The ‘Slimey Birthday Gals’ Run
Loose Change, Suzee Wong, consulted by Virginia Slim.
Corner Ulu Pandan Rd and Clementi Rd
The Run
Suzee Wong’s bum was attracting considerable attention as runners gathered in the car park behind the Seafood Restaurant. Was that a muddy skid mark from setting trail or the after effects of last nights curry?
Across Ulu Pandan and into the jungle by the canal. Our virgin girl almost stopped dead in her tracks at the first sighting of shiggy. Ah, my chance to overtake. Single file, over logs, under logs, it was a hard slippery slog up the muddy hill through the jungle. ‘Slip sliding away, slip sliding away…. Are we anywhere nearer our destination….,’ – namely the drink stop of course! Running behind Slack Arse was interesting, he was barely bending to go under logs that I was stepping over.
After lots more slip sliding aways, we reached that little familiar hut settlement in the middle of the jungle where a hard to break Circle was placed. Eventually on straight was called and into more jungle.
Twin Towers, in front of me, called out something indecipherable, I couldn’t understand a bloody word of it. I then hit the ground with a decent thud that registered 2.4 on the Richter Scale after encountering a rogue vine that pulled the legs from under me. Twin Towers, feeling the ground move for her, came back to see if I was ok. ‘You stupid bastard Cock Radio, I called out “Trip” to warn you and you still fall over. Why don’t you listen, you dumb Aussie bastard?’ Thanks Twin Towers, I will enroll in Mother Tongue’s Speak Better English class next week.
Down the steep muddy embankment to the old railway line. Slack Arse and others stayed on paper which followed the ropes down to safety. I was still slightly dazed from my earth moving fall and floundered my way around, sliding and slipping my way down and cursing ‘ I know there is a bloody rope around here somewhere, why didn’t the Hares make use of it?’ Slack Arse, 15 meters further over and abseiling down the rope safely, made some smart arse remark.
The old railway track was wet and muddy, but was nothing compared to the exit point. Wet Thong looked for an alternative exit, but as there was not one, I guess she just ended up with a wet thong.
Across the Malay Railway line and into the jungle the other side onto the newly made bitumen road where the jungle used to be . Say no more. Up to Old Holland Road, a hard slog up the hill, where we finally reached our Holy Grail – yes, the Drink Stop!
Well, on reaching a drink stop, one usually thinks that home is safely just around the corner. Not so if Virginia Slim is involved in a run. Back along the Malay Railway line to the 2nd Canal. A steep descent down caused grief to Right Royal Tit, who fearing that the 6pm express train to KL was about to pass through exited at too a quick a speed and did a Right and Left Royal Bum Cheek slide down the embankment all the way to the steps leading into the canal. Nice one.
Along the Canal and through the Twin Towers Tunnels. On reaching the other side of the tunnel, a quick 0.253 second memorial for Mr. Potato Head who broke his finger at this spot last year, thus leading to a 550% increase in our insurance premiums. Out of the canal and across the road to Home. Well done Hares, a fine run! Not as good as last weeks of course, but nice try!
Next week’s run: Sinai Rise, 500 metres from here, Shoe Shopper and Wet Patch, On on BBQ
Lipstick: Knobby Boy Scout fell for the old Tiger Lily stop and tie up the shoelaces trick. That’s what you get for tail gating and not keeping sufficient braking space. Wet Patch did something too, although after observing the passionate way the lippy was applied by the GM, I think he did it on purpose! Several males immediately put up their hands and declared they too had erred and should be given the lippy. I suspect there could be a lot of errant males next run.
Visitors: Slack Arse, Banana in Public, Stiff, Little Stiff, Knobby Boy Scout, Krit, Belcher, Ms Belcher, Countess of Anal, King Leer, and possibly others. Why were they born so beautiful………
Virgins: Heath and Sofie were asked by the GM how they enjoyed losing their virginity. ‘That’s private, if you don’t mind,’ was their quick reply.
Dick n Tits The Tits are back, proudly worn by Fat Crashing Bastard. And as they have been missing awhile, there is a lot to get of his chest.
First up, on discovering he had the fore said items at home all the time, his excuse to Too Easy was about not being able to see the Tits in the dark. He was threatened with no Tits ever again if he raised that in the Circle.
Slip n Slide told Quickie to consider the fact that Sophie is Dutch when considering what size T-shirt to give her – Dutch chest size medium could b slightly different to Asian chest size medium.
Loose Change was seen opening the drink container with her chest.
Maggot was told by Too Easy that he had a big one. Maggot replied that it was actually bigger when he was 4 and a half, it has actually got smaller with age. 4 and a half does seem a tad early to reach the peak of sexual prowess. Oh, they were actually discussing the scar on Maggots arm he received from boiling coffee spilt on him. (That’s why I stick to beer , can’t scald anyone when I spill it -CR)
Maggot wins for having such a whopper at age 4.
The Dick - MIA still, but we have tracked it down to the run it was awarded at, and by whom it was awarded. Unfortunately the member who gave it away has Alzheimer’s, or was rather pissed, and can’t remember who he gave it to. But we have a list of those that were at this run, somewhere close to the car park at the top of Lorong Sesaui, at a run Hared by possibly Lethal Weapon, and by the process of elimination, we will find the culprit! Stay tuned for a public stoning shaming.
