The ‘Commonwealth Games Pre Ramble’ Run
Jalan Mashhor
Shaggy Dick 2 & Right Royal Tit
The Run
Despite last minute frantic work around the clock, it was clear when we arrived that the Hares had failed to have the run site ready in time. The much anticipated beautiful lawn area, with landscaped cobblestone terrace, flanked by a rose garden, leading to the octagonal pavilion with revolving restaurant for the On On, was quite simply, just not going to happen tonight. Instead, a field of mud, scattered with rubble, weeds and a deserted construction workers hut confronted runners. In fact, the workers had been recalled to Delhi to help complete the stadiums and athletes village for the Commonwealth Games. On closer inspection of our run site, several pythons had been removed, dogs roamed freely around the workers hut, a bridge had been fenced off by orange tape (was it about to collapse?), dengue fever warnings were up, toilet amenities were non existent. The shower facilities involved a bucket in the drain beside the road, or was that the warm up pool for the swimming events? And where was the valet car parking? In fact it was just plain diabolical. We hoped that the Games organisers were having better luck in New Delhi, you sure could not imagine anything like this happening at the Commonwealth Games, that’s for sure. At least our security was good, I thought, as we stepped aside to let a police car go by.
So with apologies, the Hares tell us that the trail for tonight is first class, the beverages will be ice cold and they have booked out the world renowned Long House for a feast of International Food, well, International with a sort of Asian emphasis.
When one of the Hares insisted we turn right, despite not seeing any markings, and trudge up a hill, we should have guessed it was for a reason. Yes, to make us run to the top to look at the T Check they had planted. The first of many.
Just to give us a little taste of what it might be like running the Commonwealth Games Marathon through the streets of New Delhi, the Hares took us into Gymkhana Rd. and onto Mt Pleasant Rd. No footpaths, plenty of blind corners, blind hashers, blind Singapore drivers. Total chaos ensued. Luckily Boo was on traffic duty, threatening drivers with being sued by an Almost Good Lawyer if they didn’t slow down and respect the old running farts.
The PIE was then reached. Oh no, surely the Hares wouldn’t do that to us? Ah, a little trail skirting parallel to the PIE eventually took us into some jungle, and a lovely little jungle stream with a little track next to it. But the track soon disappeared, and the lovely jungle stream turned into a nasty, black sludge pool. There was nothing for it but to get in and get dirty. Following the stream, sometimes in, sometimes out, it was good stuff. A massive log was encountered across our path. I really don’t know how some people got over it.
Eventually we were into Bukit Browne Cemetery. A nice tarmac trail. Lethal Weapon set the pace, but then relinquished it to Posh Nash in a tag team Tactic when trail headed left into the jungle. Yes, it was yet another long T Check. There had been many so far.
Out onto Sime Rd, Circle Check. Had to go forward towards Lornie, so I did. But it was back into jungle on the left. I suspected, cunningly, that it would come out onto Lornie near the overhead bridge, then down SD2’s favourite set of steps behind the houses and back into Bukit Browne. I suspected correct, and as the front runners ran past my hiding spot on Lornie Rd, I ran out and joined on the back. I don’t think anyone noticed, apart from the passing traffic who were rather suspicious of a sweaty male in shorts and singlet hiding behind bushes on Lornie Rd.
So Tarmac trails wound us back through Bukit Browne, but not before another whopper T Check and a Grand Old Duke of York manoeuvre – yes, the Hares marched us up a hill through the graves, then they marched us down again only 50 metres further along.
Eventually the disabled riding school was reached. Back in just over an hour, some heavy going stuff, nice trails, all good. Apart from the uncompleted run site. Well done Hares, a good run. Not as good as the run 8 weeks ago, but nice try!
The Circle:
So, what did we think of that for a run? ‘Good run, bloody good run,’ said the Hares. Despite the grave situation we found ourselves in, and all the dead ends, everyone agreed with the Hares that it was a good run.
Tell us about your On On: A la carte at The Longhouse with International Food featuring Asian cuisine, from Asia.
Next week’s run: Hooray, corner Racecourse and Gloucester Rd. NE line exit D&E
Visitors: Nancy, Heath, Bagless 2, Drop a Load, One Time and Dyoon. Possibly a few others I missed.
Virgins: Not tonight.
Returnees: no Boomerangs today.
Lipstick: Heath not only got the Lippy but he also received the pink tutu that made a return tonight.
Tits: Indecent Exposure told how Right Royal Tit was doing a fine job sweeping at the back of the Pack. However, the girls were a little uncertain about jumping off the embankment into the stream. Should they try and land on the near side or the far side? Right Royal Tit tells them that ‘this side is not so bad,’ so he jumps into reassure the gals and immediately sinks up to his waist. ‘I think the other side is better,’ he then tells them after reassessing the situation. So Deep Throat jumps towards the other side and promptly sank up to her chest. RR Tit does another reassessment of the situation and suggests the remaining girls give the stream a miss and try to bush bash along the edge instead. He then goes to rescue Deep Throat, who was in deep water, but not as deep as what Right Royal Tit finds himself now. Take the Tits mate.
