The Tarty Tardy NZ National Day Run
Hares: Wet ‘n Wild & Loose Marbles.
Run Site: Blackmore Drive
On On: Red Lantern
The Run:
What time does a 6 o’clock run start? With Wet Brazilian in charge and Wet ‘n Wild and Loose Marbles as Hares, 5.30 may have been appropriate. As the lengthy pre run speech went on, and on, and on, In and Out suggested we forget the run and go straight to the Red Lantern before it closes.
The Hares told us that there was trail from several runs out there. It was suggested that if we don’t get started there will be even more trail out there as Thursdy Hash may soon front up.
The Hares persisted with directions, despite the constant barrage from Not Good Enough. The run was set on mainly chalk, but also a little bit of paper and flour. There is other chalk out there but don’t follow it, unless we have used it. Some chalk had an x. While there is a lot of trail out there, at one stage there is no trail at all. Understand?
Finally, just as the sun was setting (well, almost) we got underway, only to hit a T Check on Old Holland Rd. The field was thoroughly checked out, nothing. It was back to the Beer Van, where some runners were tempted to stop, even though they had only been running 5 minutes.
Sneaky Comer decided to bulldoze his way through an old trail instead of risking a broken ankle backtracking across the field, so I followed him. The good news was we made it out onto the new road. The bad news was we got there before the Pack. Lipstick.
Somehow Dragon Breath was the lead lady. Not for long. Goes Down Easy led us onto the old railway line and a Circle. Sneaky Comer and I found paper on the right side of the canal, Goes Down Easy found paper on the left. Hers looked fresher.
Out onto Clementi Road and turn right. Must be a T, we always go left. Wrong, it was really right and down to King Albert. Sneaky Hares.
[Ed: one of the hares informs me (although with her sense of direction I have my doubts) that we missed a sneaky T-check over the overhead bridge on Clementi Road. Well we didn't see arrows going over there, so we just ran straight past it].
A Circle had front runners scratching their heads. The walkers had been given inside information and made their way across Bukit Timah Rd via the old railway bridge. The Hares had spared no expense setting this part of the trail – a few hundred metres set with only ¼ cup of flour.
Rifle Range Rd came and went, as did the Durian Trail. The Hares were suffering heat stroke at this stage when setting the run, as they forgot to put Checks in. Or maybe they were just too busy chatting.
A long road run back, down Jalan Kampong Chantek, through Binjai Park and onto Bukit Timah Rd before the finish up Blackmore drive for an 8km hit out.
The Circle: Wet Brazilian shows she hasn’t lost it. Did she ever have it?
Crikey, so what did we think of that for a run? Should have started on Kiwi Day. Too much chalk.
Tell us about your On On: Red Lantern, free flow of Australian wine. Joking.
Next Week’s Run: Cock Radio, Sembawang shopping Centre.
Guests: Bugle Boy, Ditch, Betty Boop, Poo Bag, Big Manswolly, 14 Penguins, Trash, Phoney Dick, Paul, Eskimo Quinn, Just Jane, Dragon breath, Cunnilicker.
Returnees: Malfunktion, Confucius, Octopussy.
Virgins: Nope.
Lipstick: Cock Radio, Sneaky Comer etc etc.
Tits: Two Jugs gives it to Wet Brazilian for failing to have her phone on all day, thus making it impossible to communicate vital committee information to her.
Dick: Goes Down Easy gives it to the opinionated one, Not Good Enough, for claiming he was first to arrive at a Circle Check and refusing to believe that he wasn’t first at all.
Banana Protector: Father Anus , not here.
Awards – Two Jugs takes a 50 run award.
AOB:
- Wet ‘n Wild charged Octopussy for shopping on the run.
- Bugle Boy informed us that Imperfect Member and Two Jugs went to the doctor – Imperfect Member wanted his sex drive lowered. ‘It’s all up here in my head,’ complained IM, ‘And I want it lower.’
- Cunnilicker said that Malfunktion has matching underwear for his shorts, but is not wearing them. Malfunktion unfortunately drops his shorts to prove that Cunnilicker was correct.
- Not Good Enough has had Octopussy staying for 3 days and she has not stopped talking. He is sick of girls talk and lets Dragon Breath, Goes Down Easy, Gives Way etc know he is fed up.
- Ayam Kampong was curious as to why In and Out took so long to come in. Because he was out for a long time I guess.
- German visitor commented there were too many men playing pocket billiards.
- Dragon Breath had Cunnilicker tell her he was too sick to set the Sunday run, but here he was at the Wednesday run. Better than sitting around at home was his comment.
- Malfunktion saw our resident nurse, Mother’s Tongue, at the bank. She was trying to fill out a form but was getting nowhere. The teller informed her that she was trying to write with a rectal thermometer. On discovering this, she exclaimed ‘Some asshole has my pen.’
- In and Out’s friend had a horrible accident and ended up in hospital and found a beautiful curvy nurse leaning over him when he came to. She broke the bad news and told him he would never feel anything below the waist again. The patient then said “In that case, can I feel your tits?’
- The Boxer gives Croc Hunter a cake less Happy Birthday.
- Two Jugs and Imperfect Member are given farewell gifts. A pair of jugs is one of them of course.
On on to the On On.
Scribed by Cock Radio
Horror movies don’t scare me.
5 missed calls from the wife on the other hand…..