Jalan Lam Sam
Hares: Zipp & Gypsy
On On: Cheng’s Seafood at Farmart
The Circle:
The brand spanking new GM squeals out to the masses to form a circle: Jack Off asked everyone ever so politely to form a circle but for some reason, the men went to one side and the women went to the other and neither group could organize themselves properly. Strangely, the Grand Mistress took objection more to the odd shape of the circle rather than the spread of people. She loudly pronounced “I don’t care about size, just the shape.” I hope she was talking about the circle.
Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Zipp & Gypsy were called in to accept the accolades of all hashers who loudly and unanimously proclaimed the run as the best one they had ever been on. Shouts of “Run of the Year”, “Most Unique Run”, “Shortest Run” and “Best On On” were clearly heard by this scribe.
Tell us about your On On: at Cheng’s Seafood at Farmart.
Next week’s run: It’s a birthday run for Too Easy & Fat Crashing Bastard at Lorong Sesuai which means only one thing. Chocolate! And champagne. And surprises. And a great on on. Okay, that means four things.
Guests
Returnees Guests: Long story. Hanging around with the ladies tonight was Golden Shower, Dimples, Eric, Dead Fish, Big Bear Breath, Comes Slowly, Krit and Four Play.
Returnees: Virginia Slim – just like a bad penny, he keeps getting stuck in the gum ball machine.
Virgins: Phillip turned up for the first time and several of the longer term associate members objected to presence. Please, let’s try harder to get in some female virgins. Please!
New Members: Wee Willie & EMP. Much to the amusement of the masses, Wet Pet started a new Harriet’s tradition of properly welcoming new members with a kiss. It was shocking how many other Harriets felt obliged to follow suit.
Almost New Member Again: Tiger Lily’s return was celebrated by everyone except the hares whose run was suddenly deemed too short before it even started.
Lipstick: From veteran to virgin, it seemed like no one remembered the rules. EMP, Phillip, HooRay, Eric and Comes Slowly got busted.
Tits: Stiffy asked Fat Crashing Bastard why he was sitting during the circle. FCB replied that he had a bad back. “Imagine how bad it would be if you had to wear the monster tits for the whole following week”, Stiffy retorted. FCB was spared though because Stiffy had far worse problems than jealousy over someone sitting during the circle. It seems Stiffy spent the prior week hitting the social circuit and running into Shoe Shopper every single day. I can think of worse things to happen to a person but Stiffy swore it was hell and blamed Comes Quietly for leaving town and thus removing the garlic necklace from Singapore’s neck which protected us from vampires and Shoe Shoppers alike.
Dick: EMP had three potential candidates for the Dick including Big Bear Tits for confusing the hash by repeatedly finding the on trail and calling all runners to follow him while they were actually following instructions of the hare in preparation for the very unique and well planned live-hare-long-run loop. Boxer was another candidate but it turns out that EMP didn’t have a charge for her. He just wanted to see her face in better light. Gypsy was the final candidate and he was accused of trying to mislead the Harriets who missed the run by not only being the great co-hare that he is and setting a perfect run but he is also the scribe this week and pre-planned whatever lies about the run that he pleased. Boxer was clearly voted the recipient but Gypsy did the right thing and saved her by gratefully taking the award as his own.
Banana Keeper: Too Easy noted that Gypsy’s live hare long run loop was unique but also daring. With the way he runs (like a hippopotamus in mud) he was sure to be caught and forced to reveal part of his anatomy. The protection of the banana could not be put to better use.
Awards – nope.
AOB:
- The Grand Mistress / Hash Cash pointed out that 1) subs are due and 2) she wants a new car soon. Therefore please pay up quickly.
- Not Tonight asked Fr. Anus into the circle to introduce him to EMP. Fr. Anus seemed unreasonably happy when earlier in the run, he heard EMP’s full name. Why? Because he was hungry. Huh? His name is Eat My Peanuts, right? Ummmm, no Father. I believe the final word is “Penis”. Never mind then, Father Anus was no longer hungry.
- Father Anus asked EMP to stay in the circle for two reasons. First, he wanted to double check that EMP had no peanuts. Also, he noticed that EMP was constantly letting his head breathe a bit by occasionally taking off the ceremonial Dick. Fr. Anus pointed out that condoms of all sized are designed specifically to NOT be “aired out” while in use as that would lead to unwanted consequences.
- The Yanks (and one Reb) were called into the circle again this week to celebrate the 236 year since Ben Franklin got home and ranted to his chambermaid about that egotistical bastard, John Hancock, who made twenty – now forgotten – patriots sign on the back side of the Declaration of Independence.
- Stiffy called in Shoe Shopper, in absentia, for being a terrorist. Show Shopper, a well known cat hater, was forced by her children to get a photo of the former family cat which was left behind in Singapore with Wet Pet. It has taken Wet Pet many months of providing therapy to get the cat to be normal after she inherited it but on the night after Shoe Shopper’s visit, the cat quickly regressed in to his terrorized state and promptly peed on the sleeping Mr. Wet Pet. Based on Stiffy’s early charge, I would be surprised if Stiffy didn’t wet his pants by seeing Shoe Shopper so much.
- Fat Crashing Bastard asked Hooray and Tiger Lily to stand back to back in the circle. He then asked everyone which one they thought needed two full bottles of water to shower and which one needed SIX bottles. The best reply was that the obvious answer was that the person who needed six bottles was the one who ran three times as fast as the two bottle person.
- Virginia Slim asked hashers to keep an eye out for the evil vice which has recently infiltrated our band of merry runners. Please call CPIB if you notice anyone in our midst who is betting, particularly which inside information. Thanks to Comes First, several hashers, including Sybil, Dances with Kerbs, Forced Entry and Zipp made over $100,000 last week at the horse track.
- EMP wondered why Fat Crashing Bastard held his beer on his head throughout his most recent charge. Apparently, the pose reminded EMP of the garden gnome back at his childhood home. EMP must have grown up in a tough neighborhood.
- Tiger Lily explained that she had been away in Tokyo recently after her long recovery of a leg injury. She ran on the hash there and got conned into the being a last minute live hare after a downpour when the hare was too tired to relay the run. Comes Slowly and Deaf Dish were called in to represent lazy Tokyo hashers.
- Sybil quickly and concisely retold a brief story of how Zipp got her lost on the run tonight. Fortunately, Zipp had left a trail of pee that helped her find her way back to the circle, rather than to the corner of Jurong Track 22 and the PIE. Again.
- EMP called in Krit & Father Anus for breaking the bridge over the creek that the hares had taken such care to build. Those fat buggers made it difficult for the slow people like Comes Slowly to later cross the water and remain dry. Too Easy pointed out that Fat Crashing Bastard is still the best at breaking bridges and living up to his name.
- Amen.
Scribed by Gypsy