Subs are due so pay up before Wet Pet and Singaporn rip your bloody arms off. (ps, can you check if I have paid my subs please, otherwise I will have to adjust the above notice next week -CR)
Awards – 50 runs – Twin Towers, and there were a few very quiet calls out of plain courtesy for TT to remove her top. Most men just kept chatting and sipping on their beer, totally disinterested in what was going on. (Sneaky Comer thought the top was not short enough, but if he had been really Sneaky, he would have sabotaged the top with a few knots or something, thus leaving Twin Towers in a prolonged state of undress.)
250 runs – Yours truly, Cock Radio. The females all went into raptures with loud, hysterical shouts of ‘OFF, OFF.’ I was reluctant to stir up up the females into any more wild behaviour in a public place, but what could I do? On On.
AOB
· Sneaky Comer pointed out that a certain International School in Singapore, close to Patterson Rd, with 3 initials, beginning with I and ending with S, has a new principal. As a result, some teachers there are on the look out for a new job.
- Shaggy Dick 2 could be a Singapore Tour Guide. He was heard making complimentary comments to people, such as ‘You’ve lost weight!’ Then at various stages during the run, he was overheard pointing out various landmarks and places of interest. I believe his personal tour guide of the back lanes of Geylang, Lor 1 to 20, is extremely popular, and well researched.
- Cock Radio is actually going to pursue a career as a teacher, and has finally learnt how to email and knows what IB stands for. (although he can’t spell it)
- Right Royal Tit is going straight into retirement, by the look of him he has already been in a good paddock.
· Wet an Ready, who had been paying very close attention to the previous charge, instead of gulping sipping on her plonk wine and gossiping discussing the run, as she always does, made a rather profound statement – ‘They’re all from the same school.’ Blonde as well. Say no more.
· Give Way and Not Good Enough receive their award from the AGM . Hang on, that was in April. Give the returnees a note.
· Not Tonight – we have not seen the Tits lately. We have not seen the teachers for a while (notice she does not say she has not seen the Dick for a while???) And we have not seen Give Way for a long time. Why? Because they have been waiting for a dedicated Give Way lane on the freeway. Not Good Enough mumbles something about Giving Way all night. Well done Youth Olympic Games!
· Stiffy ran behind Black Member all night and observed him in the muddy jungle, skidding, slip sliding away, tripping, stumbling, hopping on one leg, head butting trees, hugging trees etc, but he stayed on his feet. Well-done mate. But as soon as he emerged from the treacherous jungle, and onto firm tarmac, what did he do? Yep, fell arse over tit over the metal barrier.
· The GM quoted Black Member as saying ‘This was the best run in the last …….. ? years?? Hey mate, what about last week’s Sembawang Run?? Short memory huh.
· Slack Arse has a go at Hash Cash. He knows he doesn’t come often (to the Harriet’s Run, I think he means, but not sure), gives his money to Hash Cash and is asked for his name. ‘Slack Arse’ of course, he replies.
‘Oh, that’s a funny name isn’t it? was the reply from Hash Cash.’ Slack Arse , you need to come more lah.
· Hand Bag complains about the markings that were placed ‘Up the Rude’ (he meant Old Holland Road). Why? – There was a well-made footpath up the left hand side of what is a rather narrow road, but where were all the trail markings? Yep, on the right hand side with no path, forcing runners to head butt on-coming cars. (luckily I was running behind Twin Towers and every on – coming car ran off the road before they reached me for some reason)
· Loose Change charged Virginia Slim for getting carried away with his tool in the jungle, causing possible grievous outrage and bodily harm to his female Hares. Father Anus is also irresponsible as he sharpened Slime’s pharang before they set off.
· Mother Tongue socks it to FCB for making fun of people with Big Heads. But apparently Big Heads have less chance of getting Alzheimer’s. I can’t remember the rest of the charge, sorry. (for further info, refer to www.Mother Tongue @Speak Better English. com. x#* )
· Stiffy, despite being back at work, still has time to read the newspaper , and points out the Wed. Hasher with the $26 million debt. Something about open to the floor and to the rich one. (scribe losing it at this stage, sorry)
· Knobby Boy Scout tried to ask for a date to set a run, but was told by Posh Nash that Hareline is booked up for next 6 months.(where were you last Wed. Knobby,it cost me $55 for bolt cutters to sneak out back gate at work so I could set the run) Good job Posh Nash, very efficient.
· Handbag has noticed that the sun doesn’t shine out of the Scribes asse. Yours truly is bought in for scribing by the light of a strategically placed lantern between my legs. (ok, if anyone wants to hold it for me next week, contact me.)
· Twin Towers then tells a pathetic story about warning yours truly about a trip. (for true version, please refer back to run report –CR) She then grossly over dramatizes the event, falling over in the Circle many times, to a full 360 degrees (thankfully to all the males) and making dubious imitations of me moaning and complaining. (I repeat, for true version refer back to run report)
· Hoo Ray may be quiet out the back, but he has had his eyes opened. He brings in all the females wearing their slinky little black cocktail dresses.
· Virginia Slim heard the girls wondering ‘Is this Knobby Boy Scout or not?’ Well, he has been away all night. So how to tell if it is KBS or not??? Only one way said the gals, get him to drop his pants. And he did. Suzee Wong immediately identified the backside , Loose Change was not sure, but Virginia Slim took one look and cast the deciding vote by declaring that was KBS’s bum for sure.
And on that bummer of a note, On on on to the seafood restaurant just over there
Scribed by Cock Radio. (thanks to Maggot for resuing the notes I left in his car and scanning them to me!) On on