The Short Cutter’s Run

Fort Canning Park

Hares: Hooray

On On: UE Square – Burger & Beer

Lost & Found: 1 Note pad. Found along Dunearn Rd, just after Blackmore Drive, slightly tattered with Gin&Tonic stains and herbal chicken remnants topped with a rubber tire imprint. Contact Methodist Girls School.

 

The Run:

The day had been hotter than a Bombay Curry and runners were already drier than a dead dingo’s donger. What we did not need was a Hooray Half Marathon Street Pounding.

So it was with relief that a merciful Hare declared that this would be a short run. And it was. Medium runners back in 30 minutes and ‘long’ runners back in 35 mins. Boo took a short cut and was back in one hour, having decided to check out Marina Bay Sands.

Tiger Lily was off trail after the first 20 metres, possibly a world record. Despite the Hare yelling out ‘Left, left, LEFT, F#*king left,’ Tiger continued straight through the car park, calling ‘Are you?’ Seriously, if she was a male, she would not find a root in a brothel.

A scenic trail led us round and up and down Fort Canning Park. Plenty of scope for short cutting, not that we need to do that on a short run. Over to Clarke Quay and we headed along the river towards Robertson Quay. Except for Boo, who headed the opposite direction towards Marina Bay Sands. ‘Don’t follow Boo.’

The ‘Short / Extremely Short’ Split was reached in 20 minutes. Sweet Thighs and I decided to create our own ‘Slightly Longer than Extremely Short but Just a Tad Shorter than Short,’ Split.

Cold drinks did not touch the sides back at the Beer Wagon. Just Jane and Goes Down Easy decided to go around again. Obviously they did not think they were hot enough already.

Sneaky Comer decided to fall down the drain at the side, getting sympathy from everyone including Croc Hunter who came and offered him another beer.

 

The Circle: Wet ‘n Wild is the stand in GM, hope she does not stand in the drain like her husband did.

 

Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Too long. Too cold. Too nice of Hooray not to give us 90 minute ball breaker. Good Run.

 

Tell us about your On On: UOA Square – Burger and Beer $26 – buy one get one free.

 

Next week’s run: Deepavali Run, Little India

 

Guests: Caroline, Marta, Sally, Just Jane, Chonnorhea, Simon, Golden Raindrop, Dimples, Ayam Kampong. In and Out Returnee.

 

Lipstick: A thong spanking to Comes Quietly, Allan the Virgin and Sneaky Comer, who thought it was just like being at home.

 

Virgins: Allan, Joanna

 

New Member: Nope.

 

Tits: No Tits, although I could see a few pair. Wrong ones I guess.

 

Dick: Boo is back, but he is not the correct Dick we are after. No Tits, no Dick.

 

Banana Protector: No need if you don’t have a Dick to protect.

 

Awards – Nope.

 

AOB:

• Red Snapper calls in guest Caroline who was observed checking out male bum cheeks for bee stings. Careful, you could end up with a big prick doing that.
  
• Hooray calls in the Short Run abusers – Boo, also known as Mad Chinaman, ran all the way to Marina Bay Sands and back, while Just Jane, Two Jugs and possibly Goes Down Easy ran a 2^nd lap.
  
• Golden Showers called in Caroline for getting her Turf Clubs mixed up. Yes, the new one is at Kranji, the original is Turf Club City, Dunearn Rd. Seen one racetrack, seen them all huh.
  
• Cock Radio, the reliable scribe who was in Phuket killing brain cells last week, asks why no run report last week huh? Sneaky Comer, filling in, lost all his brain cells at the G&T drink stop, not to mention his scribe notes pad. In desperation, he tried to snatch mine from me, claiming he found it, and then dived into a drain searching for it, leaving behind skin, blood and fragments of tibia bone on the concrete sides.
  
• The Breast Cancer Awareness Run raised $12,000,000 for the Pink Ribbon Fund. Mmmm, maybe a couple too many zeroes there – just the thought of breasts makes me go over the top. Does $12,000 sound right? Or $1200? Doesn’t matter, it was still more than National F#*king Parks raised.
  
• Red Snapper praised someone, maybe it was herself, or maybe someone praised her, f#*ked if I know. Anyway, someone with nothing better to do is going to Hawaii to participate in a torture event that involves rock climbing, white water rafting, crocodile wrestling, swimming with White Pointers and finishing by throwing themselves off the edge of a crater into an active volcano.
  
• Golden Raindrops is showered with a massive birthday Cake. Wet ‘N Wild tells us that Boxer made it Octogenarian size. 80 kg of flour went into it. Slab of cake anyone??
  
• Sneaky Comer, having dragged himself out of the gutter, tells how Goes Down Easy complained about having to consume soo many G&T ‘s etc etc etc at last week’s run and somehow managed to drive home. She could not remember driving home, but she remembered all the charges from last week’s Circle when Sneaky called for help after losing his notes.
  
• Goes Down Easy charged all those with fancy car boot shower who make all those with a plastic 2 litre bottle from the beer van envious. Golden Showers tried to enter but was quickly pissed off.
  
• Wet ‘n Wild charges Goes Down Easy for bringing the Harriet’s fine name and reputation into disrepute. She brought a friend along under the guise of ‘No need to run, they just drink a lot.’ We resemble that remark.
  
• Mad Chinaman brings in the American Tea Party – Obama Who Cares. A new twist on the song – ‘We don’t want no Yankee Sailor, British pay 5 times more….’
  

   

On that note, On On to the On On.

Scribed by Cock Radio.

 

10 Best Golf Caddy Jokes

Number 10 – Golfer: “I’m going to drown myself in the lake.”
Caddy: “Think you can keep your head down that long?”

Number 9 – Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.”
Caddy: “Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the earth.”

Number 8 – Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?”
Caddy: “Yes, you miss the ball much closer now.”

Number 7 – Golfer: “Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?”
Caddy: “Eventually.”

Number 6 – Golfer: “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world.”
Caddy: “I don’t think so. That would just be too much of a coincidence.”

Number 5 – Golfer: “Please stop checking your watch all the time. It’s very distracting.”
Caddy: “It’s not a watch – it’s a compass.”

Number 4 – Golfer: “How do you like my game?”
Caddy: “Very good, but personally, I prefer golf.”

Number 3 – Golfer: “Do you think it’s a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: “The way you play, it’s a sin on any day.”

Number 2 – Golfer: “This is the worst course I’ve ever played on.”
Caddy: “This isn’t the golf course. We left that an hour ago.”

Number 1 Best Caddy Comment: Golfer: “That can’t be my ball, it’s too old.”
Caddy: “It’s been a long time since we teed off, sir.”