink coupons that the Hash Brew. Could he join the committee? Mr. Zipp then called in three women who clearly need the protection of the banana, ie, Two Easy who drinks her port with a wasp in it for the free botox treatments; and, Comes First who needed an iceberg to fix her ankle after the run; and Slightly Stiff whose puffy eyes exposed her allergy to men. Two Easy won the award.
Before Herr Zipp could give out the banana keeper award, War & Piss of Shit interrupted again to give out another custom t-shirt to ………
Awards – nope.
AOB:
- The Pubic Queen called in the owner of the left-over keys. It turns out that Alzheimer’s has already started for the birthday boy as Stiff meekly walked in to claim the keys.
- Wet Pet called Stiff back into the circle to point out how poorly Americans spell. The t-shirt that Where & Pees of Styte gave Stiff looked like it was proofread by some non-native English speaker such as a Korean or something.
- Fat Crashing Bastard called in the new Grand Mistress, Jack Off, for already exercising her new authority and, possibly unwittingly, changed Virginia Slim’s name to Vagina Slim. She was half right.
- Were & Pee’s of Shit raced into the circle to pull a t-shirt out of his sack for Jack Off. After the new GM’s stripper show, she managed to get in to the shirt and allowed the men to go off for a cold shower.
- Pubic Zipp officially handed over the lipstick to Jack Off and, amazingly, Ware & P’s of Shit didn’t come back into the circle for a whole minute.
- Not Tonight kept the Pubic One in the circle for a proper hash send off to Florida. It was noted that PZ would not only lower the average age of Floridians by several years but that she would now take over the title of Florida’s Sexiest Runner.
- Jack Off didn’t let Pubic Zipp out of the circle. Way, way back at the AGM (was it really more than a month ago?), PZ asked Jack Off for support and to take the position of Hash Cash. Jack Off just didn’t realize how much support that she was getting conned into.
- Not Tonight kept the Pubic One in the circle YET AGAIN and reminded her of the first time that Not Tonight laid her eyes upon the Pubic One – or is it the “Public” One? The Zipps were stretching in preparation for a run in the very public Bishan Park when they then turned around and squatted / spread-eagled to pee behind the tiniest of bushes. Not Tonight finally found out that Americans are not as prudish as she thought.
- That was the cue for War & Peeze of Shit to come in to the circle to bestow upon Pubic Zipp the Pineapple Award. Don’t worry, I was confused too.
- Slocum asked War & Peace of Shit into the circle for debunking one of Slocum’s most cherished childhood beliefs. With W&PoS’s never ending sack of goodies constantly making an appearance in the circle, Slocum finally figured out that Santa Claus was not a jolly old ang moh with a white beard, he was actually a brother from the Bronx, working not with elves at the North Pole but with some slave labor in Korea. W&PoS confessed that he was actually just trying to promote the 2086 Joint Korean Interhash.
- All the Yanks and Virginia Slim (a Reb) got called in for a celebratory drink for their Independence Day.
- Stiff got a birthday cake just seconds before EMP called in Comes First for pole dancing around the trees during the run. Apparently one of the trees fought back.
- Whore & Pees of Shit noted that he had a Bastille Day birthday coming up so he wanted to give out some more presents. The new Hash Cash got a shirt and a patch went to Dances with Kerbs for admitting that she had only recently turned 40.
- Jack Off noted that there were four new weekly flights from Melbourne to Singapore so we expected to see Shoe Shopper and Wet Patch back more often on the run. War & Piece of Shyte thought that was worth another t-shirt for Shoe Shopper who very, very reluctantly relented to the calls of Off! Off! Off! After a full minute of dancing around the circle in her bra like some ex-teacher not worried about what any students might see, she donned the new gift.
- EMP called in Penile Extension and Boxer, not for arriving by taxi but for insisting that the driver pull forward the last two meters to the beer truck so that they would not have to walk so far. I guess they were just conserving energy for the run.
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EMP called in Loose Change for giving the Dick to a virgin who may or may not return with it next week. Wet Pet thanked him for volunteering to take over the award and make sure it was around for the expected great run at Jalan Lam Sam.
Scribed by Gypsy