The ‘AGM’ Run
The House of Stiff – Seletar Air Base
Hares: Too Easy and Virginia Slim, Hare consultant.
The Run
“Guther round” called Wet N Wild for the last time. So we guthered round and listened to the rather wet Hares give us directions, and more importantly told us there was a drink stop. Almost a good run already.
It was hard finding a female to lead the way out as they all ran off to their cars, at the Hares advice, to get mossie repellant on. Finally we headed down mona vale rd [Ed: I think that might be Maida Vale], not a mossie to be seen. What’s all the fuss about?? On the right was a drain that was flowing fiercely with ugly brown storm water – had there been a drop of rain out here this afternoon??
A strategic Circle check down a side street had a few punters putting their money on local knowledge, so Stiffler was closely watched as he checked across some grassland. However he didn’t have a clue, and it was on back and into jungle along the side of the TPE. Mmm, the trail soon started to get a tad squishy under foot. Maybe it did rain at some stage?
A T check had everyone back and following a defined trail off to the right. However the TPE soon put a stop to that and had everyone back tracking, and off course it was trail to the left we should have followed. Gypsy was showing signs of aggression at this stage with his calling, continuing to call ‘On On’ from the very back throughout the time we searched for trail after the T. He just couldn’t work out why no one else was calling!!
Well, paper became rather soggy looking before disappearing altogether. Was this possibly due to an afternoon shower of rain?? Luckily the Hare was on hand with fresh paper and led the way. Soon we arrived at a hidden illegal workers hut that actually had a more impressive wardrobe than Virginia Slim has. In fact it was a darn sight tidier than my unit come to think of it. I wonder what they would charge for rent?
Paper became extremely scarce but brown muddy water became increasingly prevalent. Mmm, why? Anyway, the trail continued to wind its way through thick bush land, under trees, around trees, over trees, in trees, through trees, up trees.
“ If you’re happy and you know it hug a tree, hug hug. …..” Well, all this tree hugging kept the pack at walking pace, and for anyone non Asian height, it also meant being bent over double to avoid overhead branches.
Eventually a waterway was reached, and Virginia Slim could be heard in the distance calling the pack on. ‘How do we get to you?’ asked Shoe Shopper, who was on an embankment.
‘Go down the rubber hose,’ replied Slim.
‘I’m not going down on a rubber hose,’ exclaimed Shopper. On on.
Wading across the stream, runners, walkers, swimmers were treated to the sight of Virginia Slim sitting in waist deep water on his chair with a glass of vodka punch and a big smirk on his face. He sat there in the water watching the pack make their way across the water, all employing different methods to counter the swirling muddy water.
I’m not sure how the new [Ed: Assistant] On Sec’s Wet Brazilian went, but the in coming Haberdash, Lethal Weapon, was observed on tippy toes, treading wearily, to make sure nothing got into her little box of Hash goodies. Goody Bags had her flotation devices inflated, while Maggot and Stiffy waded army style with arms held high in the air to protect their boy toys. Boo found a piece of hollow bamboo and used it to breathe through, as the water level was 75cm over his head. And that was while he was standing on Quickies head. I’m not sure what Quickie had in her mouth to breath through. As for Singaporn, who baulked at the first 2mm deep puddle encountered 5 minutes into the run, it is believed that she will be released from the psychriatic ward of Alexander Hospital in a few days.
The Aussies took it as a training run swim and did a medley relay. Maggot commenced with the back stroke, and very cleverly passed his GPS from one hand to the other alternatively as he swam, thus keeping it safely above water. He then passed over to Shoe Shopper who, of course, swam the breast-stroke leg. (What else lah!) Black Member then swam the butter fly lap, although he probably resembled a giant bogong moth. To take the team home on the final lap, it was Right Royal Tit who took the meaning of ‘Freestyle’ literally and did the dog paddle. And it’s gold to Australia!! Oi oi oi!.
Over to the far embankment for the drink stop and the truth is revealed. There had not been a shower of rain in the afternoon. There had been a mighty f#*#ing dump of rain, including wind, lightning and thunder ( did they use to be a rock and roll band – Lightning Wind and Thunder???) Trees had been knocked over across the trail, waterways had risen by 2 and a 1/2 metres and the House of Stiff had been hit by lightning. Ai Ya lah! Poor Hares.