Dick: Shaggy Dick 2 asked me on Monday at work where this week’s run, to which I replied that I couldn’t remember. Later on in the day, as the cobwebs disappeared, I realized that he was the Hare. Ah, got you, you dopey bugger, forgetting your own run. I then asked Shoe Shopper could I be first AOB to give the dopey one a note. ‘You sure he was serious, he wasn’t joking?’ asked Shopper. ‘Na, he was serious, he didn’t have a clue.’ I said confidently.
So here is SD2 tonight, giving me the Dick, because he claims that of course he was joking and that I am a dumb arse for thinking he was serious.
Ok Shopper, please cancel my AOB charge. I’ve been beaten. (I still think he was serious)
Awards – nope
AOB
· Wet Pet noticed One Time doing the right thing and buying a Hash shirt from Haberdash. But hang on, it’s not a Harriet’s shirt, it’s a lion City Shirt. Lethal Weapon, get in here. This is Wednesday not Friday!
· Deep Throat was told by Stiffy that he could tell her exactly how long it is. And not only that, but how long it is while it is vibrating. Is he boasting?
· Not Tonight tries to let the truth get in the way of a good story by trying to tell us what Stiffy was actually referring to, but as we know well, this is reputable newsletter and there is not a chance of the truth getting in the way. In fact, Not Tonight adds more intrigue to the story by telling us that it also gets bigger while vibrating. Nice try Not Tonight, end of story on this note!
· Wet Brazilian asked Stiffy how to drive to the run site. Stiffy’s famous word –‘Easy.’ Just take xxxx Rd, left at xxxx Rd, take exit 14, then xxx Rd and you are there. Easy. Especially with details on GPS. Well, after going wrong way several times and having to find places to U Turn, which she eventually did somewhere near Sembawang, poor Wet Brazilian then ran out of petrol. Only one thing to say about this charge Stiffy – Easy.
· CR drove out of Pungol Run Site last week with Shopper. Shaggy was in the front talking work with her, I was in the back with Lethal Weapon admiring her box – her Haberdash box of clothing. Anyway, we came to the first set of lights, which were red, and so we stopped. But something looked not quite right. OMG, we had driven out on the wrong side of a dual lane road, and were now faced with a tricky situation, having to drive diagonally across the intersection to get on the correct side. While there were no cars facing us yet, Shaggy made an executive decision and said ‘Go, go!’ So across we went, red lights and all, onto the correct side.
· But that’s not all. Immediately after this, it was time to take the slip lane onto the TPE. Shoe Shopper decided the ramp was a bit narrow so she headed for a much wider piece of pavement next to it. Luckily Shaggy convinced her that it was actually a footpath, and the entrance ramp was a better alternative.
· Wet Pet charged Ad Na4seum for not following the directions of his wife. I am not sure what he failed to listen to, but this sets a dangerous precedent if he is going to be charged every time he doesn’t listen to Ugly Bum.
· Heath impresses Zipp for his environment friendly approach by carrying his own water bottle and not a disposable one. There was then something about running the triathlon, which resulted in him getting the ‘He’s the meanest, he sucks the …….’ To which he danced to with gyrating hips.
· Kamala almost went to Outer Space on tonight’s run. Requiring assistance to get over a log blocking the trail, Heath came to her rescue. But instead of giving her a bit of a step up, he grabbed her by the crutch and launched her into space. Not sure if Kamala enjoyed this or not.
· Stiffy, who we all know is not a good listener, was rung on Sunday afternoon by a Hasher, asking for help. Yes, it was I, asking if he could remember any of the charges from the previous run because I had lost my notes. Ok, I was desperate. (By the way, Stiffy actually gave me 4 or 5 charges, proving that he does listen a little bit)
· But after helping me out, he did not receive the newsletter. Why? Eventually he checked his junk male, waded through all the ‘you can add 2 inches more, Viagra, hey guys, pick up girls with ease’ etc etc junk and found the Harriet’s run report at the very bottom. How sad.
· Wet Brazilian, so Hooray tells us, actually got seasick on the swim leg of the Triathlon. Did she get carsick on the bike leg?
· Wet Brazilian then told how things were a little rough on the swim leg, not just with seasickness but physical jostling for positions in the water. Heath did a lot of jostling and groping with those swimmers wearing white caps, but only found out tonight that the red caps were the women and he missed his chance to grope them.
· A naming opportunity for Heath was discussed – Groper, Trisexual, Greasy Groper. But no, not agreed. Heath remains Heath.
· Announcement ‘Breasts Do Matter Run’ Oct 27, Dempsey area.
· SUBS are Due now. Pay up before Singaporn rips your arms off.
On on to The Longhouse
Scribed by Cock Radio.