The ‘Stiff Luck’ Run
Stiffener & Open To The Floor
Farmway West 2 Seletar
The Run
Amongst the aquaculture farms we gathered, Hooray was seen doing a warm up sprint, or was he just trying to get away from someone still mad at him from last week.
The Hares assured us no taxi money would be needed tonight, and off into the bush we went. First Circle Check, ‘Check forward along the fence,’ was the command from Boo, so Sneaky Comer and I did. Of course it was on back the opposite way, coincidently where Boo had taken himself. Into the jungle single file, I could not even get past the sweeper. But not too worry, Shoe Shopper, who was leading the way, soon led the pack up the proverbial garden path, allowing me to cut in near the front as they retraced their way.
Well, speaking of garden paths, our trail actually led to a little market garden in the middle of the bush. ‘Mind the crops, don’t step on the plants,’ was the call from Boo, who perhaps had some shares invested in the property. BMC investments at work.
Trail then involved walking the plank. A wooden plank over a stream, possibly with crocodiles lurking below, presented a worrying moment, especially as I was directly behind Black Member. I decided it was best to wait on firm ground until he had safely crossed and the plank had been tested for any signs of structural damage. Luckily Fat Crashing Bastard was not here tonight.
The trail continued through jungle that was dissected by various roads, allowing for good T checks and Circles. One particular Circle in the bush held the Pack up for a good 5 minutes and it took all of my cunning and skill to break it – even then the rest of the Pack couldn’t get to me despite my frantic calling.
Too Easy was given a rather blatant hint by the Hares at another difficult Circle. So she looked forward 20 metres into the bush, failed to see the 5 metre lengths of paper hanging at eye level from the branches and came back. Far Too Difficult for Too Easy.
It was then up to Zipp to lead the way through the bush. Uncertain either of the rules of the Harriets, or uncertain of her sex, she proceeded to call out ‘Need a woman.’ for the next 5 minutes. After 3 minutes of hearing this, I attempted to shut her up by grabbing hold of a tree, which promptly fell, missing her by centimetres. ‘Timber!’ I called. This reminded me of the story about the apprentice lumber jack with a stutter. His lumberjack boss started him on the job by telling him to stand and watch while he cut the tree, and when he saw the tree starting to fall, the apprentice was to call out loudly a warning to anyone else around -‘Falling tree.’ So the master lumberjack swung his axe and chopped and chopped until the tree started to fall. The Apprentice Lumberjack leaped into action, calling out to a nearby hiker ‘ Ffff… fffff…. Fffall … Fffuck, I’ve killed him’
Anyway, more trails, a bit of shiggy, some rugged grasslands full of holes, crossing a canal (any crocs?), into some more jungle and out onto tarmac for the on on home stretch. After safely making his way across the long grass minefield, Shaggy got onto a firm dirt trail and promptly tripped over, executing a nice commando roll before continuing on his merry way. Maggot learnt a valuable lesson tonight – don’t call on on after a check until you have finished having your pee.
Well done Hares, a good run. Back in about an hour. Nice to be back just as the sun is setting instead of rising. Not as good as the run 10 weeks ago, but nice try!
The Circle:
So, what did we think of that for a run? ‘Too short, (after last week, anything less than an ultra marathon was going to cop that line) and not enough taxis.’
Tell us about your On On: The Egg and Spoon. Fish and chips, beef Rendang, Vegetarian.
Next week’s run: The Breast Awareness Run, Dempsey area at the St George Church Car Park. We hope this will be a firm run with a titillating experience allowing for hands on activities.
Visitors: Dances with Whales, Licker, Stifler and GF, Graham. Possibly a few others I missed.but I don’t think so tonight.
Virgins: Not tonight.
Returnees: no Boomerangs today.
Lipstick:
Tits: Your scribe has a bag full of Hash items, including the Tits, The Dick, The Prick from Friday and the Friday Hash Shit award. The Tits are given to Maggot for his defensive tactics in blocking Tiger Lily. Every time he called ‘need a woman,’ he would tell Tiger that he didn’t want her. At one stage he even pulled up an old wire fence to hold her back.
Dick: As mentioned, Shaggy Dick2 made his way safely through the treacherous long grass full of holes and trips, only to trip on the flat dirt track afterwards. This resulted in him suffering a Dicky Knee, worthy of the Dick. ( Actually it was his toe that bore the brunt of the injury, but I am not sure if you can actually have a Dicky Toe?)
Awards – nope
AOB
· The GM charges herself and Dances With Whales. Dances With Whales for blatant running in front of the Pack, and herself for failing to tell him that this is a ladies hash and there must be a woman in front at all times. Shame, shame..
· Hooray charges Gypsy and a visitor for breaking 2 cardinal rules. Never follow Boo, and don’t follow Hooray.
· Wet Brazilian found a gentleman on the Hash. Huh? Impossible. But it seems she did – a male held a fence down for her as she got over it. Dances With Whales is the kind person. But he is a visitor and doesn’t know the correct etiquette. Maggot, can you have a word with him.
· Kan Not Can has discovered someone improperly dressed but I can’t read my notes. 1st name starts with D, 2nd with W. You work it out.
· Kan Not Can clearly called for a very, very, very special song for the last charge, but your scribe got it wrong and commenced singing a song that was only special. So I get my own very special song, ‘My name is Jack, na na na, na na na, na na na, na na na ……..
· Tiger Lily has an announcement – she is after a single man who likes computer games involving virtual girls. Shaggy Dick 2 and Dances With Whales fight it out for the rights.
· Shaggy Dick 2 fights back, noticing that not only is there a lack of Fxxk Me Shoes being worn by the girls, but we have one girl who has gone to the opposite extremes and is wearing Fxxk Off Shoes. On in Tiger Lily and those so not sexy pair of crocs you have on. By the way, there is a Face Book Club, called ‘I don’t care how comfortable Crocs may be to wear, they still look shite.’
· Gypsy was concerned about a conversation he overheard between 2 Hashers. ‘I waited so long for you to come.’ said Tiger Lily. And who was taking so long to come? Shaggy Dick 2. Seems that he was suffering from some sort of prostrate problem.
· We have a new member, reveals the GM. Welcome Jane. You will now have the pleasure of receiving this weekly piece of inspiring literature, based entirely on factual information.
· Zipp explains what constitutes an Aussie pair of Fxxk Me Shoes – a pair of flip flops. Does she mean thongs? Now that’s more like it.
· Boo and Tiger Lily were charged for having racist shirts on. Or was that raciest shirts? Well, it was getting dark, I couldn’t write properly.
· Wet Brazilian has seen lots of different hash attire on the run, but tonight we had a camel pack. We know last week’s run was a trifle long, but a camel pack on the Hash? Actually, what did you have in it Licker? It wasn’t water was it? An appropriate song was song, something along the lines of ‘Fxxk You,’ to the power of 10.
· Kan Not Can is questioning if Zipp has had a sex change. First she arrives back after a break sporting a very short hair cut. Then on tonight’s run, she kept repeating that she needed a woman.
On on to The Egg and Spoon.
Scribed by Cock Radio.