The ‘Indian Anus’ Run
Kamala & Father Anus
Lower Seletar Car Park, Old Upper Thompson Rd
The Run
The usual bunch of misfits turned up for the run. Apart from Shaggy Dick 2. Oh, and Lethal Weapon wasn’t there either. Nor was Loose Change, or Wet Pet. Didn’t sight Wet Patch come to think of it. Mmm, Give Way? Virginia Slim? Tiger Lily?
So it was the almost usual bunch of misfits that headed down to the water’s edge and along the boardwalk. But not for too long, as trail disappeared into a jungle path off to the left. Encountering a severe patch of Shiggy, Stiffy held back, certain a T Check was going to be called the other side of it. Come on Stiffy, get your feet dirty mate.
This track soon turned into a prick of a trail. Nasty thorns on branches, bloody pricks of vines tripping us. Our Virgin gal Annie had never seen so many big pricks, and was surprised there were so many in Singapore.
Legolas was showing the way for a while, but after failing to call ‘On on’ for 10 minutes was eventually pushed aside. Twin Towers took the lead, proudly inflating her lungs and calling something out about ‘You bastards.’
More jungle, more shiggy, more of Twin Towers bum to follow. Luckily she had a white band around her black shorts or we may have lost her in the jungle shadows.
Eventually onto Old Thompson Rd where a group of walkers were milling around, complaining they had not seen any trail yet. Funny about that Ugly Bum and co.
Well, we didn’t wear our shoes out too much on the bitumen of Old Thompson Rd – across, through a hole in the fence and back into the jungle. ‘On your bike lad,’ was the call from Legolas as we passed a bike chained to a tree. And just what was that stray drain lid doing lying out in the middle of the jungle? Weird.
A little market garden in the middle of nowhere with a Circle had us guessing. Past a fantastic old tree, which caused our Casino worker runner to go over and hug it for luck, (makes you wonder about the viability of the Casino if it’s workers rely on tree hugging for luck).
Anyway, back out onto Old Thompson, but again not for long. It was Wet Thong who led us back into jungle and entertained us with her trips, slips and tangles. Nice trail to finally get back onto the boardwalk for the hit out to home.
Unfortunately for Wet Thong, who was in good form, a shoe blow out left her high and dry as the following men deserted her and went ahead, spotting Ugly Bum and co walkers in the distance. Once the walkers were passed, Not Tonight took full advantage of the situation and ran the final 500 meters in to the beer wagon with 6 sweaty, charged up males on her tail. On On!
Crikey, what did we think of that for a run? No doubt that was a prick of a very good run. Well done, thanks Hares.
Stiffy’s Hash Maths. Toy Boy tried to tell us that we only travelled 4 kms tonight, a little hard to believe. His apprentice, Maggot, gave us a more convincing reading of about 5.2km. More about this discrepancy in distance later!
Tell us about your on on mate. Casuarina Curry – nope, next door to it.
Well what about next week? Posh Duck has been called out of town on business, so it’s Shoe Shopper and Shaggy Dick too 2 stepping in, using the old tried and trusted Blackmore Drive, near the gal’s school.
Virgins: – Anna, friend of Posh Nash. Get’s the ‘She’s a little flat chested,’ song and has to look down at her chest to check.
Visitors, returnees and other misfits:, Vibrator, Cock Tease, Phoney Sex,Flat Chat,Stiff, Knickerless and possibly a few other odd bods.
Knickerless then asks Shoe Shopper ‘Are you the GM now?’
New Member –
Lippy – Great Balls of Fire, Cock Radio, Vibrator, Comes Quietly and Handbag are charged on a technicality. With 500 metres to go, Wet Thong had to pull into the pits after suffering a blow out (she stopped to tie up her shoe lace.) The lead bunch of men failed to stop, and claimed that they could use the walkers as their leading women. Despite employing an almost good lawyer (Boo) to defend themselves, they were found guilty as charged.