The drink stop was enjoyed by everyone, including the mossies. On home was then pretty much a straight trail running parallel with theTPE all the way back. Well done Hares.
The female members then adjourned for their meeting, leaving the men to drink beer in peace for an hour.
The Circle was then formed and the awards were presented by a GM who looked like she had taken full advantage of the drink stop.
Award winners were:
|
Category |
Run |
Date |
Winner(s) |
Location |
|
Best Run |
30 Sep 2009 |
Wet Pet & Father Anus |
Dairy Farm Road |
|
|
Longest Run |
7 Oct 2009 |
Shaggy Dick Too & Royal Tit |
Blackmore Drive |
|
|
Shortest Run |
27 Jan 2010 |
Aussies: Cock Radio, Maggot, Sneaky Comer |
Mayfair Park |
|
|
Wettest Run |
18 Nov 2009 |
Committee: Tiger Lily & Legolas |
Sentosa, Tanjong Beach |
|
|
Most Scenic Run |
26 Aug 2009 |
Give Way & Not Good Enough |
Telok Blangah |
|
|
Most Creative Run |
28 Oct 2009 |
Shoe Shopper & Wet Patch |
Mount Sinai Rise |
|
|
Most Confusing Run |
25 Nov 2009 |
Kannot Kan & Hooray |
Swiss Cottage Estate |
|
|
Best On On |
1876 |
10 Jun 2009 |
The Stiff Family |
10 Maida Vale |
|
Best Drink Stop |
1 Jul 2009 |
Virginia Slim & Big Head |
Upper Seletar Reservoir |
|
|
Harriets’ Hero |
Cock Radio |
|||
|
Most Laid Harriet |
Shoe Shopper |
|||
|
Unsung Hero |
Sneaky Comer |
The old Committee then introduced the new Committee, and the new GM, Shoe Shopper, took over.
Stiffy’s Hash Maths. ?? Maggot, the apprentice, measured the run at about 5kms.
Crikey, what did we think of that for a run? Not enough mossies, not enough scantily clothed women, too dry. Good Run!
Tell us about your on on mate. Mr. Ho’s Lamb and creamy potatoes with salad.
Well what about next week? Car Park before the Long House, Posh Nash and Right Royal Tit
Virgins: Michelle, Angela, Kristin, Emily, Natalie
Visitors, returnees and other misfits: Dripping Bush, an ex virgin from last week, Teeny Willy and possibly a few other misfits that I missed and making a return is Wanker and Herr Zipp
New Member –
Lippy – None tonight
The Tits – Fat Crashing Bastard reminds us that Hashing can be a dangerous past time, resulting in hospital cases and even death! One of our Hares has just made a return after recovering from blood poisoning, a twisted ankle, malaria, some disease that requires a dose of penicillin, beri beri, bird flu and piles. So why return and sit in stagnant water Virginia Slim?!!
The Dick – Our Virgin gal from last week comes in with a Dick that is looking slightly the worse for wear, as it would after spending a week with a virgin. And who gave her the Dick last week? Hooray. So Hooray is in for giving his Dick to a virgin. Cock Radio is also nominated for arriving at the drink stop without a woman. Gypsy is brought in for bouncing everyone off a log in mid stream. Siffler had an immigration charge leveled against him. Shaggy Dick 2 was overheard telling a female to get her tits out. And finally Legolas for bringing along a guest and not informing her that she should wear her I Pod on the run.
And the winner is ……. Oh darn, I didn’t write it down and I can’t remember! As the last one in, let’s say it was Legolas
AOB
· Stiffener promised fine weather to set the run and proposed putting vegetables on a post outside to keep the rain away. Too Easy agreed with this scientific approach to solving the world’s weather problems, so they put chilli on a post. The end result was the house being struck by lightning. Give the witches a note!
But then again, the cleric that said scantily clothed women were behind all these forces of nature causing havoc in the world. The ligtning bolt struck above Stiffler’s bedroom, making its way down to obliberate his computer where he had been obviously using the internet to view images of scantily clothed women.
On on On on to Mr. Ho’s NZ lamb and creamy potatoes
Bring back the old Committee!
Scribed by Cock Radio.