Hooray and Stiffy also copped a faceful.
The Tits – Apart from the Virgin gal, who apparently was unsure of her Tit size, there’s not much happening on the Tit front tonight.
The Dick – Maggot retells the Crocodile Dundee scene where a street punk in New York pulls a little flick knife on Mick Dundee in an attempt to rob him. Cool as a cucumber, Dundee looks at the punk and his under sized weapon, reaches under his jacket and pulls out a weapon 1 metre in length and says ‘Now that’s a knife.’ The punk took one look and fled.
Stiffy has been coming up short lately with his GPS reading. Maggot asks him to get it out, takes one look at it, produces his own vastly size superior tool and tells Stiffy, ‘Now that’s a GPS.’
Take the Dick Stiffy!
Awards- nope.
AOB
· Wet N Wild has a story about looking after the bush. In days gone by, apparently the best way to treat a policeman or Parks Ranger who was complaining about runners destroying the vegetation was to shove some foliage in his mouth and tell him it was edible.
· Boo produced an article about the Brits and their unsafe sex habits.
Some of the results of a recent Brit survey are.
18 million people have been injured during sex.
Injuries included pulled muscles, back injuries, carpet burns, cricked necks, bruised elbows, fingers bent back, twisted knee.
40% did not realize they were injured until the next morning.
Most dangerous locations for sex were sofa, stairs, car, chair, kitchen table, work cupboard, garden.
Items commonly broken were bed frame, wine glasses, pictures, chair, chest of drawers, vase, window, door.
Please all you Brits, practice safe sex.
· Stiffy was asked by Michelle could she have a St George’s Day singlet, as the run was so nice, the shirt is so nice, Stiffy is so nice,…. Well, stiffy didn’t completely fall for it, so said she can have a a St George shirt if she joins the Hash. She said ok, well done Stiffy!!
· Sneaky Comer has been doing a bit of researching on the Harriets (so that’s what you call it huh, research)
Anyway, in the old days, the girls use to have a problem with unaccompanied males who would get back from the run first and drink all the beer. On in Vibrator as a relic from the past.
Then there was a waiting list for males to become a member. They had to set a certain amount of runs before they would be considered. Apparently Hooray did his share 25 years ago, was accepted and hasn’t set a run since.
· Handbag had a bit of serious tail gating happening on the run. Single trail through the jungle, Vibrator became impatient with lack of overtaking opportunities and so stood on the back of Handbags shoe, causing it to dislodge. Unfortunately, Handbags braking system was lacking, hence Handbag continued for 6 steps in his socks across pricks, thorns, rocks, thistles, hot coals cobras before coming to a halt. He then had to reverse 6 steps back across the hazards because Vibrator would not retrieve the dislodged shoe. All is fair in love and war !
· Black Member calls all the teachers in. As teachers are likely to have a supply of white chalk, who wrote the message on the wall in the jungle that said ‘F*#k the new committee?’ The primary teachers are excused as it was written in upper case, and they would use a cursive script.
So it became a case of, if you can read this, thank a Secondary teacher. And they got the spelling correct.
· Kamala accuses Doubleback for ringing Father Anus to ask about a short run.
· Stiffy tells Black Member it is politically incorrect to use the word blackboard when he did his teacher charge. It is whiteboard.
But is that politically correct?
One smacks of discrimination and the other of supremacy.
So we decide on chalkboard.
From now on Black Member will be known as Chalk Member.
Blackmore Dve is renamed Chalkmore Dve.
Anyone having a whisky drink stop will have to supply Johnny Walker Chalk Label.
We have never heard of Chalk Widow.
An approaching storm will be referred to as ‘Gee, the sky is looking a bit chalk over there.’
And to keep all colors in perspective, the Red Lantern will now be known as ‘The Chalk Lantern.’
On on on to the Casuarina restaurant, but don’t sit down there, go next door.
Scribed by Cock Radio.